“soup” started a thread in the forum, Change is coming! PLUTO DIRECT. It’s interesting.
I was going to comment but I realized that rather than being focused on what’s ahead, I’m more aware of what is gone. I’m talking about things (and people) I’ve let go of, or in some cases the people let go of me.
My husband’s taught me a few things over the years. He definitely thinks that “friends” are rare. He’s also remarked that the only people who actually matter, are those who stick with you.
You may want to feel all kinds of things when you dump someone or they dump you, but I believe he’s right. You’ll find this out, if ever you’re up to your neck in crap, which seems to be a routine thing for me, courtesy my packed 8th house!
Some of you know, my prodigal daughter returned this year. We talk, frequently and one of the things I really love about her is the depth and the breadth of her intellect. She has five planets in their own signs, including, Mercury, Jupiter and Pluto, so there you go.
She let go of me, twelve years ago. She was a little girl. She was a stupendously intelligent little girl, but she was still a child.
She regrets this now and always will. It’s sort of like when my husband and I failed to marry when we were teenagers. We lost twenty years we could have spent together. To be clear, there is no positive spin for either of these situations. Ask the people involved!
Lately we’ve been talking in depth about the time period when we became separated. There was a serious of events that fell like dominoes – the result was catastrophic. Like this:
If clarity is the goal, this is a good way to view something like this. You can truly see if the tragedy could have been prevented at any point.
As my daughter and I ran through the timeline, I was surprised when I realized that the last chance to stop disrupt the chain of events occurred very early on, in the scheme of things. Matter of fact, it might have been the first, last and only chance to stop the bad thing that had been initiated.
Outside of my daughter (who was a child), there was only one person, positioned to stop the sequence, set in motion. I begged this woman to help me. She was a friend of mine, and she said, “no”. I was floored.
“I never talked to her again,” I explained to my daughter. “That was our last conversation. As far as I can tell she was the only person who might have changed the outcome but she refused.”
This time period feels similar to that time period, though it’s not as painful. It’s not as painful because I’ve come to deeply understand what my husband has said, over the years. Most people aren’t going to be there when you need them. If you do have someone in your life, who shows up even if it costs them, then you’ve got a real friend.
If you lose someone who won’t show up, well it’s best you find out before the time comes when you do need them.
There’s another thing to mention here, it comes from Catholicism. It’s not just what you did, but what you failed to do.
Pluto turned direct this week. Today, I look at what’s been lost or left behind. I look at who has rejected my advances or ignored my pleas for help or whatever. I pretty sure it’s all final at this point. Fini.
Have you recently separated from someone or something?
I’ve been living in a castle for the past two years — it’s not mine (thankfully!) I’ve been running the rental cottages & helping with the renovations. Am moving out tomorrow & am very glad about that because it’s an awful situation. Some may roll their eyes to hear someone complaining about living in a castle, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, I’m in love with the idea of living in a small cottage — no more dead space for me! The title of this post leaped out at me — didn’t make the connection with Pluto going direct & me ending my time here. Thanks, Pluto! And thank you, Elsa.
I love the writing here.
Me too, a’hermit.
Yes, this really resonates. I share the views on friendship. True friends that will be there are rare and my gosh the real ones deserve to be cherished. Lately, I have been letting go of things and people that hold me back. I’ve been saying “I’ve moved on from this” quite frequently, and it feels liberating ?
Yes! I separated from a friend a couple months ago. The reason being was that I had romantic feelings in which he did not return (even though I know for a fact that he was sexually attracted to me) and I walked away to prevent myself from getting hurt by him. It was to ultimately protect my heart.
The sad part is? I miss his presence in my life more than I thought I would. It still hurts either way.
A couple of months ago I left the neighborhood Shiny Taurus and I had called home for 3 years. Count the years he lived there before we married (since I was at his place much of the time), and the year after he passed away–and that jumps to 6 and a half years. Saturn.
It had to be done, though. Memories of him haunted me, the good and the bad. My other losses over the last 5 years or so haunted me as well. The apartments were way too expensive for someone on my income. No provision was allowed to free me from my lease after ST’s death except to move to a smaller apartment there that I still couldn’t afford. Contracts are contracts. They were also getting more strict with rules and I need to have some freedom. Pool bracelets and pool monitor? So I can be watched while I swim? Nope. So I had to make the break at the end of my lease and let go.
My estranged daughter’s father died by suicide last week. Both have the same serious and persistent mental illness. My ex-spouse died in a car accident earlier this year. My heart goes to these families and my dear daughter.
Solar return Sun in 8th house. Pluto conjunct natal Saturn. A year of loss.
Let’s show our love every day.
So beautifully put.
I blew off a date with a guy who literally didn’t show up at our first date. It hurt, and I regretted having to blow him off.
I can tell sadder stories about my life right now, but this has been on my mind for weeks.
I planned a trip with my friend for Rome. She insisted in planning it saying that her teenage daughter does not want to go on vacation with her (their relationship is complicated). When her daughter found out she said she wanted to come with us. So off we went.
Rome is done and so is our relationship. It wasn’t the daughter’s spoiled attitude that pissed me off (she is a teenager after all), it was her mother’s expectation for me to serve them and plan my trip accordingly and accept I am an annex. I was called spoiled, a child, prone to temper tantrums and other similar adjectives because I decided to see Rome on my own rather in the last day than follow them around. I was shocked by what I saw and heard.
We came back separately and we are done. For good. No regrets. I am truly a child sometimes but I have always been a child on my own money, on my own time, I carry my own luggage (not wonder when my husband isn’t there to carry it for me), I have survived an abusive childhood by myself so I am not gonna put up with any of this shit.
When she called me a child I was suddenly transported many years back when my older sister was saying something similar right as she was leaving me behind in a hellish house. But I really was a child back then. People that say these things don’t care what you are, a child or an adult, they care to cover up their own shit.
Its a door closing another door opening thing.
I will be experiencing my Saturn return in Aquarius in my 5th house next March. Hopefully I will have recovered fron the pluto capricorn conjunction in my 5th house by then. Im grateful for this conjubction. Sort of toughening me up and paving the way for change.
Like you Elsa, my son has come more into my life and has offered to help me out of a stagnant situation of debt and emotion.
With Saturn in my 5th house I believe it is my opportunity to return to what I let go. A do-over with my son. After 6.5 years of being lost in a relationship that cost me money, precious me-time and time with my son to guide and mentor him. But I feel so much joy now. My Uranus 8th house transit was a f–ker. One of The most painful experiences Ive had.
There will be challenges but I feel God is giving me a second chance.
But there will be loss. The closest friend Ive ever had.
We will lose that unity and closeness that stagnated me(not his fault. Still love him dearly)
But it has to change to something else. Hopefully something better.
But I still deeply grieve… I lose a deeply intimate relationship but gain back my son who was painfully pushed out by it. And, if the friendship survives…a very good friend.
“Most people aren’t going to be there when you need them.” I was just thinking along these lines just the other day, how when shit hits the fan, unless it is family or someone you are bonded to, you will be left adrift. When it happened to me it knocked the wind out of me but left my eyes open forever.
My attitude is if a friend/relative comes through in your time of need, then it’s a bonus and a blessing. Otherwise, I operate on the assumption that I will be going it alone. I know I am capable and that God is on my side. I am an Aquarius Rising; 8H Sun and Mercury; 4H Mars; 9H Jupiter.
Yes, I’ve given up a few people recently. It was time to let go and move on.
What your husband said about friends is on point with me. What you wrote before about your friend Ben and the depth of your friendship made sense to me as well – also the friend he lost but never replaced. This has played out in my life. I’ve been mourning it for a long time and that is now something else I need to let go of. I have “friends” but no Friends. Not anymore. Maybe again one day, if I’m lucky.
I really feel for you, all that missed time with two important people in your life. I’m glad you have them back in the end.
“I really feel for you, all that missed time with two important people in your life. I’m glad you have them back in the end.”
Thank you. It’s soul shattering. Nothing less.
I can only imagine.
When my man passed away I pretty much had no one except for short periods of time, apart from my sister who I’d always thought was a narcissist lol. What do I know. Going through some heavy Pluto transits right now and she’s still here with me. I know fuckall about fuckall.
Since Pluto arrived in Capricorn (my 12th house). Mercury 16 and Venus 23 degrees Cap. I said goodbye to a 3 long term friendships thereafter. I thought these 3 friends would stand the test of time; One friend I met in 1969 and the other 2 in 1980. I’m sure I will meet new friends when I hit the beach.
I said goodbye to a long term client. The project was over, so it seemed natural. Now I want to say goodbye to my long term career. Maybe this is a good time to reinvent myself!
“Most people aren’t going to be there when you need them. If you do have someone in your life, who shows up even if it costs them, then you’ve got a real friend.”
“It’s not just what you did, but what you failed to do.”
A big AMEN to these! The universe has been teaching me these lessons for quite some time now, and I think I have finally learned them.
Let go of 2 “friends” at work, a smear campaign from one and the other sitting on the fence. No thanks!
I have had a similar thinking in regards to my destroyed (or so it feels like) relationship with my mom.
I think there is no going back when you birth a child. If she had to stop what happened, she would have to not give birth to me.
It goes back that far behind between us.
Her Chiron is conjunct my Ascendant, and it’s located in her 5th house.
The past two years we have struggled with our relationship, until she told me not to call her in February. Before that she had made me angry and hurt so so many times before that it has come to be almost a relief that she does not want me to call.
She *could* have started to understand what people go through and how trauma affects the human soul.
She *could* have started to allow talking about the past and the traumas instead of insisting I had to fit into this square box she had put up for me.
I KNOW what trauma does, and also to mother. I KNOW she was not able to leave and protect her children. I accept it to a large degree. She was scared. She was deeply anxious. She was petrified by her fear.
But to not DO something about her and talk to a professional afterwards… Well, her choice. It could have done something for our relationship, I think. Instead, she chose her new husband’s family over her own children.
She and I could have done a lot of things, but it drowns out in the overall picture. It’s a long time since she has actually wanted my company and not just did it out of duty. The last time I visited, I felt like a guest in my own family.
So yeah, the fire has burned, there is only the ash now. I will rise like the Phoenix, as Saturn and Pluto start to collide.
No, I haven’t separated from anything or anyone, but I probably should. Some things seem to be no longer workable.
Better to separate on your own terms, than have it done to you by someone or something else.
I read something recently that keeps running through my head.” People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” It sounds kind of shallow but its not. You never know, when you let someone into your life, which one of these three the person is. Lifetime relationships are rare, for everybody.
I think in general people do what they need to do for themselves.
As far as leaving things behind, yes. Im leaving a lot behind, including a mindset. I think one of the themes or lessons of my Plutonian life is to learn how to say goodbye, gracefully. Death will take us all. Even our bodies are on loan from nature.
This is the question that started my spiritual seeking: “what is permanent?”
I loved this post and all the comments here.
A friendly colleague mentioned her father has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she broke up with a long term living partner ..in the same weekend. She had just taken up an extremely cool top job. I saw so less of her, and projected all kinds of emotions like…she wants distance because of management position etc. Truth was, she was hurting and dealing with her inexplicable loss. Lesson for me to never judge anyone without talking to them first.
As for me? I probably should leave a lot behind, but I am not ready, and wonder if I ever will be.
Elsa, I can’t even imagine not being with loved ones for years at end. I am extremely sad for your loss of time together. 🙁
I do sometimes tell my husband that my regret in life is not growing up in his neighbourhood, taking the same school bus or sharing lunch boxes. Can you miss someone from before you know them?
“Can you miss someone from before you know them?”
I feel this way, Curl, very much so. I wish I knew my husband when we were kids. I wish we’d grown up in the same town and never left. So many people want to get out of their towns, but having been someone who left, I know what a loss it can be.
🙂 Hello kindered spirit!
You’re welcome. Thanks for your support. 🙂
Concerning missed time with your daughter Elsa, I would to remind you of Matthew 10:34-42. Since she is now back, perhaps there is no loss nor anything to regret.