Dina asks on He’s Not Into You:
“But, Elsa, what if you’re fat? Or what if you’re unkempt? Primping is so emphasized in our culture, playing the courting game, wearing clothing that flatters and changes you.. “Staying just as you are because someone’s looking for you..” I don’t know.”
Dina, one person’s fat is another person’s desirable. What is unkempt to one is casual and relaxed to another. Less you think this answer is a cop out, let me make this very clear…
Fat and unkempt is a condition that is in the moment. I have been fat and unkempt at times in my life. Matter of fact I have been very fat and very unkempt. These things can and do change especially when someone comes along and loves you.
It’s far more important to develop your individual character if you want to attract satisfying relationship. It’s very simple. Would you rather be happy… or beautiful?
Actually happy people are beautiful. People want to be around them because they make you feel goo. Fellow astrologer, Jack Fertig, now deceased, said it best:
“Whatever you may think, it’s never your age, your weight, your hair, your height, or your abstinence from gymnasia. It’s ALWAYS your attitude.”
I agree with him. Pretty (handsome) only gets you the first date. If you are a boring jerk, no one is going to love you and furthermore I have had people date my hair and it was not what I would call a good experience. In fact, I would call it a demoralizing experience.
Develop and open your individual heart and mind and soul. How else will love get in? But let’s ask people. Let’s experiment because I betcha the answer to this is incredibly varied.
What type person (appearance or otherwise) do you find most attractive? Where is your Venus?
“I have had people date my hair and it was not what I would call a good experience. ”
Venus in Sag in 8th – I like friendly buddy types who love me to death! Must have own interests & not cling. But I should be one of the top interests 🙂 As far as looks go, it varies, but substantial is usually an adjective I could use (probably because Venus trines Jupiter, lol.
Okay, my Venus is in Virgo but I’m sure I’m attracted to Virgoans. In fact I have no idea what I’m attracted to. I usually just sort of ended up with anybody who would pay attention to me. Except for the last guy – Gemini plus Virgo. I’m still crying every day over him. But it was really the Virgo that broke us up.
Venus conjunct Neptune trine Moon in 7th house. (fantasy anyone?). My “dream girl” is Miss America….. but I married a 200+lbs (probably 250+lbs). Why?? ’cause she was sharp witt and played the heartstrings. Oh…. and she loved sex , lots of it.
What I’m saying here (besides my obvious lack of critical judgment) is this: it was her ability to use her mind , keep her personal hygiene near-immaculate , her clothes were tasteful but just a hint of “come here, I’ve something for you” , and to focus on something other than her body , which won me over.
I have 3 planets (more in you count the numerous asteroids) in 3rd house. Being able to use your mind is attractive to me. Unfortunetly , this lady turned into something comepletely different almost immediately upon our marriage. So…. mind games are a definite no-no. Honesty goes a long way.
*Bah* Stuck for words here.
I’m attracted to men who seem like they could look after me – I know that sounds old-fashioned! I don’t need looking after and have spent happy periods as a singleton but the thought of a tall, strong, brave man to look after me is immensely attractive.
I have Venus in Virgo in fourth house but I’m not attracted to well-presented, clean shaven guys – I much prefer scruffy, unshaven.
I have Mars in Cancer, first house. I read somewhere that, with females, Mars plays a big part in who we’re attracted to.
I’ve noticed lately that I’m attracted to men with Scorpio prominent in their chart. Maybe because I don’t have much in mine? (just Uranus and Lilith)
Its been so long, I don’t know if I remember…well, hypothetically speaking, what I definitely need is someone who has a mind as quick as mine, an interest in learning, and understanding. They need to be good at what they do, because I always turn out to get good at whatever I do, and they have to have a strong moral compass. Integrity is important to me. On top of that, as I said to a friend once, if they want to get into my pants, they’d better stop telling me how great they are, and start telling me how great I am!
Venus in Cancer
Venus in Capricorn, in the 8th. I don’t know if this has anything to do with who I’m attracted to.
I love ’em smart, and if they are a little bit of a smartass as well? bonus. lol I want them to get me laughing, but find me humorous as well. Sweet as pie, but also deep and intense. And.. as for physical.. typically… dark hair+light eyes= drooooooool 😉
Venus in Gemini in the 8th, looks are way down the bottom of the list for me, my partner was overweight when we met and I can’t remember even noticing! I need someone with an intellect and emotional intelligence. Also someone who doesn’t mind my warped sense of humour:)
10th house Venus in Taurus trine to 6th house Mars in Capricorn, 7th house cusp in Aquarius. The looks is secondary to the mind which has to be above average:)to challenge my Mercury at 0 Aries. Willing and able to communicate, sensual as in liking touching and to be touched, sense of humor an absolute must, clingy (as in Cancerian) types should not bother. Must appreciate the basic pleasures of life like good food and wine. But the looks – really no importa. The beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
I like quick-minded, very competent, masculine, fiery guys. I have Venus in Aries in the 7th.
dark hair, dark eyes, a solid personality. i prefer oddball, unique, and intense.
hard to find all of that, but i kinda’ need it. (venus is dancing with a bunch of other planets in my chart.)
Plenty of fat people get love every day. Every friend of mine who is heavier than me has gotten laid a billion more times than me, so I don’t think that’s nearly the stopper that say, a bad personality would be.
I tend to go for tall and skinny with some kind of cheekbones. Prefer blue eyes (or alternately hazel). Definitely of the geek-cute variety. MUST be a smartass. Probably has nothing to do with Venus in Taurus, but there you go.
Venus and mars in Gemini. A man who wears glasses and is well read;)
Sun & Venus in Aquarius in the 3rd: Like men who can teach me something – poetry, motorcycles, film, cooking – absolutely anything.
With Scorpio ascendant I can’t tolerate lack of intensity. Can’t play second fiddle to someone who another serious relationship besides me. I have to be number one.
I don’t care what they look like as long as there is good muscle tone. Agree with Elsa about a big nose. Most of all they just have to “smell right” to me and this is hard to define but unmistakable when it’s present.
Venus (House7) in Gemini, trine Uranus, opposition ASC
I don’t have a physical type, (although I prefer muscle and tone than skiny or overweight but height is not so important), the intellectual connexion will be a make or break criteria in a firt meeting. I’m attracted to unconventional men (or enterining other social circles, I’m not “supposed” to) and relationships. I love men that go after their (unconventional) dreams and realise themselves against all odds. This is what I find “beautiful”.
This is the attraction part. Doesn’t mean it works out in the end, because the emotional and sexual aspects will be also determinant.
Give me Garth Brooks and I’ll do the rest!
“dolce – Venus in Gemini. I like to debate. I like words. I like verbal competition. But most of all, I like giving someone a hard time in a fun way, him understanding that, and then giving it right back. Gets me every time. Every time.”
I have Venus in Gemini in the first and what dolce (above) said a couple years ago is spot on for me! Has to be someone who can make me laugh, an awesome sense of humor is a must, with not taking oneself so seriously being right up there too. Looks don’t matter so much but if they have light eyes, dark hair, and are of the geeky variety then that is a SUPER extra bonus!
Definitely a sense of humor tho, if you can’t make me giggle with your antics, then there isn’t much hope of me not getting terribly bored. Boredom is definitely not a good thing for any relationship I’m in with all the Gemini I’m stacking haha!
Someone solid and grounded, yet perfectly willing to allow me to fly without holding me back, but be there just in case I land on my head. Venus in Aries. I prefer tall, strong and long hair (read: rebel). Couldn’t deal with a clinging type, just intensly loyal and honest (Scorp Moon/Rising).
What type of person do I find attractive… Well for me it’s the same in women and in men, but I’ll write as for a man:
Someone with self-belief, who carries himself with assurance, whose looks may be unconventional but which are attractive – ie not too overweight nor very skinny, someone well proportioned, with an open gaze and decent teeth, and yes if male he must have a good nose! And if a man, not too short or tall. In women, I’m more attracted to dark than blonde, and I don’t like that conventional bland magazine-type looks which blonds often go for – I like a face with some character.
I don’t mind a bit of weight but sorry anything seriously overweight is very unattractive to me indeed, in either sex. I’ve only got one very overweight friend, and he has a truly brilliant mind! (and a very big bank balance with a heart to match lol). And I really don’t like scruffy at all – that’s a big turnoff for me
But most importantly, it’s a ‘quality’ or charisma, call it what you will, which attracts me. I like very self-confident verbal people with a good sense of humour, people who are well read and well informed and who can articulate their findings and feelings – and this usually comes across in the way they ‘look’ ie the face they present to the world
Venus in Cap, Taurus Moon
physically, I am attracted to all types of males. I like smart. A sense of humor is a must. But I won’t have a long term relationship with anyone who isn’t faithful and loving. Venus in aquarius in the 7th house.
Mister Sandman bring me a dream! His Mars must hunt me down and kiss my pretty toes. I don’t have a foot fetish. I have a Must Be Queen of His Fucking World fetish!
Mystery is important, as is confidence. Confidence is sexy and attractive. A smile that comes from within. Not into surface people. Someone who likes themselves without being arrogant about it.
I have venus in virgo in the 12th house. It is kind of difficult to me to really like someone, it just happened twice, the last recently with a guy with venus in aquarius who were not interested in me. I don’t really know why he wanted to keep contact honestly. Maybe to be just one of his list of “friends”. Unfortunatelly most of aquarians tend to trivialize the word “friend” when instead they should use “acquaintance”. Venus in air signs, in general, seems superficial to me. And I’m a libra but most of my chart is in earth element.
I already don’t have more contact with the guy really, it is not worthy, just a waste of time.
Ooh –what a fun subject! I will chime in here.
If you look at my Venus in isolation, you might think I’m into intellectually stimulating but fleeting and shallow, and maybe even polyamorous flings. Which isn’t the case at all. So you have to look at the whole picture. Personality has always won me over looks. Looks are icing but personality is the cake, the substance, the stuff you’re stuck with when the icing is all licked off the top.
These are the traits I am attracted to (and after kissing too many frogs, was finally fortunate enough to tie down and marry!)
Brilliant, funny, ambitious, socially conscious, chivalrous, conservative but powerful in speech and presence, visionary, and independent. And definitely communicative!! Talking is seduction for me.
The traits(yep, if you combine them up and look at them cohesively, they’re textbook!)
Venus in Gem (10th, trine Pluto in 3rd)
Mars in Taurus (10th)
Juno in Taurus (10th)
Aquarius on the DC
(No –I don’t find Geminis as attractive as much I should. Probably not at all. I can’t do flighty people in general, no matter the sign! But I do find non-boring Aqua-Cap types with old-fashioned common sense extremely hot. Maybe it’s all that 10th house action. ?)
I have Venus in Cap in the 12th house. I find polite, low-key guys who are accomplished to the point they don’t need to brag about it very sexy. Ones who have a huge libido carefully restrained beneath a nice pinstripe suit. Think Robert Palmer in the Addicted To Love video, a sexy Capricorn himself. Uh, that’s what I’m TALKIN ’bout! 🙂
I almost never attract men I’m attracted to when overweight. The slimmer I get, the more I draw men I do feel something for physically. It’s not because I’m more confident, it’s because my body is thinner, period. Losing weight is no guarantee of finding love but for increasing your pool of desirable (to me) dating partners it makes a TREMENDOUS difference.
Venus in virgo in the ninth. I like tall, dark men with beautiful faces. And I like wiry physiques. Thin but with some muscle tone. I know some people don’t have a “type” but that is definetly my type and not much else is nice to look at for me. Beneath the surface I like someone who’s calm and cool but has a commanding presence. I have Mars in scorpio.
As for beauty being in the eye of the beholder I totally agree. I had a friend tell me one time “men like thin women”. Bullshit. I’ve been up and down with my weight. I attract men at every weight and so did she.
It’s weird that some people treat it like some kind of contest. The person who is attractive to the most people wins? I’ve gotten caught up in that game in the past thinking that’s what being single and looking for someone was about. I think I was hanging out with insecure people too.
I still have trouble believing this because people tend to reject me within five seconds of looking at me. And I don’t like the type of people who’s flavor of the month I am. Lately only very old men check me out and I’ve seen other women struggle as time goes on. I can’t forget how Glenn once said his taste is Victoria secret models or how people like what they like. I can always tell the best looking person in a room like in that episode of the office Amy Adams guest stars in. Sometimes the fish you reel in aren’t to your taste anyway. Sometimes you feel in no fish. I think looks get you more choices and I want that.
Only wayyy older men and people who find my pasty white skin “exotic” are vocally attracted to me. But I’m only interested in men that are around my age and who won’t consider me a “gringa” at first glance. From this group no one has ever called me beautiful, let alone approach me. Every once in a while I have a mutual attraction with someone and I do sense they are slightly interested, but I think they don’t do anything more than that because they’re embarrased. Men make fun of other men with unusual tastes. And I don’t want to be with someone who’ll be ashamed of being seen with me. 🙁
I have Venus in Libra in the 6th
I have Mars and Venus in Leo conjunct. I find very Mars-y people attractive, and I’m attracted to very Venusian people too. A combo of both? Perfect.
Regardless of how I feel and how certain things aren’t working, I understand the comforting logic of this, that we have the physical cards we are dealt and have to work with them. But I think weight and other stuff do make it harder. That song the oldest baby in the world is searing and depressing. I used to judge women like that. Thinking their fake airiness was a front and everyone could see through it. But, I dunno, I mean crying and being bitter is not helping either.
My Venus is in Cancer. Chart ruler, & aspecting almost everything else in my chart. (It takes me some time to get to know, why I like someone – or something – but, by the time when I do know, they do, too.) Whatever category of liking. (I admire curvy women, in friends. And “curvy,” in character, most of all.. others call those traits, generosity, and thoughtful: well-rounded, mind-wise. A male friend has a curvy mind: one day he said, about not wasting water – here, where water is plentiful – that somewhere, there’s “his brother,” never met, related only through humanity, who must be careful with water, carried home by the women & girls in his family.)
On the other hand, I most enjoy objects that are simple/plain in design. Or maybe it’s essentially similar. People who are curvaceous, physically and thoughtfully, tend to be streamlined, morally. The ones I notice, anyway. 🙂
PS What attracts me, to friends, is similar to what attracts me romantically. And esthetically. Character, and what one is good at doing. Funny thing, there are often graceful curves involved. 😉
I can’t speak for anyone else, but the heavier I am, the less frequently I find partners that I’m attracted to. In my case, what I weigh makes ALL the difference.
I love deep conversations about Life = Venus Aquarius 9th H. (and their good cooking too!)
Think of it this way: we all know some really ah…not conventionally attractive folks who have managed to find true love.
So true, Jennifer.
When I was a teenager my English teaching got married. He was, ah…not conventional at all in his appearance, hygiene and character. At all.
He was happily married and one day I bumped into he and his wife. They were a picture of marital love and bliss. She was very pretty, kind and friendly. And clearly very much in love.
I learned then that probably everybody, everybody in time will find someone who adores them and finds them attractive just the way they are – no matter their looks or personality or age.
It was eye-opening. Love is available to all 🙂
I have Venus in Aquarius conjunct IC from the 3rd house.
I find ‘different attractive. I have dated most religions and many ethnicities (I’m dual heritage) – not a conscious choice just that Í like to date ‘different’ and learn things from different cultures/religions in the process (Venus sextile jupiter.)
I don’t like ‘too eccentric’ (a little here and there is enough – got uranus rising so I am plenty.)
When people see pictures of my fiance and me they notice how different we look and say it.
Our composite sun (4th house) conjuncts mercury and sextiles saturn and mars yet it is opposite uranus (10th.) We feel at home together (4th) yet to English society (10th) we are unconventional looking as a pair.
Having mars in gemini, venus in libra and Pisces in descendant, intellectual men were quite attractive….the type that can hold a conversation on their own. But having more intellect often meant that they could be more of an intellectual bullies. I think now that being kind is far more attractive than anything else.
I have Venus Cancer on the 10th squaring Pluto on my first house, as well as trines to my Scorpio moon/Saturn. I find beauty in age gaps, 8-12 years age differences. I’m attracted to hardworking, earthy and motivated types that know how to take care of women and children. I tend to like guys who have a respected reputation in the community. Looks and relationship status do not matter because when my Venus square Pluto gets triggered by undercurrents of dark Scorpio chemistry magic, it’s over. It could be with anyone and anywhere because that aspect is like a forbidden fruit magnet.
I love a man (or friend) with a great sense of humor and willing to have a little fun exploring the world with me. My Venus is in Sag and my husband of 30+ years is a Sag rising… I still giggle like a teenager at his jokes.
With regard to the Beauty and the Beast analogy – I can’t think of circumstances (in the collective unconscious) where the woman has been the ‘beast’ and the man has fallen in love unconditionally regardless of her age/hideousness. This may imply gender bias… I’ve never met a bloke that liked fat ugly birds ?
I’ve thought about that too.
I wish more men would weigh in on this topic.
Venus in Leo conjunct Mars and Uranus within a 3′ orb in the 6th house. I do fall for coworkers, fellow dog owners and people at the gym or supermarket!. I love confidence, energy and a full heart or at least a sense of humour. Nice hair or clothes do make a difference. I’m very loyal and expect the same.
I might have man boobs and a beer-belly, but I’ll sure keep you laughing!
my husband and i both have our venus’s in water houses. so thats alot of homebody and deep love ^^ he did love me right away because i am so always optimistic and easy going. I dont stress. He stresses alot so its good im not a high stresser so he can feel happy and comfortable with less stress. And i agree its not your weight, because i’m considered very overweight now. And i dont care really lol I love to eat!!! i will munch chocolate cake at midnight. XD
I love that quote by Jack Fertig: ” “Whatever you may think, it’s never your age, your weight, your hair, your height, or your abstinence from gymnasia. It’s ALWAYS your attitude.”
i just realized there’s a famous couple, Taurus Pierce Brosnan with gemini moon who loves his wife Libra sun with Venus scorpio very dearly. And there’s mean people who think she’s too overweight like me, and that he’s so handsome (was 007 james bond) but clearly he doesn’t care. this article is clearly like that.
I actually knew Jack Fertig fairly well. 🙂 It’s nice to see he’s remembered.
Venus conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius the 7th house, trine Mars and Jupiter, square Saturn. I like a man who likes an adventure and is intelligent. Really, I have always fallen for a man’s heart and mind before I ever considered looks.