Will A Man With Venus In Aquarius Commit?

Hi, Elsa.

I have a question regarding Venus in Aquarius and commitment phobia. I’ve been seeing a man that I really like since November, but he keeps getting cold feet. I don’t have a whole lot of patience for this as I have had to deal with abandonment & cheating, etc in the past. I definitely have trust issues. So was wondering if continuing to pursue this would be a nightmare for me (astrologically?)

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Hi, Private.

You’re right, this man has every freedom, space-loving aspect in the book. You have a desire to control and a need for perfection. You’ll probably be a nightmare for each other, over time.

Also, this man is 20+ years older than you and you’re 30-something. He’s an old dog. Generally speaking, they rarely learn new tricks. This goes double if the dog has a lot of planets in Fixed signs. That’s the case here.

You say you’re impatient and have trust issues. These are significant things to try to overcome. You’d probably have an easier time with someone more reassuring.

Good luck!

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Will A Man With Venus In Aquarius Commit? — 17 Comments

  1. wow, in the old days, this question (with some mods) would’ve appeared in the paper delivered by the newspaper boy. Inside the paper, “Dear Abby.” It’s a testament to the evolving newspaper spaceship that circles us on planet Earth. I found three things in the question & answer. Such great weekend insight: 1. “Old dogs generally don’t learn new tricks.” And 2. “this goes double if the dog has Fixed planets.” From the top 3. Aquarius (freedom loving at all costs) and a need to control and be perfect = nightmare.

    I’m an old dog with many natal planets Fixed. By Progression my very fixed Sun is now in the early days of a Mutable Life (Aquarius). I wonder whether your advice would have made a difference to my journey, and my partnerships? Probably not, too fiercely independent with Leo fuel. But here’s the thing. As an old dog living life by progression, I have survived and lived to experience a Mutable Sun Time. My partnership now benefits from all that experience (Saturn-Mars-Pluto conj natally). The long-term benefit is seen only by reflection after the living.

    These things as you suggested were/are: ‘significant things to overcome.’ Reassurance changes with time, but, at the base we all do need it.

    “Old Dog”

    P.S. I love how your posts include ‘Related posts’ to feed on. Great Q & A

  2. Venusian Aquarians do have commitment issues. I lived with mine for 12 years; he said he felt committed. I wanted to start my farm so invited him to a permanent commitment or else. We are opposites (Virgo-Leo cusp) and feel like soul mates after 33 years of marriage, ups and downs, we both matured and share a simple but very pleasant life. We always see things can be done differently but both get ‘er done…

  3. I know I said it myself, Elsa, but I just wanted to clarify- I have patience in spades, I just feel that using it & my understanding has sometimes been to my detriment (staying too long, others thinking they can misuse/abuse it…) Plus being kind to these others in the past ends up making me feel I was stupid, which really sucks 🙁

  4. I married a man w/Aquarian sun & Venus. He had utterly no qualms @ commitment – we were both very early 30s. Have ‘hard’ aspects but also double whammy Venus/Mars trines, even in composite.
    However, composite also shows a glaring Venus/Uranus opposition: we are separating & I have no desire to reconcile. Also, he is not the instigator of the separation – I am.

  5. I don’t know any men personally or have met any in my life with Aquarius venus, except my husband’s uncle (his mother’s brother) who is close to all of us as family, and he’s married happily to a Libra sun, Libra moon, Libra venus, Scorpio mars. He is Taurus moon, Pisces Sun, Aries Mars. They have this steady, long lasting secured relationship.

  6. My stellium in Libra seems to draw me to Venus Aquarius guys, and after the end of a 17 year engagement (note – living together/not married/not FULLY committed) to one, I feel like if I meet another one, I’ll walk/RUN away before things get serious! To me, Venus Aquarius men do commit, but they seem to have their own cerebral, often cold, rationale of what commitment is, and it seems to change with whoever they’re with.

    • That’s interesting, Julie- I also have a stellium in Libra.

      My bestie has Venus in Aquarius. He feels he married too young & has missed out on some opportunities through doing so, but is committed to his wife. He is a very loyal friend.

      • LeoGrrrl, your bestie sounds a little like the guy I was with for 17 years. I am 4 1/2 years older than him (I have Saturn 7th house Taurus – Can’t seem to ever date anyone my same age!) – Throughout our relationship, he had moments that showed he felt he missed out on some key bachelor years (he was 23 when things solidified for us). When he left, I figured he finally had the freedom he felt he missed. Funny thing- He hopped right into another serious relationship less than a year after leaving. He’s a Cap with moon in Libra. A need for consistency, and to be partnered up I think! And, that Venus Aquarius rationalizes that whatever he’s doing makes perfect sense! 😉

  7. My boyfriend of 13 years is an Aquarius with Venus in 7th house but then I am an Aquarius with Aries Ascendant so it works. He was actually the one to suggest we marry but I was against it. We also have venus/mars conjunction in Capricorn and my sun and his mercury and venus are conjunct in Aquarius so I guess that’s working in our favor.

  8. Just wondering about something- Elsa, you mentioned I have a desire to control, but I feel like I’m getting absolutely nowhere with Mr. Aquarius. I know I’m fairly fixed, & have Venus in Virgo, but I try to negotiate & understand shades of grey. I even try not to criticize as I grew up with it & know how painful it can be. I just feel like there’s more going on here than his being fixed & freedom-loving. I don’t know if it’s fear, but something has got him so rigid I feel like my hands are tied in our interactions- & that’s even if I’m not pushing against him! Second Saturn return? An aspect with Pluto? Something controlling is going on.

      • I do see that. Even he has commented though that he is restricting himself, creating his own obstacles. I guess it doesn’t fit in with my original question because this is his own personal work, but what I am referring to is something present even when I’m not in the equation. I don’t know what it is though because he listens to me but won’t talk about himself much- his right, of course.

        • I like the guy- I’m trying to understand better so I can be more compassionate, not less. But he is confusing sometimes. He says what he wants changes based on how he feels. So maybe he doesn’t want to talk about any of it. But I do want to understand my own relationship & the person I’m involved with.

          • I also have venus in virgo and had a heartbreak with aquarius venus boy. He ghosted me in the end. I still resent him to this day . Move on. You deserve a better man. Aquarius venus man is too cold, heartless and robotic, at least for me.Never again.I can say this because I met other venus in aquarius people. Unfortunatelly I have to deal with an aquarius woman with venus aquarius. In general, I let her talking alone, others I ignore and avoid.Today, I Dont waste my precoius time with nome of them. Now I’m attracted to
            a venus in sagittarius, but he has venus conjunct pluto.
            I wish you the best. You deserve better.

  9. Sorry this is long winded. This discussion has really highlighted to me how much I value communication & negotiation. It leaves a WTF feeling when someone pursues you strongly & then gets wishy-washy once they have you &/or wants to bail as soon as there is a problem. I also value honesty & can’t respect anyone that claims to be monogamous & then cheats.

    I want a relationship & am willing to work on it. I won’t defend freedom lovers if they are users or misrepresent themselves. Be mature in relationships about what you want, & be willing to ask for it. You want space or closeness? Ask for it. If something is wrong- speak up. Nothing can change if you don’t. This is me though. & probably intimidating/engulfing for people who don’t want to talk. I see it as important to be there for the person you’re involved with. It makes life nicer & friendlier when there are people we can rely on & get close to. I’ve spent a chunk of my life being independent/isolated & don’t want to do it that way anymore. Again, just me.

    I try not to get someone to fall in love with me & then get mad at them for it, LOL. & I’m challenging myself not to accept this behaviour from others. Changing our minds is one thing, but it’s important to be kind & responsible when it comes to others’ hearts. To be honest. *Steps down from soapbox*

    Thanks, Elsa, for your help 🙂 I’m thinking of taking another astrology class!

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