I consider myself a man’s woman and I don’t think many would argue. But I am also a feminist with serious credentials. But this blog is not about me. It’s about I woman I know who fascinates me because she has such little use for men!
She’s a married, heterosexual but her husband is a complete afterthought to her. She’s pretty much disinterested in sex. What she loves is her sisters… which is basically any woman of any age who lives on this planet.
She spends most her life supporting other women by being politically involved and planning or participating in women’s groups or circles. And she is always trying to get me to come to one of these things to which I respond…
“Why would I do that? There are no men there,” I say, and she roars laughing in response.
Because I am a woman and therefore I am her sister who she loves, and it’s fine with her if I am a man-crazy! Because women come in all kinds, shapes, sizes, colors and we are all incredibly beautiful, just ask her.
But the men? Well she thinks they’re lousy and coarse for the most part. They could be something, however they are not, except in the rarest of occasions and for the briefest of moments. I told her once it seemed to me she felt men only existed so the women would have something to talk about (complain about) in their circles and she did not disagree! ::smiles::
So this is how it is and I have known this woman for years. But recently it was really driven home to me how extreme her feelings are when one of the women in on of her circles started screwing her husband. Her reaction?
“I don’t really care that much to tell you the truth,” she said. “If this is what they want to do, then they can go right ahead. I’m not going to stop them. But what bothers me is that one woman would do this to another woman she’s in circle with,” she added.
“And unfortunately our Moon signs are close, so you know what that means.”
‘Well that’s how we decide who sits where. We sit in the order of our Moon signs and ours are close so I have to sit right next to her. And unless someone new joins the circle with a Moon sign in the middle of ours, well, I am going to be sitting next to her for a long time.”
“I can’t imagine,” I said. “I would leave all of them and everything if this happened to me.”
“Well it’s not that hard for me,” she said. “But I would never do this to another woman, anywhere. But to do it to one of my sisters I’m in circle with? It’s unthinkable! I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” she said as if she expects this will work out eventually. “But I sure don’t think she should be doing this to one of sisters, that’s for sure.”
Are you man’s woman? Or a woman’s woman?
How would you react in this woman’s circumstance?
That’s a strange, strange circumstance! To me anyway. I don’t know if I’m either but I’m pretty sure I’d revile both the woman and the man for breaching my trust in this situation, I’d treat it like a circumstance of cheating. I think that she views men in an extremely limiting way as “lousy and coarse,” this kind of generalizing isn’t intellectual and I think speaks to some of the less clever parts of feminism. I wouldn’t like nixing either men or women like that.
I’m a lesbian. Guess I’ll come back tomorrow along with the men! 😉
And just for the record, being a lesbian does NOT make me a ‘woman’s woman’. At all.
Well, it really must take a real man to be able to handle her.
I took a course on color personalities awhile bag to get some insight on people’s behaviour (for work) And she is definitely a gold/green. Her husband probably is the same colors as her. It works well for them.
Thanks for dropping by my blog.
Personally, I don’t understand women like her. Why is she with the dude?
(And why is he with her?)
You beat me to it Strawberry fields….
Why is he with her? 🙂
Not pissing on your friend in particular, btw.
I just never understood those hetero women who think men are this and that (negative) or not this or not that enough (positive) — whatever — they seem to think so little of men yet have lives with them.
Ditto for the hetero men who whine about women.
I know not all heteros are like that (thank god). But those that are mystify me. All I can think is they like it that way — it serves some need in them. Hence I waste no sympathy on them.
Whatever works for her and him.
But myself? I can’t imagine sharing/living my life with someone I felt that way about.
I’m a heterosexual girl, but I’ve always tended to have male friends rather than female ones. Most of my interests are male hobbies, and girls are, in my affectionate opinion, crazy.
If I were her, I’d have dumped the man and left the group. I wouldn’t want to force her out of the group, but I wouldn’t be comfortable around her. The man can just go to hell.
I consider myself a massive, and complete man’s woman
what does this mean, exactly?
I bought a t-shirt during the holidays that says “Good Will Toward’s Men” I wear it all the time because I do have good will towards men. Women too! I’m a typical Gemini and attach equally to men and women.
I’m also in an open relationship so it isn’t a stretch for me to understand why someone wouldn’t be overcome by jealousy in that situation but I do wonder why they stay together if they aren’t that into each other.
I told her once it seemed to me she felt men only existed so the women would have something to talk about (complain about) in their circles and she did not disagree! ::smiles::
I think that is our whole answer right there. 😉
How bizarre! I’m with Lupa, as a Gemini I attach equally. But what if this “moon sister” has some kinda midlife crisis like that astronaut?! He would have to move out, and I would be damned if I would sit beside that woman.
I am a woman’s woman, and woman’s man, and I’ll be anything to anyone else in between. I’d be happy to be a friend to anyone and promise not to screw my “sister’s” husband.
Why DO people get married, anyway? This woman’s response makes me wonder why she, in particular, bothers to stay. It seems like a very apathetic attitude towards one’s partner, and frankly I severly doubt that this is the first time he’s been “unfaithful.” Although being faithful to someone who aparantly doesn’t give two shits about you is not everyone’s cup of tea.
To add to Kashmiri’s comment:
‘Faithful’ isn’t only about what you do (or don’t do) with your genitals.
‘Faithful’ is about the whole of one’s self.
Doesn’t sound like she’s any more ‘faithful’ to him than he is to her.
As I said, every couple has their dance that they willingly dance.
Kettles can’t call pots black. Kettles and pots do go well together though.
It took me a long time to trust men, but I didn’t think they were all lousy. I don’t think I’m either a woman’s or a man’s woman. I am only my own, seeking out the company of those who interest me – regardless of gender. I dislike rigidity of mind, so I try to keep mine as bendy as possible.
I would have to say though – if I was a man with that woman and she treated me as something secondary – then I would be seriously pissed off and having affairs. I don’t think it is fair to treat the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with as less significant than women friends and I think it is naive to expect loyalty from someone whose intimacy you haven’t nurtured and from someone who shares the same gender as you, as though that means anything. Fucking hell, anyone who holds up concept of sisterhood as some kind of ideal has obviously never experienced sibling rivalry. People are (more often than not) opportunists and predators, and loyalty has to be earned (by both sides. I don’t think anyone can expect loyalty unless they’ve earned it).
I’m my man’s woman. Loyalty is very important to me. Someone who would try to initiate an intimate relationship (and I define that as emotional or physical) with my man could not be my friend. I am very open to other sex friendships, and we both have many. I’m not the jealous type, but there are areas of our lives that are ours alone – we don’t share that with anyone else. I don’t understand people who feel otherwise, but whatever floats their boat – I try not to judge. Personally, I couldn’t do it.
“I don’t think it is fair to treat the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with as less significant than women friends and I think it is naive to expect loyalty from someone whose intimacy you haven’t nurtured and from someone who shares the same gender as you, as though that means anything.”
I agree with Nia.
Ha! Am I the only one who would have been extremely angry not only at the husband but at the woman who had the balls to do my man when she is so close to me? She would’ve heard it real good, then he would’ve gotten his turn and then they’d both be cut the hell off.
I have always been a “man’s woman.” I think it’s Mars in my first house that does it. Too much masculine energy for most other chicks. But god! do I appreciate the women I can connect with! It just doesn’t happen that often. I’m typically more comfortable with guys. That said, everyone in the above situation would pay pay pay, regardless of gender.
No, you’re not alone, Sagaal! I think my Mars in Aries woulda sprung up like a bat out of hell and I’d not only cut them both off but chase them with a burning club!
I’m with Saggal, too, what the hell.
One other thing that I was thinking about is that, frankly, I’m quite sick of this attitude that men are coarse, piggish, etc. I grew up with that monologue in my ear and somehow I suspected that it wasn’t true. It still affected me greatly and even though my relationships have been lousy, I can say that, overall I don’t find that to be true. It’s a dirty lie that men don’t care, that they don’t or can’t commit, that they’re only animals, etc. (Hello, we’re all animals. Part of being human is having a little bit of the animal in us, regardless of gender. And we should accept it and make peace with it then maybe we all would be a lot less dysfunctional about our animal needs of food, shelter and sex.)
I don’t believe that one gender is better than the other. Men like to believe, for instance, that women are competitive and manipulative–as if men didn’t cock-block each other as well! And women like to believe that if we were running the world, there wouldn’t be any wars and everything would be fuzzy and lovely–as if none of us women ever experienced violent thoughts or anger or rage!
I think that we could all benefit from having empathy for the other gender as human beings. That doesn’t mean overlooking the other’s shadows and idealizing the male or the female sex; nor does it mean seeing ONLY the dark side. I just don’t think that attitude serves either gender well.
I like people with integrity. I’ve worked hard to get mine in line, I made some HUGE mistakes when I was younger, and I try not to waste time with people that won’t state their values and then hold true to them. I’m more at ease with men, and I think that has to do with them in general being more up front with where they stand. I like my girl time, but I’m definitely more on guard with new women. But I have to agree with saggal that both the friend and the man would be gone.
astrologicaly, I’m all over the place on this one, I’m a cancer with taurus rising, plenty of loyalty there, but with venus in gemini, in a way, I have a pretty open mind…… and some flexy bendy attitudes… I never cheat, but I can have an open relationship, dunno…. Like all this stuff it’s tricky…
it seems to me that they would/should have an understanding. perhaps their marriage works in many ways that keeps them together. But thier sex life is not happening. If she doesn’t want sex that should not mean that he can’t have sex. if they want to stay together; then she has to be willing to let him have sex with other women. We can’t be everything to our partner, and in this case it comes down to sex. The fact that he is going inside her circle to find the sex he needs is the problem.
Clear guidelines and communication to a realistic understanding of their relationship and needs seems to be in order. easier said then done, though I would imagine an easier solution then just having to deal with the situation as it stands.
Definately a man’s woman. I think it’s because they seem to be able to handle my ‘bluntness’ (Sun in Aries, Scorpio Rising) better than most women.
I’m with Marly and Saggal– what the hell?
To have an open relationship is one thing (and it takes a lot of work, love, and communication).
But it sounds like at some point she was so traumatized by something about relating to men that she gave up completely and only relates to women who are “safer.” (Of course now that she has to sit next to Ms. Moon-Too, not so much.)
So why bother getting married?
Sometimes I want to wave a giant wand over people and say GET THEE TO A THERAPIST!
I’m with (((CArRiE))), definitely a man’s woman…but it makes me wonder why this woman got married in the first place? She appears “asexual” in her thinking – just wants friendship/bonding (female) relationships…
i am with janet… looks like they got their wires crossed-boundries-sounds like a cold situation… but its a cold world-
i am a girls girl but love all people… aqua moon 2 h
i support my partner 110% saturn in the 7th
but, yes i have to admit- i would be more disappointed in my friend- thinking about this makes me realize that it is odd- hmmm- could it be that i value friendship soo much? aqua moon in house of value-
MArriage is NOT OWNERSHIP. Monogomy is a myth, a dysfunctional one at that. The “you are my one forever more,” is a bunch of baloney. She understands that. Would you wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life? Hell no, you would get bored, they wear out, the heels flatten out, they crack and they get ratty looking. So to expect the one you marry to never get bored, never get stifled, never get stuck in a relationship, never hit hard spots is
unrealistic. The laws of society have thrust some very unrealistic restrictions on what a love/marriage relationship should be. That said, I don’t think it’s right for a friend to have an affair with a friends husband but obviously this woman has a very open minded and realistic view of the whole thing.
There are many types of marriages/love relationships that work for those in them. Love is like a butterfly – set it free and it comes back to you. Cage it and it dies.
ziggy, I don’t think one size fits all. There are a lot of monogamous people out there. It’s like smoking pot and thinking everyone else smokes too. No they don’t.
People on one side of this issue talk about all the unhappy marriages while ignoring the happy ones.
By and large, in reality women who have a man are happier than those who do not. Ask them.
There are a good number of people happy and relieved to be partnered. It may not be everyone the numbers are far too large to ignore or act like we don’t exist. For example, I think it is a full 40% who want nothing to do with cheating, from any angle. That is a HUGE number of people and this is just in the US.
Worldwide there are many cultures that are far more conservative than ours.
This woman baffles me. I would not hesitate to throw them both out the door.
There are a good number of people happy and relieved to be partnered.
Me!! Was single many years and have been much happier married for the past 19+ yrs. 😀
I couldn’t stay in the situation myself, that much I know. My head would explode! But it’s definitely her life.
I wonder how it worked out…
I wonder how it worked out myself but she was the last friend to go courtesy Pluto transit / 11th. I made videos about it – grueling.
I don’t understand that woman either.
I have had both women & men friends but never was one to hang out in the kitchen with the rest of the women, rather out on the porch with the guys mostly.