Unconventional Addiction: Emotional Patterns Or Thought Patterns That Destroy Your Life

corona beerIf you’ve ever been around an addict, you see them go and back and back and to their substance of choice. They’re simply powerless over their Corona or whatever the thing may be. If you stick around, invariably you see the person become weaker as the disease progresses.

I have seen the same pattern play out in the same way with people who have a certain mindset or way of reacting to situations.  You give them apples, they come up with peas. You give them a sunny day, they come up with peas You give them parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme and they still come up with peas.

“Peas” may be the negative spin they place on everything they encounter.

“Peas” may be some philosophy of set of beliefs they have that have don’t serve them and perhaps never have but the person won’t ever take the time or make the effort (Saturn) to re-think what they believe and perhaps mature it.

This is related to a piece I wrote awhile back: Mixed Messages, Gaslighting, Manipulation… Or A Cowlick In His Psychology. But I am talking about people whose default position on various things destroys their life in a methodical fashion but they just can’t (or won’t) get out of their rut or their sea of delusion because why?

Because it’s hard that’s why.

Am I talking about you? What is your rut?

 

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Unconventional Addiction: Emotional Patterns Or Thought Patterns That Destroy Your Life — 35 Comments

  1. Honestly I am not sure what my rut is? I think I know but I guess only time will tell if I fall off the wagon that is trying to get me out of my perceived rut. I have had poor boundaries secondary to low/poor self esteem. For example I have never been alone, always had to be in a relationship, yes even to my detriment. These past three years have been hard, hard, hard. Finishing school, and not being in a relationship during this time has given me a personal inner strength that is amazing. It was hard when my ex said, Let’s fix this and get back together, I almost caved until I realized he hadn’t changed one thing, or even made an effort to change one thing that brought us to that point in the first place. I don’t like being alone, but I don’t like being in a broken relationship. This alone feels so much better. I know it may sound just words, but I have to tell you at 55 you just see things too, yes many my age have talked about their mid-life crisis but few have actually turned their world upside down to truly accomplish it. Using an analogy while many may have quit drinking, they are nothing more than dry drunks, and will never sober up.

  2. Fighting depression, anxiety, apathy, indecisiveness, feelings of worthlessness. My rut is having difficulty motivating myself to get out of a rut and lacking goals and direction, discipline. The will to get out of bed and leave the house every day.

    I can honestly say I’ve had this problem since childhood, but when you’re a kid, what can you do, right? I saw my mom struggle with this stuff and I still do, but she’s had some serious childhood trauma to deal with and I haven’t.

    Pluto in Cap has really made me stop and look at the dark matter, esp in myself regarding my attitudes toward relationships and day-to-day habits/work. (Venus/6th)

    I have Moon Opp Pluto, 10th/4th. Once a woman looked at my chart and said “What did your mother do to you?!” She didn’t DO anything to me, exactly… I think she was trying to protect me from the things that happened to her and I kinda spent a lot of my childhood in a plastic bubble.

    I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her “happy”. She made a joke a few weeks ago about wanting one of those suicide kits for her birthday. I think she feels like life is just something you get through, or you decide you don’t want to anymore.

  3. I think I probably have a lot of ruts, but I think a big one for me is hearing the negative louder than the positive. If someone said ‘everyone thinks you’re really good at your job except for a couple of directors who say you don’t know what you’re doing’. I would feel really bad about that statement rather than good.

    Sometimes I think a lot of people are the same, but I do know a few who would only hear the good part of the statement and totally ignore the other bit (which I think in itself can be just as much of a rut).

  4. Yeah, peas is the story of my life. EVERYTHING is a rut, I am a rut, when I dare look ahead at the future all I see there is a rut full of peas staring at me. It’s depressing, I’d like to change it but I’m at a genuine loss at how to do so.

  5. My rut is watching patterns in traffic movement. Like the woman in the dark gray Honda that drove by 3 times while I was walking at the track.

    Of course it stems from being stalked and having PTSD from it. But it is such an unnecessary energy drain.

    I don’t know how to turn off. Maybe it just needs time.

  6. Yup, I have a rut. Not sure what to call it, but I can see it plain as day: I give up.

    I just give up. Call it quits. Eh, maybe tomorrow. Laziness? Maybe that’s it.
    I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to struggle. I don’t really expect anything handed to me, but I don’t actively work to make things the way I want them, either. I accept (usually). I go with the flow.

    I just want to be me and do my thing and have that be okay, be enough. It’s not, though, and still I give up.

    Hey, look! Peas! 😀

  7. My rut most my life was falling into a psychic cesspool whenever I shared a domestic space with another person. It began in childhood. There are a lot of astrological factors I won’t bore you with…
    However things finally came to a head –kathunk–last summer and I decided: that’s it. I live alone and get professional help to try and crack this nut! I wanted so desperately to be out of this rut.

    I am getting there. It’s worth putting the effort in!

  8. I’m addicted to partnership. Or perhaps I just have a deep, howling loneliness that never really goes away. No big!

    There is a truly good man in my life, but because of our current circumstances, for the foreseeable future we’ll only get to see each other 3 or 4 times a month. The situation seems to feed every shitty insecurity, fear of abandonment, and overanalytical impulse I’ve collected since I was 7 and my father bolted for good and my mom started pounding The Truth About Men into my psyche (men are liars, men cannot be trusted, men will fuck you over every chance they get, men are pigs, men ruin everything).

    Now, let me make very clear that I no longer blame my parents for my current hangups; I’m all grown up now, and I take full responsibility for the choices I’ve made (hellooo, ex-husband) and the emotions I’ve let run me for lo these many years. But, there are echoes of all that ugliness, and all the crap decisions I’ve made out of fear and guilt, that I can never quite tune out.

    And even though I’ve done so, so so much work (up to and including “The Work” – the mere mention of Byron Katie’s name is enough to make me want to burst into tears), I still struggle daily with what I feel is a Driving Need to have a man in my life (and so much the better if he’s under my roof on a daily basis). Even though I know I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, my kids, my house. Even though I have my own routines and rituals and pleasures and TV shows, and even though I love being able to do as I damn well please, I miss having a man in the house.

    This man in particular seems to be my lesson in how to love someone without having to cling to them (not to mention how to trust someone who doesn’t crawl into bed with me every night). This is so hard for me. But I am making a conscious (and, it must be said, frequently painful) effort to climb out of the “I need a partner to make me whole” thought pattern that’s been my rut for my entire life.

  9. Oh, and I’m addicted to Popcorn, IN aged white cheddar popcorn. Can’t stop myself. Keeps landing in my shopping cart EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

  10. (((zenobar)))

    I am addicted to poutine and all things cheese related. I can relate to your posts on multiple levels. 😉

  11. @Kashmiri – thank you for the support 🙂 BTW, I wonder how have I managed to walk the planet for 40 years and NOT run into poutine? God help me.

    I’ve never met a plate of cheesy fries I didn’t like, though.

  12. I’m working on my food issues, sorta. I love to eat but now that I’m taking care of my diabetes and taking insulin, I have to decide if something is really worth eating to justify sticking myself with a needle. Also I can’t eat as much as I used to because I developed gastroparesis and I will get SICK! Of course some days I barely eat at all because my numbers are good and I don’t wanna stick myself more than I need to.

    Sometimes I tell myself I’m not allowed to eat until I get some task done. Some days I eat, some days I don’t. I’m sure there’s a better way to make myself do something, but I don’t know what.

  13. ((Valerie Plame)) good luck maintaining control. some natural ways of keeping glucose balanced are: chromium supplements, cinnamon and neem (though this one supposedly reduces glucose levels.)

    My rut? What SaDiablo said!

  14. ““Peas” may be some philosophy of set of beliefs they have that have don’t serve them and perhaps never have but the person won’t ever take the time or make the effort (Saturn) to re-think what they believe and perhaps mature it.”

    I never thought Peas could make so much sense.
    Are you talking about me? Not anymore. Because I looked at how I act in relationships and decided I didn’t want to display unhealthy attachment to negative emotion. I realized that it colored EVERY interaction I have had in my life..thus controlling me. And I don’t like to be controlled. I let it think (be)for(e) me and I prefer to think on my own:)

  15. “I looked at how I act in relationships and decided I didn’t want to display unhealthy attachment to negative emotion. I realized that it colored EVERY interaction I have had in my life..thus controlling me. And I don’t like to be controlled. I let it think (be)for(e) me and I prefer to think on my own:)”

    @Josi: THIS.

  16. I guese mine would be the belief (jupiter) that all is going to work out (6th house) for the best in the end (saturn/cappy). Moon conjunct jupiter in cappy/6th house. Even when I can’t see any evidence, I still have a deep, unabiding faith, that it will work. This can work for or against me,
    Angie

    • “I still have a deep, unabiding faith, that it will work. ..”

      I think it does work out, it just may take a hundred or a thousand years. For example, our country goes down, we become less than we were, many people die, generations pass but eventually people get it together again so it does work out.

  17. Are you talking about me? Probably but I’m blind to it. I do have uranus conjunction Neptune though so unconventional addiction is the norm..

  18. @Zenobar, Wow! Your comment just triggered some serious emotions I’m facing right now. I just had to sit up to type this short note. I’m crying because you just spoke for me. Right now, I’m hurting really really bad right now! I’ve lost 10 pounds because I let my emotions control me. I love someone who loves me less than I love myself. Crazy, huh? I guess I define myself through a man but I want to release such dysfunction. I’m also addict to partnership when it’s unavailable to me. I’m so ready to heal and I believe saturn in Aries my 7th house is rebuilding. Boy, has this been tough.

  19. “I think a lot of people have a blind spot that they cannot see and that makes it hard to change.”

    I think this is true but when you get nearing 30, you do gain awareness. 35… 40 .. 45, etc.

    Not that people opt out of a pattern. As a matter of fact, I think it’s pretty rare.

    I love this stuff and used to write about it a lot – 10 years ago. I will take it back up if I can manage. I probably can’t manage though. ::shakes head:: Sorry about that but the bills and all.

  20. Think one of my major ruts (probably have a few) was not knowing what I can truly handle vs. what I truly can’t handle. With people I mean. Big learning there and still working on it. But the more I work on it, the less often the challenge presents in my life.

    That gaslighting vs. cowlick post was very interesting and helpful to read.

  21. Tying in the “psychological cowlick” post stirs me into the mix you speak of. I’m the two cowlick girl at the hopscotch squares, knowing early on life at the homestead wasn’t fixable the earliest of years were able being quiet so no one would guess. My 12th H Capricorn Moon opposes Pluto in Leo across the horizon, and covering up is the rut that I’ve been filling in for nearly 60 yrs.

    You’re right, on the one hand thing do work out, I will work out of the rut, in this life time or another. History (my culture) is sorting through the covering up and I’m the later generation with one after me. The patterns are difficult to change, but there are insights and ancient navigation charts that make me believe ‘better is possible.’

    I also get your reference to this being a meaty topic … though it doesn’t pay the bills, I’m taking it on (in my world) cuz my son’s better-life depends upon it. Know what I mean?

  22. @siddyas – I’m sorry you are in this kind of pain. Hang in there, and be kind to yourself. We’re all here to learn 🙂

  23. Elsa, you said “I think it does work out, it just may take a hundred or a thousand years.” in reponse to my comment about a deep, unabiding faith that things will work out. So I guess that right there is the downfall. If I could live a few hundred or thousand years, then it’d all be good. That might be very interesting to see with my own eyes. But I do want to point out that this pattern is just as likely to support my life as destroy it. I think it’s just how I use the energy ;),
    Angie

  24. Being positive and having faith can be the key to keeping your sanity when all else fails. What is there to lose by expecting the best?

  25. i think everybody has these. the question is more, in my mind, whether they’re willing to recognize them and address them

  26. i think everybody has these. the question is more, in my mind, whether they’re willing to recognize them and address them

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