Synastry: Are Relationship Patterns Hardwired?

Here’s a bold claim: if you pay attention the first time two people meet, the whole relationship can be told. The energy between the two people mixes that fast. My husband and I are a good example.  We’re very fast…and hot.

I met my husband and talked to him for about ten minutes. I left and then sent my roommate to invite him to dinner, ten minutes later.

Two hours after that he was at my apartment for our date. We were eating dinner; ten minutes after that I got pissed off and kicked him out of the apartment.

He was leaving but five minutes, I changed my mind (Libra). Ten minutes after that, we went to bed.

In the morning we woke up and he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. I said yes. He went back to the base and came back later that day to see his girlfriend.

He was going to show me his motorcycle and I was a hothead 17 year old with a mouth like you would not believe. I came down from my apartment to stand next the bike and promptly started lecturing him. I just started yelling at him, all sex nothing but sex. Because I just didn’t get a Mars Mercury mouth, right? I was born with it so I sounded like this:

‘What do you think? You think you are going to put some girl on that thing and she is going to have an orgasm? Is that what you think? You think she is going to cum from the vibrations?”

My voice was raised of course and my voice carries so he was just standing there mesmerized and agog. Never heard anything like it in his life. And since there was no response, I got back on it.

“Well that’s not going to happen and you’re stupid if you think it will! Why are men so stupid? Women don’t cum from that! Women don’t get off riding horses either. I bet you think that too!”

anne of green gables“No I don’t think that. I never thought anything like that in my life and I don’t know why you would think that I would think something like in the first place. So look,” he said indicating the saddle of the motorcycle. “Do you want to get on here and go for a ride with me or not?”

Realizing I did want to ride on that bike, I climbed on, he climbed on, I grabbed him around the waist and we took off happily. And right there, the pattern set the night before was cemented and it remains to this day.

To this day I get some idea and start yelling about it while he stares, memorized and struggling to understand. I talk in plain language so I don’t know what the problem is but it always resolves when he asks what I want to do. “So do you want me to leave or do you want to go to bed, get on the bike, go to dinner, come here with me, go there…?” And realizing I do want to do the thing, I stop yelling and do it and we go off in total agreement.

It is very Anne of Green Gables now that I think of it. She doesn’t make much sense either.

Can you see and patterns in your relationships that constellated almost immediately?

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Synastry: Are Relationship Patterns Hardwired? — 13 Comments

  1. Yes. When I first met my best friend it was in Grade 12 English. I’d just moved to a new city on my own and knew nobody (as well as living on my own for the first time).
    She was like an angel. I remember writing “I met M today and I want so bad to be friends with her…she is the coolest ever!!!!”

    I still think that, and she’s still my closest friend 15 years later. Luckily she feels the same way.

  2. Yep – hardwired to the max. This reminds me of a question I often ask myself relative to just how programmed we are and with sexual relationships whether that initial chemistry just has to be there to get something going…

  3. Yes, with my last BF. I dated him briefly six years ago. Our connection was immediate, electric, full of teasing, and all about sex. It lasted an intense month or so, but it came apart because we didn’t trust each other. He thought I was too dramatic, I thought he was too cold.

    I dated him again for the last few months, and I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was exactly the same. Except I tried to convince myself that I could have a real “relationship” with him. I would have been better off trusting my gut instinct….

  4. Yes, I think there much to this. I’ve had this happen more than once, some romantic and some just friends. What tickles me more is when you get to see it play out between two other people. It is pretty powerful stuff 🙂

    Hope you have a good weekend!

  5. Oh Elsa, lucky you that you founds someone who can “good fight” with you. . . I was hardwired for the bad kind of fighting – and always attracted that.

    So for me it’s almost like all or nothing, but I’m hoping to find someone like me, who can use that energy (but without damage).

    I do think we’re “conditioned” and programmed (not necessarily hardwired – because I think we can recondition, too, when things from the past haven’t worked for us.

  6. You did seem to have strong views at a young age Elsa. I don’t know whether I am correct in saying that it sounds as though you were a feminist or at least fanatical in your views about motor bikes and mens ulterior motives then?


  7. Yeah, k, I am from a mouthy family to say the least. At 17 I was actually becoming civilized, LOL. A process I am still undergoing.

    But also consider the synastry here. It is intense. I do not behave this way with other men. Not that I BEHAVE with other men but you know. We really set each other off – we don’t mind and we never have.

    Someone wrote me the other day to tell me I was rude. Well hell! I think it’s rude to tell someone they are rude when no one asked you!!

    ha ha ha, so I am a dog. Okay! Busted! I am not a dog that you can carry around in your purse!!

  8. can’t say for sure but i think so.
    the problem is i was dating someone else at the time we first met. so my focus was quite different.

  9. but everything does seem to settle into place pretty quick, in my experience.
    all the subtext and tiny cues and the interplays of expression. the flow of interaction doesn’t tend to change it’s structure much, though it can definitely change its nature.

  10. Yeah, I remember seeing my two friends meet each other at a music festival- it was so loud and hot and people dancing everywhere and they just connected and were talking non-stop in a not very conducive atmosphere and…
    six years later they’re getting married. Bless.

  11. Here’s a cool story..the way I met my ex was after a night of dancing with friends. I was walking outside of a restaurant and tripped – he caught me before I hit the ground. We exchanged looks and like he said “Sparks Flew”..that was it. We had an extremely romantic relationship that painfully ended and left me physically bruised (not by his hand) at the end.

    He no longer wanted to ‘pick me up’ is what he said. He was the one rescuing me…and like all peter pans..he wanted to fly away without having to look after me. I gathered some intense memories from that relationship…from the very minute i fell into his arms. Ha.

  12. Oh, wow, Elsa…I love this story! It’s a love story, like right out of a movie.

    I have to think on this but for me, I got an instant impression, just a flash in my mind, about my husband. And I was right. I’m dead on about these things.

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