I Sumbled On My Husband’s Porn Stash

virgo vintage hankerchief

Dear Elsa,

Basically I have lost trust in my husband since discovering his secret use of porn a year and a half ago. I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 12 of them. We have two boys 13 and 15.

I have addressed so much about our relationship but he just wishes I hadn’t found out because I am a problem to him now. He was fine with things before I discovered his stash. But in truth, (and I told him prior to discovering the porn but this feel on deaf ears), I’ve found him very distant emotionally. I think I want to leave him but he doesn’t make it easy because he just keeps saying he is happy apart from my reaction to the porn. I feel confused.

Wife
England

Dear Wife,

I wish I could make this easy for you but I don’t think it’s possible. The fact is, you are in a long term marriage with kids and while I don’t blame you for wanting to bolt, I don’t think you are going to be able to manage this and I’ll explain.

Right now you are confused. And leaving a marriage is very hard especially with children. So if you are going to do this, you have your mind completely set. Unless you are 100% committed, the odds are overwhelming you will initiate this process only to return to the marriage – initiate, return, etc. – which will not only trash you but your children as well. So I am afraid you are going to have to stay put and suffer through the mulling over of this, until something definitive emerges from the muck.

Now astrologically you have a stellium in Virgo in the 8th house which rules sex, psychology, joint property, etc. And Saturn (your chart ruler) will soon be transiting these planets, in essence waking you up to reality.

And you can see this is coming in because you report your husband is emotionally unavailable and it looks as though you have stumbled onto a key to this. And though it is clear you would rather not use that key and delve into these waters, I do not think you will be able to avoid it.

In fact, these type of issues – sex and all things deep and hidden from view – are going to be front and center in your life for the next two years. And will this be good for you?

It will. I believe you are heading straight into hell – how can you not be? However, when you come out the other side, you are going to be empowered and energized like you never thought possible.

As for immediate coping skills early in this process, I would forget about him. Let him worry about his problem (his wife is going to leave him?) while you get to the library or the bookstore and start reading about psych. I think you will be surprised how you take to the subject and I also think you are going to be fine once you commit to facing this head on. In other words, the major distress right now is in your erroneous thinking you can avoid dealing with this.

Good luck.

Related


Comments

I Sumbled On My Husband’s Porn Stash — 4 Comments

  1. Women don’t want their husbands to jerk off because then they won’t spend hours a day begging them for sex and doing things to try to “earn” sex from them.

  2. That’s what she means by “emotionally distant.” It means he’s not begging her for sex anymore because he found a way to satisfy himself without having to go through the “approval process.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *