Unapologetic

angel cherubYesterday, a gal suggested that I be “unapologetic” for the actions I have taken. She said I ‘d gone far above and beyond what anyone could reasonably expect a person in my circumstance to do. Consequently, I had no reason to apologize to anyone for anything.

I have never had anyone say something like this to me in my entire life.  I’ve had to think about it.

I’m consistently held responsible for anything that goes wrong. Due to this, I’m an extremely apologetic person. I’m thinking this might change. I’m thinking I’m going to slow down with my apologizing and consider more carefully, if an apology is actually needed.

On another note, do you like that statue? I am thinking of buying it. It would be a splurge.

Do you apologize often? Or not so much?

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Comments

Unapologetic — 34 Comments

  1. It’s good to be validated. I go above and beyond with certain people, I don’t know if I over apologize.

    As for the statue I would have to be with it in person to see how I felt about it. The yellow looks great with the fall leaves in the background but I don’t know if they weren’t there.

  2. I gave up apologizing for my existence. I really felt like I had no right to have been born. Until I divorced that part of the family. If I screw up, sure I’ll say I am sorry for the inconvenience, and help to resolve the situation. But the best tack, if I am really sorry, is to do it better next time. I do not like it when I hear ‘I’m sorry, but I am doing it anyway.’ That is not being sorry. However, I do understand I need to do this, I am sorry it is difficult for you. Like a life that is going in another direction or something like that. Because I don’t want to deny another person their life or their love. I guess because I know what that is like. Guilt about being who I am. Bleah!

    I thought you were going to hold off buying while mercury is retro. It is a sweet thing to look at though. It blends in so well. I like yard stuff. It looks like it pours water? Is there a pool involved? Very aquarian. Go for it.

  3. In my relationship I am so often blamed for things I didn’t do, overtly and implied. I always apologize to anyone if I’m wrong and in this relationship I have apologized even if I knew it wasn’t my fault just to stop the b.s.

    I also felt, growing up, that I was to blame for my very existence. I don’t believe this has anything to do with my paragraph above. I think part of it was the swirl of turmoil preceding my birth as well as being given far too much information at too early an age.

  4. I don’t apologize a lot. I do rewind my actions in my head a lot, and when I see my questionable actions showing up again, I go through the Steps and make amends;and ask for forgiveness. Apologizing without changing my actions doesn’t change things…and visa-versa.
    Interesting to read your experience being told you have nothing to apologize about. What a turning point!

    As for the angel. You love it? I’d chip in to help with that splurge!!(after Merc retrograde:)

  5. On reflection I find that I apologize too much, I often find myself doing this for other people – unintentionally – when I feel they’ve behaved out of tune. A kind of apology by proxy. Nice post Elsa I’m definitely going to do this less often and not take responsibility for other people’s rudeness, since they aren’t learning anything from it, while the blame can be too easily shifted onto me and they never change. No, that’s not good for anyone.
    As for the angel Elsa, you have to get it, this beautiful cherub will welcome you home every day and keep your home safe and sweet.

  6. I like the statue. (I remember someone telling you here you shouldn’t apologize for something and you said you had Libra and you were going to apologize:) maybe you don’t remember it) But, I thought the same thing…and I learned from the exchange.
    Someone told me something similar when I was on fb- that I shouldn’t delete my posts. It lets people in on things they shouldn’t know. In my case, that I needed approval to feel good about myself…they could think you think you suck. The person who told me this was right and it made me think. Who cares what people think. Everyone sucks sometimes…no one is perfect.

  7. Apologies when appropriate are of great value, apologies for things that are not in your control, were not done to harm or in response to someone elses deflecting behavior are disempowering. I am a former over apologizer roots from childhood. Until I realized I was often apologizing for things I was not responsible for most namely the other persons perception of the situation and often projection of the situation. People frequently blame to deflect their own accountabilty in a situation and apologizing is not a heathy response for either party. If you have actually wronged or harmed such as I stepped on your toe I should apologize. However if a statement or action made you see yourself in a way that is unpleasant to you then no apology warranted. Being unapologetic for things you owe no apology for also gives greater value to the truth of a valid apology.

    I love the statue and think it would be lovely by your front door.

  8. First of all, I believe that the environment today has made us all feel the need to apologize for everything we feel, think, and do. I have fallen victim to this societal change as well. In reality, we are entitled to our feelings, beliefs, and positive actions regardless of what others think as long as we don’t intentionally hurt anyone. The exchange and invention of ideas is what advances society. To think otherwise is a disruption of the cycle of the advancement of humanity and the surrender of the spirit of mankind.
    With regards to the statue, she is simply lovely. She transcends the seasons and will protect your home with positive energy. We all need some positive energy about now. What better place than at your front door???

  9. while i would never suggest wearing someone else’s responsibility, apologies can also act as social lubricant. i’m notoriously not good at them. but i also tend to only apologize when i think i’ve actually done something wrong. there’s probably a middle ground there somewhere. especially since people are often not very direct at trying to let you know they’ve been hurt.

  10. Beautiful statue! My maternal grandparents have a water bearer statue in a fountain in their backyard. Astrology plates hang in the hallway. My Scorpio sun Aquarius moon friend said she is sick of women apologizing all the time. A Scorpio lover last year told me to NEVER apologize. Old habits die hard.

    • Yep…my advice also came from a Scorpio. When you apologize for things you shouldn’t, you reveal a weakness…something Scorpio does not do.

  11. I am also a person who gets blamed when things go wrong (usually because I’m the one that DOES things), only I don’t apologize, at least not often. I just get into endless discussions about why it was not really my fault, I was the one who did the work, etc., so get a gun and shoot me if you must, only shut up.

    I like the idea of having an angel in front of the house, but what about the water? Have you thought about a pond, with water flowing… feng shui… money flowing in…?

  12. I’m unapologetic about apologizing when I feel I should. I think it’s the right thing to do but not overdo it. I do it with my husband just to shut him the hell up. He has never apologized in 15 years we have known each other. I think that’s a d*ck move.

  13. There is a spring fed pond at the back of the property. It needs to be cleaned out.

    There are fountains outside…not sure if the owner is taking them or leaving them.

    I’m trying to get the bare bones in and then live there awhile, filling in as I go.

    I told satori that I bought an Aquamarine colored couch. I think that’s right. 🙂

    I am buying stuff from the local “craigslist”….jeez, you can get pretty much anything. So by the end of the month, people should be able to sit in various places. My next goal / desire is for outdoor furniture. I here it goes on clearance after 4th of July.

  14. Women and Catholics are always accepting guilt. It’s expected. So yes, do get out from under it!!
    But when I say Im sorry, its’ not because Im responsible, it’s because Im genuinely sorry for anyone having a problem.

  15. I love the statue. Splurge!

    I am always apologizing, since childhood. I was the youngest and blamed for everything, all the time — lack of money in the house, someone being sick, a sofa not looking right. Emotional childish spoiled spiky adult people yelling = I would pipe up and apologize to just I guess shut it up. I recall thinking I was living with lunatics and babyish sorts who I saw being cosseted and helped by my grandparents. What adult blames every adult world woe on a child of 5 or 6? “Why did you let us but that sofa!” (WHAT?) “We would have more money if you didn’t need food and clothes!” (WHAT?) Some calm interior bit of me saw them as childish (and I was 5 and 6, mind you) and I saw the easy way was to keep taking blame so they could feel smug and shut up. By the time I was 7, I was apologizing automatically, even if i made I mistake on the piano, I’d apologize to the keyboard. It drives friends and my husband nuts and I am working on curtailing it. BUT I notice I still get blamed by people for stuff I have absolutely nothing to do with. Last week I began to take a stand.

    No more nonsense auto-pilot it’s-my-lot-to-accept-all-blame Catholic-girl Virgo-handmaiden apologies.

  16. I have the opposite problem. I am very bad at apologizing. When I was a kid I had extremely strict and punishing parents, so I apologized all the time. As a teen I went through a “no apologies” transition. My angry punk phase. As an adult I’m trying to grow out of that “I am never wrong!” mindset and find the balance. I find it requires looking at each situation as objectively as possible.

  17. Don’t apologize for anything! (You have your own devils to work with, don’t need other people’s projections.)
    BUY THE STATUE! (Splurging sounds like a good Jupiter in Leo thing, and little angels need to land on nice gardens.)

  18. I apologize constantly, especially in my line of work.

    I read somewhere that Sagittarians will do this to get out of trouble. True enough, true enough….

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