The soldier was lying around in his robe last night. “You need a new one,” I said. “I’ve been looking but I can’t find anything like it and I know you don’t want something different.”
“No, I don’t want anything heavy.”
“I know. But that one is a rag. It’s become ridiculous. Is it twenty years old? The thing is shredded.”
“No, it’s not twenty years old. My Army robe was twenty years old but this one was fucked up when I got it.”
“Yeah, I got it at the fucked up clothing store. You know. The store where they sell clothes that are fucked up?”
I laughed. “Serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious. This robe is backwards. Have you not noticed that, P? They sewed the pockets on the inside, belt loops too plus they sewed the loops up too high. That’s fucked up so this robe had to go be sold with the rest of the fucked up clothes in the store that sells clothes that are fucked up.”
“I can’t believe you bought a fucked up robe.”
“Come on, P. I saved a bundle on this.”
I roared. “It makes no sense. You give money away left and right and then you go buy fucked up clothes. Why do you do it?”
“P, I saved a bundle on this robe and I got some other fucked up clothes while I was there too. It’s a whole store full of nothing but clothes that are fucked up.”
“I don’t want to know about it. I will continue to look for a robe that won’t bother you.”
“Okay, P, okay. But I don’t mind if my clothes are fucked up. I am a working man, I never attract any women. I’ve never attracted a woman in my life.”
“No! You gotta have an alligator on your shirt or some such shit to attract women. I’m not going to do that. Well maybe if I hadn’t had any pussy in awhile, I might and I mean a long while. Like two years with no pussy, then I might have to go out there and do something.”
‘What would you do?”
He outlined his evil plan. I listened with rapt attention.
Taurus Sun here and I had to laugh at this. I can’t remember the last time I bought new clothes:) My favorite pair of dress boots are over 10 years old(I just keep sewing them up). I drove my last car until it had almost 300,000 miles on it and the car before that had almost 400,000 miles on it before I surrendered. If I buy something for someone else though, it has tremendous thought and emotion involved and cost is not an issue. And I if someone needs money, I don’t even think twice. When I do buy something important for myself, such as clothing for a special event, it takes FOREVER because it has to be quality. Hey if it works (and the holes can’t be seen easily:)) than I really don’t give a flying flip.
I laugh at myself regarding these qualities but I’m grateful for them as I’ve been dealing with a Saturn conjunct Pluto transit and don’t have an extra pot to piss in and the one I do have is hidden away and you’ve got to have a password to use it:))) lol Seriously though, I don’t think I could be any other way.
“I like this brown skirt from the gift card lady,” I said.
“They can send me gift cards for the fucked up clothes store,” he said.
“They probably would if they could. Sure they would. Someone is sending you a book by the way. Remember that? I told you someone was going to send you a book and it’s in the mail now.”
“What book is it?”
“I don’t know, it’s math. High end math, I think, her brother wrote it. You’ll just have to see. I will call you when it gets here but anyway, you are getting a book, I think it’s nice. And on the fucked up clothes, you may have noticed I am trying to upgrade you. Do you notice that?
Love it! It does take another person to upgrade my Taurus self…and they better not be a lightweight and I’ve got to respect the hell out of them.
Well, I just buy a better version of what he’s already got. no change – pure upgrade. He does like what I get him, he kept a sweater I gave him when we were kids for 25 years!! He wore the shirt with the stripes I sewed on upside down for a number of years too. Love!
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
makes me always think of the Taurus/Scorpio, second and eighth house experience.
That is Love…and put a smile on my face…thanks!!
Well, I just buy a better version of what he’s already got. no change – pure upgrade.
ROFL!! That’s the only way to go with Taurus because they do know quality when they see it. 🙂
I know that when the man in my life(a Scorpio)gives me something, it is a treasured object no matter what it is. Even just buying or making me dinner…that experience gets put deep into my memory…every detail.
“I’m out looking for a robe for you,” I said.
“Well make sure it’s long. I want it down to my knees at least. I don’t want my balls hanging out… hanging down, showing. Don’t get me a short robe, P. You know those short robes? Girls can wear short robes but not men on account of men have balls.”
“And don’t get me one of those overcoats like you wear. I am hot all the time as it is. I don’t want to be walking around, sweating.”
“Yes, I understand that too.”
Ugh. TERRY CLOTH.
They don’t make them anymore, it seems like. It’s all weird velvet or velour or whatever crap.
I like terry cloth, he likes flannel but can’t find that either. Covered the entire mall and then some!! Did find 100% cotton – that horrible crap they made robes out of these days is awful. Looks good but that’s all!!!!!!
“That robe always did look strange. I thought it was your body.”
“No, it’s inside out and they sewed the belt loops up around my tit level. It’s fucked up all right, that’s why I saved so much money.”
I’d probably wear that robe inside out so the pockets would be on the outside.
Sue Ellen, that’s what he does. He’s got no choice because the belt loops are also on the side so what he has is a seam-showing robe, belted at tit level.
I have never really thought of this before. He is excessively manly and just looks like a man to me… well a rhino/man hybrid anyway.
The older he gets the more he looks like a rhino, it is uncanny. I usually go to the doctor with him and he looks like a rhino lying on the table, and just as comfortable!
I really like this exotic quality. I have a 7th house Uranus and have never wanted anyone normal in my life.
Vermont Country Store has flannel and terry robes, because I’ve bought them there.
ha ha ha… I see one there but wonder if he will call it, “a robe from the Yankees…”
(And he probably will…)
And I have a terry robe (2 of them) – however they are both men’s because I could not find women’s!!
Does one of you know what a seam ripper, and a hand sewing needle, and a sewing machine is used for, and how to use them?
Think of the alterations–next time–the cloth’s too old now most likely to take an alteration– as a nice, thoughtful but cheap gift. I would think perhaps a Taurus might appreciate the fussing over him..even if it’s only secretly.
Why would someone want a flannel or terry robe in summer? It’s hot…but then I’m in the humid SE/SW central quadrant, not where you are.
I am from the desert and there is no such thing as actually “hot” in Colorado as far as I’m concerned. 🙂
Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! He’s hilarious. I can so relate, I had a terrible time getting used to the new clothes I was forced to buy for a new job. I love all my 7 year old t-shirts. I also wear the most rattiest clothing I can find when I go hiking, which gets looks. I have Taurus moon in 1st. 🙂
Just FYI, the soldier’s new robe arrived today and it will do! I did not want to buy online because I am tactile but could not find flannel anywhere local so…
But is good. Very soft and the color is better than anything I saw shopping too so I will throw the rag away once he gets here and inspects the thing.
My husband is a Taurus sun and Taurus Saturn and I’m Taurus rising and Taurus Mercury. So you can imagine the kind of shit we go through just getting dressed! If I didn’t have Mars in Leo, we’d look pretty fucked up! Hahaha! I love the robe story! It resonates in a big way!
Ha! Hilarious:) What we Taurus’s love best is a good laugh!! Thanks:)
After comfortable, practical clothing that is;)
The story and the comments all make me laugh. I love this post. I was with a Taurus, and yes, it was hell getting dressed. And spot on about the quality thing. Buy the same, but better.
my parents gave away an old zenith radio that listened to nostalgia programs on. 30 years and I haven’t forgiven them yet. ((Taur,Mars/sun conq trine virgo saturn conq nadar in the 4th.))
always happy to meet others of my sign that wear cloths
ROFL!!! this whole thing made me guffaw!! 😀 especially this: “P, I saved a bundle on this robe and I got some other fucked up clothes while I was there too. It’s a whole store full of nothing but clothes that are fucked up.” BUAHAHAHAHAHA! Man that just tickled my funny bone no end. 😛 This dude sounds like a riot.
Hairdresser said “you dress like me” oh ya I guess the last time I bought clothes I was your age.