I have loved a younger man for the last 5 years. I got involved with him because of how he made me feel. But last year, I felt forced to face the age difference. I placed an ultimatum before him to move out if he didn’t get a job, since for the last 3 years I’d been supporting him. But I made the ultimatum with the faith that he wouldn’t leave the relationship… which he promptly did, getting involved with a friend/lover.
I have been working on saving the relationship for the last year. But he has kept the girl as a friend, mostly hidden from me, lying about it – because he says I get so angry. He wants his freedom. We are not fully back together, but are still living together while figuring it all out.
He tells me he doesn’t know about a future together, that he needs to get his independence first… which to him includes dating other girls and exploring the world the way most 23 year olds would.
I’ve been stuck making a decision on this, because I do love him but am scared about everything… scared to follow “sound” advice (I tried last summer but fell into depression)… scared what I want isn’t really what I need… scared to stay connected and be put in a vulnerable situation where he moves on first and I’ve wasted time waiting… scared I’ll look like a fool..
My question is should I stay emotionally connected and loving and have faith even while we take time apart for him to grow up? Or should I completely move on?
Dear Libra with Seven Planets In Cardinal Signs,
Look. With nearly your entire chart in Cardinal signs, (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn), you are a total control freak. Do you know that? And what you are really asking here, is “Can I control this man?” And the answer to that is NO. Obviously you can’t.
You have already played your power card. You made him your dependent, yes? Why did you do that? So that you could have control. And then you threatened to withdraw support. Why? As a means to control him, what else? And this isn’t working is it? It isn’t working and this is why you’re pulling your hair out.
Look. You are not in love. People who are in love do not try to wield control over their partner. They do not play power games. They do not worry about “leaving first” as to not be made a fool and so on. They do not “decide” whether or not to stay emotionally connected – they are emotionally connected. Are you getting’ this?
There is only one thing for you to do. There is only one path to happiness and it is not in finding a way to control this kid or anyone else. It’s in learning to control yourself!!! Because believe me, you are out of control. You are completely around the bend and I highly doubt you find your way clear without help, so this is my advice: THERAPY.