I’ve been married for 2 plus years to an incredibly narcissistic and selfish man. We have a sexless, non-communicative relationship. Initially I couldn’t believe this person who professed to love me more than anyone ever would hurt me intentionally every single day and show absolutely no remorse. He has said and done horrendous things.
I am finally able to see that he conned me from the very beginning, yet I still feel stuck here for some reason. I gave up my home, my furniture, my world to be with him… only to receive abuse and incredible emotional trauma in return. He is a double Aquarian rageaholic with Virgo rising. I also suspect highly that he is bisexual and has had numerous affairs going on since I met him, all the while claiming I’m the one who has lied, cheated, etc.
Sadly, I’ve lived a lifetime filled with abusive relationships. One day, I want to finally be safe, happy, and free to experience real love and commitment with a healthy person. This man I live with seems to be the worst mistake of my life. I’ve been confused about what to do, because I thought my love for my husband would be strong enough to change him, but what I’ve come to realize is that I can only change myself.
When is enough enough… and after all he’s done to me, why am I having such a difficult time leaving him?
When we get ourselves into these situations (and we all do) and can’t get out, it’s because we are lacking something – and that something is variable. In some cases, we may not have the support necessary to shore us up and keep us strong enough to successfully fight our way out. And that support may be coming. In other cases, it’s right there in front of you, in the form of a friend you already have who will show up and pitch in if only you confide your situation.
But in other cases, a person may be forced to dig deep inside and find their own strength to battle their demons. Or sometimes you can’t get out, because there is still something you need to learn from the other person.
I have no doubt your situation is horrific. But if you do not stay in it long enough to acquire some understanding of the nuts and bolts of the thing, you are absolutely guaranteed to go back out there and get yourself in a similar situation, frequently even worse than the one you just left! So with that threat you are better off, long term to get out slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, etc.
Now specific to your situation, I suggest right off the bat that you lose the victim mentality. “I gave up this and this and this and look what happened to me…” Because this mindset will get you nowhere. Instead, take responsibility:
“I gave up this and this and this and I see now that these were really bad choices.”
And instead of. “I have had a lifetime of abuse…” (Poor me) Try, “I am sick of being abused and I am going to x, y, and z to correct this problem…”
As for the astrology, soon Saturn will be transiting your Sun Pluto conjunction which will pressure you to work (Saturn) to transform (Pluto) yourself and your life (Sun). I’m hoping this blog sets you on that path.