The Story Of A Man Who Set Out To Cause Me Anguish (Karma and Comeuppance Redux)

ebay-logo1.jpgI promised a story about one of the people who set out to cause me anguish and this is it. Again, I consider this a Pluto in Capricorn deal… making the shadow (Pluto) public (Capricorn) which you may say is my specialty.

In whatever case, I started blogging on Xanga.com in 2001 and I had an audience almost immediately. I had fans but I had one hell of a lot of detractors as well. I am not sure the reason, I suspect there was more than one but I was routinely attacked in every way you can imagine.

One of the things people did – they created blogs solely to write posts about how I sucked and all I can say is I was DEVASTATED. I was terribly hurt and I mean I was cut to the bone. I would be sobbing over what was written about me as it was truly cruel and worse, I profoundly confused. I just couldn’t understand how people could be so mean and for why?

I had started writing (about astrology) on an (Ebay) message board by accident. I wrote there for about 3 months (600 pages!!) and then started a blog – the first astrology blog on the planet, I think and boy did they hate me, at least some of them did. And they (whoever “they” were) put up all these blogs, ‘I hate Elsa P and here is why” except I didn’t use my name back then. And it was relentless.

I wanted to quit writing, this seemed simple enough. But that was just not in the cards so slowly (and I mean VERY slowly) I grew a thicker skin. Matter of fact, in hindsight I don’t think this could have been a slower process. I was just freakishly hurt at how cruel people are and for no reason at all. But I did keep at it and in 2005 I moved to this blog.

In 2006 I got an email. The email essentially said this:

“Hi, my name is blah blah and my wife (now my ex) hates you. She hates you, she hates you with a passion, she really hates you and she hates the ground you walk on.

She hates you passionately and I just want to tell you that she was the one who did a lot of those things to you… I know this because I helped her. Yeah, I helped her do all those things and now I wonder if I should not have done all that to you so I’m sorry.”

Well now. What do you do with a mail like that?

I posted him back. I was gracious.

I wondered about a man who would hurt a woman. I wondered about a man who would allow his wife to direct and dictate his actions. I wondered if the contact was more about betraying her than apologizing to me but I decided I really had no idea and I best take him at his word and respond kindly. What could I gain from doing otherwise and besides that, I don’t hold grudges. I literally have no place to put them so I wrote him back a nice note, thanking him for emailing and telling him not to worry about it.

I went further and wrote about the incident publicly. I went on my (old) blog and wrote… “You know all those people who harass me? Well one of them just apologized, how about that?”

I thought it might give someone else the idea or impetus to apologize or try to right something they had done. Not to me personally but to anyone.

I actually got nothing out of the apology but I had paid in spades. These people cut me to the bone, In guess when you are up to something like this, you’ve got the person completely dehumanized and I thought perhaps this would be a way some good could come of it? So I did that and then guess what he did?

The guy wrote me back two days later and guess what he wanted? Guess!!!

He asked me if I would read the charts of him and his new girlfriend… for free!

“Say, Elsa! Now that we’ve got this all cleared up, do you think you could help me out?”

What do you think of this (from a karma standpoint, mine or his)? Pick an angle, any angle…

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The Story Of A Man Who Set Out To Cause Me Anguish (Karma and Comeuppance Redux) — 30 Comments

  1. Truly bizarre. I was reading you back then and I remember some people were hateful in the comments, but I had no idea there were people that had whole blogs that were hateful toward you. Just horrific!

  2. “when they say karma”

    I don’t know what they mean either and I guess I shouldn’t use the word at all. But I am thinking along these lines:

    The soldier stated setting out to cause someone anguish is a very serious offense. This is his feeling or his judgment which is very interesting to me because I have never thought along those lines. I am more geared to asking why and looking for meaning. I am geared to feeling and the experience… all sorts of nuance of the situation, I could write a book on this stuff.

    So then I get his perspective and I begin to imagine these two, trying to target and devastate a single mother. My kid was sick and they kept coming which is no big news. Believe me, people fuck with under any and all conditions – they always have so this is just something I am thinking about now.

    The shots are taken, I absorb the energy and then what?

    kashmiri wrote this on the last blog:
    >>>”One of the most painful lessons I’ve learned in this life is that sadly, the karma of someone who has fucked me over is not my issue.”>>>

    I agree with her. I always leave it to God or the universe or nothing at all. Drives the soldier crazy. I have been profoundly harmed by some and just don’t care once I’ve escaped. No grudge, no nothing… which I think is a gift by the way.

    And I say (and I believe) it does me no good if any harm comes to someone who has harmed me anyway. I am telling you, it does me no good. In fact, I wish something good would happen to them because perhaps they’d be less likely to be a jerk? I think this is the case because I just don’t think happy people act like this and I’d know because I am a happy person!

    However, the soldier assures me this shit is very serious. He promises it ALLLLLLLL comes back, you don’t get away with shit, people just kid themselves and he claims to know exactly where that will get them eventually.

    So you can see this is a very interesting topic (to me). Maybe to you too?

  3. There is always an angle for some people sadly.
    It certainly sounds unfair kind of treatment you received then Elsa. There seems to be a cost to speaking out. I guess some soap box speakers get abused in public sometimes too.

    I think one has to accept that tere are many people out there who have strong defenses to learning about themselves, hearing their “truths” through blogs which are not directly about them.

    People can begin to hate the writer for exposing them to information they just do not want to hear about themselves. I think there has been a better approach (internet ettiquettes) to this kind of thing over the years. Except perhaps for some self rightious almost religious fanatics (in complete denial) who defend their position at all costs.

    I believe that many people over the years have needed debriefing counselling from their not so good internet experiences. It takes some time to learn how to separate oneself or to ‘fit in’ over this medium.

    kingsley

  4. i never really know what people mean when they say karma. but i think it is an interesting question – why do some people develop a vendetta against people they hardly know, who have no power over them?! this has happened to me twice in the past two years. one time it was really bad. i was shocked by this person’s behavior. shocked! and, it didn’t make any sense. why are you hating on lil ol me when i’m so irrelevant to you!

  5. Oh! I also wonder my part in this. I know I am an instrument of the universe and sometimes I wonder if I am in effect, “bait”. Because I am and have always been a very easy target but take a shot and… and what?

    That right there is the question.

  6. >>What does it get them?>>

    Well it for sure gets them distracted from the problems in their own life. They are focused on me, therefore avoiding… whatever it is they’re avoiding.

  7. Here’s a thought, Elsa. Suppose you are “bait” and those who are tempted to cause anguish have a choice, either take the bait or not. If they choose to pass, they win. And if not, they lose. You are blameless in either case. Neptune’s Hall of Mirrors strikes again!

  8. I find it truely bizare. In my experience it seems that there is always one person who becomes the “whipping boy” for others. They become the person to carry the garbage for others. The “whipping boy” also becomes a way for these people to focus on his or her faults instead of their own lifes and issues. It is weird. I have been the “whipping boy” or “different” person for others to focus on, it has forced me to stand up for myself when I normally would just shine it on.

  9. Gads, this topic bothers me. Surely because it is so close to my heart.
    I can see where the Soldier is coming from, that assurance that it all comes back (because it does, I feel). But there is just no telling WHEN or HOW and so diverting your attention to your own life and your own role has the potential to yield such a rich result.

    I have my own theory about myself, and I cant speak for anyone else. But I am positive that one of my lessons in this life is to maintain a sense of detachment from the whys and hows of other people treating me like shit.
    I retreat to lick my wounds, but I cant ask why I have been attacked since it seems to send me into a tailspin and I get depleted.

    And if anyone is curious, I think that this detachment makes me freakishly strong emotionally, not weak. But hey, everybody, EVERYBODY is different.

  10. Pfffft. . . I’m not surprised he asked for a “freebie” later. People that can (and do) treat others the way this man admitted to treating you usually have little to no insight into their own lives, motivations, emotions, or actions. (Hm. Maybe we should leave it at “little to no insight?”) All it would have taken is one iota of common sense and a little foresight and the ball-less wonder would’ve never asked.

    It’s half-and-half for me, I think. I’m able to let most things go, but some I have to gnaw around on for a bit before I can let it lie. I think this is probably fallout from my abuse, though, it seems to mostly happen with events that trigger the same emotions.

  11. What. A. NERVE! (sp?)
    “Now that I was so Nice to you you Must – are Obliged! – to give me what I want! And for free! And you should be happy even that I asked You!”

    >:[

  12. “I have had many many people torment me the way you describe but I never felt that they caused me anguish.”

    gotcha, Cassi. I may be somewhat dramatic but the point I was driving is there is clear intention to cause pain and I mean as much pain as they can.

    I’d be like the kid at school… her mother is dying and the bullies still opt to badger her and beat her ass. Plus the kid is serving others the whole time and asking for nothing in return.

    I just think it can’t be good to target someone like that but I don’t know. It’s a big mystery to me all the way around which is why I ask these questions…

  13. i have never, ever, EVER gotten people who are mean evidently just to be mean. i have managed to detach enough to know that it’s never about me if they’re being mean to me, but the concept of intentionally increasing others’ burdens for no apparent reason does not fit into my brain.

    the way you address it- graciously, not assuming anything because you didn’t know anything, etc., makes perfect sense to me. his response: how about doing some free work for me now? – does not fit into my brain.

    and blog haters have always confused me the most of all…if you don’t like what somebody writes, why on EARTH would you go and pore over every word they write?

  14. “I just think it can’t be good to target someone like that”
    And it isn’t. It’s really, really, really BAD.

    I’m sorry, but I really think some people render themselves useless by being so cruel.
    You lose your power for good, well it’s hard for me to come up with what you’re good for then…however I do recall in the course of my buddhist studies the idea that some people are teachers through negative example.
    As in: How Not To Be.

  15. I am with the soldier. It ALL comes back to ya!

    Isn’t it weird how people can be so mean online? It’s called cyber bullying and there are people who make a CAREER out of it. Freaky.

    I can relate because a year or so ago, the same thing happened to me. I mean it was just MEAN. Later, a lady emailed and apologized saying she shouldn’t have supported the other bullies.

    It was a startling experience to say the least.
    But, it was a lesson in how people can be led into being cruel thanks to just one person.

  16. As everyone knows, it’s much easier to be a jerk online than in real life. It’s a distraction either way. These people are usually desperately unhappy, and they don’t want to do any inner work to change what’s making them so unhappy, so this kind of junk happens.

  17. Only if people knew that yeah it’s no fun without numbers, but you have to pay for what you do alone! Also trying to convey that you are a Christian and that’s why you are intentionally hurting someone that you happen to know nothing about is a cop out. God can’t save you from yourself sometime. You’d think people would take heed to the comparison in the amount of sand; people that weren’t making it to heaven, that they wouldn’t then turn and try to be like someone else.

  18. It just goes to show you the backwardness of this day and age. People like to find fault because somehow it makes them feel superior. We can observe this tendency within ourselves, I think its very interesting that this thread comes up during this Scorpio full moon, its the underworld currents of mystery. Some things we will never know and why should we care. I think you are wonderful. I have been reading you off and on for several years. I love your vibe and your contemplative spirit. I don’t know why you would even pay any attention to this now, it must have really hurt you and on some level, you are still freaked by this. It could possibly be some unstruck karma from distant lifetimes which worked itself out. Yeah, once I dated a guy who asked me to marry him and then later did some incredibly awful things to me…Like 3 years later he mails me and wants forgiveness and says how sorry he is for everything. At that point, I couldn’t believe he even had any kind of consciousness of his treachery and I refused to acknowledge his apology but emailed him back,,,yeah…by gones are by gones…sort of thing but no actually “forgiveness”…I just couldn’t forgive and I thought a lot about this and you know, its OK to not forgive some people sometimes…I am ok with it…its a boundary for my own protection. Keep up the good work Elsa, you are the greatest!

  19. “I don’t know why you would even pay any attention to this now, it must have really hurt you and on some level, you are still freaked by this.”

    No, it came up in a search for something else and I thought it was interesting…the history.
    Stuff like this is a million miles from my mind.

  20. Archer17 – that’s a really good question. I could probably write that for you, I’ve never tried. I will take it up though. 🙂

  21. I’ve been on the internet since the late nineties…when I chatted on IRC boards I had a chat program. 😀

    I’m still stunned and surprised at the venom, pettiness, and cruelty that I see every day in the comments section of almost any blog or article.

    People carry so much rage inside them, it’s sad and more than a little scary.

  22. ‘Bait’ feel such a loaded word. I prefer;”power”, your power & wisdom, is magnetic. It attracts the good and the not.

    I’ve had something similar some years back. I’ve come to accept that I invoke this type of reaction in some unstable, hurting folk who are attracted to my light and gifts.

    You are a beacon of light Elsa – you attract a huge audience and I figure that comes with the territory.

    Looking forward to reading about the development of the thick sick – I certainly needed to grow one or two extra layers.

    Your posts are amazing, educational, enlightening and very relevant on any day.

  23. From a Karma stand point? That would be hard to pinpoint. But from a human standpoint, I think the guy was an ass and I would have told him to go jump in a lake and find another astrologer who cares. What could he do? “Elsa is a jerk because she refused to do my and my girlfriend’s chart for free! Even though I stomped on her reputation, cut her to the bone and admitted to her face! What a b****h!” I would say this guy can’t see his shadow coming OR going!

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