There is only person in this world who I think truly understands the way my mind works and it is my sister. This is because she grew up with me. We shared a bedroom. We have the same parents and if you took any one of those things out of the equation, I think she’d miss the boat too.
Last night, for the hell of it and because Saturn is transiting my Mercury, I decided (Libra) to disclose my motives for writing something in my blog. “I am up to a number of things,” I explained with a nervous chuckle. denamaria chuckled back at me so I snorted. “Yeah, well I can’t help myself. I just can’t help but do it,” I said.
I rattled off a quick list why I wrote the post in question, starting with my true, high-minded goals and ending with my slithering-on-it’s-belly, criminal mind’s end of the deal. I mentioned some mid-range stuff that was no less important feeling both hapless, proud and somewhat embarrassed.
Hapless, because I can’t help but do this. Proud because I can do it. Embarrassed because I do, do it.
The embarrassed part is a gift from, Annalisa, I’d say. She has left the room to get away from my brain, many times. She has made remarks over the years, complaints really. “You’re too tricky. You’ve got too many tricks…”
On that note, my whole family did not much like my brain. It’s the reason I got kicked in the head so much. It was a deliberate attempt to make me stupid that was successful to an extent.
I think, Annalisa has really come to appreciate my brain, in part because her son has one a lot like it. She no longer complains anyway and this Saturn transit has me taking stock of it.
I’ve got most of 2011 to sort this out. What are my real limits and what are some things I can push past? Am I doing the “right thing” with my intellect? What about the righteous thing?
That last question has to be asked, with Mercury in the 9th. It’s perhaps the hard part of the puzzle because one can only be so clean with both feet, both legs and most of their ass hangin’ out in the 8th. This is the problem and I’m working on it.
Do you mind your mind? Why or why not?