I have an anxiety. I told my Scorpio husband I wanted a divorce because I was nervous about a girl I didn’t know that he was deployed with even though she was in a relationship. He now says he wants an actual divorce.
First he kept saying it was what I wanted then he said he didn’t know if he loved me anymore. Then he said I had feelings for a guy I talk to once in a while only at work and added on Facebook. Then he said he wasn’t happy and mostly wanted to leave but he felt bad for me and didn’t want to deal with this anymore.
Is he just doing it so I feel the hurt he felt, or is he doing it cause he is serious and wants to be done? He has hurt me in the past and me him, but we always made it through. I want to work on it I always have but he never wanted to.
I wish I could say something comforting to you. I don’t want to increase your anxiety but you’re clearly going to have to clutch it up if you want a chance to save your marriage. I am not saying that you are the cause of the problem! Please read carefully. I will write carefully.
I am going with the idea that your marriage can be salvaged, based on the fact you’ve cut each other before and found your way back. But this is imperative – if you value your relationship, you are going to have to quit with all these games. YOU ARE MARRIED.
Being married (especially to a Scorpio) means that you are not friends with other men on facebook, chatting around, filling a void. I don’t care what our culture says in this era. If you want a strong marriage then focus on it and stop all these games.
Let me tell you what happens when you threaten divorce. Your partner hears this, probably more than once, and they begin to doubt your loyalty. Eventually they come to believe it’s a matter of time before you leave them. They decide to cut to the chase and get it done, seeing as it’s inevitable anyway.
Meantime, there may very well be some other woman making a play for your husband! There are women like that everywhere. Assuming you want to stay married, you’ve got to be out of your mind to weaken the bond between you, especially when he’s away from home and stressed.
Un-friend the other man, today. You want your husband to keep his vows, then keep your own vows. Let no one come between you.
And quit threatening divorce. “Till death do we part,” means divorce is not an option so why are you bringing this up?
You’re working against your own interests. It’s up you to get control of yourself. Your husband may very well be innocent. You are not. You owe him an apology. Swallow your pride and put this right.
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Wowza, i wish i read/knew this before my quadruple Scorpio partner and i broke up in february.
This is one of the reasons I spelled it out.
Hopefully this woman can get her marriage together. Outside of that, it’s a cautionary tale.
There is an old-fashioned way of saying this, “Don’t s**t where you eat.”
If you value something, take the time to care for it, nurture it and protect it. There is another old adage, “Play with fire, get burned.”
No one wants to live under the threat of divorce, particularly of they’re doing nothing wrong.
Sadly, I have apologized a bunch and was afraid to unfriend, the guy thinking he would think into it more. I apologized and even tried giving him time and that’s why he jumped to the conclusion that I was cheating on him to someone I barely talked to. There are a few people that come over and say hi at my job cause they pass by, yesterday I told them they can say hi and by to me and that’s it, and to tell his friends one being the guy on Facebook. So he unfriended me. My husband kept being mean to me while I was at work, so I told him I couldn’t afford to lose this job, because he left me with 7animals to take care of. After work I found out he added a few of single girls and panicked. I found out who they were from his sister. But I just don’t think it’s fair I’m not allowed to talk to guys at all, and he is allows to talk to girls. I even asked to add the guy he never asked me and I only added him hoping he had stuff from the game I liked on his wall. My husband never told me about the girl at his job that he hangs out with till I asked. I am fine with the girl I freaked out about first… but I don’t know what to do. I freaked out on him again because the other girls. I asked him if we were over or if there was someone else cause he just keeps being mean and no matter how much I want to talk about how we can try to work through it together he doesn’t want to put in the effort. He did not say we were over he just said he was at work and he was mad. But now I don’t know if I should give him time talk to him. I love him, I just don’t want to get hurt more or have him hurt me. We both have anxiety from the past no one ever stayed and every girlfriend of his cheated on him besides me. I’m trying to get counseling and medication like I wanted before he left. But as of now I don’t know what to do…
Hi Virgo, I wanted to comment on this because I’m a Virgo sun too and my boyfriend a Scorpio Sun.
We had in the past, a very difficult period and I told him to leave every time we had a fight. It happened a few times… He never reacted… but one day he told me he will really leave if I keep saying this. It was dead serious. I saw it in his eyes. And I also saw the pain I failed to see before. It hurt me I was so caught up in my anger… that I failed to feel him. I’ve realized then I made a big mistake. I didn’t want him to leave, but I was so angry and I’m a bit of a drama queen… But it was the last time I told him to leave. I said I’m sorry… and I was deeply sorry… I realized then I didn’t want to lose him. He said then: I know you didn’t want me to leave, but you have to learn to control this outbursts of yours. An advice I took very seriously… and I’ve been working on this seriously.
Scorpios in my experience are so good at understanding human nature… and have such a big heart. I’ve never seen another sign capable of forgiving like them (I have a few stories with some of them). If you’re really sorry and you love him so much, I think you can still go back to a happy time. Good luck! 🙂
Thank you, sadly he has said if you say it again he would leave but I never saw the pain, he never would open up to me about it. I’m still scared and I really have been working on it and gotten a lot better but he just triggers it some, that’s why I’m going for help. I want to say I’m sorry again and I love him but he keeps causing me pain I feel like he will think I’m weak, and will leave anyways. But I miss him so maybe I’ll just tell him that.
I have found that Scorpio men have a double standard as far things like communication with opposite sex goes. I think its a way for them to feel secure. I dont think it means anything beyond that. Its just a need they have. I think its good to fulfill your partners needs, if you can. I hope you two can work it out and rebuild trust and communication. Im sorry you are hurting.
Libra Noir – I agree with you that Scorpio men with Mercury in Scorpio DO have a double standard with regard to “talking” with women.
i notice that too. they will keep them on as “souvenoir” too, as one scorpio sun/ scorpio mercury guy said to me, and kind of like a cancerian way of keeping the fond memories alive. I think men in general have a double standard because i was talking to this taurus guy about couples and jealousy, and he said that it’s not good to be jealous, it will drive a man away. I was like, huh? lol
well society will always put women as more of the gender who should know better and we are the temptresses, so we need to uphold this more than a man.
It is true. Maybe its biological at its root, and not just societal though and not necessarily wrong in my opinion. Men and women have different domains, at every point in history. Even spiritually and energetically I think we have different roles to play and our joy can be found in fulfilling those roles that our souls want to play. Not exactly a modern thought, but one Ive explored in depth and found to be true.
If I had to put an image to it, Id say that a womans soul resides next to the hearth and a mans soul resides in the conquering of the world. Im sure many would disagree:)
And maybe even just getting off Facebook would be good. It seems to cause a lot of problems for certain couples. Its maybe just an element that doesnt need to be there, especially with the already present challenges.
my sister and her husband used to be facebook junkies, posting everywhere, but they just deleted facebook i heard and i was shocked. now she got me on instagram lol my cancerian best friend is on a facebook group where people discuss stuff and she met a guy there, who is now being creepy on her. my girlfriend is married, but the other guy isn’t. so u think people are cool, but feelings get involved even if it’s one sided.
I’m so sorry for this situation and for the pain you’re going through…
I wouldn’t think it’s weakness to tell someone you’re sorry and to fight for winning him back. I see this as strength and courage… I think if there is love, there is a way… Now I don’t know if he says he doesn’t love you anymore just to hurt you or he really feels that way… This is something only you can know/ feel.
About the double standard… I must say it fits Scorpios. Mine too. I caught him in some talking… innocent talking from his perspective, 100% bullshit from my point of view. When I found out this, I told him: I’m out of this! I don’t need this bullshit! and I left. Geeeeeez, I was furious… and although I loved him, I told him I’m better alone than with this kind of life together. He was shocked, speechless, but later he came after me with tears in his eyes… he said he’ll cut off all the bullshit and that he is very sorry. We never had this issue again. I would have left him with all the love I felt and he knew that.
Maybe you can try to re-define your relationship. I really think you can discuss and save your marriage, but start from a new basis, one of honesty, no games or hidings. If I were you, I’d go to him and tell him: Look, I was wrong, you were wrong, I made you suffer, you made me suffer, but we are about to destroy all we have and I think we can start all over NEW, and this time SERIOUSLY! I don’t think Scorpios can take this as weakness… as far as I know them. You have to be brave and strong if you really love him, want him back to start all over again.
This is what cheating does to a person.
They doubt. And if the other person activates this doubt, they will not like to be burned again.
But choosing to marry YOU must have been a GIANT step. It’s what they say in the Moon landing: A small step for a human, a big step for humankind. So, think of it this way: Him choosing to take this step for him, to marry you (and you him) was a small step for a normal human being without a history of cheating in the past. But it was a tremendously big step for your husband.
Saying you want a divorce, just saying it out loud, when you don’t mean it and are fearful of being cheated on, is like not being able to be vulnerable.
And SCORPIOS are turned on by – and tuned into – vulnerability. They can’t resist it. It’s like an afrodisiac to them. Why else would he have this hard exterior? It’s to not feel so vulnerable all the frigging time. So, when you can’t show your belly and instead attack this way, instead of being vulnerable – I am sorry, but how did you expect him to react?
Sorry does not cut it, Virgo lady, working on your anger and dissapointment issues is just a part of it.
Being vulnerable takes balls, but by doing it, you will experience a strength you never knew one could have.
This is the way to gauge which people you want in your life.
At this point he is being mean because he is so hurt that he can’t be anything less. His trust is gone, he is scared and that makes him react this way. Scorpios pull their energy inward when they are threatened like this. And they NEED their revenge.
When it comes (and trust me, it WILL come) you need to take out the knife and show him your love by being selfless. Not angry, not by attacking – but by loving him. Only then will his knife in your heart be absolved, because your love for him, your ability to use your BRAIN to let your HEART feel your love towards him, will be the magic bridge to starting that trust he so desperately needs to put his heart through the Phoenix From the Flames process of transformation. The little bird that comes out of these flames… that’s your most important starting point. To make it fly again, you need to treat him and it with the utmost love, care, comfort and tenderness. Then you know you will have saved your marriage.
If he decides to let you do this, you know he truly loves you.
And then I pray to God you learned the lesson.
– The 4 x Scorpio lady
The most important thing to remember in this though – is the love for yourself. You probably have a difficult time feeling the love for yourself, which is why you react in this way.
Any partner needs to see that you love yourself, otherwise he can’t love you back.
I agree with you. Especially about vulnerabiliy…someone has to relinquish control and its not going to be the scorpio man. Your best way back is relinquishing all control and showing honest vulnerability.
My Scorpio husband and I have been through a lot in our 10+ years of marriage. We have separated a few times and managed to get back together. The last time we separated was over two years ago and we have been going pretty strong since.
My husband tends to manipulate me by threatening my sense of security with him, and usually, I will be so angry when he does this that I will ultimately either self-harm or pack up and take off to my my home state, that is, if I have already been preparring for a while. The way I come back is admitting where I was wrong even though he never does and trust me he is often in the wrong too. (He will however make deals or comprimise on some things) I explain how and why i was fucked up for whatever i did and how i am working to change it…(im honest btw…very important)
He knows that I am terrified to be without him so it’s a power tactic, his threatening me…je is just doing what works. Highly effed up…but hey I acknowledge it and that is the first step to change. And i am going to change it…working on that slowly but surely getting through this grad program and working my ass off.
So now I am focused on being keeping our relationship smooth even if it means aggreeing to disagree. And we just habe to find out latrr how it all pans out
With that, La Sirena, I think you need to stand so strong on your own feet that you get to a point where you are not afraid of being alone and without him. Not in a way that one threatens the other part, but knowing in your own gut that you can go on without him in your life.
It’s a tough one that. But it’s nevertheless of utmost nessecity, as the Scorpio will only respect a partner who loves him/herself so much that they are willing to leave, if they aren’t being loved the way they need to.
This is not just for scorpios – EVERY man or woman needs that from their partner to truly respect and value the relationship. It’s a point you need to be strong about, that you will not take any crap from someone supposed to treat you with respect and dignity.
The more integrity you have, the more people are drawn to you. That’s the tricky part, as we are humans and humans have scars and we fail from time to time. We are not perfect.
Good luck! 🙂
He’s deployed though and he is my best friend, he says he is tired of trying. But always blames the getting a devorce on me. He told me he is alone. So I don’t want to leave him alone, even if he doesn’t want me to be his wife…do I secretly hope he realizes he shouldn’t leave yes but if not I feel like I tried. He has been adding girls on Facebook everyone says to make me mad… but my anxiety still worries me and I have nightmares. I have to ether suck it up and deal, or completely cut him off I try to just ignore the girls and horabke things he posts on Facebook. I have also apologized several times. Every time I give him time I feel like he gets worse. I don’t want him turning cold
1: ignore the girls and do what you love. Find a way to be happy without him. Nothing draws people more than happiness. And right now you are a heap of anxiety and nerves = bad vibe. It sounds to me he needs space, and if that is the case, that’s what you should do. Tell him you respect his wishes and that you will focus on yourself now – and then work on your own happiness.
A relationship is what you put in it from your own feelings, and it sounds like you two are only feeding it bad or negative feelings. So if you want to not loose this game, you have to go back to the girl you were before you met each other. You were able to habdle your life without him – so that’s what you can do. Normally I am not one for mentioning this on a site like this, but google ‘Rori Ray’ – and learn how to use some of her tools. It has been an incredible help for myself.
I was getting close to being the girl I was before I met him before we started fighting. But now my problem is figuring out what to do with all he has left me with… I have a puppy, a 2 year old dog, 4bunnies and an iguanna he left me with. Plus I just got a job about a month before the fight that makes it so I can pay rent myself. Maybe I can manage but it was a lot easier knowing there was someone there…
By the way, stop apologizing. At this point it does not do anything for your relationship, you can even damage it more. This is bigger than a divorce, but I promise you – if he really loves you, he still have feelings for you. And by the actions of him it sounds like it.
But when you apologize for your actions, you are only reminding him of what you did and reawakening the feelings he is trying to forget and numb inside, e.g. by adding girls on Facebook. Men don’t deal well with hurt, instead they are attracted by happiness, self love and vulnerability in a woman. Change your vibe, stop obsessing over him. Leave him be and focus on yourself.
I will try. I think I can. I just hope he isn’t alone. Cause when he is not messaging me and I am not thinking about it I’m fine… just when I think he maybe gone. Your right, everyone keeps telling me give him space and do my own thing and your right. Thank you
Beautifully said.mind if I borrow that?
Yeah that’s fine, especially if it helps someone, but remember when your talking to someone you care about imeveryrhing is always best in your words.
Absolutely, thanks ?
Im not as fortunate. Ive known and loved a Scorpio for over 6 years and have been the one who has always been there for him through thick and thin. But only as a best friend. At least you all experienced passion and love. Next time think of those of us who loved but, painfully, never had the chance. Appreciate what you have.Put your woman pants on dont bitch the small stuff. Big stuff yes but not the small stuff.
I believe he is tired, because until now maybe he didn’t see the progress he needed to see, maybe the progress you say you did is not visible enough to him or simply not enough for him. I don’t know…
My very honest advice is to clear your mind, gather your thoughts and go to him with a very clear discourse. I don’t know about your Scorpio, but my Scorpio with his analytical mind, will definitely need very good arguments and examples if we were in your situation. I see Scorpios as a mix of mind and emotions, you have to talk to him to touch both his mind and heart. I know we Virgo have very good analytical skills, I think you can do that 🙂
Also, you have to look honestly within yourself and analyze that fear. My Scorpio for example believes fear of losing someone is not love (but that’s just him), but possession (he has some ideas…). Scorpios in my experience need love, but are not desperate for love. They are so cool, so patient to wait… this is what I love the most about them.
His adding girls of facebook is really desperate acting… he surely wants to punish you. You have to simply take it as it is.
I’d go talk to him or write him… but first clear my mind and make sure this time I’ll definitely to my best, not just another trial…
I do believe Scorpio is one sign that is capable of listening and forgiving, if you go with open heart and honesty. And I really think Scorpios make this easy: this one sign that take you as you are and not judge your darkness and weakness. I’ve never been afraid of appearing weak or silly in front of them, and it;s only with them that I get this easiness. For me it worked and I had very complicated stories in my past with them. Good luck, Virgo!
I have tried to open heartedly tell him how I feel and how sorry I am. Maybe I messed up by trying to get him to understand. I think I also messed up asking him if there was anyone else, because if there was someone else he was Intressed in I’d let him go. But then he said “there is even though it may hurt”. And in the next message he wrote said “there is no one else. And he was just tired of always trying” So I had nightmares and woke up panicking. He then got mad and said I wasn’t listening and said it two more times. Today I looked he removed a bunch of pictures of us. He didn’t remove them all but almost. I had been trying to tell him the truth about a situation that happened last deployment. Back then and he would never listen… now I’m telling him the truth like I tried and he wouldn’t hear, only for him to think it’s happening again. He is sending emojis of him laughing at me caring, and gifs. At this point I don’t know exactly what to do so… I’m just gonna keep messaging him goodmorning, ask him how he is and good night. I haven’t said I love him… which I do… but I’m hurting. I know I should say it even though at this moment I’m beginning to numb from the situation… but at this time I just feel hurt.
he said “there is even though it may hurt”. And in the next message he wrote said “there is no one else. And he was just tired of always trying”
Well, it’s very clear he wanted to hurt you, then he realized lying is not the way…
He is sending emojis of him laughing at me caring, and gifs.
He is hurt… I don’t think he is laughing. It’s very easy to hide behind emojis…
He is alone. He left because he was hurt, not because of another woman. He married you and he did for love. He chose you out of all the women around the world. When in doubt about his feeling go back to this. He is hurt and he left in order to rest from all the fighting, more because he saw no way out… and the previous trials did not show him another path, one of change. You are tired too and it’s only normal. It’s too much tension and too much fighting… I can understand that you feel hurt. But he is hurt too. And you are both hurt, both tired… both tense…
Do you talk face to face? Do you to meet face to face?
Chatting might not be the best way to solve things…
Someone suggested here to give him space. If you feel like this, give him some room to calm down and go back to him to talk later, bu t face to face not chatting after the heat of anger and revenge has slowed down a little… But not too much time, as he might be thinking you abandoned him totally and really meant the divorce. I’d tell him I respect he needs some time alone and try to write him, but also give him space… hard to balance this, I know… but maybe it’s the way to go.
Many years ago I read in a book by Marai a dialogue: “It’s not enough to love somebody, you must love it courageously. You must love it so thief or plan or law… can come between.” It changed my perspective of love and realized that is Love, the courageous one.
Be brave and stay strong and try to forgive yourself too (it is important) and understand better the fear inside you… so that when you’ll stay face to face you can show you understood and you are strong enough to make things right this time. That strength and understanding is something no one can take away from you and will become your pillar forever.
We can’t talk face to face… he’s deployed for anouther 4 or so months… I know he is alone. I want to be there but no matter what I do… it’s never right for him anymore….that’s why I’m just gonna give him space… not being able to be face to face is particularly what caused the problem cause I have only video chanted with him 3 times the last month…I really hope he will see I changed and come back but I’m gonna try to be ok on my own. I always tell him I’m here… I’m just scared which won’t make anything better. I just wish I knew what was gonna happen. I’m afraid he is talking to other girls to relieve the loneliness, and I wish I could figure out how to fix my loneliness. I want everything to be ok but there is no promise… so it’s just hard trying to move forward when I’m afraid he is gonna take it as moving on.
Oh, now I understand the chatting… The problem with the chatting is that you can hide behind emoji and not really getting the other… Me and my Scorpio had to be a few months apart for a while and it was terrible, he is not a chatting person, he’s so physical… it led us to misunderstandings. When I suggested face to face talking, it came from this experience.
You wrote about him being deployed, is just I didn’t understand is right now. In this case, he definitely has space, physical space, because he is away. I’d keep contact, I won’t leave him without contact (being far away and hurt…).
You cannot control what he might do out of loneliness. I’d like so much to be able to send you some strength (if only that would be possible!), but you can try your best to not put additional stress and salt on the existing wound. I know it’s very hard, but you’re trying to show him it’s worth coming back. Please try to calm your heart a bit; in this agitated mood you’re not helping any of you. Use this physical distance for this purpose, in chatting you can control your words and fear… better than face to face, you can think more before you type, you can show him you are calmer than you really are. Until he comes back you can try to understand yourself more, go deep within yourself and try to re-make the actions in your mind so that you won’t repeat the same patterns.
You cannot control if he will come back or not. But you can control your behavior towards him right now. You can choose to change yourself. You can try and learn to build trust inside yourself and understand that fear that made so much damage. That fear must be understood, accepted as part of yourself, but not let it destroy what you love and who you are. You are stronger than you think. I’m sure that if you look deep down in your heart you’ll see this. Hang on there and try being courageous. I know it’s hard, but it’s possible. If you love him very much, let that love become your strength. Let that love guide you. Don’t let the same fear that did damage in the past between you two, lead you. You know where that fear takes you. Try the love path this time…
If you want to save your marriage you need to be his rock while is away. Take care of the animals (enlist the help of a kid who loves animals, if you need help and can do it). Keep up the homefront, your job, and get yourself they help you are seeking. And do the work. Marriage is really hard sometimes. I know. Sometimes we have to suck it up. And doing this, over time, will let him know that you’re devoted. Give it time, though. I’m 10 years married and I feel like we’re just getting into step ??♀️ And definitely do not go snooping to see who he has friended and who he is talking to. It appears to be a trigger for you and if you’re not prepared to handle it, then do go overturn rocks looking for bugs. I don’t mean this to be harsh, it’s just that sometimes we learn just enough but not enough and our imagination starts going irrational.
I wish you all the best! It must be so tough being the wife of a deployed soldier! But you can do it!
My biggest problem besides the anxiety is he thinks I’m cheating when I’m not. And I was a rock for a while until I felt like he was getting distant… then anxiety hit.
You need to examine that fear… The fear of being distant. That leads to anxiety. I am pretty sure somone or something in your past must have treated you this way for the inner fear to be awakened.
Babies/children are frightful of being left by their parents. It can mean literal death to them. So it’s a very deep fear that can settle in, and Venus Rx in Scorpio is THE perfect time to get to know where, how, what and why around your fear, acknowledge it and your feelings from it. You man should do the same, but there is few men who really want to do that…..
It is scary, and no one likes to face these scorpionic underwaters. But you need to do it, and after the rain comes the sun.
A quote from Churchill during WW2 (seems fitting in the situation) : “If you’re going through Hell, keep going”
That’s what you must do.
I will defiantly try. I have been staying off his Facebook. And trying to stay positive. I told him at the beginning of us fighting I thought we both had anxiety. Though I am a little fearful for the future. I am gonna hope he realizes I love him. But for now there is nothing I can do, besides work on myself.
Just thought I’d update… so I was doing well staying off his facebook and tried to even be positive and put make up on one day hoping he would see…I posted a few pictures of myself which I almost never do… he took it as I was dressing up for the person he thought I was cheating on him with. He kept posting mean things on my wall… so my parents told me to unfriend him… which made me sad cause now it doesn’t say we are married to each other. I told him to stop saying stuff like that and even exsplained that I wanted him to see and think I was pretty… a lot of other stuff happened where he wanted us to try to be friends but… with me still sending him pictures I wouldn’t send to a friend… so I told him I wasn’t comfortable… he got mad and said he thought maybe we would fall back in love but it was a dumb idea…this was before I unfriended him… right before that… he kept calling me names… saying I had a bunch of guys over and things like that… I made him call me if he wanted to talk… he did but he wasn’t nice… he kept thinking he sent me more money then he has…. though I should not have just taken the insults… I felt like he was unwell… I will say it’s only going on day two not talking but I snooped a little and saw a post sayin when someone pops into your life you didn’t exspect and makes you all happy. So I wonder if he is moving on… he had his mom call me after he was mean to me to ask me not to throw away his stuff… even though now he says he wants everything he ever spent money on and all the animals… I don’t think he ment it cause he was mad. He told his mom he just wanted some time… I still want to be hopeful though everyone says I’d be better off if we do get a divorce… plus if he really thinks I’m cheating… he isn’t gonna want to come back to me anyways… I still get excited like he’s my crush though… I want to stay with him… but I know if I do things are gonna have to change
How did he got to the stubborn idea you’re cheating? What exactly makes him so convinced of you cheating? I don’t understand…
I don’t like his aggressive behavior… mean works, attacks etc. I’m not good as telling what the best thing to do would be, because my reaction with aggressive persons is to shut the door or the phone. Whatever happened I don’t think he has to right to be that aggressive and mean. Ok, he’s hurt, but it still does not explain his aggressiveness, rudeness etc. He’s asking back all his money he invested? I don’t like this at all! Sorry, but he’s gone to far…
You know him better… is he normally like that when he’s mad? How do you deal with it?
He got the idea I’m cheating for a few reasons. The last deployment I was messaging to a person I thought was our friend. He had been through a break up, so I tried telling him he would find someone else, cause I though he was a decent guy, but I found out he wasn’t. I said things I probably shouldn’t have trying to cheer them up, but always ended or if I felt like he was trying to hint at anything said I love my boyfriend. Both the guy and my husband (bf at the time)were deployed while I was messaging the guy .. before my husband(still bf at time) he left was distant, he left and was hanging out with a girl from work more said she wanted to be my friend. I found out that they where carpooling to work, and picking up lunch for work together. She hung out in a office at work with him, and he didn’t tell me for a while. I was worried and he didn’t know why. I hung out with her a few times but he asked if he could drink alone with her like days I couldn’t make it to his dorm. I told him no. So when he was deployed the first time I got scared he was gonna leave me. So I told our friend, cause I was alone, no friends, and wasn’t close to my family. Our friend was trying to help in the beginning, I was always telling him how much I loved my bf. I was gonna hang out with him, and even asked my husband(still bf) if I could basically do the same stuff he asked to do with the girl because he had said I had nothing to worry. He told me no I said ok. His friend started making it obvious to me half way through he no longer cared about helping me stay with my bf and was telling me to leave him cause he was probably cheating on me. I never would have cheated on my bf, but he was being so mean and would barely talk to me. I thought he was cheating on me. He told me at the end he had seen all our messages back and forth because I left my Facebook loged into his phone. We made it through though, he never would let me exsplained my side of the story while his friend told him we were definitely going to get together. I messed up ever messaging him but never wanted to leave my bf. It was nice just having our friend there when I had no one to talk to. I swore I would never make the same mistake again, I was so disappointed in myself. Getting back to now I asked my husband if I could add a guy on facebook because he liked kingdom hearts so I hoped he’d post about it, he talked to me at work a few minutes every few days if he had to walk by. He said yes, I was still worried to because I though he might think something was happening. Then he added a girl I was worried about over there, I got scared he’d stop talking to me all together cause he was slowly talking to me less. I have him a day to cool down, he assumed I went the whole day without talking to him cause I was cheating with that guy. He said I acted like all his ex’s that cheated on him. He acted like this towards me last deployment when he thought I was cheating. We got through it though… he even bought me a ring while he was deployed last time and showed me. Waited till his bags were found and proposed. After he thought I was cheating this deployment he stopped sleeping… even got serverly dehydrated and had to be put on an iv. I hope he realizes I love him and I am sorry I said i wanted a divorce but nothin is going on. He finally messaged me today after two days of not talking but I think for the first time in like two week is sleeping. I love him, I still get worried he tried or has started moving on, I just want everything to be ok, I’d never cheat on him. I decided if he doesn’t stay with me I’m gonna work towards my bachelors degree and join the air force myself as a officer.
Oh… I’m so sorry about this whole story. It seems to me there is a lot of work regarding trust. You don’t trust him, he doesn’t trust you. It seems to me this was an issue from the beginning. I think the fear is coming from this place: the lack of trust.
There’s a lot of hurts and a lot of grey areas between you two… I think you two really need to talk with openness and calm. The first problem is you can’t have it face to face now, but there are ways to see each other online. The other problem would be he doesn’t want to listen to you… If only he would calm himself so you can talk for real. Reproaches and saying mean things to you are not bringing anything good… and there is very much left unsaid and unsolved…
What if you propose him to talk patiently and for real? And also calm? I mean… you’re two persons who love each other, you’re married, it is not possible that you blow everything like this into the air! This is a very sad way of acting between two people who love each other… There were mistakes on both sides, but with a will and love and lots of work, I think you could make it work. If only you could convince him to discuss with calm… I think I’ll tell him like this: Give us the chance of one tranquil dialogue… I don’t see another possible way than this. Just talk to each other and listen to each other, and forgive each other… in order to be able to continue…
He goes from telling me he loves me too he’s not sure if he does.Today he was calm and talk to me, but also said I am not in his plans that he think will make him happy. There isn’t someone else ether tho. He said he wants to join the marines. If we don’t work out I’m trying to become an officer in the Air Force. He’s being nicer, but I think we are over. I still love him, but he blames me for everything. He’s upset with me know cause his car won’t start. So I think he is only talking to me to make sure his stuff is ok. I told him we could work on us, we could try and see a conselor again, he said before he didn’t want to try so I’m not gonna push it. I have pushed it for too long. Sent him a trex outfit for Halloween, showed him a cute birthday card. Said thank you and the card was cute. But other then that I don’t think he cares. I think we have both been reduced to carear goals instead of love. His mom thinks when he gets back he may change his mind, I don’t know but I’m gonna work for what I want now he knows I’m here but I’m just not in his plan. I think he is finally sleeping again so I think he has came to a decision.
It’s good to hear he calmed down… Obviously he was furious and wanted to harm you. This is one part of Scorpios I don’t like at all although it’s not only Scorpios who are like that.
I don’t like him blaming you for not working his car… He’s got to assume his part of guilt. Ok, you did wrong, but you were not alone in this relationship. If he fails to see his faults in this, he will fail to work it out. But there is nothing you can do about it. If you’ll tell him he’s guilty too, he’ll burn you for sure… The only way would be he realizes alone one day…
He goes from telling me he loves me too he’s not sure if he does.
I think there is nothing you can do… but leave him clarify his feelings.
I think he is finally sleeping again so I think he has came to a decision.
Could also be because he’s just calmer after all the anger he had to show to you… We don’t know what the reason might be. The best thing to do is what you say: focus on doing what is to be done, working on your career and wait and see when he’s coming back and if he does… Meanwhile don’t forget you’re still married and he didn’t say he doesn’t love you… he’s just unsure (the wound is still there), he’s calmer now… you can approach him gently. I honestly see the door is still open at this moment… Good luck 🙂
Ive been trying to follow this.
Ive always said this was the one blind spot of a Scorpio.(trust me…every sign has one)
They work themselves into literally choosing to kill their feelings rather than to confront the pain for what it is. They simply amputate instead of healing it at the source within themselves.
Its fine if they want to amputate to spare themselves the agony of perceived betrayal but they can hurt someone around them that may not deserve it.They can sometimes be unable to balance what is their perception and what is a more integrated version of the truth or their part in it….all in a frenzied attempt at not getting hurt they destroy something that is part of what isnt there…or what they dont see in themselves.
I’m glad that I’m a Virgo. Id rather bend than break.
Sorry, I meant to say
…they destroy something that THEY THINK is part of what isnt there…or what they dont see in themselves.
Venus and Sun is conjunct this Friday. So I think you are having a clarifying moment, Virgo, and if your heart says “no”, then it is a no, a “we are not anymore”.
I think Venus is trying to show you what is good energy and what is not. And right now – he is not a good energy to have around you. Also remember, Virgos wants to heal others, and can easily being trodden upon in the process. Make sure it’s the right ones you’re there for – your animals, your friends etc.
No one can decide how you want to be treated or how much worth you deem yourself to have – but this story of him and you… It sounds like a nightmare, no matter how much you’ve both screwed up. As Calliope says – trust is the issue here.
None of you trust each other, and it shows up in various ways.
Scorpios have a hard time trusting, they are fiercely loyal, but they often get hurt because of that loyalty/trust. And end up being paranoid because of it. I am a 4 times Scorpio myself, with a strong Plutonian streak, and I agree with Hildegaard’s view. We can destroy something because we get so afraid of being betrayed that we will rather amputate than admit our vulnerability to others. I have a sad history with my family due to this, so I am not going to judge him.
I will encourage you to develop stronger boundaries for the future. Not only in this situation, but in general. If he comes back and wants to try again or whatever he decides – you need to show your boundaries. He will either like them or not, but that’s not your problem. You can only respond to his actions, and know where your boundaries are, trust issues or not.
Yeah we started talking like we were gonna go through with it… and then he started talking like we would be together again… and then he said I have to admit I had some feeling for someone I didn’t. And I told him if he didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t we weren’t going to work… and I would have to figure out my anxiety because relationships cause it and I really want to join the airforce as an officer. Which I would have time before I actually tried to join, but I am happy I think I figured out what I want to do. He just said yeah it is good… so I think we are over. That was the last thing he said… so I asked him but I think he went to sleep. So I told him I’m pretty sure he doesn’t which makes me sad, but I’d rather be alone then be with someone who doesn’t think highly of me. Or won’t take the time to understand me… that I will always love him… and if he finds someone to just tell me… and that I love him
Beautifully put Anette! Thank you for reaffirming my viewpoint.
By the way, I am a Virgo, moon in 8th, Venus in Scorpio. With the exception of 2 Aries friends all my friends are Scorpios…
I can’t speak for anybody but Ive had quite a few years of experience with Scorpios and a very VERY hard lesson with a very close friend who I have strong feelings for.
It makes me sad how sometimes Scorpios can do this. Not everyone sees the motives underneath or has the inner strength to carry this in these relationships. I am working on this myself.
It’s not that I don’t have the inner strength, I love him and I’d go to the end of the workd for him if I had to. But I just can’t lie to him and tell him I had feelings for someone I didn’t… if that’s really his deciding factor… it makes me really sad cause we love each other and are attracted to each other. But he is tired I guess of trying to understand me…it kinda frustrates me… cause I feel he through our love away… and I still wish he was here with me
I am so sorry to hear all this. But how are you both now. I am hoping he comes back to you. I really want you two to be together. Because i am also in scorpio-virgo relationship. I think he will miss you and regret what he has done later on. He will never get over you. And will come back to you if hasn’t came back yet. And you should be more affectionate towards him and also expressive. Write him a letter for apologize he will forgive. I hope i am not too late to post this message.