Libra: Focus On The Other Person’s Life & You’ll Squander Your Own

libra goddessI wrote this when Saturn was transiting Libra, circa 2011. I thought it might be off-putting to some, but others desperately wanted these things defined because they desperately wanted to overcome their problems in relationships.  Saturn in Capricorn is squaring Libra. Time for a reboot!

You want to invest in yourself. To focus on the partner, trying to get them to do this or that or the other thing in their life is a waste of your time.  You’re much better off working to make yourself a great person and a great partner. If you opt to do this and you’re successful, you’ll have no problem finding someone who wants to be with you.

Just think about spending two or three or more years trying to get X person to do Y thing.  What might you have accomplished if you’d invested in yourself?

What if you went to college and took some classes during that time?
What if you started a business or an exercise program or gone to the library, or fixed your wardrobe, your house, your relationship with your family, or even your relationship with yourself?

There’s another way people focus on other people’s lives – they blame them for things. The fact is, your life and it’s quality is your responsibility.  It’s not your partner’s, your neighbor’s or your President’s responsibility to provide you a life you enjoy. It is up to you to define (Saturn) your pleasure (Libra / Venus) and then to work to get it. If you take this on, you’ll be amazed at the results.

Tell us of your success after taking responsibility for your life and happiness.

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Libra: Focus On The Other Person’s Life & You’ll Squander Your Own — 38 Comments

  1. “there are others who desperately want this defined because they desperately want to overcome their problems in relationships so this is for them.” Yes..and thank you 🙂

    I have had to face a lot within myself since Saturn entered Libra. It’s been a long hard haul so far, but the end result has been both enlightening and rewarding. I’M GLAD to have these things revealed to me because relationships are so so important in my world. I could literally write a book (and just might) about the revelations I’ve encountered under this aspect. There has been a lot of work, geesh..A LOT of work and probably still quite a bit to review and work on. But for me, I can already tell its going to be totally worth it.
    I’m just glad to have found this place almost a year after Saturn in Libra happened, otherwise I never would have recognized what was going on.

  2. Here is a tip: If you have never been happy or satisfied in your life, it’s probably not your boyfriend’s fault.

    And here’s another tip: No one wants to be around people who are chronically disappointed in the people they are around! 🙂

  3. Hi Elsa,

    For the first time in my life, I have focused on me, my family and my home these past couple of years. I have spent most of my life trying, for no good reason, to please others. It’s been refreshing and scary at times to focus on me, but the rewards have started to arrive finally. Because I am aware of Saturn’s journey through Libra, I am aware of the “tests” as they happen – I used to read about awareness being everything and never actually got it, but now I do. Tried and tested. I’m looking neither left nor right, just focusing on what I have to, and not scattering my energy like I did for oh so many years.

    All the best to you
    DeeC

  4. I cannot say that I have never been happy, I have had some fulfilling relationships and a wonderful opportunity in my life to become emotionally connected to a large variety of people. But, so far, it has been recognizing the point of self-sabotage in a relationship that has been the most rewarding. Aside from co-dependence..I get bored or scared..create unneccessary drama, just to watch things go up in flames, to put it bluntly. I would get so close it scared me and so I’d make a dramatic exit. The flames would cool from that and I would be on the prowl for my next relationshnip just so I could start it aaall over again.

    It’s funny, because the most obvious behavior patterns for me are often the ones I never even recognize. Finding these things out is like someone telling the Sky, “hey, you are blue” and the Sky responds “Dang!..I reckon I am, never really paid any attention to that.”

  5. By focussing on my needs for real, I’ve been realising it’s not all about me 🙂

    Which I think is pretty good progress for a Cardinal!

  6. I used to be the sole person in charge of the finances still primarily in charge but now my husband who is the bread winner is on board ahhh at last. I have been trying without success to get him to be a part of this since at least year 2004. I understood why and did not blame him for his lack of interest but I had been very ill and it really was a reality check what if something happened to me my husband would be at a huge loss as to where we stood or who we owed all that. Being as he is very smart would figure it out but why should he have to go through all that. If he was up to speed as to what, where and how things were should not be a monumental problem. Much to my surprise he would not commit to it. I was shocked to say the least. I should have been way more insistent because in 2006 we discovered that my parents really did need us to come back and care for them. Apparently my head was in a fog or something I totally miscalculated and due to corporate changes in relocation. We ended up moving our selves back to my parents it nearly put both of us in the hospital not to mention seriously placing a wedge in our relationship. Which I have been trying to repair since. When my mother passed in 2009 I inherited my parents finances as well what a mess I should have taken over long before I did, but who would have thought. It took me a year and 7 months to finally get him to see I needed him to be on board with me in especially in regards to the finances. We are still working on it but who ever said marriage was a walk in the park it is something both parties must be willing to work at to make it. At least that is how I have always seen it.

  7. I scrapped this dumb guy I was crying into my soup about day after day, I started going back to school part-time, I’m going to physical therapy to work on my body, I am letting everyone around me know what I expect in my relationships and I am not effing around, I am careful where I spend my money, and I am showing my family that I am a reasonable, responsible, and capable adult. Nobody is messing with me these days, I am outputting my energy at a clean and optimal capacity and getting the return!

  8. This is such excellent advice, I can only say “Bravo!”
    I know that when I met the love of my life, (again) I had taken a full year off from dating to get my mind, body and career secure and to imporve myself in all areas. This made me ready to be a strong partner and also made me attractive to someone who also had their life together.
    We serve as a grear example to our SO’s if we remember to work on ourselves and we also make a great partner for an SO that works on themselves and has their own ducks in a row! it makes for a healthy relationhship and makes you prepared for whatever comes your way in evey case!
    So even though this seems like simple advice it is really intelligent and something we should ALWAYS remember to have a happy and healthy relationship or to recover from a bad relationship!
    Again, Bravo!
    What’s up with my Mercury? I had to write this four times to get it posted because of accidents when hitting keys! Then again I am on “speed mode” with Aries coming to speed up my fire trine and I’m so full of energy I’m accident prone and mistake prone!
    Bummer.
    This was great, Elsa!
    Pardon all mistakes, I’m being attacked by planets. My natal chart is fired up!

  9. I am learning this lesson and I believe I’ve made some progressed. I immersed myself into art for more than a year now and miraculously it has a therapeutic effect so it healed me and is still healing me. I am working on my relationship with my parents. I am now more open to them and surprisingly, they too are doing the same.

  10. Cool post this has been on mind today.
    l realized a while ago l can put all that energy in myself and sure l can help people without expectations to avoid frustration. l really feel that if things are right for people they will do them anyhow and there isn’t much effort needed or pushing from my part. Things should flow in a way.
    It’s frustrating to say the least when you try to help someone and they just don’t do anything with it. l think it’s ok to invest in people and try to help them and support them if you see progress other wise it’s a waste of energy.
    Invest in yourself or the rigth people, the rest will follow l agree, easyer said then done but so true!

  11. Here’s another tip. You people who are working it, are meeting others willing to work it – this is reported by all. In a similar fashion, the weak hands are also aligning.

    Pretty spiff, eh?

  12. yes Elsa it’s spot on, l got this wake up call some time ago 🙂 l’m working it by going back and forth till l have it right..the thing for me is the LET GO part wich is hard.
    l ‘fought’ for people and it paid off big time!! that’s worth it l’d say. But when you see you fight allone it’s just frustrating!

  13. I’d become so used to not being so close to most people, and having nobody help me/defend me in the past when I needed it (outside of family), that I went overboard defending myself, even though it was clear that others had my back – I couldn’t let it go, and ended up causing more drama, when I would usually just walk.

    You just made me think of that, when you pointed out that we’re meeting people who are willing to work with us. Shooting myself in the foot, because I’m used to being wary of most women (once the knife has been placed in the back – defenses were *way* up).

  14. Oh, I’m sorry – you said to talk about successes. I’ve also had some really happy times in my life – when I was more concerned with my own life, than what someone else was doing (in relation to me), or what someone else might want (when I really started to want a relationship – opened a real can of worms there, compared to my being content as a young, single woman).

  15. Elsa, I was so much remembering your video on how we know if we are on the right path with our Saturn transit. My natal Saturn is in Cancer 6th house, and now it’s transiting my 9th, with a Square at 1º orb exact.
    So when Saturn went RX I went back to the gym (I left due to not having time, but then I was feeling pretty bad in my body) and a few days ago a woman was talking to me, and telling me how the gym was going to do me good, and after the talking she said I was doing my swimming routine right and told me she was a gym instructor.
    I guess that counts as an authority? 🙂
    I am also doing all the other things you mentioned, I realized that for the last years I became just someone not-interesting at all! Being back to reading books feels so good.

  16. Thanks for this recap, Elsa.

    Saturn really is kicking in my relationship with myself, and my relationships with people. My husband and I live in very close quarters, and setting my limits with what he brings home both physically and energetically means I have to draw strict lines. It gets firey sometimes, and I know my old habit of ‘peace at all costs’ tinkers with my confidence.

    The good news is that without me harping or going hysteric has led to awareness on his part. Walking things out literally helps me get clear and strong. I live where I can get out in the woods and take my walking stick. What I can do, I do. What I can’t, I leave lay. A woman with a big stick is a force with which to reckon:)

    More honest and authentic, I feel who I am and life is good, better, improving.

  17. Oh yeah… I have recently decided to do my very best to be happy (or at least not thrown too off balance) regardless of anybody or anything else. I am totally committed to taking care of my own needs and doing things that help me feel well, cause I am the only person who I can count on to do this for me.

  18. As I just read this quote from a book called “The Power of Possiblities” my mother gave me at Christmas, I would love to share this with you all…”Nothing changes…until you do!”. That pretty much says it all I think! Great Blog post Elsa!

  19. Elsa you are so right about this and since I have Libra and lots of eighth house planets I *have* to keep my attention on it and not forget it.

    I have spent so much time wrapped up in other peoples garbage you would not believe it. It’s not their fault; I made the decision to project myself into relationships that way and you do have to do this sometimes but I just let myself get lost in the process.

    I had two thoughts about this yesterday. I have a bad habit ( but not obsessive anymore) of reading my ex’s horoscope and thinking about how that is going to play out in his life. I was especially thinking about Venus Pluto, and how *he* has Venus Pluto, and how *he* is probably going to experience a fatal attraction with someone who is not me, and I got all upset about it and then after a while I thought, okay, that is INSANE. The man is not even here. This has *nothing to do with you*.

    And then I thought something else. I thought: this is no joke anymore. You have got to stop. You are out of time to do this shit anymore. If you don’t snap out of it and pay attention you’re going to waste the rest of your adulthood *imagining other peoples lives* instead of living your own. And thats just gross. Quit it.

  20. I’m in the thick of it. Feels like I’m about 75% of the way through….past the darkest, lowest spot and can see the light but not quite illuminated fully. I’m struggling to hang on to the hope that I’ll be able to report my success. Perseverence and patience I guess.

  21. P.S. Thing is with feeling authentic with my big stick … when I ask for something and I get it, it’s REAL important for me to say “Thanks, so much!” Saturn in Libra:)

    Then, the little girl with Saturn in Leo can giggle again, and oh does that make me happy to let down/get-down.

  22. My dad has a stellium in libra. He’ll never wake up. He’ll have the whole world shake up and he’ll never change, or acknowledge that he has had a role to play in other peoples’ lives.

    Perhaps, with saturn in Libra, I am to learn that this is the way he is? I can’t change him, I can only learn to get less upset over him, and his emotional and psychological absence.

  23. oh eva, that hits close to home!

    Something tells me I didn’t do very well with Saturn in Virgo. Ever since I’ve been reading here, I’m trying to be more aware and proactive this time. I have Venus in Cap so hopefully that gives me a leg up.

  24. finally healing from an 8-year soul-sucking relationship. it took a physical toll a la weight gain and recurring health problems that were threatening my ability to work.

    it’s amazing how quick the turnaround is when you’re back on the right path. my mental and physical health is the best it’s ever been. and i LOVE my own company. being lonely and alone is infinitely better than being lonely and coupled. last night i woke up in the middle of the night and felt general angst and despondency. then i asked myself, “would you rather be HERE?” or THERE (my past), and it reminded me of the many awful situations i’ve been in, and how much i have to be grateful for right now.

  25. It’s only been a few weeks since I ended my 4 1/2 yr relationship with a man who somehow always needed my help so much that I did not have the energy to manage my own life very well.

    The real kick in the pants is that he would put me down for not getting “my stuff” done and seemed to have a real problem with my need for 8 hrs sleep.
    I work nights and he’d expect me to be up by 7am even if I didn’t get to sleep until 2am.

    It’s nice now to finally have the time to work on the things that I let slide and not be so stressed out because I’m not superwoman.

  26. If this Saturn-Libra tale is going on for 2 years, I’m begining to get the point for real now:P:)
    and yes, sometimes “the cages” feel safe and fallimiar, even the ones that are not real. That is crazy, but it happens… so I’m going out of my cage now/slowly… and it took time to do so (Saturn)…but Saturn teaches us things the hard way when we won’t listen, so all is again – learned.
    I only learned that if I could do this much work for myself and try to make an x person do the y thing, than what would I get to do/try/taste/touch if i have made no one do anything…:) and then eventually the one that “works” as much as I do will work with me:)
    A great post…
    tnx:)

  27. This thread is golden to me. Every single blog contributer has added a valuable point of view on every single saturn in libra issue that I’ve needed to address. Awesome!

  28. Oh where was Saturn in Libra in 2007? Yep like so many others I took Saturn in Virgo’s theme of service a little too far and worried more about my partner’s wellbeing. The good news is we broke up right around the time Saturn moved to Libra (I am so amazed at how this astrology stuff just seems to work).

    But I am so so sick of personal growth. I’ve been doing that for 7 years now, from the visible like losing 60 lbs. and leaving my husband to the less so like learning to live my chart beyond my Virgo stellium. And outside of losing the annual 10 lbs. of holiday weight :-), there is nothing else I would change about me and that’s been true for 7 years (except for the annual holiday 10 which I do ultimately lose :-)). As for being a great partner, ask my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend and they’ll confirm. They continue to be those “corpses” that Elsa keeps warning us about! But all of this has not attracted someone who wants to be with me – quite the opposite. Well Saturn in Libra isn’t done yet! Dare I hope that with patience and perseverance that I will find someone?

  29. Just today was, I’m, thinking the best (no, they are all filling me to capacity, I can’t really say any are best – all excellent) advice was begin to fully accept the self even the things you can’t. Advice is to keep ‘welcoming’ these, until what underlies them rises to the conscious level and words can be used to identify them (feelings). Says, it stops projections and staying on the ‘wheel’ of repeated patterns…sound advice. stops the patterns then next step is letting go of it, and this literally ‘makes space’ for the new, and allows you to accept your (unlikeable) characteristics as well as the good. (Hale Dwoskin) I think its excellent advice. To Honour the Self. and to practice it. Earlier in the week I learned to be ‘honest’ with myself and to acknowledge I am at a time that I enjoy my alone-ness. Haven’t been doing that for a couple of years.

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