Saturn In Synastry – Mentor Or Oppressor?

Saturn book plate“My boyfriend has Saturn conjunct my Sun. Will he hold me back?”

Your boyfriend may hold you back. He may also be the best thing that ever happened to you!

If someone has Saturn aspecting one of your personal planets, they will have some authority over you.
They may be older or more experienced. They may be more educated or whatever form this takes. But you can’t tell from the chart how they might express this “advantage”. Will they be a mentor an oppressor or a combination of both?

This aspect will work in both directions. The Saturn person tends to feel old and insecure at times. The young upstart may trigger these feelings.

Ultimately the onus is on the Saturn person to act responsibly and “do the right thing”. How well people manage this can be determined by their maturity level which has very little to do with age.

When you’re in a relationship with a Saturn aspect, ask yourself if you are being supported or crushed.  Are you learning? Or are you being punished for youthfulness?

Is there someone in your life who chastises you? Check and see if their Saturn is in aspect to your personal planets. Tell us about it!

Check out the synastry in your relationship!

Related


Comments

Saturn In Synastry – Mentor Or Oppressor? — 51 Comments

  1. Not chastised, but supported. A mentor of mine had his Saturn exactly conjunct my Capricorn Moon. He supported me and I supported him. It was a very positive example of Saturn synastry

  2. My mother. Parental energy might be a perfect example of Saturn on a personal planet, I’ll have to go look. I have my Saturn right spot on the DC of another person and I have felt responsible for that person for way longer than anyone else would have done, considering how the person has acted. It’s like some kind of lock to his chart where somehow it is implied by the person and believed by me that “I owe them.” It’s not even realistic, but somehow I keep feeling that feeling of owing.

    Another time I noticed that whenever I sat near this person with their saturn on my sun, I felt faded in the background. Literally the placement of the chairs, and the persons body felt like it was cutting off my sunlight and connection to the rest of the group. My leo moon hated that, and it has something to do with why I kind of eased out of that friendship.

  3. I’m close to someone whose sun, mercury, and venus are squared by my Saturn and his Saturn is square to my moon.

    I would hate for him to feel like I’m some kind of oppressing figure. In the past I have had the tendency to criticize but I am really doing things differently this time, so hopefully whatever negatives there are to these aspects I will be able to catch before I act them out.

  4. My husband and I both have Saturn in Capricorn – he also has Mars and Mercury in Capricorn. I don’t know, we will be married 20 years this June. We have taken turns supporting/chastising each other. We lived through his “mid-life crisis”, and we lived through my years of lashing out at almost everyone due to the stress of dealing with a child with special needs. The only other person in my life, who I would say was an oppressor, was my mother, and she was a Capricorn sun. We were just like oil and water – I never knew her time of birth, would love to be able to see her chart (oh well).

  5. My six year old step son has tightly Saturn conjunct my sun. Our birthdays are one day apart so it’s conjunct his too. It is a tough tough dynamic to deal with in a step child. I think we will both be better for the experience but I would not have chosen this for either of us. I know he’ll be a wonderful adult and I believe we will have a good relationship assuming we both survive. :p

  6. wow, i just took at look at the saturns in my relationship…

    My boyfriend’s saturn conjuncts my sun and south node.
    My saturn conjunct his IC and uranus, opposite his MC, and square his asc.

    I don’t know who’s making a bigger impact on the other. But i know for a fact that his presence in my life has changed (for the better) how i think and the direction i want to go in my life. He is definitely like a mentor to me, whether he’s aware of it or not.

  7. This is interesting. Thanks, Elsa. I’ve recently entered a relationship with someone whose Saturn conjuncts my Asc exactly and my Saturn is sextile is Sun. He’s 14 years older than me, but I find myself frequently offering advice….

  8. ROFL – His saturn sits on my sun and mercury and my saturn sits on his venus.

    It’s funny because he’s my emotional safe harbor but I’m the “adult” in the relationship. Although that is changing as he partners more equally over time.

  9. Well, one of my exes, one of my ex-best-friends, and one of my best friends all have Saturn conjunct my Sun/Chiron/DC. Two of the three of those I doubt feel any responsibility towards me any more- the one time I ran into both of them they were more friendly than I figured, but then they didn’t reconnect with me later.
    Oddly enough, I am highly likely to run into the ex-friend this weekend at the same conference we saw each other at last year. No idea what to do at that- last time she greeted me with a big hug, I gave her contact info and never heard from her again. This may be a yearly weirdness to deal with.

    I suspect all three people felt responsible towards me, especially the ones that met me when I was 20 and a colossally stupid git. I definitely felt their authority because I was “young and dumb” and they were in their Saturn Returns (which explains why I got dumped by them both, I guess). They didn’t chastise me, but I was trying to hide it when I had issues so they wouldn’t know I had any.

    This hasn’t been an issue with my current friend, thank goodness. More of a mentor-ish relationship.

    The one that chastises me the most these days, I have my Saturn square her sun. And it’s my mother. Go figure. I’d blame it more on her natal Moon/Saturn and mine (though they don’t connect to each other) though.

  10. I recently came out of a relationship where I was the Saturn figure conjunct my ex’s Sun. I agree with what Elsa wrote, especially how as the Saturn figure I brought out the best in my ex whose Libra Sun really lit up my life. I also agree with the stifling feeling the Sun would feel when Saturn gets too serious, and how Saturn can feel threatened with the Sun growing without Saturn. I especially agree with Saturn having to be the responsible one and what I would like to mention is that being that figure can be draining especially if you’re female and believe relationships should be equal. What about the Sun recognizing this? The Saturn figure gets such a bad rep every time I read about Saturn conjunct Sun aspects. Nobody really likes ‘crushing’ the person they love. The question was “Will he hold me back?” and that already has such a negative connotation. Well I think relationships are 2 way and both parties have needs. The way things are phrased, the reader will be hard pressed to wonder if the Saturn figure enjoys playing that ‘father’ role or might be feeling tired of the Sun being the child. I know it all depends on different aspects in the charts but it would have been lovely if Elsa mentioned that the Saturn person has needs too and the other figure, whether it is the Sun or other personal planets, needs to remember this.

    • I am now seeing your reply 10 years after. You are so very right with this. The Saturn person got the bad rep. In a way we wanted the sun to be on our level yet came off as restrictive, when that was never the case. Yes the Saturn person gets the bad rep but does it mean that they were the bad person/ Since it was the sun person who needed the growth. But if i ever see that aspect again in synastry, believe me, i do not want him. I have never held him back but challenged him to his growth and grow he did.

  11. Oh – wow! My husband’s Saturn in Aquarius IS conjunct my Sun; I just checked. Also almost exactly conjunct my Venus. Holy Smokes – so THAT’s why I married him, LOL! He truly has supported my efforts and progress in the area of life I love and value so highly, my work. He also does feel like “the heavy” a lot of the time, that uniquely down-dragging feeling that, yes, feels like grumpy old Saturn. This explains so, so much.

  12. Huh. My honey’s saturn opposes my Jupiter and aspects my neptune….Anything that can rein in my 4th house Jupiter which aspects 7 planets in my chart which also has a sadge stellium is a GOOD GOOD thing. And his Saturn’s aspect to my neptune which is in my first house loosely conjunct my nn helps clear the fog. Go Mr. man! No wonder you help me clarify what I want and help me make my ideas small enough to tackle.

    My Saturn opposes his Venus in Capricorn. Peals of laughter. I know he feels supported, money wise, love wise, goals wise and when it feels oppressive he tells me (Aqualicious is he). Fascinating! thanks for posting this!

  13. Ok, I wrote this somewhere else also, but had to put it in here as well. I’ve had to move a lot (military family) over the last 10yrs, so I have lots of friends spread all over the US. What I find fun/funny is that I have one best girl friend from every place, that I am still close to/in contact with. Every one of them has either their saturn conjunct or square my mercury/mars conjunction (all by 2 degrees or less).

    I have always felt very supported by these people, and only felt held back when an action I was taking was not in line with what that person knew of me (not a bad thing, kind of a double check on what you’re up to). I seem to unconsiously find these women very quickly once we settle in, and wonder if it’s not due to my Capricorn Moon (saturn ruled moon).
    Angie

  14. I have a Mars conj. Saturn and Sun with someone and he said to me: “I must like you because I keep sticking my neck out for you.” I was very comforted by that. I have never asked him to.

  15. Yes, thanks Saturn! I´ll never be so naive again as to think he can be overcome… My SO has his Sun-Saturn-Mercury stellium parked right at my AC AND square my Moon-Saturn conjunction PLUS square my Uranus on the other side.
    He´s sadge with gemini AC, i´m gemini with sadge AC, so we get along fine on that part, it´s a lot of fun actually, BUT he always puts me off for the sake of work (his stellium in the 6th house), which makes me feel insecure and kind of unloved (moon saturn in pisces, me, ever ready to pout and feel misunderstood). And Uranus really gets rebellious as soon as saturnian authority is displayed…so it´s either one side or the other on my part, though at times i feel that he´s balancing the scales, but the balance is easily shaken. At best i feel very secure with him, but at the worst i´m a bunch of weird emotions i can´t really let out because when i need to (and get the courage to), he´s always somewhere else. That´s strenuous, oh my! So i´m torn between “he´s the best thing that ever happened to me relationshipwise” and “get the hell out and be free from all that again!”

    Knowing myself, this can go on for a long time and i haven´t yet figured out how to deal with it. Sometimes i´m madly in love, sometimes he just drives me up the wall. Thanks Saturn! But glad to know i´m not alone in that!

  16. I have to tell this story! There was a plumber in my building for a 6 months project…..sexy as all get out! Serious serious serious chemistry. Once we chatted a bit I found out his b-day and yup, his Saturn was exact, to the minute, on my Sun. What ended up happening was that I started to feel trapped. I really liked him, but I could never get away from him because he was always, always in my building, and they had access to the suites, so i never knew when he would be at my door. We had a good couple of get-togethers (wink wink), but then he lost interest, or freaked out maybe, and I felt rather rejected in the end. A very Saturnian experience for me for sure.

  17. I had an affair with a man who has his Saturn squaring my Mars, exact. He is 14 years my senior. He used to say that he is too old for me, and can’t keep up with my energy. But then again I really look up to him, and he doesn’t abuse his authority on me. Mostly it’s been very positive.

  18. I have 3 important Saturn aspects with a fellow I’m interested in, but the affair never seems to get off the ground beyond friendship. We do depend on each other, in different ways. I’m 9 years his senior, and we work together in the same field. I’m not his boss, and we consider ourselves to be colleagues, share insights and such, but my status is higher than his and I know he’s aware of it. That seems more to be “seen” externally than felt between us when we’re together.

    In any case, the three aspects (in order of orb tightness):

    –My Saturn conjunct his I.C. (a little over 1 degree, Koch system and Placidius both, but from the 3rd house, not 4th)
    –His Saturn squaring my Sun (just under 4 degrees)
    –Our Saturns trine each other (just under 5 degrees)

    I’d love to hear more from people who have Saturn sitting on their partern’s I.C.

    Additionally, my Asc is *just* inside his 4th house, in another super-close conjunction between Asc and I.C. I would tend to regard this as my feeling “at home” with him, or feeling like home TO him — all the more so with Karmic Saturn there. Whereas his career (MC) can/will benefit through close friendship/marriage ties with me (my Desc). I here a lot about flipped Asc/Desc partnerships, but less about Asc/Desc to MC/IC. I’ve now had the latter with BOTH my ex-husband of 20 years, and now this new fellow — although the connection of cardinal points is just closer with the second fellow! Thoughts?

  19. My husband’s Saturn is on my sun. It’s actually great for me. It’s hard for me to find authority figures for various reasons and he is one, in a positive way. My Saturn is opposite his sun.

    My mother has Saturn/Mars conjunct my Venus. That was ugly. I guess if I have to look for an upside, it made me disciplined and rigorous about my own looks, but mostly it crushed my spirit in my younger years, making me feel bad about how I looked and also about all Venusian things that I really enjoyed. I also had to unlearn using beauty as a weapon.

    Interestingly, my Saturn is conjunct HER ascendant, so I don’t think shitting on me made her look very good.

    Interesting stuff.

  20. My husband’s Sun is conjunct my Saturn and NN in Virgo, he calls me his rock :)to him i am dependable, reliable, solid – i do not smother him, maybe its all that Gemini (Mars, Venus) energy i have.

  21. My ex, who consistently pops back into my life every few years, has his Saturn exactly conjunct my Saturn. I know that is a generational thing, and we are close in age, but what I find interesting is that they are EXACTLY

  22. My ex, who consistently pops back into my life every few years, has his Saturn exactly conjunct my Saturn. I know that is a generational thing, and we are close in age, but what I find interesting is that they are EXACTLY conjunct down to a few seconds, but his is retrograde while mine is direct.

    So my natal Saturn aspects are set off by him, specifically Saturn square Venus and Saturn trine Mars.

    My best friend of 30+ years has her Saturn square my Sun.

    And I was amused recently when I developed an instantaneous obsession on a rock star, and found that his Saturn was exactly conjunct my Sun. Now I just have to meet him and see what happens. ;=)

  23. My Saturn does square my friends Moon, so there are many situations where I find myself to be the rational one. Even for my Saturn it`s sometimes exhausting to be “the responsible adult” so often, as I`d also like to go wild from time to time. But hopefully I`m not crushing him and I think he respects my realistic support. He mentioned the song Perfect day by Lou Reed reminds him of me especially the line “You just keep me hanging on..” 🙂 Gladly his Saturn trines my Moon which might balance our rship somehow…

  24. I had my Saturn conjunct an ex’s Moon by degree. He was a couple years younger than me and definitely less experienced, so it was a teacher-pupil kind of relationship with me trying to be his Saturn figure.

  25. Definitely chastised. My father has Saturn in Sagittarius and it is squared my Sun, Moon, Venus and Mars in Pisces; I have never felt so stifled and restrained in my life. No matter what I do, he would judge, criticize and nitpick to tear down my self confidence. When it didn’t work, he resorted to nastier and mean spirited ways to try hurting me by wishing death upon my mother and saying that my brother and sister were better than me. My mom divorced him 30 years ago and he’s still bitter about that, but he seems to take out his personal issues on me, but now I just make it a point to keep my distance and keep interactions down to a minimum for my own emotional health, but he often resorts to mind and power games to try trapping me, but they fail everytime. Saturn in square aspects are the worst. 🙁

  26. I have my Saturn Mercury conjunction square to (someone I work with’s) Saturn Mars conjunction (all within 3 degree orbs). We seem to have loads of synastry aspects- most unusually good (eg my venus mars conjunction trine his venus mars – so our mars’ trine each other). Also his Jupiter trines my Saturn Mercury conjunction (slightly wider 6 degree orb) and my sun sextiles his Saturn (5 degree orb). Then the other way round his Saturn trines my Mars (5 degree orb). I like this person a lot but I can’t seem to define our relationship to each other and I wonder if our Saturn conjunctions squaring each other are behind it stopping the rest of our great synastry ever turning into something other than a work relationship. There’s a chance I may no longer work with him soon as my contract comes to an end and I’m worried my feelings will all be for nothing? – whether just friendship or something more.
    PS. Just to add his Neptune opposes his Saturn Mars (more his Saturn than mars) so therefore my Saturn Mercury square his Neptune (within 5 degrees) and my Pluto squares his moon his Pluto conjuncts my mars and north node).

  27. This is great. My friends mars tightly squares my Saturn. When we fight and i dont learn from him Im misusing him. He motivates me to keep up with the news

  28. My husband’s Sun sits on my Saturn/IC in Scorpio. He is like my rock..you would think it would be the other way around but he’s actually the one who taught me how to be mature. We have been through so much shit- we have been allll the way at the bottom, criticising each other, blaming each other, doing all kinds of chastising, but it seems like everything we’ve been through made us stronger. And I think it’s because both of us have our sund on each other’s IC. We are home to each other. We have a base we can always come back to where we know it’s safe.

    I used to always look at *his* Saturn because it squares my Mars, never thought of how my Saturn has been at play. But his Saturn square my Mars is a different story. I did need some mellowing out in the Mars area.

  29. Saturn can simply be a burden. I confess to being a burden to my SO every so often. My Saturn conjuncts his Sun (tightest synastry aspect we have) and I am 11 years younger than him. If I act like a responsible adult he feels supported and happy but I don’t always do that. Working on it…

    I once had a relationship with a man 14 years my senior, his Saturn squared my Mars. Wow did he get tired of my energy and stamina. He started to silently hate me which I realized only years after.

  30. My middle daughter’s Sun is square my Saturn, and my Sun is square her Saturn. I remember actually saying to her, when she was 7, “I’m the mother!” We seem to vie for that position, mothering each other. For those of you who believe in reincarnation, I’m certain she was my mother in a past life. She challenged my husband and me terribly through the teenage years, almost as if to say “oh yeah, you think this is so easy?”. Now that she’s an adult, she’s taken on the roll of advising us on everything…from finances to dealing with emotional issues.

  31. My ex’s Saturn was opposing my MOon and Jupiter and I always kept hearing about how I cannot behave freely and like a child and criticizing me was normal.

  32. My Saturn sits on my partner’s Sun. His Saturn squares my Moon and Venus. I know for a fact that I helped him grow up very quickly and take responsibility of his life. He helped me gain control of all my emotions and be secure in who I am as I am instead of the more volatile state of being a people pleaser.

    So we do take turns mentoring and oppressing each other. But it’s been a long-lasting partnership weathering a multitude of storms. Saturn is patient and durable.

  33. My Saturn is conjunct my friend’s Sun and she always said she felt supported by me and that I never judged her. Which is true. Mt mom’s Saturn opposed my Moon and she was my closest ally and best supporter, but her fears held me back too. I grew up with those fears and now am trying to let them go. My Saturn is on my aunt’s sun and moon and its been difficult, but now that moon is gone she had been a wonderful support

  34. My wife has a Sun/Jupiter conjunction which is conjunct my Saturn/Chiron conjunction
    My Jupiter is conjunct her Saturn.
    I think we steady each other out and lift each other up at the same time.

  35. My husband’s Saturn is conjunct my Mars and my Saturn is conjunct his Mercury. We definitely play out these aspects.

    When I want to do something, I know nothing about how to, just that I want to. In swoops his Saturn, necessarily dashing my dreams with reality.

    As far as my Saturn on his Mercury, I can be a little on the critical side when it comes to information and ideas. So I have to watch that.

  36. It’s been noted that Saturn in aspect to Mars is common in long-term relationships and/or marriage
    Makes sense: Mars: Sex Saturn: binding/’karma’
    Most people in long term relationships (or HEY, what actually makes them long term to begin with!!) are…: children.
    And you can also see that sex is what SHOULD determine the difference in an intimate/romantic relationship and friendship – ie, Mars/Saturn
    I’ve not the best experience of that combo
    & the Venus/Saturn: yep, star-crossed
    & now: too much Saturn, baby
    Essentially though his Leo Saturn on my Moon: NOPE
    At first: thought someone to be totally emotional open with, vulnerable & trusting (he ACTED the part for a couple months)
    Someone who would let me be ME
    NOPE & NOPE & NOPE
    I know those may think it’s my projection or maybe I need leashing in, lol: NOPE.
    I will say this relationship has been the biggest disappointment in my life & I’m just a little bit trapped
    Let’s also say Midara’s posts on abusive relationships ring all too true 🙁

  37. Lots of comments are re partners. My mother’s Saturn falls in my sixth house, she was relentless re making me work. She had not one idea what work would suit me and she never gave me any credit for the work I did. A lot of that work was unnecessary, pointless and stupid. Now she is very old and ill, it is necessary. Saturn is an odd thing.

  38. i dont really care for saturn to the sun, it feels stifling. like holding back. i do like saturn to venus and saturn to moon. both ways …i think because they seem to support more, i also have these saturn aspects with my son, venus/saturn/ moon saturn both ways.its very nice.i will always support him and he with me.

  39. My husbands Saturn is on my moon and in opposition to my Sun, Venus and Neptune.

    It’s interesting. Binding. He is the old man river of our house and is younger than me. He is supportive but has held me back in different ways, none that made me want to leave though.

  40. My partner has MARS and SATURN conjunct in Virgo, 8th house.
    He has been friendzoned by girls all his life – so I’m basically his first, and we are not young any of us, but we are not old either.
    However, I think our level of maturity is pretty equal.

    His Saturn-Mars conjunction sextiles my Venus-Jupiter-Sun conjunction in Scorpio. We balance each other I think. My sunny Jupiter-Venus outlook lifts his spirit, and he brings stability and maturity and safety into mine. He supports me (Virgo Saturn) by his actions (Mars) and bring mine into perspective.

    As this is all 8th house planets/Scorpio energy, I don’t think it’s surprising to anyone that we are going slow and steady in terms of intimate life. We do not move fast, but we move. I think my bright and sunny side lifts his worrying up to see things in another ligt, even if it’s in Scorpio.

    When I am down, his planning and take charge nature (Moon in Libra, Sun and Mercury in Cancer) makes sure that everything is taken care of, every detail so I don’t need to worry.

    We are very good for each other I think. And I think a lot of it has to do with Saturn actually. It’s a stabilizing influence.

  41. My boyfriend’s 6th house Saggie Sun is conjunct my 1st house Saturn at 20 degrees. I usually don’t feel that I have any influence over him (he is 16 yrs older) but about a month and a half ago he decided to give up eating sweets. He *always* wants something for dessert after dinner, so now we have fruit or something like that. I’m still trying to give up chocolate but we both have health issues, so we tend to stay with it. 🙂

  42. P.S. – I forgot to mention that I never asked him to quit sugar. I usually just let him do whatever he wants as he’s the Saggie King. P.S.S. – He’s 6’2″ (I’m 5’2″), his last name is King and he sometimes mischievously refers to himself as “the king.” But I just smile when he does that even though I think it’s a bit over the top.

  43. My Pisces Saturn is conjunct my boyfriends sun. I noted someone else mentioned an age gap between the two. He is 12 years older than me and I feel we are a very healthy expression of sun-saturn 😊. Our water Saturns also trine one another which I feel contributes positively.

  44. Interesting. One has Capricorn Sun on my Saturn, and though much younger is the mentor/boss type I feel can’t really see nor appreciate me for who I am, so isn’t that the exact opposite of what’s said in article?
    The other persons Saturn is on my Pisces Sun, so it’s the other way atound, am still trying to figure that one out, maybe their upcoming Saturn return will bring more clarity

  45. In one relationship, my Sag Saturn was conjunct my partner’s Sag Sun plus loaded Sag stellium. I kept him grounded and tended to the details as he impetuously jumped to the next shiny idea. The lack of reciprocity doomed this unfulfilling relationship.

  46. Someone’s saturn square my mars and conjunct my moon- supportive and anchoring. Someone’s saturn opposite my mars and square my moon- stiffled and uncared for.

  47. Is 2 and a half degrees apart count?
    His Saturn (in Aquarius 1st house) opposite my Venus (in Leo 1st house). So far we are connected wonderfully. I feel secure and guided. He listens with patience, care and love and support me with humorous encouraging words. He offers me his shoulder when I need it, tears don’t scare him. He helps me to see my strengths and accepts my weaknesses. He’s 10 years my senior but it doesn’t bother me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *