Trading Something Of Substance For Something Illusory

SwingThis is my version of what I think is a common phenomenon. Swinging out…and swinging back. Sorry that’s vague. It’s meant to be because I think this…common!

For years, I listened to one side of a story, told by two people. It was very convincing. I accepted it as truth. But then I met the person involved.

The story was about what was best for the third person. The first two people agreed on this. But when I talked to the third person, in person, they were also convincing. The story I heard all those years melted away. I now thought the third person had more insight into their plight than the first two gave them credit for.

Some time passed. Not much. A few months, not years. This again, came up with one of the tellers of the original story. I mentioned what I thought were solid arguments / facts presented by person number three.  Though I was not pressured, the person quickly pointed to the holes in that narrative.

At this point, I don’t know. But I again expect that the first story I heard is the real one. The tellers of the first story hold the key to the third person’s life. But that person is so into being right themselves, I don’t think they’ll ever realize it and their problem with go unsolved.

I am the person who swung out…and swung back in this story. I’ve done this many times in my life. I have something of substance and trade it for fluffy veneer. Thankfully I come back. I don’t want to live in delusion.

It’s a Saturn Neptune thing, I think. I’ve always been easy to trick.

I hardly think this is a good quality, but I am not sure I’d trade it for that sharp keenness that cuts others and often the self.

Do you recognize yourself in this story? Who are you?

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Trading Something Of Substance For Something Illusory — 4 Comments

  1. I’m sort of like you Elsa … and I have saturn opposition neptune.

    – I will listen and empathise with other people’s versions of stories.
    – After a long time and lots of weighing I’ll come to a conclusion of what ‘the truth’ is.
    – Then a new fact’ll get thrown in and I’m back to confusion unsure of the truth again.

    It’s frustrating not to have the definitive answer particularly if someone asks for my opinion.

    But I prefer that I’m open-minded enough to re-evaluate when new info comes to light rather than the people who once they’ve made their minds up won’t change even if it’s now patently wrong.

  2. I have Saturn in the 8th, square Neptune in the 4th, Neptune is the apex of a T square and my opposed and squared Leo Sun is in the 2nd.

    My sister passed away recently, she was my only sibling and she was 9 yrs. older and we had different fathers. She really did help raise me, our mother was severely addicted to dangerous prescription narcotics and my father was a drunken brawler who was mostly away from home on business trips. I was too young to remember how much my mother relied on my very responsible sister to raise me. I called my sister recently to ask her if all the crazy memories I had were true, and she said yes. She told me she would take me by the hand when I was 4 yrs. old just to take a walk, to get me away from the horrible, knock down drag out fights my parents would have.

    Of course, my sister had school and she had a social life. I remember being left alone then, left to wander. I remember standing in front of my house, asking questions of kids who walked past on their way home from school before I ever attended kidnergarten myself. I would ask dumb questions like, “What is your favorite color?” that sort of thing. Anyway, my sister recalls always being there for me, always at the ready and without her I would not have made it to school in the first place.

    Unfortunately, with her being 9 yrs. older my memories are more vivid of after she graduated from high school, my dad left and she unfortunately became addicted to IV heroin and turned to crime. All I recall are her being imprisoned time and time again, her unsavory friends and I turned 16 when she finally cleaned up, got married, had a baby and moved to another state. I was so happy for her, but those memories of mine.

    It took me a long time ( years) before I realized I painted her with a brushstroke of “addict”. The same one I painted my mom with and never appreciated when she finally got sober for good when I was 18 and joined the military. Now that they both are gone, I am disappointed with myself for being so hard on them and not loving them like their friends do. I hate Saturn square Neptune, it’s such a deceiving bitch of an aspect to have. The frustrations, the inertia, the mind games. I am definitely on the outside looking in, hell I can’t even participate on an internet social board without rousing the anger in others and I am left on my own. Very lonely aspect indeed.

  3. I think it is wisest to simply observe. There are many truths.

    There is a wonderful TED talk called “the danger of a single story” given by a Nigerian woman named Chimamanda Adichie that speaks to this in a beautiful way –

  4. Sherry — thank you for sharing your story, because it became a lightbulb moment for me. My son has Saturn square Neptune (Saturn in 7th, Nep. in 4th). He has a HUGE story that the people that love him, don’t love him. He is suspicious of anything we say or ask. If you say “how are you”, he says “what do you mean? Why do you want to know?”
    He gravitates towards people who truly *don’t* love him, or treat him respectfully, because then his suspicions are “correct”, and he feels vindicated. (Venus and Chiron complete the grand cross of Sat/Nep/Ven/Chiron.

    I always understood how the combination of Nep/Ven work, and how Sat/Ven is so painful, however, your description of Sat/Nep is extremely helpful when considering his grand cross.

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