You’ve Got a Lot of Nerve, Virgo Mars! (Conjunct Pluto)

Went out for a bite to eat after class the other night with my yoga teacher and the Scorpio guy. The topic of conversation: Scorpio guy’s new girlfriend. Clarification: Scorpio guy’s new much younger girlfriend.

Apparently he is setting a date by which she needs to “get it together” or he’s walking.

“What does that mean, get it together?”

“Simple things. Laundry.”

“You want her to do your laundry?”

“No, I want her to do her own laundry.”

“So, you’re doing her laundry?”

“I have done her laundry a few times as a favor, but not regularly.”

“So… YOU… just want HER… to DO… her own laundry?”


Everything started to get flashy for me. Where have I seen this kind of rigid helpfulness before?  This type of imposition of a higher standard of cleanliness? Two different sets of images started to bridge together like a shuffling deck of cards.

Scorpio guy picking up other people’s props for them after class.  TK doing the dishes at other people’s houses, Scorpio guy fake complaining about work and how indispensable he is, TK working shit assignments that no one else would take.  This whole do your laundry business…

…And then I had a full on acid-esque flashback of a broomstick cracking over my knee.

After we got back from China, TK and I moved into a cramped garage apartment in Dallas. The ad said “carriage house.” We called it the Japanese Mansion. Things were tense between us anyway. A year of living with his mother, a year of being witness to the raw juvenile self that he was around his mother,  did irreparable damage to the relationship.

TK would chide me for not sweeping the floor.  I swept the floor occasionally, but he had a higher standard than me.  Two specks of dust? Sweep the Floor! Looking back, he may have suffered from a little OCD. He felt it unfair that he always had to do all the sweeping.

One evening, I came home from work tired but too caffeinated to relax. TK was working on his laptop. I thought “Hey, I’ll burn off some of this nervous energy by sweeping, that should please him.”  I picked up the broom and went to work.

Now, I’ve got a Leo Mars and this whole ignoring me while I’m doing something specifically to please you thing was killing me, so I said “Do you see what I’m doing?”

Without even looking up he mumbled “You’re doing it wrong.”

“Ex-squeeze me?”

“You’re just pushing the dirt around.”

That was it. I lifted the broom high above my head and smashed it down on the floor cracking the stick.  I then held it horizontally at my chest and exclaimed “THEN FUCKING DO IT YOUR GODDAMN SELF!” as I brought it crashing down on my raised right knee. I tossed the pieces on the floor and stood there be-jazz-handed just to make sure he hadn’t missed the part about it being a scene.

I flashed back in. Now I’m sitting at the table with my ire bubbling… I realize that Scorpio guy and TK had something in common: Virgo Mars conjunct Pluto.

So I start spitting “I went out with a guy like you, who was older than me, who had Virgo Mars conjunct Pluto too! And you know what I told him?” I then repeated the above all caps exclamation.

Scorpio Guy and Cheree (my yoga teacher) were all headlights. WTF was that?!

“Sorry, I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, I just had a flashback, sharing my own experience.”

“That’s good that you got that out.” Cheree patted my arm. She’s a Cancer.

Know anyone with Mars conjunct Pluto in Virgo? Are they pathologically helpful but with severe notes throughout?


Has anyone ever made you have a bad boyfriend flashback?

If you would like to talk to Nota about your bad boyfriend, or anything really, click here.

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You’ve Got a Lot of Nerve, Virgo Mars! (Conjunct Pluto) — 43 Comments

  1. LMAO @ be-jazz-handed..
    Wait a minute, I have Mars Conjuct Pluto…Virgo

    But I would have said much the same thing.

  2. The woman that stalked me has Mars conjunct Pluto in Virgo. She would single people out in class to embarrass them in front of everyone.

  3. Yup, but over a completely different issue. Apparently every man I date lusts after my best friend and feels the need to share that with me, then are completely bewildered when they get kicked out of my bed (and sometimes life). *grins*

    That story actually reminds me of my dad. After he and my mom separated when I was in junior high, I stayed with him. He asked me to sweep and mop the floors, daily. So I did it, and I did it, and I did it, for, like, two weeks, with never an acknowledgement or thanks. (Leo likes at least a metaphorical pat on the head, natch.)

    One day he came home from work and I was having a snack, sitting on the couch. “Did you do the floors today?” was the first words out of his mouth. Pissed me off, royally!
    “Nope. And, furthermore, I’m not going to. I’ve been sweeping and mopping the same clean-ass floor for two weeks now without as much as an ‘atta girl’ and I’M DONE. You want it done so fuckin’ bad, do it yourself. Otherwise, I’ll do it when it’s actually dirty and not before.”

    And that’s how it was. My parents taught me to speak my mind and then were shocked to find that included “to them” as well. *mischievous face*

    Of course, I’ve done the bitching about housework, too, but that’s a story for another day… 😉

  4. Bad Boyfriend Flsshback is kind of a way of life around me hahaha! – the cine film of my life if forever rolling these days since I’ve become a recluse.

    Seriously, I’ve had two boyfriends with a Virgo Mars – both were Leos with a Scorpio Moon – one had a stellium in Virgo. I once came home and found he’d re-arranged my flat… He liked to dress me too – a lot of my lifelong style comes from that relationship since he was right about what suited me

    Neither of them tried to control me though, in any serious sense. They didn’t have ‘conjunct Pluto’ though – both have (or had) Pluto in Leo, in fact one has Sun/Pluto conjunct.

  5. Wow, BP. I had a husband who was easily more violent than my father, which is hard to beat, btw… He was a Leo Sun with a Scorpio Moon and beat me up, so I left… Mars in Libra, so you’d think he’d be a little more diplomatic and not resort to violence at the drop of a hat… An astrologer friend looked at his chart three months after we married and shuddered. The very next day, he hit me. Two weeks later I was completely moved out…

  6. My ex was like that. Laundry was a massive issue. Once I forgot to wash his underwear and I swear he was on the verge of throwing me out. It could not be done *wrong*, either. A couple months ago I was talking to him — he had worked out some kind of genius deal where his mom was doing his laundry. He was having a conniption because she was going out of town and he was under so much stress because on top of his regular life he was going to have to do his own laundry.

    Then we got into a thing about how if we ever got back together again I would be expected to do this and correctly.

    The thing I want to know is what kind of women do these men find after us who will actually “get it together” as far as they’re concerned? Is this a trick or what?

  7. Hilarious Nota. Well I’m a virgo (not virgo mars though) so I can relate re: wanting people to do something and do it right. We will feel the need to clean up before you but that doesn’t mean we won’t resent always being the one stuck cleaning. Luckily the mr. and I have pretty good communication around this, and I’m practical enough: look, you aren’t going to be able to clean the bathroom the way I want it cleaned so…why don’t you go food shopping? Specialization. It works.

  8. ‘pathologically helpful with severe notes’

    You have a way with words. And my Saturn in Leo is IMPRESSED!:)

    Yes on the bad boyfriend flashback. Ugh.

  9. Has anyone ever made you have a bad boyfriend flashback? Yeah, you did –

    …a year of being witness to the raw juvenile self that he was around his mother, did irreparable damage to the relationship.

  10. But aren’t Virgos supposed to be logical? It seems illogical to rank correct sweeping over someone zipping around with a broom trying to please you. Clearly the sweeping and the laundry outrank the relationship and that’s a Libra nogo.

  11. I read this, and realized that my husband has Virgo Mars conjunct Pluto. He constantly vacuums, cleans the stairs with a paper towel, and now that I’m thinking about it, is obsessed with the state of the floors in the whole house.

    I could care less..

  12. I have a Virgo Mars (conjunct Venus, NOT conjunct Pluto).. and my car, room and workstation perpetually look hit by an F5 tornado.

    I have a lot of Sag in the chart though.

  13. I was given an ultimatum two weeks ago, and I walked. We both have progressed Moon in Virgo (mine is further along, and almost to Libra).

  14. I remember why I stopped doing certain things around the house now (aside from health issues): one person in the house was constantly doing the “why didn’t you do that bit?/you missed a spot” thing, after I’d been working in, and cleaned practically the whole kitchen, scrubbed things out, loaded the dishwasher. It was never good enough. My mother has the same complaint (in response to my dad), and just tells him that she did this and that, and if it isn’t good enough, he can do it himself.

  15. I have found that Mars in Virgo people have control issues. I don’t remember if Pluto was nearby or not. But yea I can relate to what you’re saying.

  16. I remember the boyfriend who wanted me to iron my casual shirts. He complained my tennis shoes weren’t white enough. I’m like they’re shoes…

    He hated that I liked to thrift. He said I wore things other people threw out. I said someone threw you out but I didn’t think you were garbage. Shut him right up. We didn’t last long after that.

  17. My father was the quintessential “you’re doing it wrong” person. He had Leo Mars, which was square my Sun/Mars conjunction, also conjunct my Uranus and opposite my Chiron. Nothing I did was good enough for him, especially housework-type things — loading the dishwasher, cooking, cleaning, etc., but it carried over into just about every other area of my life. He stayed home and watched TV when I graduated from grade 12 (my mother did attend the graduation, though). There’s a lot more which I won’t get into here, but although his aim may have been to get me to do things “his way” all he accomplished was to instill a dislike of housework in me. He, plus a couple of Cap Moon boyfriends, is a big reason why I avoid Cap Moons like the plague.

    I really think that without some positive reinforcement, parents who continually criticize and nitpick end up alienating their kids. That goes for romantic relationships as well; one Virgo Sun / Cap Moon I dated took me out to eat with the aim of teaching me how to “eat properly”, but at least there was some good in that relationship for a while and it wasn’t all criticism.

  18. I have a really hard time making friends. Not that it really bothers me much, or a lot. Just sometimes. I just feel like I very rarely meet anyone I would like to be friends with! I feel that I have very high standards, meaning I won’t tolerate numerous forms of bullshit such as lying, substance abuse, verbal abuse, boring people, stupid (for lack of a better word)people, closed-minded people, etc. I wonder if it’s in my chart, or maybe I should move out of the “Bible Belt”!

  19. Yikes! I have Virgo in Mars conjunct Pluto (and Uranus) in the 4th. Honestly, I don’t know what that means but I do know this: I like my house clean, clutter free and orderly. This is a tall order considering I have a 8, 10 & 12 yr old kids and my guy just moved in with his 9 & 12 yr old kids since we are getting married in a few weeks. Chaos rules! My guy and I had a tiff two nights ago about my never ending list of things he’s needs to do: put down toilet seat, don’t slam doors, shut closet doors, no water splashes on the bathroom mirror, etc. I’m hyper-aware of these tendencies and try not let them take over but it’s hard. I like order. I’m sorry -it’s who I am. Hopefully realization of these tendencies makes it a little easier to live with and to be lived with. 😉 Hopefully…

  20. Yep, bad boyfriend flashback. With laundry, no less. Every time I did “our” laundry, he wouldn’t fold his.
    He thought I ought to ask him to do it.
    He’s LONG GONE.

  21. And, I might add – I heard from him a while back. He wanted to get together and reminisce about “old times.” I replied that I had no desire to go there.
    Ah, he says – but it’s where we’ve been that makes us who we are.
    And I said – Doesn’t mean a swan wants to go back to being an ugly duckling.
    Thank God it was the last time I heard from him.

  22. “He hated that I liked to thrift. He said I wore things other people threw out. I said someone threw you out but I didn’t think you were garbage. Shut him right up. We didn’t last long after that.”

    Peaches Christ, brizo! That has to be one of the all time top ten come backs on someone being an ass! I’m laughing so hard!!! Dear gawd, where do these control freaks get the feeling they’re entitled to tell everyone “what’s best?” PPPPFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!! Good Day, I said!

  23. My sister’s ex would clean obsessively. And would be critical of her and was just controlling. No mars virgo.. it was being a sag with pluto in virgo and saturn in pisces. He’s psychotic it turns out.
    When she got clear of him and met her husband – a scorp with pluto in virgo and saturn in pisces.. they discussed cleaning/neat preferences.. he said he prefers shampoos put away.. she said and what if i forget?.. and he said “well i’m not going to beat you”.. ie it’s a preference. Her virgo self with saturn in gemini and jupiter in sag fell head over heals in love. They enjoy a non-anal clean home.. and get a cleaning person in once a week to deal with the bigger cleaning.

    I myself flashed to a virgo roommate. I couldn’t clean the tub to his standards. Also I was the anal roommate to a bf.. but he also didn’t help out except when he was screwing someone else so go figure. Now I figure if it gets done when one has time then that’s ok. If one never has time then find a solution like cleaning help. But one should make time. But to be home all the time and never do these things well then you’re just being lazy and need to own up.

    What’s with a grown man not being able to do his own laundry??? And then being critical of it???

  24. I never do my mate’s laundry. I mean, maybe if he was incapacitated, but otherwise, no. It’s one of my relationship “things”

    I also think if a person can afford it, hiring cleaning help is awesome. You’re helping the put $$ in someone else’s pocket and make your life easier.

  25. My sister has a Virgo Moon and she is obsessive about the house being clean and everything being put away – it;s quite oppressive, but it;s also the way we were brought up. I’ve never been that bad although my friends have laughed at me for being too houseproud. Now I’m quite old I can’t really be bothered – OK is ok. I’ll have to have a good clean this week though because there’s been a mouse int he house recently and he’s left his calling cards… and I can’t find the nest dammit!

    My husband had a Cap Moon and was house-trained as he’d been in the Navy – but he was fairly obsessively tidy without being particularly clean! His Aqua won out… and when we decided to slit he said next day “and will you stop ironing my shirts”!! Lol – if I’m around a man and esp if I go out anywhere with him, I do like him properly dressed

    “I said someone threw you out but I didn’t think you were garbage. Shut him right up. We didn’t last long after that.”

    – this made me roll around laughing brizo!!

  26. Haha. I have Mars in Virgo exactly conjunct Pluto in Virgo but I’m only controlling within the work environment–which is why I am now self-employed. I made everyone crazy with my perfectionism. At home, I’m a bit of a neat/clean freak but my husband–who also spent time in the navy–is very tidy so it works. I do the family laundry–ironing too!–because I’m good at it. He cleans the oven and greasy pots because I can’t stand the feel of grease on my fingers. Pluto/Mars in Virgo squares my Mercury in Gemini!

  27. This entire thing – post and comments – so much funny. I know it’s old but I just found it now.

    My Dad was a Virgo critical cleaner type. He is the reason I view childhood as the slave years. lol

  28. O.M.G.

    This is my SO all over. I don’t have his birth time but he does have this aspect. It is trying.

    (I myself am just outside this aspect)

  29. Being, having something close to this, it’s an illness in a blind spot. I apologize on behalf of all do gooder virgo’s and encourage do bad. That’s sickness.

  30. I have it. I know we are mad to have things done and of course they have to be done in our own way. I agree with Ann, it’s kind of an illness but onthe other side of the coin you really you can count on us…

  31. Oh boy – just read this article & all the comments. Went “ouch”, then chuckled my way through.
    I have Mars conjunct MC & Pluto in Virgo in H10 with Mars in the middle. Then, they sextile a stationary Cancer Mercury & square Gemini Venus. Yup, it was all about organised perfection & saying it nicely more than once 0:). Ex-husband was a Virgo who was never happy, no matter how hard I tried or what I did – his gripe was always about the dishes or the laundry too. Thankfully he’s is old news. My 2 sons are Virgo’s, my father was, as is a nephew. Now it looks as though I might have a son-in-law, also a Virgo! Eeegads . . .

  32. I know this is an old thread and I may have already commented several years ago bc this story seems oddly familiar but maybe that’s just bc my mom has mars conjunct pluto in virgo in the 8th house. Wide orb to her virgo moon. Full body shivers. Cleaning trauma. Full on. Cancer sun and Mercury…so she flipped from overly nurturing to really really critical and mean. And also oddly possessive of me. This makes sense

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