Speaking of deal breakers in relationship, my husband always says that you can’t turn blood on blood. To me, old friends are like blood.
Roots run deep. It’s always a mistake to bad mouth a person’s family even if the person speaks poorly about their family themselves. When you attack a person’s family, you attack them. When you attack and criticize their friends, you attack them as well. Same when you attack a person’s spouse.
When you go after a person’s inner circle, you pretty much force them to defend against you. If a person has to defend themselves, their family or their friends against you it’s generally a matter of time before you get the boot. Not that this stops people from doing this!
It is really pretty common someone will come into another person’s life and move to be alpha dog aka your new best friend. Some do this by undermining the people already in your life. This is foolish in the long run because when people grew up together or if they’ve been friends for a number of years, you can be sure there has been some currency exchanged.
By that I mean, favors have been done in both directions. The parties have been challenged in their relationship and seen it stand, “the test of time”. People who can’t stand the test of time don’t have any old friends.
If someone attacks your inner circle, it’s very bad sign. If you are someone who attacks a person’s inner circle, I’d say that’s a losing tactic.
Anyone else have experience with this?
I have pretty much cleared infiltrators from my life.
The one thing I did learn in life is that one spouse can trash the other when in combat or a parent can trash a kid. But I cannot trash them. It’s not mine to do. It’s their personal business.
This is an interesting topic. From my perspective, if I see someone I care about being manipulated or shit on by someone else I generally call that out regardless of who the other person is to them. Several years back I had a newish friendship in my life whom I become very close to in a lot of ways. She started seeing a guy and I knew he was wrong for her from the get go. I pointed this out to her on a few occasions and eventually she pseudo cut me from her life. I accepted that as the consequence of opening my mouth. Fast forward 3 years down the road and they are married, miserable, on the brink of divorce, and she’s fucking her personal trainer. She has started contacting me again for friendship.
My husband’s mother is another example. The woman is an alcoholic and severely damaged from extended childhood abuse. She recognizes both of these things but only in the last 5 years has she sought therapy. Hooray for her! Would have been A LOT more beneficial had she sought it out decades ago instead of raising my husband with all of her fucked up baggage. I have put up very clear boundaries where she is concerned and made my opinion of her quite clearly known to my husband. I’m sure he doesn’t love that fact, however my message to him was this ‘I will protect you and have your back against ALL comers be that an enemy or even your own mother.’
There have been times when I have had to lovingly say NO to what this woman has to offer.
So I guess ‘bad mouthing’ depends on the perspective from which it is being viewed.
Sometimes, when bored, I subtly attack my hubby’s siblings.
(I think it’s my Stellium in Leo and Scorpio.)
Hubby stops me immediately! (He is Gemini and pretty loyal.)
Does this make sense to anyone?
A tale a good friend told me: He was at home, holiday dinner with his son, daughter, wife and mother in law. The mother in law was doting on her grandson, granddaughter and daughter making sure they had enough of everything. My friend noticed and commented about the apparent display of favoritism to which his son matter of factly explained, “You’re not Blood”. I have held on to this story for 15 years…