Re-running this from 2008. Kingsley was obsessed with analyzing the interaction between my husband and I. That aside, this is interesting.
Kingsley writes on Men, Women. Venus And Mars In Nature:
“Jealousy is the anger about the prospect (scare) of being rejected. It could be a way in which you keep together Elsa. It would be very easy for either of you to get each other angry if you needed to do that. When I say angry, that could mean passionate too; to constantly live in the “now” of the relationship. In a way that may help to reinforce your attachment with each other. I can’t see a problem with that, its just that when the relationship is going through growing pains it will helpful for the both of you to be aware of that happening.”
Kingsley – that’s an interesting dissection of jealousy. While it sounds correct I am not sure it resonates with my actual experience so I think I may be using the wrong word – “jealousy”.
Our feelings are primal. They are akin to a dog who is feeding and keeps looking over his shoulder in case some other dog thinks it’s going to come touch its food. This stuff is in every fiber of both out bodies and seems to be happening at a much lower octave.
My husband and I are intelligent, secure, confident and emotionally sophisticated. We are both aware the other is not going anywhere. We know this but this still does not prevent reaction when another dog gets near our bowl. The hair on the neck goes up – Period.
This happens like a reflex. It happens outside our conscious control similar to how cold weather causes goosebumps on the skin. The sensation is akin to adrenaline but I am not sure it is fear because the instinct is always to fight rather than take flight.
It feels more closely related to a mothering instinct. I am protecting mine… I will peck your eyes right out, think later and I think he has a similar experience.
What we are doing is keeping an eye on the perimeter. Broach it and someone’s goin’ down.
Can anyone relate to this or are we the only dogs out there?