I went to therapy, weekly for three years about twenty-two years ago. This was some of the best money I’ve ever spent. I realized at the time, that I was like a toy train who had been wound up and set on a track to run and run and run in circles until the end of time. My life had been dictated by my parents, basically and if I didn’t like the track they’d laid out for me, I was going to have to do something to jump it and cut my own path.
Many people are living in this manner today. They know they’ve internalized various things and these things drive their behavior in a sub or semi-conscious way.
When you’re running a track like this, it’s easiest to stay on course. If your jump the track, anything can happen. You can wind up on your side, tumble end over end, run into a lake, who knows? Consequently most people just keep rolling.
It’s not necessarily the best or brightest that jump the track. I jumped mine because it was HIDEOUS,. If your track is comfy, you’re going to be more inclined to just go ’round and ’round which is a subject for another day.
Today’s subject is the Uranus Pluto square. This aspect is going to BLOW people off their track in many cases so I wanted to put this concept out there as frame of reference. If this happens to you and you have any faith, you might consider the possibility that being blown off your track will wind up benefiting you over time.
For others who know they’re riding a rail, and hate the thing, this is an excellent time to bust a move. Shocking transformation in in vogue, see?
Are you in a rut? Describe it.
Rut?? I’ve just turned 30 and am feeling Saturn’s pressure as it retrogrades back towards my natal Saturn, which it only recently crossed during my return. I feel stuck and helpless in retail, unable to get enough $$$ to break out and feel like an adult. Very frustrating.
Great post, Elsa. Can totally relate. 🙂
Funny you’re blogging about this today. This was the topic of my morning get-ready meditation. I’ve been in therapy for four months, twice a week now since November.
Three years ago my life changed utterly. At least my circumstances did, but I did not. So even though everything changed I really am not happy with the “track” I’m on or what I’m doing. It was all I knew how to do, see? So I did that. But now I think maybe I need to learn how to be someone else.
Yes, I can relate to this. The Uranus/Pluto square has been activating my angles in recent months and my life has done a 360 over the past year. I can’t tell whether being “blown off the track” will end up being a good thing or not. I’ve never had therapy but I do envy the idea of being able to sit down with an objective person and just spilling my guts. This forum will have to do for now…
Trans Pluto 11th, Trans Uranus 2nd conj Natal Sun.
Hey, I’m begging to be shown my new path. I should be meeting new friends that help my career path. I should be earning money in a completely new way.
Right now, I’m like, “Hello? Anyone out there?” I’ll gladly take action when I can see what that action should be.
*waiting impatiently and scanning*
Nope. Still derailed and bumping along off the track. It’s been so long, I’m wondering if this is it, what it will forever be, riding the rugged terrain. Oh well, it’s not boring, that’s for sure. Always Raw. I’m alive???
If I’m in a rut, it’s a rut of loneliness. I’ve been presented with much evidence to the contrary. I am no more alone than the next person. So I’m trying to break out of this rut of feeling lonely. I’m beginning to understand that I have been choosing loneliness for most of my life, and I can opt out of it.
I’ve been trying to break out of a rut for years now. I think there’s been some progress the last year or two though. Slow but steady….which is difficult for an impatient Aries!
:)Love this post. I’ve been in weekly therapy for about 18 months and the ebb and flow of it is interesting. Some weeks are joyous, some weeks are horrendous, some weeks I learn a lot and some weeks I wonder why I don’t just get drunk instead (short answer: too easy).
All of a sudden this week my body shut down, I went into hospital and BOOM !!!! I am being blown off my track and it is so awesome I can’t even tell you how much so. Life is taking a turn for the better and I feel more than ever I am well prepared for the future. Gotta wear shades, LOL 8)
see, this is a perfect example for me of your non-negativity!
yes i jumped the track even though i was comfy. got lots of aqua, uranus in scorp and pluto opp. asc. and jupiter rising.
have i taken a stupid risk- or a brave leap of faith?
who knows. but i haven’t regretted any of it and the fact that i have grown through the process makes it worth the risk/leap.
Isernia said: “Hey, I’m begging to be shown my new path. I should be meeting new friends that help my career path. I should be earning money in a completely new way.
Right now, I’m like, “Hello? Anyone out there?” I’ll gladly take action when I can see what that action should be.
*waiting impatiently and scanning*”
I second this.
My rut is comfortable. If I stay in it, I feel safe. I feel like if I do anything to change it, I’ll end up living with my mother and praying for death. I pay for a 2-bedroom apartment alone (after I ran out of roommate options) because I couldn’t stand to move out of it. I feel like if I try to do anything new or major, I’ll just spend myself broke if I get a car, or end up in a nasty fighting war (if I have my mother help me get credit, which I might have to do since I am a credit loser). If I quit or lose my job, I strongly suspect I’ll never get another one. My daily life has been in stasis since about 2004 and really, except for my friend status and one dead parent, nothing is any different on an overall basis. If you looked at me in 2004 and today, you couldn’t tell the difference, because there isn’t any.
I feel like as long as I don’t move, nothing bad will happen to me–yes, that’s stupid and wrong to believe, especially these days, but logic and reason aren’t winning this argument. I feel like I am gonna need friendly (possibly divine) help to gently get me out of this, but that probably won’t happen.
I don’t want to be one of those people who has to be fired before she makes a change, but…shit. I decided I was going to make all of these changes this year and all I’ve discovered is that I am not up to handling them. I dug myself a comfortable hole for years because I couldn’t move if I wanted to due to lack of driving ability, but now I can’t get out. I don’t have credit so I am fucked for a car loan, insurance, and moving to another place. I don’t have a car and probably can’t afford one anyway. I don’t have strong enough freeway driving skills to live elsewhere. It’s going to take me MORE years to attempt to fix this shit and I feel inadequate, scared, and lame.
For me, I have been stuck in a comfy rut but it feels like I’m switching tracks rather than going off the tracks. We’ll see what happens in the coming months. I have faith.
You’re not alone, Elsa. The money I’ve spent for counseling was WELL worth it, and continues to be. And I’m running full steam ahead at a chasm where the tracks have ended, hoping to land on a brand new track!
I too was in therapy for years at a time, twice in my life. The most recent stretch helped me through the years 2007-2011 when all the holding on to old beliefs and old patterns just want not going to see me through, alive.
The transformation is incredible, unpredictable and it is possible to jump the track but it has not been simple, nor easy. What is happening in my life is the blooming of butterfly with grey hair and stories that bridge time and history, both with fiction and truth. A storyteller like me is asking, “Why not tell it this way?” Life is more a blend of fiction and truth. The sorting process often needs some strange/objective third party in spite of the voices from the Taboo Clan, who would continue to shout, “How dare you!”
I want to be more open. Have a fresh perspective. Less cynicism toward the human race. Less automatic internalized judgement about everyone who looks different than me. Less hatred and scorn toward others who are different than me. Less expectation of being screwed over or manipulated or made fun of. More openness and freedom toward others and in life. Less defensive stance. More just letting it unfold without thinking or placing any judgement. More guilelessness and peace toward others. Less offense. More childlike trust.
milano I love your list!:)
i can no longer remember were my track was. but it’s dreadfully windy up here now.
but, uhm, running up to my first pluto square plus all this fun stuff happening too. time to grow up and be myself, rather than that person other people tried to make me to be.
Yes. I’m surrounded by grimey low class idiots
I am very much in a rut. But Pluto is in my sixth house, having crossed over natal Saturn last year, and that Uranus-Pluto square? It’s going to hit my MC/IC axis.
I need to go to therapy for many reasons, just one being the importance of resolving my current situation. Unfortunately, therapy costs money I don’t have at this time.
Both! I can’t seem to meet anyone yet. And have more faith about it. When I have something lined up I get sick or something like a snowstorm happens. This is making me open up to other joys then just “waiting” for the perfect relationship or perfect job etc. My jupiter is well aspected at the moment which I’m grateful for.
I’m working less secure but making almost twice hourly then working full-time. And right now at a wonderful production company that is comfortable so all my old physical aches are gone. If this keeps up and levels out to working more than half a year I’ll be good. Also if whoever I meet is secure with a full-time job and benefits would be aces as well since someone has to earn while I have the kids. 😉 I’m also looking for permanent full-time work at the same time. No interviews yet.
In a rut? Well, career and love have been in a rut for a long time, but I’m really feeling it now. I finally make important progress in the love department earlier today, and just a few hours later I get T-boned with bad news that just completely threw me off my track emotionally. I thought I was on track to conquering loneliness for a bit… not anymore.
interesting to me that only 21 comments were made. my hunch is these 21 commenters are the ones who are breaking free or can break free. people who most need change are the ones who refuse to recognize it.
change… can be external or internal. it’s such a balance – perceiving the need for external change & making decisions that will lead to it while still deeply aware that internal change (attitudes, values, beliefs, fears) is what ultimately creates well-being or contentment.
What kinds of things might occur when Pluto crosses one’s midheaven at 13 degrees Capricorn? I’m concerned that it could ruin my life and reputation and jeopardize my future.
Proudly celebrating 12 years of at least monthly therapy this year. I really had a lot of work to do, so it was weekly in the beginning, now it’s just maintenance. I needed it so bad in my 20’s what with my crazy family that I took a second job to pay for it once I found a really good therapist that I wanted to stick with (and I’m still with her). I’m actually glad my family was so nuts because my track was hideous too and I was dying to jump out of it since I was 16!
I feel sorry for people who wake up in a rut at 30, 40, 60 whenever. I had lots of time to get sorted because I could see the need for change in myself at a very early age as it was quite obvious nobody else was going to change to suit my wishes and make me happy.
The last rut in my life was 10 years ago. Now and then I have a day when I slip back into drama/dysfunction, but it’s not as bad as hitting the ol’ crack pipe or anything, and so it’s easy to climb back out.
There is nothing better nor more freeing than living your truth, as hard and scary as it my be at times to do so. And therapy with a good therapist is a gift you give yourself that keeps on giving for years afterward!
Happy track-jumping eeryone!
This square hits me directly and I am sure my track will be fundamentally changed, since Pluto will be on my moon and Uranus on my Saturn sun.