I’m Having An Affair With A Scorpio Man – Am I Being Played?

Leo gold black red lionDear Elsa,

I worked with a Scorpio man for 7.5 years and couldn’t stand him! I made friendly peace, then he flirted with me and I was GONE. This is very bad, he’s married. Arranged marriage, not happy but still bad.

Anyway we had lots of hot phone talk, made plans, I kept putting him off and then mistakenly hurt him, apologized, wrote a hot and heavy letter about how much I wanted him, we made plans again. But he never came through. He just played me for weeks like a cat and his mouse until I finally said forget it to him I can’t do this anymore.

This whole thing with us was only supposed to be about sex, but it has become more than that for me and I did tell him not long ago that he had my heart. Now yesterday I spoke with him briefly over the phone at work and he told me I love you. Wouldn’t let me off the phone till I said it back. I’m totally confused and can’t figure out if he’s playing me, lying, entertaining himself? I do love him and I don’t know what to do. Please help with some advice. I care enough about him to put my lioness on the back burner!!

Leo Woman
United States

Dear Leo,

Reading your post was surreal. Of course he is playing games and entertaining himself! But what do you think you’re doing? You’re playing games and entertaining yourself! You are playing the kind of games where people wind up hurt and do you expect us to believe you don’t know this?

You may as well be someone who slaps their kid 100 times and then wonders why their face is bruised. Cause and affect for Godsakes. If you pour gas on yourself and walk into a fire, you will be burned. And once you’ve done this you are not going to be able to say, hey wait a minute! New game. I want to be an unburned maiden now.

With Jupiter conjunct your Sun in Leo, you have an inflated ego. You also like to play. You have Mars in Scorpio conjunct Neptune… you love to seduce and sneak around but jeez man. Stop with the complaining when the bill comes due.

You have Venus conjunct Pluto in Virgo as well. Virgo the maiden spoiled by the nasty Scorpio. Come on now. You set this whole thing up. You are no more his pawn than he is yours and if you don’t like the game, then quit playing it.

Good luck.

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I’m Having An Affair With A Scorpio Man – Am I Being Played? — 56 Comments

  1. Ehh! Nothing gets my panties in a bunch more than this subject! I have tried and tried and tried to look at this situation from every angle possible and I STILL don’t get it. This ordeal has affected my family for generations. My grandpa for example, he committed suicide over an affair he had for many years and counldn’t handle the pain he caused everybody when it all came out. (The other woman was a “friend” of the family). I know it’s common among every family, I think it’s pointless and only causes pain. I know people have issues and insecurities but does that give anyone the right to hurt other people (like the wife, the kids, etc.)? Why do these “other” women always give off the impression of entitlement? At least that’s how I percieve it. You know, the famous “He’s not happy with his wife” excuse….and the “if she was doing her job right…” excuse. If the wife is so horrible why is he still with her? If YOU were so wonderful, you’d find a man of your own. I don’t know, I hate to be judgemental, but this is pretty much the only situation I give myself permission to be judgemental about. It has had a direct affect on me and my family so I feel like I have the right this time.

  2. Elsa, as a fellow Venus/Pluto in Virgo, I had to laugh at this woman’s protesting that she’s innocent. Venus-Pluto people know EXACTLY what they’re doing. And because they give off a powerful “scent”, people catch on to them.

    If the marriage is THAT bad, arranged or not, the guy should end it. If HE chooses not to, she needs to move on and fast.

  3. I wanted to add that Venus-Pluto is a signature in my immediate family. Hubby has it (square), I have it (conjunction in Virgo), two of my kids have it (conjunction in Sag), and one kid will have it by progression (also Sag). My stepson also has it (Venus-Mars-Jupiter conjunct square Pluto).

    I know when my Venus-Pluto kids are trying to sweet talk me, and it may work with other people, but never with me! 😉

  4. Did any one of you incredibly uppity and ticked off woman actually read what I said? I feel terrible that he is married. I have no desire to hurt anyone. YOu don’t know me or anything about me but you have tried me and convicted me based on planets and signs. Get a life!! I never said I was innocent I know what I did and what role I played in this. I can’t help that my heart got caught up in this. Oh my God what horrible people you are. I’m stunned. I came here hoping for some productive insight and was hit with harshness,hatefulness,sarcasm,and know it allness. Have not one of you ever been in a cliche’ situation but it’s not who you would ever normally be? Guess not or I would have found some understanding and GOOD advice. Thanks for nothing!

    • When did you expect when you ask a question to the public on astrology. You better damned we’ll be prepared to hear from all sides or don’t bother asking. This subject appears to hit close to home for some people. Don’t ask the public if you are not prepared. People can sympathize with you but some will not.

    • I’m a wife of infidelity and I will say this. Whether intensional or not – you chose to hurt someone innocent. His family. I can’t even explain the hurt that my husband & his mistress has caused my family and myself. The pain is so unbearable at times, that you find it hard to get out of bed. It’s like being outside in the dead of winter with no coat on and you can’t find warmth no matter what you do. When someone you love & trust breaks your heart in such a way it makes you lose apart of yourself. You made a choice to cause that kind of pain for selfish reasons. He will never love or respect you, you relationship started as a lie and without trust. That’s how it will end. Love yourself – and move on. If it’s meant to be he’ll find his way back to you if he chooses to leave his family. Your place should not be in his life and his families because it’s just wrong.

    • In the same boat, so I understand competley!!! We don’t intend to fall in love with what we are not suppose to. It just happens, unfortunately.

    • I’m sorry for the cold water. People are looking at it from their viewpoint.its easier when you aren’t involved.

      I’m sure there is more to it.let me at least acknowledge the pain you are feeling and hope you heal soon. Sadder but wiser
      I see both sides.(mercury in libra)
      He was the one with the contract.hes the one who is breaking the contract with his wife.
      The fact that he chose you and he knew you didn’t like him shows his game. No one is talking about that it seems.
      Funny.
      But it takes two to f*** . a married man can either do it or not. You knew he was married and you chose to engage. The fact he was a Scorpio gave him the advantage.
      Be comforted you are not his wife.

    • Luv,

      I don’t judge you at all, but send compassion to you upon your soul’s learning journey. Yes it’s a tricky dynamic your in and I can see you realize that!

      Elsa has definitely illiminated the Astrological pressure of the situation upon you from your Chart.

      I always say affairs happen for a reason, but nobody really looks into the karmic patterning (soul vibrational habits) of why, instead they go in for blame…

      There are definitely subconsciousness patterns occurring for all people involved or connected to the dynamic.

      There WILL be past life karmic connections and behavioral habits formed at a soul level that need to be examined for each person to truly understand why, and understand more deeply their own nature on ALL sides of the dynamic!

      The age old Greek wisdom is “Know Thyself!” Why? Because if we don’t understand our lives, our buttons, our deeper self, we karmically repeat soul growth lessons our past lives in pain again and again and again, until we truly learn what we need to learn for ourselves.

      Astrology gives us some of the tools to do that, especially when we look at more than the 8-9 planetary objects usually looked at!

      Every experience is a VALID learning experience for the soul to grow. But understand ALL serious soul growth in life is painful. So it’s no use for people to go on avoiding the hard questions of their hearts and soul, but facing the potentially painful lessons with courage. Why? So that you can better know thyself and learn.

      What you don’t learn as a soul, you will repeat again, and again in this life or future lifetimes. Look for deeper repeat patterns of behavior (mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically) throughout your life. Finding and examining these patterns helps you know yourself.

      Wishing you the best of luck in your personal choices. “Know thyself” and make wise choices for yourself. Choices only you can make.

      Lots of kindness and compassion!

      Cheers Shane 🙂

    • Did you ever once put yourself in his wifes shoes?
      How about this…youre married (and believe me I personally know a number of cultures that have arranged marraiges that are quite happy…nonetheless…I digress)
      Its an arranged marraige. Youre friends at least. Youve had sex so there is a connection of sorts.
      Everyone knows youre married. Your mutual friends are married. You have wife get togethers. Your kids play together etc etc. You are a married women in the eyes of the community. Respected. Included.
      Your husband cheats on you.
      You may not deeply deeply love him but you feel your trust and honor was violated. Its shameful. Youre embarrassed. You receive pity and blame from your family. People talking about you in whispers. Avoiding you. The platitudes…the pity.
      If you are in a culture where marraiges are arranged, trust me ALOT of those cultures are tight. Sooner or later talk gets around. The wife is humiliated. After all…its ALWAYS the womans fault isnt it? How convenient for the mistress to think.
      Did you not consider that maybe hes lying just to get you. Imagine his ego boost. You hated him at first. You were a challenge. Hes conquered you. YES! High fives and fist bumps. He raises the flag.
      How do I know? Every one of my friends except 3 are Scorpios. Male female…every one.
      To me He’s seems rather a pathetic and immature person if he doesnt see the hurt hes doing. Then…maybe he does. He says it isnt happy. So…are you an outlet? Or a weapon. Whose making it unhappy?
      I dont know…is this insightful enough for you?
      Ill be fair.
      Im placing the largest amount of blame on him. Hes the one with the social contract to honor and not humiliate his wife like this. To make the choice.
      I do know it all. Because I was in a situation myself. Luckily I didnt go as far as you. So I do know you.
      Know what youre doing.
      What do you care what we think?
      Unless its to drown the little voice getting bigger and heavier…sinking your dream ship.
      Just doing you a solid. The slap stings but Id rather see you wake up and face it yourself. You want to justify your behavior by maintaining this perception you have. Because if dont it will seem sordid and dirty in the bright light of day. Forgive youself but most importantly…KNOW yourself now.

  5. well, I read it very carefully, and I just read it again. I don’t see where you had anything to say about any feelings but your own. you sure do have a lot of nasty judgement for the commentors here, though. funny how projection works. maybe you should thank them for being your shadow that you can safely flame without getting any on you.

  6. Leo woman–I said in my comment that I’ve tried to understand this from all points of view. I always try to hear out everyone’s POV and believe it or not, I am a very understanding, compassionate person. I am also the type of person who believes in accountability…not excluding myself (especially). There are points in people’s lives when you make a decision to take this road or take that road, and I think it is irresponsible for a person to not take into consideration all parties involved. You say it was only supposed to be sexual? So that would’ve been alright with his wife, if it was just sexual huh? I don’t know how you think you would’ve gotten any other reaction.
    P.S. You’ve come to an astrology blog for advice, don’t be upset that the advice given was based on planets and signs.

  7. Well, there’s a wounded Leo for you. Can’t tell the Queen that she’s wrong.

    (Speaking as a fellow Leo and Queen, of course. 😉 )

  8. I never agree with any one having an affair with a married man its wrong no two ways around this issue.I also hate it when they say well hes not happy with her bull… its the biggest excuse in the world to do what you want anyhow…..

  9. You know, as a fellow Leo this one sentence caught my eye: “[He] Wouldn’t let me off the phone…”
    Wouldn’t let you off the phone? Wouldn’t LET you off the phone??!?! You’re a Leo with Scorpio Mars and there’s the disconnect button! 😛 That sentence reeks of “I want to be playfully manipulated so I have plausible deniability.”

    *grumble* Let off the phone… sheesh.

  10. I had an affair with a Scorpio and got burned myself, around 6 months ago. I know it was wrong going into it. But the way that he made me feel, sucked me in!!! I think that you were playing games just as much as he was. I know I was, but I let my emotions take over. but as a leo we are such emotional creatures that we feel in love with Scorpios Personality(protective, dominating ect..). because he is married and does not have enough balls to leave his unhappy marriage, that you should call it quits with him and meet someone that can treat you like the queen you are. It will take sometime, as it has taken me (6 months and I still think about him) but in the long run you will end up happy. I know it’s hard working with him. I never had that experience, so I can’t say how to handle that, just Good Luck. I hope everything turns out for the best.

    One leo to another.

  11. I feel very much for both the “other women and the wife. I was recently burned badly when my lover of 1 year (we were both married) took off on me with his wife after making me believe for 5 months that he was saving up for a divorce even though he was still coexisting under the same roof with her. I had a feeling all along that he may not be telling me the whole truth but because I was so crazy about him, I guess I was in denial. Meanwhile, I am in the early stages of divorce proceedings while he apparently left the state with his wife of barely one year to an unknown location and I am still kicking myself for not telling his wife when I had so many chances to do so. My marriage of 20 years falls apart and his remains fine, my spouse found out and his never did. I know that a lot of people feel why hurt the innocent spouse well my innocent spouse was hurt as well as myself. I need advice on how to handle this and I am sure there are plenty of you out there that can relate. This man and I were supposed “friends” for 2 years before we became more, then he instigated and we starting having an affair less then three months after he marries his wife who happens to be 10 years older then him. I am not sure exactly where they went to but I do know that even though he kept telling me the last 5 months before he left (telling me a total lie on where he was really going), he still always got anxious when i ever mentioned something about being out in the open about everything with him saying every time that he didn’t want to give her any more ammo. I have several pieces of evidence including saved voice mail messages that I have put on a separate tape from him as recent as mid December some are friend like and some are more then friend like that I am ready to send to his last address (as of the end of Dec 2008) and hope it will be forwarded to where ever they are at now but the only reason I have not done that yet is because I didn’t want to run the risk of ruining any possibility of keeping any positive relationship with him. But it’s been over 6 weeks since we were together and the more time that goes by, I feel I am starting to realize now that thats probably not going to happen and as hard as it is for me to admit, i was probably just a piece of a__ to him. Any suggestions or advice out there on how I should handle this situation would be appreciated. Thanks

  12. Well, I’m going to give my 2 cents. I see everyone of you (excluding just a few) that basically blamed her, and her alone for not factoring in the other people involved. Now that’s what gets my damn panties in a wad! Why is it every damn time you hear about an affair out here it is always she’s a whore, she this, and she that?! Are you all blind to the fact that in all honesty the blame should be put SOLELY on the married man that chose to step out on HIS wife and family? Did YOU read the part where I wrote HE CHOSE??? No it isn’t right of her to be with the married man, but he’s the married man! And let me point something else out….she’s single and free to do whatever the hell she wants..she does not know his wife! And she owes his wife absolutely NOTHING! But if she puts herself in that particular situation then she needs to be prepared for the consequences also. Being a wife myself I would be angry, but my anger would not be towards the woman I don’t know more than it would be at the man who brought her between us! If you blame her then you are just the type of woman who would forgive the POS and then you deserve him and all of the affairs he will no doubt have in the future because you just said it’s ok. It’s real damn easy to blame the other woman. Easier than setting him out, am I not correct?. And that’s just a weak woman right there.

  13. I’m a wife of infidelity and I will say this. Whether intensional or not – you chose to hurt someone innocent. His family. I can’t even explain the hurt that my husband & his mistress has caused my family and myself. The pain is so unbearable at times, that you find it hard to get out of bed. It’s like being outside in the dead of winter with no coat on and you can’t find warmth no matter what you do. When someone you love & trust breaks your heart in such a way it makes you lose apart of yourself. You made a choice to cause that kind of pain for selfish reasons. He will never love or respect you, you relationship started as a lie and without trust. That’s how it will end. Love yourself – and move on. If it’s meant to be he’ll find his way back to you if he chooses to leave his family. Your place should not be in his life and his families because it’s just wrong.

  14. My reaction to this letter: I don’t believe all men cheat, but so many do that sometimes it seems like an aspiring wife’s best bet might be to just find a guy who’s otherwise good to her and fool around herself if she feels like it. And not wind herself up over what he does on the side as long as he’s discreet enough to keep it out of her face. Not saying I could ever manage it, but it seems like a powerful place to be.

    • Sound’s very French. Well said. I couldn’t do it myself but I’ve seen it plenty in action. The husband and wife are more deep best friends. The caveat is that neither has any intention of ever leaving the other because they love each other beyond the physical intimacy and would never ever want hurt the other by leaving them thereby exposing them to our nasty and judgemental world as rejected goods.
      It seems to be a rather sad way of living life but who am I to say? C’est la vie

    • I agree!
      But women aren’t brought up to integrate this type of idea, quite the contrary.
      And it would take a lot of good-willed discretion, although some pople like to share whatever it is they’re doing with others… not sure I could take that.
      Oh well, I’m retro.

  15. Dear Leo Woman,
    I feel for ya…and clearly looking at the part you’ve played in this is painful to you. I’m not being uppity. I’ve had a divorced neighbor of years, who is 12 years younger than me. I had a friend only relationship with him. He’s almost always had a woman in his life. Yummy looking guy, great with his kids, kind, etc.etc.etc. He gets a new girlfriend, moves out of our apt. building & gets married. A few months later he calls me. Said he always wanted to be with me, blah, blah, blah. And I’m thinking wtf? Why didn’t you move on this when you weren’t attached? It’s been a while since I’ve had sex & I’d be a lying dog if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind to take him up on it. But…he’s married & I don’t want to do to her what I wouldn’t want done to me. Period. I’d have to live with myself & the price I’d pay for that just isn’t worth it. And he’s a dog for even trying that crap on me. Yeah, it can get lonely at times, (& there always a vibrator!) but work on yourself & put yourself out there for someone who wants you…the essence of you..in & out of bed. Doing anything less is a real injustice to yourself. Not to mention the harm you could do to others.
    Good luck with this. I’m not being snarky, but maybe talk with a therapist. But then, you can save yourself some $ and listen to Elsa’s advice. Did you think she woukd give you nothing less than total honesty?!! As women we hold a lot of power. And part of that is knowing ourselves & taking responsibility for ourselves…warts & all. Everything is a choice. Choose to learn from this & empower the best in you & work on the parts you know could use some change. The truth hurts. But…it cans also help you heal.

  16. You know how to cut away all the bs and get right to the painful kernel of truth. Not that it’s a bad thing to be put in the right direction, but it can sure feel like a spanking.

  17. Can who prioritize ego gratification by messing with single women even if they don’t physically cheat make otherwise good husbands? I guess they must because if they didn’t, maybe some women would have an easier time acknowledging the men they married are the whores.

  18. Two quotes say it better than my own words:
    “I’ve told my mistress that I intend to leave my wife eventually and run away with her. But she has to understand that I have no intention of doing anything of that kind, right? I mean, anybody who has been on this planet for longer than a month knows that cheaters don’t mean anything they say. If we did, we wouldn’t be cheaters. But somehow I don’t think she gets the implied and unspoken agreement of an extramarital affair. What should I do?” The Believer Magazine

    “Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.” Mae West

    • the man sounds like a disgusting pig. *smh* i don’t care how rich or handsome the man is, if he starts doing that, it’s game over. my heart would just be devastated with his character since i usually put them up in a pedestal that they are good, strong morals in them. not saying any of us are perfect but we are trying the best we can do! As for the lady in question, she is really enjoying herself it seems with the super secret affair. lol

    • I agree with both quotes, but the first one is really spot on. I don’t know why some of the “other women” expect the cheater guy/husband to suddenly turn into a loyal man that wants commitment. I would tell them, if he cheated on his wife, he will cheat on you too fool! But I do think that these delusional women ultimately deserve their fate and to be heartbroken at the end because they have no morals and they messed with a married man in the first place.

  19. My first husband cheated on me and it broke my heart. At the time. Did I blame him? Did I blame the other woman? You bet. It felt great to wallow in my rightness. It was so much easier to see him as a user, her as a tramp and me as the victim. In my case, I should have seen it coming – all the signs were there. We started out in a happy marriage that ended up in constant bickering, neither of us on the other’s side. But we were young enough not to recognize the signs. Astrology wise, he and I were born less than a month apart and share slow moving planets in the same signs and similar aspects. So when I look back I can see it could have been me that made the bad choices, instead of him. Forgive yourself, Leo Woman and extract yourself from this situation. It’s the best you can do. And as to him? Hopefully, he’ll do the same.

  20. Maybe the flaw is in our social system that expects monogamy from us humans who struggle mightily with this system. All this drama and passion would not exist if both men and women recognized their attraction to multiple partners. Maybe there is an addiction to drama here. People sneak bc they don’t have permission from their partners. Long term relationships most of the time transcend sex – in other words – there is enormous complexity in the long term agreements of partners. I think our society should be more open to other social arrangements. I personally don’t have the personality for it but certainly conscious discussion regarding these issues would assuage a lot of pain and drama. Clearly you are not a monogamous person if you are engaging a married man. There are perfectly successful arrangements where people engage others and honestly ask for what they want. Give up your attachment yo this drama . Don’t feel guilty about asking for what you want but you two need to discuss it with his wife. Then you won’t be playing games anymore.

    • Well-said Evelyn! We’ve held onto strict views of monogamy for so long that we’ve forgotten other more transparent options can even exist. The prevalence of adulterous relationships (that we know of!) speaks volumes to this and I think we’re overdue for a paradigm shift in that regard.

    • lol well evelyn that kind of makes me lol cause,then if everyone got permission, it wouldn’t be called cheating. it’d be called polymary, having multiple partners? I notice some people need pain and drama in their lives. maybe it’s subconscious?

  21. If he is unhappy and it is truly an ‘arranged’ marriage for both of them, then he should be willing to tell the wife they can stay as they are but live their own lives. There’s another perspective.

    If he’s not willing to do this then the marriage is an ‘arranged marriage’ for him and not his wife.

    No matter what people are going to get burned, trust me. That is the nature of the beast. In the end I doubt its worth the pain.

  22. Why I’m afraid to work with people: I certainly wouldn’t have managed to write such a perfect reply like Elsa did. So balanced and diplomatic, but strict in putting people in their place.

  23. I take it the original post dates back to 2007?
    If that’s the case, then my curiosity wonders if in the mean time LeoWoman has married & found out her husband is cheating on her??? Or did she choose a serious guy? (And if so, is she dying of boredom & would like fun and games?)

    At any rate, Elsa’s answer is stiil right on, 10 years down the line.

    This type of “problem” nver goes out of style.

  24. Elsa you are so much! !!! Une sacré femme! !!! I cant t find thé exact translation in english…. i adore you!!!!!

  25. Affairs are so disgusting. SO glad I’m not having one. I have a friend who left her cheating husband a couple of years ago. She has been in therapy ever sense and is still healing from it. Her husband regrets what he did because his mistress married someone else 4 months after my friend left him. She was engaged to be married when they had the affair.

    What is wrong with motherf*cking people? I can understand falling in love with who you aren’t supposed to- I’ve been there- but why do people punish themselves ??? Heartbreaking. People just don’t have the foresight that it can and will absolutely ruin lives! Save your life already…save someone else’s…you have no idea the impact this can have… on the betrayed the betrayers…the kids if there are any…everyone involved.

    You also don’t know how much guilt you can feel until this shit comes out. The addiction to whatever emotional or sexual high you’re getting from it is not worth it in the end. And you will be exposed eventually…you think you’re so good at it, you’ll never get caught…or maybe you almost wish you would get caught so you can get what you want, but you’ll regret it. Nobody will want to put your broken ass back together. Two broken people can’t lean on each other for support.

  26. This woman confided in you and reached out for help. You sent a very judgemental, typical low vibe american response. Why did she bother only to have you insult her so badly? Disgusting

    • It wasnt insulting. Elsa was trying to show this gal, her part in the whole thing, so she could stop feeling like, and being a victim. How is empowerment, “low vibe”? I guess it is American though (clever btw for managing to insult a whole nation. Not very high vibrational of you.)

      If you can get past the tone of the post and youre own ideas and see the essence of it, youll see that it wasn’t judgemental at all.

  27. By the way – why are you all eating the woman over this? You may find yourselves in the same position one day and on the receiving end of so much bile.

    The man is 50% at fault here too, if not 70%.

    Vile

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