In regards to unspoken, cultural rules, I was trying to reach this gal the other day. There was some problem with her phone. Wanting to get this errand or obligation out of the way, I contacted another woman who’s in a position to speak to this gal, directly on a regular basis.
The second gal told me the woman I needed to message, routinely had problems with her phone. She suggested I call her husband, when I needed to reach her. His phone is reliable.
“Oh,” I said. “I would never do that. I do not call other people’s husbands.” She seemed taken aback, so I tried to explain. “It’s cultural,” I said. You just don’t deal with a woman’s husband, behind her back. I prefer to stay in the woman-network to get things done.”
I had the impression she had no idea what I was talking about so I quickly checked myself.
I’m Italian. I know (in my blood), this is how things work. The woman I was trying to reach, is Mexican. I don’t think Mexican women like women near their husband, in a similar way. It’s just not done.
The third woman contacts the husband, routinely. I suspect this is forgiven because it’s obvious she doesn’t know the rule. But I do know the rule and other women who know the rule, would know I know the rule! Because of this, a phone call I made to the husband in question, would be seen in a different light! I know this is convoluted but it’s true!
I think that most cultures around the world, work this way. But it might not be conscious because I’m not sure rules like this are explicitly explained.
How do you (or your culture) deal with things like this? What’s your cultural background?