My circumstances, today are unfathomable. I guess I can ask, Jilly, to come on here and testify. My situation is very nearly unspeakable.
I mentioned that my moon just progressed into Scorpio (Oh Me!). Clearly, I am around a lot of death right now… and near death. And dying at variable speed.
I think I could write beautiful stories right now, but I opt not to because I don’t want to wreck Christmas. But it’s more complicated than that. People don’t understand me.
They ask me how I am doing; it’s a direct question. Or the standard, “What did you do for Christmas?”
I’m compelled to answer a question like this, honestly. Unfortunately, my answer hits people very hard. It repels them.
I am sensitive to this. It’s not because I care that much about being repulsive; I’ve been at that my whole life. But I do care about burdening people, especially when they don’t need to be burdened. Like a young person for example. I don’t want to offload on someone who is trying to get their momentum going so their life can take off.
But then there are the sensitive people I know; the sophisticated ones who are wise, often beyond their years. I’m able to say more and worry less because they know that pain is part of life and some people carry a lot more than others… it’s just the way it is.
But today, I bummed out my hairdresser… a Scorpio, you can search her on the site. It did not help that I passed an accident with a fatality, maybe two, on the way to the salon. Sitting in the glass-fronted salon, we all watched at least five emergency vehicles speed by on the highway, headed in the other direction. Everyone was calling their family members to make sure they were okay.
One of the gals could not reach her kids. She put her client under the dryer and took off to see what was happening. Small town, see?
I thought about the solar eclipse – the sun and moon, besieged? Heavy and Hardcore. There were bad accidents in both directions.
Anyway, I told her about the holiday and she was sort of crestfallen, so I took a bit more time to try to get her to understand. Regardless of what happened in my life over the last week, there were incredible things, beautiful things, that I saw.
For example, I went to mass on Christmas in this little parish in a little town… it’s way out and tiny, like an outpost. Someone came up from behind me, I was sitting with my husband. “I have Miss Mary,” she said.
“Whaaaat? Mary! She’s here?!?” The look on my face must have been something to see. “WHERE? Where is, Mary?”
Mary is the woman I’ve been visiting. She dying of cancer… soon. (Grace For The Terminally Ill)
“She’s in the back, there,” the gal, said. I almost knocked her down to get back there… and there was, Mary, in her neat as a pin, stellium in Virgo, white coat.
I won’t say more.
“Um… have you ever heard of the Little Match Girl?” I asked my stylist.
“Okay, well it’s a poem. A story, I mean. And the little girl is cold but she has these matches and she lights them and she can see things in the light…”
I explained how my husband once told me that I was like the Little Match Girl. You can search this blog… it was a long time ago.
So that was that and then I came home and someone had signed up for my newsletter. This woman sent me a note and guess what she mentioned? My posts about the Little Match Girl.
The pain is not that painful when you can see beautiful things in all directions.
If you don’t know, Mary has lung cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes and all the way to her fingernails and toenails. She takes Aleve for pain. She also has bad arthritis but she told me yesterday, she’s felt no pain from her arthritis for the last three or four days.
Then I meet people who tell me there is no God and I think, “Whaaaat?”
I wish I could stand next to them and light a match because if they could see what I do, just for a split second… what would that do, I wonder.