I’m having a difficult time with jealousy. I finally met a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but the insecurities I’ve long hidden are starting to bubble to the surface. I find myself fighting with jealousy and I can’t seem to stop. My daughter’s dad cheated on me, which is why I’ve been a single-mother for so long. But I’m not jealous of other women… I’m jealous of him having a good time with someone else.
He goes on a business trip with a couple of guys from work and says he’s going to be hanging out in the hotel room, writing. Great, I think to myself. Well, he tells me that he’s at the pool with these guys and watching football. I feel so hurt but I don’t know why. I tell myself that I’m perfectly happy that he has a social life outside of our relationship, and I enjoy getting the alone time with my daughter. But something in me hurts whenever he’s having a good time without me.
I don’t have many friends, and I’ve isolated myself pretty well to avoid being hurt. I was even jealous when he went to spend time alone with his mother. He has since taken us with him every time.
Can you help me understand what is causing my jealousy and what I can do to make it go away?
Venus in Scorpio
Congratulations! You’ve found a man with enough appeal to put you in your un-comfort zone… which is exactly what you need. It was fine to be “independent mother who attracts and rejects men”. But luckily for you, that gig is up because now you get to grow.
You have Venus in Scorpio in the Eighth house (Scorpio’s house). For you, love is deep. In the best of cases, it triggers and transforms you. But there are no tricks. You will not get through this with your mind. And try to rejoice, okay? Because fact is, you’re a meat eater.
By that I mean you don’t want lite yogurt for a man. You want someone to engage you. You want someone to access you on a deep level, just like this. How else to release your demons?
He’s triggering you, see. And thank goodness. Because there is all kinds of gunk in there. In your psyche, and in your soul… and it wants loose. If I were you, I would want it loose too – because all kinds of personal power you can’t access right now is tied up with it.
So here’s my advice. Stay uncomfortable. Writhe around. Get a therapist if you want, but do not, not, not act out. Instead force yourself to go deeper. You need to go deeper than your last relationship. Much deeper.
Think back to when your were a little girl. What happened between your parents? And between you and then. Because although there may be a tie to your last relationship, that’s not the root. And you want the root. Think “excavation”. Because finding the root, pulling it, and holding it to the light will empower you beyond your wildest dreams.
And after that? After that, he will trigger you again. And again. And again. Let him. Because he sounds like a stand-up guy and via his energy you will grow… and glow, like you never have before.