I have a client who is in a lot pain right now. I want to see her pull up and out of her tailspin. I’ve been trying all kinds of things and thinking about this. Do you have any tricks? What do you do when you’re feeling lousy about something you are not going to be able to change?
I am not talking about merely coping. How do you pull out of a tailspin and get back to regular cruising altitude?
In searching for a possibilities for the client, I realized I have a bunch of songs that conjure up certain feelings. When I want to pull out of a tailspin, I choose something snappy to listen to, by an artist who is upbeat and/or quirky. Basically, I get back to my own kind because I am not meant to be a bottom-dweller. Work in a dirty grave, sure, but with the sun shinin’ down, see?
I choose songs that tend to mock people who are self-important or take themselves and their impact they’ve had other people too seriously. There is no impact, when you’re laughing singing fun songs with your friends and I can track this to my childhood. I had far more than my share of suffering growing up. But I could put our one record on this old record player. I’d dance and flip around and laugh like the Jupitarian I am!
This gal has Jupiter too.
How do you pull out of a tailspin?
I meditate 🙂
To elaborate, meditations helps me to feel the big picture and also allows for emotional release. I feel the tailspinning is due to a closed circuit of anxiety and fear and meditation opens it.
I try to change my environment – jump in the car, go for walk – the issue still maybe there when I get back but usually my outlook has changed – I have jupiter too.
I have to mourn. And during the mourning, I have to be nice to myself (lately that has meant eating a lot of double stuffed oreos). Then (and this is something I am just remembering) I focus forward. Meaning, I evaluate what I have left. What can I do with it? What do I want to do with it? What are the things I looked forward to that can still happen even after this event? Focusing forward slowly pulls me back up and I also give myself permission to move forward. Eventually, the weight does lessen.
definite <3 to your client in pain..may it ease soon
Usually when I’ve hit a tailspin dive it’s because I have not accepted the bad thing(s) that happened. You have to accept it, it happened, it’s here, and you just have to go on.
Acceptance is the key IMHO. Once you have done that, the healing can begin. Folks who refuse to accept what’s happened (divorce papers, death, fired from a job)prolong their misery because hanging on to the bad thing becomes their daily reality.
Acceptance is what allows you to let go. Simple, yes. But sometimes a very difficult thing to do.
You have to go through your “dark night of the soul” recognizing it for what it is, and consciously decide to go through it. When you’re in the depths of pain, no one can save you.
Metaphysics, studying the science of consciousness, helped me through a 1+ of seriously considering suicide. (I still go through days where I sink back into it.)
I have 3 planets and ascendant in Sagittarius.
I read. Big, beautiful, inspiring literature. Chart ruler Jupiter in Gemini/6th House.
Being Jupiter ruled (and I also have Jupiter trine Pluto and Jupiter opp Neptune) a little distraction goes a long way to transcending pain.
Excellent advice, Peppermint.
Peppermint nailed it… and yes, it’s easier said than done.
Being thankful for everything, food, water, shelter, someones smile. There’s always something.
I tend to throw myself into my work
I’m a 6th house Jupiter in Cancer square 3rd house Aries Sun. My recent tailspin coping mechanism involved an affirmation which did help.
“I now have the perfect situation with the perfect timing”
Also, I tap the ends of my (bent) fingers together for a while, which gets the meridians vibrating and helps me clear the gut wrenching ‘hidden anger’ side of things.
I have a Virgo Moon and I helped people who were much worse off than I was at the time.
If you are reading, maybe chose something appropriate for your Moon to help you pull out of the tailspin.
I’ll organise a session with my spiritual Homoeopath, we’ll discuss feelings, patterns of learning and my own perspective on my life. This depth of core acknowledgement is always the way out for me.
Learning the way out of the swamp (or the tailspin) is the goal.
Take a lot of showers, sleep, let yourself feel lousy for a while. Do not judge yourself for anything you opt out of. Go out for coffee and browse in a bookstore. Post on your FB you could use good thoughts and a night/lunch out. Look at cuteoverload.com.
Everyone is different, and depending on age has developed different coping mechanisms. Travel, alcohol, drugs, meditation, physical activity, alternate (break you out of the rut) activities (when was the last time you went roller skating?), engaging with people, helping people (volunteering, just purely doing something for others, even if underlying you hope that it will help you get your mind off of yourself and out of the shadow/bubble of depression youre stuck in) – these are all ways to change your way of being/feeling in the world. But sometimes it just takes time.
A good sleep. A good big old belly laugh, and time.
Today I felt jolted out of what has been a good four-month long funk. I think for a living, and I couldn’t give a hoot about anything. I just kept moving, decided to be more physical, use my body. If I wasn’t working intellectually, by god I was going to keep at SOMETHING. So I started getting really physically fit. The most important thing, though, was that I WANTED to get out of the funk. I didn’t know how, I didn’t know when. I just kept plodding forward.
Moving – I think that’s the key to getting out of funk. But I’m Mars in Sagittarius. I like to move (be physical) and travel when I’m down. Curious to hear about this person’s Mars… maybe there could be a tailor Mars remedy for him/her.
Good luck to this person. They and all in tail spins will be in my thoughts.
I have strong Jupiter too. Jupiter in the 9th, Saggie Sun etc. I agree with what Peppermint and krustallos said, these are good ideas.
I came to a point in my life where I didn’t think there was any point in trying to “fix” the problem or the issue because it would never be changeable.
What helped was the following a) time. lots of time had to pass in order for it to disappear b) therapy, I needed someone on the outside of me to reinforce what value I had. I needed objectivity to my situation – but again, I first needed to establish trust with my therapist plus I had to spend week after week complaining about my despair c) journalling, I needed to write about the despair d) travel, I had to escape a bit from myself and just get away. That always helps Jupiter! e) exercise/meditation – I had to do regular heavy duty exercise and meditation to pound it out f) routine – I had to stick to a regular plodding routine, it helped that I also had a child to raise. Keeping her fed and happy became important for me.
In my case, it took the better part of 1 to 2 years to get beyond the tailspin of despair that I found myself in. Things eventually did shift but it took time.
Perspective. I try to look beyond (and below) the immediate ‘tailspin’. There always seems to be something influencing the ‘trauma/drama’ that a tailspin comes with that is the ‘real’ issue.
What works for me is spending time with some BIG nature. Old growth forests, the ocean, a stop along a mountain highway. Gives me perspective.
My simple advice would be to take a walk, a hike, a bike ride, feel the wind on your face and see the clouds in the sky. Pull up.
What Peppermint and Mahchi said. It’s integral to the process to accept the situation. Then it’s important to MOVE. (Physical activity.)
Also what Charlotte said. Though I usually phrase it as looking up and out. Whatever it is that is OUTSIDE you.
I’ve learned that you can’t help if you want to help badly. You can only offer choices, perspectives. Whatever choice they make, it’s going to be the right one for them.
For me, the truth is always what pulls me out of a funk. A funk by definition, likely isn’t the truth.
I’m like Tam, I try to help people who are in worse shape than me. I have a Libra Moon in the 6th house. It really helps me to gain perspective, opens my mind and also it gives me energy. Otherwise, yes, “power songs” help me…as does travelling. The new stimuli from a different environment help the brain get off the habitual tracks. That’s really a way to work with the physiology, as it allows space for the mood to change by focusing on learning new things (orientation, locations, people, etc.). This is supported by actual physical changes in the brain.
I wish that woman cleansing and upliftment…and hope.
Tam’s a gem! A fellow astrologer and psychotherapist once said to me to go with the pain, go explore that dark place, because you won’t drown there, don’t fight it, explore it, because this too shall pass, and even in the most awful of circumstances, for most folk, eventually spirit goes looking for some light, maybe because there are others who are hurting around them, needing them, or maybe just because the life force needs you to survive. I feel so sad for anyone in a tailspin, and whatever dark places I have visited in pain, I have been immensely grateful for the gentle love and support of some good people. I wish anyone reading this who is in a scary place right now, to feel just a little wind beneath those bruised n battered wings. XX
I try to move my brain from emotional to analytical. Then I take a nap and work on nurturing myself in some way: be it a long bath, a manicure, and great music to soothe. I also try to train my brain to stop the tape… neuro-linquistic style. If I’m angry, I try to physically work it off.
“…about something you’re not going to be able to change”. <–This is the critical juncture (for me).
In an actual tailspin, the hardest part to teach a new pilot is that you have to first tip the nose of the plane *into* the dive. This stops the spinning and then, from the level dive (where you're still speeding toward dirt!) you can pull back hard and get your bird back up in the air.
Much like Peppermint wisely said above, for me, the tailspin is indicative that my mind is still careening through how to salvage/fix the core issue. Meanwhile, the spins are getting tighter and the ground is getting closer and just serves to increase the intensity of stress, panic and despair…
Likewise, for me, I have to be in place of acceptance that the bad thing is irretrievably real and done. That's the dipping into the spin…
That shifts my focus to what is left of importance in the aftermath. What should not, cannot be allowed to plow nose first into the ground along with me in despair? I channel that into action-angry, grim action (for me)and get on with it. That's the pulling back on the stick.
It's only once I'm back up in the sky that the full panorama of all the possibilities and pleasures are once again visible and accessible to me.
A different analogy that I used often was given to me during my darkest despair by an old real, live cowboy. "Darlin'. You've got to sit deep and tall in the saddle. Pick up those reins and get a faraway look in your eye. That's it. Now go ride your fences and tend your herd. The rest will sort out in good time."
Elsa, the dancing and singing to happy or fun music is one of the easiest ways we can raise our vibration. Positive energy brings more positive energy. You instinctively knew what to do.
I’m sort of in the “Dim” Night of the Soul right now myself. My main plan of action is to not give up. It really is very important to create as much positive energy around you as you can. It can be as simple as fun music, planning something fun (that you can’t do now, but will some day – I’m planning my eventual wedding!) and then being audibly thankful for the things you do have. Sometimes the next step we are supposed to take takes a while to manifest. We have to try to be happy how we can while we wait.
I don’t feel well enough to exercise fully, so I do something – take the dog for a very short walk. I pray and am forcing myself to meditate more.
I pray for God to show me what I’m supposed to be doing now, because I really don’t know.
My life is like the rabbit – a flurry of activity, then lots and lots of waiting. I hate the waiting, but I’m using this time to study different metaphysical topics.
I pray that your client is shown the best way for her to go, and for her to have the strength to keep going until she gets there.
You and Annalisa went through situations way worse than I did, and you made it through. I respect both of you more than I can say.
i watch reno 911 or kids in the hall. dark, absurdist comedy can get me laughing through the worst of times.
Acceptance/going numb. If there’s not a damn thing you can do about a bad situation, you can’t “rise up,” you can only put up with and suffer along and wait it out.
I have to give myself and allow myself time to be in a funk. I stay in and meditate, read, and reflect on how I can change my situation. Then, when I know it HAS to be done I force myself out of the house to do fun things whether I want to or not.
Oh, and music! Music helps for sure! For me, there is nothing like going to see an awesome band!
Lots of great coping strategies here, but coping by definition suggests the pain will continue in some form. If it’s what I would consider a tailspin- trapped in a situation beyond your control that’s causing you physical/mental/emotional/psychic injury – it’s beyond ice cream & shopping. Get a great mind/body therapist who does Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Reiki, EMDR (a trauma technique), acupuncture, Eden Energy Medicine or other energetic techniques. You can try the others, and they might work temporarily, but odds are they won’t permanently eliminate the problem.
If it’s a tailspin situation, I shut it down. Immediately. I put whatever it is ‘down’ and walk away from it. I don’t look back or or pretend it’s gone, I just separate myself from whatever it is. I work in medicine, acute cardiac medicine & I’ve found that some things are too much to be handled effectively in the midst of crisis. If you can turn off your emotions, you have more of yourself to focus on the actual problem and potential workable/livable solutions. When you’ve got a little more distance from the crisis & looked at it objectively, you can feel things in a way that is safer. I’m not saying your load will be any lighter when you come back for it, only that you can give yourself & others a safer space to process if you take care of the immediate things immediately. Something like fight or flight, I guess 🙂 I think your position is worse, there’s nothing quite so awful as watching someone you care about suffer & being unable to help. I wish you the very best & hope for a speedy resolution.
I keep a list of my tailspins (I’ve had a few in my adult lifetime). I literally wrote down my low-lows a few years ago during a tailspin – the ones that felt like they would never end.
They all ended – and every single tailspin had an upside.
I take some time to acknowledge that I’m back in a tailspin then I pull out a list, look at the oldies and remember that they all passed and most of them had silver linings that weren’t apparent to me at the time.
I also try to get right back to good honest self care – the basics. Sleep, a good nutritious three squares, some time outside with my dog and connecting with my “bench” – the people I know I can count on in a tailspin who won’t judge or advise and can gently remind me that I’ve always come out of the tailspins (see above).
This is a great post – and timely! Thank you Elsa, I needed this tonight.
A lot of great ideas here. Its been my experiance that acceptance doenst bring you out. Usually, in this type of situation I find that I don’t have access to the information I need to shift/change/climb bc I am overwhelmed by what’s happening. So my round about way of getting out is to do a grounding excersise …feel reality and then let go of the fear of the tailspin. The grounding part i think puts the wheels back on the road so to speak.
I count my blessings every day.. I lost six or seven close people I had known my entire life, my parents included, in the space of a couple of years, and a couple of pets. So much changed over the past year for so many people. It can feel like the twilight zone, like someone is shooting at your feet with a six shooter and telling you to keep dancing. I can’t afford a tailspin, so I have to kickstart myself every day like a motorcycle and keep going. No one is going to pick up my pieces. I take herbs (schizandra, reishi, gynostemma). I work on different projects and keep the energy rolling. I keep making the apartment look better. And I chat with friends and I don’t worry about what any one else thinks.