I have been married for a little over a year. When I was dating, I knew my husband would never live anywhere other than his family’s land, and I told him I would try to live there once we were married. It is beautiful where we live – however we are about 40 miles from any town to work in. It is getting redundant driving so far every day, when we could move closer. Also, I am about to finish my Masters degree and when I do, I would like to be closer to a good employer; I do not want to drive 1.5 hours to work daily.
I have tried like I promised, but I hate it here! He also has all his friends and family near, who are constantly at our home. His friends and family think I am different since I am from the city, and we have really clashed. They also feel that if I do not like the area, that I should just leave. As a matter of fact my Mother-in-Law asked me to leave, and her mother said I needed to leave before we had a child and he “gets stuck with me forever”.
Sadly my husband is too nice to say anything to them for comments like this. Needless to say, I am miserable. I cry myself to sleep, I am losing weight, and I desperately need my husband to see my point of view! I don’t want a divorce, and he says he doesn’t either; however, he also says he cannot move from here, and that it would be to hard on him.
I am a hard worker. I take care of the bills, the yard, the cooking, and cleaning. I also work two jobs while pursuing my Masters degree. Do you think I am being unfair in needing to be closer to my employer and civilization? I am on the verge of running away! Please help!
I feel very bad for you because it seems you are surrounded by the enemy. Just who is on your side here? No one I can identify.
Now I am very sorry but I don’t think your situation is likely to work out and your husband is the reason why. He is not really married to you, is he? He is married to his mother, to his mother’s mother, to his friends and to his motherland. And if you will accept all this, then fine. He’ll be married to you too and if not? Well then apparently you can kiss his ass.
Now to his credit (and yours for being honest about this), it does not seem he misrepresented himself. So what you got here is exactly what you bargained for, which was a really crappy bargain.
Because it sounds like you do everything. Except maybe plow the back forty and rub down the cows and as you can see… none of this matters. You are not only not appreciated, you are completely discardable to these people – and preferably as soon as possible.
So you see the situation here. I believe you’ve made a mistake. And I agree with the grandma, you should get out before you have a child – but not for his sake, for yours!!
Because it’s obvious you are not cut out to live in a family compound and believe me, these pricks are going to keep up the pressure until they win and they will win. Why? Because you are one. And they are many, and they are mean.
I say, run! Run for your life. This is not a family you want to be part of. As if they’d let you.
And if you leave, brace yourself. Because this family is going to blame you for everything while they coddle him. So you get the picture. Stay or go, you aren’t going to win.
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