Speaking of families where one or more members are invisible, projected upon, or forced to carry the shadow for the group, I am trying to improve my level of understanding and acceptance of this. Because as common as this is, to me it’s a foreign culture.
My family is overt. Everyone knows who everyone is because we all have a strong Moon Jupiter signature. W’ll tell you who we are!
If you misunderstand us, we’ll tell you again with our voice raised. We’ll be loud at first and then louder. If continue to misunderstand us, we will probably pick up a brick and hit you with it.
Considering this, there is not a lot of confusion in my family so what happens to someone like me when I go into a family where there’s nothing but confusion? My instinct is to confront.
“Whaaat? That person is not the cause of your ills! Are you out of your mind? Where did you come up with some jacked up story like that?!?”
That’s what I want to say. You can imagine the scene. You have this family all assembled with their family story and what? Some loud Italian is going to go in and set them straight? ::shakes head:: That can’t be right.
This causes an enormous disconnect for me because I don’t know where the line is. For example, if I am eating dinner with a bunch of Japanese, I would try to keep my voice down and do like the natives. Understanding this, does it follow if I am eating dinner with the deluded, I should pretend to be deluded myself? Or pretend they are not deluded? I’m thinking this is the case.
I have more than one friend who carries the shadow for their family. They are somewhat comfortable being treated this way, probably because they’re conditioned to it. It would not be good for me to go into another person’s family and start banging pots and pans, wrecking the place. I’m sure it would do more harm than good.
I am trying to figure out how I may contort myself so a scenario like this is tolerable. The family dynamic is hard-wired and it seems I need accept this, the way I do the climate or other things I cannot control. But on the other hand the analogy that occurs to me is that of the SS beating down the Jew. And I am being asked to witness but not intervene? It’s painful.