Mars and The Resilient Child

I was talking to astrologer and pal, cf perez. The concept of a “resilient child” came up. This is a new term used describe children with horrible childhoods who come out okay.

I’m pretty sure I am a quintessential resilient child so I didn’t bother to read bout this beyond the basic characteristics of these children outlined in the article “The Resilient Child” by Tammy Ruggles, BSW, MA.

1. The presence and influence of at least one supportive person in his or her life.
2. Hope and optimism in the face of adversity..
3. A personality that is pleasant, active, social, nurturing, and competitive.
4. Possession of problem-solving skills and an eagerness to learn and succeed.
5. See themselves as victors instead of victims, and strive to improve. .
6. Has a friend, hobby, or interest that he or she turns to in troubled times, like caring for a pet, reading, playing the piano, stamp collecting, etc.

So I was talking about resilient children and I don’t think cf had heard the term.

“…The kids that come out okay in spite of whatever crap happens,” I said.

“You mean the ones that will fight back.”

“What?” I asked.

“Fight back,” she said.

I thought for a nano-second. Could it be that simple? “So you think it’s Mars?” I asked. “You think if someone is willing to fight..?”

“Well, yes! Mars is a warrior…”

I ran through my life experiences in about 30 seconds. The shoe fit. I got to thinking about the people who write me…

So often it comes down to this: Are you going to fight, or not? Are you going to fight for your life or are you going curl up in a ball, blame others, etc?

If you won’t fight, you’re going to be screwed. Everybody has to be the hero of their life.

Are you resilient?

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Mars and The Resilient Child — 32 Comments

  1. ~lightbulb goes on about something in my chart~

    Thank you! This is not the place to explain it, but I have just seen a key link that will help me with something I’ve been trying to fix/change/heal the past few months. Now I have an extra tool that will help me ~focus~. I just didn’t know ‘how to grab it’ before. Now I do.

    Thank you both!

  2. Mars is the basis of my work with women; it’s mostly suppressed. Women don’t realize that in order to act they must also have a Higher Order (they aren’t the boss of anyone humility) on a tall pillar and never forget it. With belief, with conviction, women can use their Mars to redefine (cutting the silhouette) the soul urges, and bring into expression (rather than become ill through the suppression of it) the force of the Kundalini which is by its very definition, a Mars Force.

    Ah… so much to say. Let me know if we need to do a conference call on the subject.

    love

    cf

    • Great thread of opinions. My natal Mars is conjunct Saturn, so ‘suppressed’ came with a heavy hand. At this age, 71, understanding Mars as an expression of redefinition, I have lived through what it takes to embrace the illnesses and use Uranus in my Gemini 6th House, which conjuncts that Mars conjunction (which also includes Pluto) to kindle the flame of Mars. I believe the later lessons of a Mars conjunct Saturn create a very different kind of energy, and I am grateful to be alive to express them!

  3. Let’s please do conference this subject, if at all possible, Miss Claire-France. I am very interested in learning more about how-to develop and apply a Higher Order, Mars energy, especially with regards to the feminine principle(s)– well, especially with everything you commented. There are soo many perspectives on masculine vs. feminine expression in society. I have one burning memory that triggers endlessly, that of my [then single] mother scolding 7/8 y.o. me for getting into a tangle with a neighborhood bully girl, “We don’t fight in this family!” Assertion and feminine expression has puzzled me ever since. =^P
    TIA

  4. I give kundalini to Uranus(like Barbara Hand-Clow). I think Pluto is also strongly associated with kundalini, but only as it presents itself in the Muladhara chakra. Mars operates quite happily with both.

    I agree with cf regarding mars generally and have a developed my own approach to Mars from the work of Betty Lunsted and Linda Reid (Mars returns and quarter cycles). I would love to read some elaboration on cf’s understanding.

    As far a resilience goes — yes its necessary, but it must be balanced. I am a Marsy person and currently prefer not to fight, but pick my battles selectively. Resilience also comes from knowing how to yield to a blow. This is a Martial Art.

    At this point in my life I am more interested in the art of confrontation (facing up to things) than I am in battles and winning.

    [regarding criminal minds, I find the 3-8, 1-6, 6-8, 1-3 combination is more devious than criminal. I own one of these myself, in spades.

    3-8 is the most powerfully oriented towards criminality, well evidenced by the over-representation of Gemini and Scorpio Suns in prison.]

  5. Interesting how the things that often cause us problems now are the same things that have saved us in the past. Putting away or softening the edges from the tools that got me through those times is a tough and ongoing lesson.

  6. The NYT recently published an article about the genetic components of resilience in children who had been sexually abused. You all should check it out.

  7. The concept of the resilient child is a great one!! Very descriptive list!

    Fighting does not mean out and out ‘fighting’ per se, I think the meaning was meant as Standing up for yourself…Choosing to not go the ‘victim’ route (no matter how screwy childhood seemed) and having Determination to move forward and not let difficult circumstances pull you down…Straighten up and Stand Tall as you face adversity!!

    Looking at Mars as the energy which drives us to be RESILIENT is a fantastic Blessing!

  8. I may do an awful lot of bitching and moaning about how other people have done me wrong, but in the end I suck it up, see where I went wrong, and keep going. *shrugs*

  9. While I do see the importance of Mars in terms of resiliance, I don’t think it’s the only factor to consider in terms of resiliant children. Mars is not necessarily optimistic and definitely not pleasant, social and nurturing. Mars is not particularly good at problem solving or cognitive abilities. These are all important skills for resiliance that would be indicated by other planets.

    I’d also note that aggressive children (i.e. Mars-y) may exhibit traits that hinder their resiliance. For example, they may elicit more punitive and coercive parenting styles or suffer from poor peer relations. A strong Mars can be esp detrimental if there is a weak Saturn, strong Neptune, or other signatures that indicate a lack of impulse control.

  10. I wish I was a resiliant child, but I wasn’t. I’m still trying to get over an upbringing that wasn’t that bad by most peoples estimation. However I have a friend who never ceases to amaze me. Her nurse mother refused to test her for dyslexia (she has it) telling her she was ‘just stupid’. That same mother got ill when she was 18, changed personalities, went mad before her eyes and died, leaving her with a 14 yr old sister to care for. Her father came back from the philipines after 9 yrs with no contact at that point to take over the family house because he had never divorced her mother so the property went to him. He then married his long-term philipina girlfriend two months after his wife died and brought her over to live in their family home, which he wants to sell now that the younger sister has finished high school. Throughout this horrible series of events she has never wallowed in self pity. She is an optimistic person and will do well no matter what. I always thought the difference was personality, or something in the genes. Now I have something else to consider, so thank you. I will be giving this a lot of thought.

  11. I agree with isthmus nekoi. The Mars thing doesn’t really resonate with me.

    I don’t think it’s wrong, just that it’s not the whole truth as there are resilient children and resilient children who overcome different kinds of problems.

    I think the Mars things makes sense because it’s linked to our primal survival urges, the energy to get up and go on instead of lay down and die. However I don’t think it represents the *supportive people* or *pleasant personality* etc.

    I blame my Jupiter in the 12th House Conjunct Ascendant for my coming out pretty OK at the end.

    I’ve got Mars in Libra on the cusp of the second house that’s not aspecting a great deal in the chart and up until the age of 23 I could swear I had no Mars. (I did, it was just one that was self-destructive and repressed). So while I was frequently able to charm my way out of the worst of trouble I think if the choice came between battling for survival and laying down to die I’d choose the second every time. I think my survival is down to Jupiterian bouts of hidden fortune more than any of my own doing for every time I got to the point of trying to kill myself/close to dying something or someone would come running out to rescue me in the nick of time. [e.g. I was drowning but a man dove in to save me; I was trying to throw myself off a high wall but someone came running out of nowhere to pull me down; my house caught fire but an off duty fireman was passing at that moment and he summoned the cavalry] and after a while this kind of built up my belief that a)I just wasn’t going to die before my time so might as well concentrate on living b) things would work out in the end and be all right.

    Also I’ve got a first house Saturn, which I think tends to bestow endurance as much as hardship and I’ve certainly been hardy in managing to recover from accident and illness.

  12. this is a very interesting topic. as I read the other comments i remembered something I read about sagitarius people, they were compared to ducks, that seem to slide graciously over the water, with seemingly no effort at all, but under the water their feet are doing the hard work… sagitarius comes after scorpio, so I think it embodies the concept of resilience the best. sagitarius (jupiter ruled) has the hability to be optimistic and see the light at the end of the tunnel, they have learned to die -in scorpio- and be reborn. they have faith. this might be the secret of resilience.

  13. Mars and women, I want to study this topic more! I just recently started running again after years of nothing. Long story short… It acted as a major catalyst. There was a dramatic outpouring of repression and it provided invaluable insight afterwards. I could literally feel this innate power returning to me. Unfortunately, I blamed my husband for my repression in a myriad of ways but thankfully he stuck with me and thankfully I had someone (therapy, mentor) who cared about our relationship. They both gave me the space and freedom to see the light. Women, this is an internal fight. I can’t even explain how elsaelsa has also guided me, this site works in mysterious ways, only revealing what I need when I’m ready… But with a continual focus on community and family, on relationships… The most important “thing” we have!

  14. Sometimes books act like people are slaves to the way their childhood tweaked them. Especially those in the Freudian vein. Though talk therapy was supposed to help. Seeing people suss out what makes a resilient child is refreshing. Seems like they do require other people though to come out OK and not everyone gets that.

    What about the kids with a poor Mars. I mean one thing I find is the person who turns the fight on themselves. Or pushes others off who stimulate them to try.
    The person who stops hanging out with people who challenge them to climb out. Or redo bad habits.
    I get that person to some extent but there has to be some way around it or what, OD or something

  15. I was a resilient child until i was 38. My Mars is in Cancer and my family-of-origin finally managed to break me. They made my home unsafe and threatened my kids. Almost 6 years later i am not the same person i was before. I’m slowly gaining back my fight but man, it’s been hard work.

  16. I am resillient. But that is thanks to my faith in God (not a christian btw). I’m very religious and being connected with God and believieng he will always help me among other things, and always wants my best, is basically what makes me resillient. Without my faith, I would be a mess by now.

  17. I’m resilient as hell, Pluto in the 12th. I’ll gladly curl up in a ball, however. I never blame anyone. The path of least resistance is my preference, and please everyone just leave me alone. I’m surround by Marsy people and it gets old. My brother, the Aries moon hates me and always has, no matter how good I am to him. And… he blames, blames, blames everyone for everything. My mother-in-law is sun conjunct Mars within a degree, a discovery I made a couple of months ago which completely validated everything I’ve felt/experienced/intuited in my 29 1/2 year marriage. The discovery made me smile because I was right about so many things but also made me depressed because I think I’m going to be dealing with her for a long time to come. Sigh…

  18. I would fall under your definition of a “resilient child” with Mars underpinnings. My natal Mars is posited on my Gemini IC. Yes, a high school teacher (Gemini) mentored me; and I do derive self satisfaction from my hobbies.

    I always felt that Mars fueled (Mars trines my intercepted 8H Libra Sun) my existence. I like the way Mars likes to “Just Do It” thus diminishing the effects of my overthinking Virgo Mercury.

  19. Well:

    – Saturn and capricorn in 4th: cut off from family and with very little emotional support during childhood, and a loner at heart

    – Mars conjunct ascendant: the warrior, ”I’ll show them!!”

    – Virgo Sun conjunct Mercury, Venus and Jupiter in Leo: ”if i just keep doing my very best and keep my chin up, I’ll be fine, eventually”…

    It’s so funny Elsa, because tonight I ”celebrate” 10.000 days on earth! I say ”celebrate” because it’s kind of a silly thing, but since the fact was pointed out to me I’ve been saying that man maybe I should celebrate it?? Because God knows getting here was a quite the lonely struggle, and not at all a given.

    I’m proud of me; deeply happy that I stuck around, and that through it all, at least I’m resilient. What beautiful synchronicity this post is! Cheers to all of us who don’t know how to give up 😀 We’ll be FINE, I promise..

  20. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional and violent household. First time I had my father arrested I was 8. My father died when I was 17 and I thought of it as divine intervention. My older brother was forever scarred by the experience. I wasn’t and he used to say he couldn’t believe we grew up in the same house. It just so happens I have Mars (26 degrees Sagg) on my ascendant (25 degrees Sagg) first house. I read your column a d said “this makes sense”. I always considered my sagg heavyweights were to offset my stellium in my ith house all in Cancer.

  21. I was a not-so resilient child who grew up to be a resilient adult. This in spite of the fact that I had only two of the ‘resilient child characteristics’ (4 and 6) that were listed above. From infancy, my childhood was horrific. Born with Mars-Pluto conjunct in the 12th, I barely survived as Pluto and Mars retrograded back and forth over their natal placements, then crossed over my Venus, Ascendant and North Node which were also in the neighbourhood. I lived about 10 lives by the time I was in my mid-teens. Apparently some Astrologers call that ‘accelerated evolution’. But, evolve I did – and eventually I became a very self-aware, fairly sanguine sort of person. My salvation wasn’t fighting back – I turned inward instead. As a little child hiding in the cupboard, I was comforted when Angels spoke to me, and with visions and dreams of heavenly realms. With Pluto, Mars and Venus in the 12th, this was what came most naturally to me. My life is rewarding, happy and remarkably stable. The loss, deprivation and sheer misery suffered in my early life means I really, really appreciate the thousands of small positive things encountered in daily life that most people take for granted. My life is filled with love – I seem to be getting a double does to make up for what I didn’t receive as a child. It was a hard, hard road, but – and this might seem strange – I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. You can never fully appreciate the Light unless you’ve lived in the shadows. 🙂

  22. Yes yes I am! For me I think its a mix of many things, but the indicators is imo: Moon and Mars aspects and also the 8th house. There be more indicators of course, but this is what I have noticed in my and friends charts.

    For me, My Mars is Conjunct my Moon and Chiron.
    They are both opposite Saturn and Uranus.

    Now, I would definiately say that, Moon and Mars aspects to Saturn, makes one very very emotionally resillient. Saturn helps one to have structure. To make one grounded. After you had an anxiety attck etc, Saturn energy can make you stay strong and slowly but steadily to process and stand up and have and move on.

    I often after a periods of grief (small grief or something I grieved for some weeks or months, I will always have a voice in my head be like

    “ok, so now you have been through this process, you have grieved, had many emotions, many thoughts etc, now, its time to start walking, and be strong. You can still feel, but don’t let the feels crush you and unabeling you from moving forward. Have a plan, a goal, and focus on that”.

    Also Jupiter is sextile my mars. Even when its dark, that energy will lighten things up.

    I also have an 8th house stellium in Aries and the planets there are inconjunct Pluto. Letting go is hard haard. But Plutonic energy, makes one so superbly resilient, imo and experience.

    So Saturn and Pluto. Moon-Mars, 8th house etc, indicators of resilliens

    • Also my 8th house stellium with Venus, and Venus in contact with Neptune. And 9th house sun and merc

      I’m religious, and I all my resillience, is actually due to my faith in god. And love for god.

  23. Indeed, it could be Mars in House 8 and Mars sextile Jupiter

    I have been fighting all my life in my own manner and while it gets tiresome, there’s this inner will that tells me to keep going

    Maybe softened aspects with the MC also help

  24. Interesting & absolutely correct in my case. Mars in H10 conjunct Pluto on one side & MC on the other!
    Of those 6 points listed in the post, I can identify with every single one.
    Just this morning I discovered my own brother once again being deceptive & playing his usual underhanded games. So what did I turn to whilst I settle my thoughts? Some quiet time scrapbooking an album of a happy family trip 0:)

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