Married Man Brings Other Woman Home, To Have Sex

Dear Elsa,

What kind of man brings his affair partner into his house that he shares with his wife, to have sex? And what kind of woman, hoping this man leaves his wife for her, would go into the other woman’s house?

Scorpio
United States

Scorpio, I am involved with a man who has insight into the the psyches of men so I asked him this question on your behalf.

Brace yourself because he said he did not think it surprising, “Any man who would cheat on his wife… if he would do that, why would he not bring her into the house? A man of that character is not going to stop… have some kind morals all the sudden…”

He then asked me what I thought about the woman. I told him I would never do something like that in a million years. I would also have nothing to do with a man who wanted me to do something like that.

“Well there you go,” he said.

So here is our answer to what kind of man would do this: It’s a man of low character and a woman of same.

Anyone else?


Comments

Married Man Brings Other Woman Home, To Have Sex — 41 Comments

  1. Nope, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. I think both of these people are amazingly uncouth. Personally, I don’t even like having sex in anyone else’s bed — other than mine or my partners, I mean. I still cringe when I hear people talking about making out on their parent’s or friend’s beds as teenagers. *lol*

  2. They are both self-centered, self-serving and most certainly have no respect for the man’s wife. The marriage would be irreparable for me – no way I could recover from such a disgusting display of disregard.

  3. Perhaps a man and woman who enjoy sneaking. Men often do not look at things the same as women, this man probably doesn’t realize how much more tramatic it would be to his wife if she learned he had tainted their intimate marital bed.

    I somewhat feel the opposite of Korellyn in that I feel a person’s marriage and their intimate choices are their own business; not to be exposed for public judgement.

  4. Well, doing the wild thing in the room the wife probably decorated and chose the bed, could very well be an ultimate expression of Anger toward her, i.e “I now ‘mark’ this space as mine at the deepest level, you are now a stanger here.”

    (PS. I’m no scorpio, but sure sounds like it!)

  5. Ahh yes this would be a buddy of my SO’s. His wife tossed him out on his arse as soon as he tried to have his young lover MOVE INTO their house with their two children.

    He is, about 4 years later, still with the younger woman. His is also very divorced. The younger woman is rude and obnoxious and hated by all of his friends. However, his guy friends are still friends with him but try not to invite him to any events or occasions that would allow him to bring his new woman. None of them understand why he did what he did as his wife was actually nice, intelligent, and fun to be around. They do actually comment on that everytime they see him. It’s a sense of wonder that he’s with the younger woman because she’s so unpleasant to be around – and I do mean UNPLEASANT with nothing nice to say – ever.

    Personally, I try not to invite him to my home- with or without the woman. Not so much because I’m trying to be judgmental but because I’m afraid I might say something really too blunt.

    As for the question. I’d take a stab in the dark and say that a man like that wants to be out of his current relationship and is too spineless to say so directly. He will continue in such behavior until he is released from his current relationship and free to see as many other women as he wishes. And then those women, sadly, will get wash, rinse repeat.

  6. I agree that it would take someone of low character to do something like this – I would also suggest that the people who would do this do not respect themselves and therefore cannot respect anyone else either.

  7. I think for some people doing something taboo is part of the attraction of having an affair so this sort of thing just adds to the tension/their sense of enjoyment.

    my fex and I attended his mistress’ wedding (during their affair). I wonder if her husband ever found out.

  8. Still, I cannot help being fascinated with the show ‘Big Love’ (not the morman stuff, but the stuff about him handling 3 wives, soon to be four, looks like).

  9. I concur 100%. And unfortunately it reminds me of a situation I know of… Only it was the married woman bringing her young boy-toy home to spend the weekend with her while her husband was out of town. I find it incredibly difficult to think much of either of them.

  10. lol, Kashmiri.

    The whole thing is a fucked thing to do, I agree.

    also potentially dangerous for somebody unless the spouse is actually out of the country or something.

  11. My BIL, the one who had a crush on me, wanted me to come over his house to “fool around”. I said no way.

    Now his crush is out in the open (it was exposed 6 months ago), and the wife took him back and claims to have “rehabilitated” him.

    I used astoundingly poor judgement by returning his crush. (No sex was involved.) I was going through a very rough patch with Cap hubby, and instead of working on the marriage, I did that. And who got shat on when it was all over? Me, by the jealous and insecure women that surround him (the wife, crazy SILs, etc.) I knew that would be the outcome, but since the wife has such a crummy personality, I guarantee it’s going to happen again.

    As for me, I’ve made a pledge never to get into anything like that ever again. That was my Leo ego gone out of control, tired of feeling (so as I thought) unappreciated by a Cap.

  12. Lis, I relate to your comments and to the Leo-Drama run riot! Don’t forget, the crazy women surrounding him don’t give a shit what HE really wants, rather, sounds like they just intend to control him as long as they can … and your right, it won’t be forever. It WILL happen again. He doesn’t really love her, see? in fact, I am surprised he is not a Leo too!

    rehabilitated him LOL, snort. yeah right

  13. The only reason a man wouldn’t bring a mistress to his house would be to avoid getting caught… Read into that what you need to.
    Sorry, Scorpio.

  14. Rob, lol, does that mean you are sorry because you are a scorpio? or that you are sorry for all the scorpios? or that you feel sorry for scorpios in general?

  15. Loon–I know he doesn’t love her. And you know who told me that? Hubby!

    He called his sister’s marriage “a business transaction.” Now, if BIL the dog was telling me this crap, I’d be like, “Yeah right, you just want to get into my pants. Bye!” But it was a whole ‘nuther thing coming from my hubby, who was only in high school when he met BIL! To have a 15 or 16 yo kid think that about your brand-new relationship, ouch.

    BIL is an Aries with three Pisces planets and a Csncer Moon. Saturn in Cap forms a t square with both the lights.

  16. lol… Loonsounds… I’m sorry for the Scorpio woman going through this… because if her husband’s doing this it means he isn’t even thinking about the marriage anymore… and is going about informing her of the situation in the dirtiest way possible.

  17. I am a women that is going through this.Husband lives in total denial The mental stress is endless. I will be so glad when its over. The home that we have is nothing more than a trigger.I can only hope it sells soon. very terrible I. have no respect for a women that would do an act like this. or any women that would have a affair with a married man.

  18. Married men do this because they want to get caught. This is his way to get out of the marriage. He knows the marriage is over way before he brings another women into his home and bed. Is it wrong? Yes! Is there a better way to go about it? Yes! but maybe his wife will not leave no other way so the husband is running out of options to make her leave. So now the affair is thrown in his wife’s face to make her leave. If the wife still does not leave, then the only other option would be for the man one day to leave and never come back and men are known to do that (he could say I am leaving to go get milk or something at the store and never come back). That sad, but reality.
    Some say it is not a good idea for the wife to confront the other woman. When a man brings another woman into his home that means he has chosen her to be with.

    • @bella i agree with this. they really are not happy so they are wanting desperately to get caught so the wife leaves. i’ve heard of all kinds of ways of men wanting to get out cause they just can’t. maybe the woman in question is more domineering so they — the man cannot confront the woman and say he is unhappy because they will fight and go through theraphy which he may not want. I’ve heard of stories that the man just stays miserably cause he getting old anyway.

      Or the stories of men marrying for religious culture reasons and then they are really gay and leave their wives for a gay union. Or the other types, a man who changes gender? I saw that in bruce jenner…it may have been there for years but if i were the wife i would still be devastated. those are examples. they are all devastating for a woman.

      • that tv netflix series “frankie and gracie” touches on this, and the two ladies already in their 70s are devastated.

        with the OP’s situation i think it’s a very passive aggressive man, who is unhappy and he is afraid of confrontation.

  19. I just found out that my Husband brought the women he had been cheating on me with to our house, they order food in and did God knows what, he admitted it but of course blamed me for it, said he wasn’t happy and whatever other excuse he came up with,I think he has done this before to, I have felt it. He has continued to cheat on and off for the past few years but always says the same thing I am sorry and every time I get ready to leave him he begs me to stay. But knowing he brought her to our home makes me so sick so I decided to see if this has happened with anyone else, it is shocking that someone who is supposed to love you can do soothing so hurtful and horrible. I do not understand how he could do this, I have asked him to leave and he is refusing to go because the house is in his name! I do not know what to do and just feel sick and in pain

    • So sorry you’re going through this. I am a submissive (BDSM) of a married man who requested/demanded he sneak me into his house while his wife was there! He wanted me on the couch while I suspect she sleeps. It was totally inappropriate and made me question if he was a sociopath. Don’t want anything to do with him now. Thanks for the vulnerability in your story and so upset you went through this.

    • I am the other woman!! I have been sleeping with a married man for 1 year in the bed he shares with his wife when she’s not home, of course. It’s totally exhillerating. If he doesn’t care why should I? And ps. Your husbands not getting it good from you or he wouldn’t be getting it better from another woman honey. If you ladies don’t keep it exciting then how can you expect your men to be faithful, I mean seriously🤷‍♀️ Good luck…. the mistress and proud of it!!!!

      • I’m in the same boat girl I agree with you 100% if the wife doesn’t want to get busy he will find some one else!!But we did it in their bed and I do and want to know what he’s thinking it’s just I’m going to give it some time!! But wives sleep with your man!! Or he will stray!!

      • My husband stated ..”we had sex just one time…” then proceeded to make up a story that it was in her house with a step by step detailed account of the sex that he guiltily couldn’t finish. For 14 days this fabrication continued until he told me that it was in our family home the day after his first child was born. The lies are unforgivable and the bitch in my home is unforgivable. What do I do after 20 years? He has continually lied to my face for the past 15 years. Do I leave him and at what cost to our children?

    • Bella, darling you are sooo wrong! Men don’t cheat and bring their mistress home to the marital bed to get caught, they do it because it’s exciting, the sex is awesome and she gives it to him better than his wife does so do your research before commenting. I speak from experience, I’m a mistress and proud of it. I satisfy my man when his wife can’t!!

  20. Don’t know how this works. I typed in married man has mistress move into his family home. Yep. That is exactly what happened to me. My father had this 17 year old girl move into our home in 1973. My mom agreed to it. He said it would only last one year. Well after 10 years of this nonsense she left. Thank God! Well, mom met a man that was divorced and married him. They have been married 32 years. He was and is a great stepdad to my sister and I. He had 3 children. His wife had left him for another man. So at 52 still struggling to make sense of it all. Going to counselor that is helping. The strangest thing is I want my dad’s approval. Oh I forgot. My dad married that woman. She never left our home. But was it really a home? The lies I was told were never questioned. I thought dad knew everything about life.

  21. Hi, I have been having sex in my lovers bed of 1 year, a bed he shares with his wife every night, I figured if he doesn’t care then why should I care. I mean it’s his wife not mine. And doing it in the marital bed is soo exciting. I don’t care what anyone thinks of this either. Moral of the story. Take care of your men ladies or someone else will!!

  22. I think its just an immaturity thing. Exhilerating? Ok. If you feel that your life is not your own, I guess rebelling in that way could be exciting. If youve never felt powerful in your life, then doing something like this could seem like power.

    But nothing like the power and excitement of taking ownership of yourself and knowing that you are a free being, and therefore responsible for your own life. Being your own authority, thats exhilerating.

    This sneaking stuff- childs play and booooooring as f word.

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