You wake up sick of your friend or your lover or whoever. Is it okay to leave? Let’s assume you have some time and energy invested in this person.
Easy answer! Of course it’s okay to leave. You can do anything you want, any time you want for any reason. This is true! This is how I handled relationship when I was young and let me tell you, I had a very long puppyhood!
I’m also a hothead, a commitment-phobic and a person with a powerful “leaving gene” in general. I never thought twice about leaving someone, for many years. I come first, you know? Me! Me! Me! I’m not happy. I’m bored. I’m mad or any other emotion under the sun; so I’m leaving! I’m a big baby!
This works for awhile but it doesn’t take long to rack up a trail of bodies behind you. There’s a point where your and your behavior become suspicious to everyone around you, though chances are, no one will say anything to you directly.
If you’re honest, you might realize if they were to say something, you’d react badly. People are gun-shy in this day and age. You offend someone, anyone, there’s no telling the out-of-bounds repercussions coming your way. You dumped everyone else; you’re going to dump them too. Maybe they’re not up for their own execution!
Also, people tend to forget, their friends and family are overwhelmingly going to accept their version of events; never considering there’s another side to the story. Even if they do think of the other person, will they say anything? Some may but most won’t.
I get a lot of calls on this topic and this is why! It’s hard to find someone who will take an objective look at your situation and in particular, see it through the other person’s eyes. I know I have Libra, but I still feel ignoring the other person’s perspective is beyond merely foolish. It almost guarantees, you will leave the relationship, to land in one just like it and generally worse.
Why? Because you didn’t learn anything! You are looking at them; dealing with them, but they are having to deal with you. It’s good to consider what that might be like.
People to tend to inflate their efforts and good deeds in their relationship, while minimizing the other person’s contributions. Setting up the equation like this, insures the answer you come up with will be flawed, if not entirely upside-down. But do you know it? Probably not because you have your cheerleader section who swears you can do no wrong. Wonder what their motive is?
What do you think? What do you have to do or know or have in place, if anything, before you can leave a relationship feeling you’re made a good and healthy decision that ending a relationship is in fact, in your best interests over the long term?
When is it time to give up on a friend, lover, family member?
I have just read the Plutionian post and l am taking that into account.
I have taken way too long to end bad relationships. Out of habit and fear of loneliness. Not any more.
There are worse things.
OK. I have my own Pluto/ Scorpio: Jupiter Scorpio conj. MC– part of a fixed squ. with Chiron. Neptune in Scorpio ruler of Asc. Picses and Pluto conj Desc.in Virgo. That is a big one. I read your pluto/7th hse. post too, Elsa, me to a T.
When to give up? When you haven’t been heard for the 100th time. When they put your life in danger. When their ‘habits’ combine with yours and become unhealthy. When it becomes so one sided you become nothing but a mirror for them…When you have helped and supported them (sometimes to your own detriment) but when you need help they are no where. When you no longer trust them… When you no long have anything in common, but the past and They want to keep you there. When they test moral boundries to a such a degree you must say No.
When things go around and around in never ending vicious circles going no where–never changing.
Yep. Thinning and sorting continues
and l have not had one second of regret.
I remember one Old Friend she would talk about her family– she was one of 9 and bang on about her extended family too, for hours, non stop. I finally told her it was exhausting me…l really was on the floor. I had known her for 20 plus years. Never heard from her again. Her moon Scorpio.
Yes, yes and YES! Thank you for your post. This part, especially * When to give up? When you haven’t been heard for the 100th time. When they put your life in danger. When their ‘habits’ combine with yours and become unhealthy. When it becomes so one sided you become nothing but a mirror for them…When you have helped and supported them (sometimes to your own detriment) but when you need help they are no where. When you no longer trust them… When you no long have anything in common, but the past and They want to keep you there. When they test moral boundries to a such a degree you must say No. When things go around and around in never ending vicious circles going no where–never changing.*
I’m in the process of detaching from a relationship that you described to a T. A Scorpio moon person, in fact.
I hope you are going ok, Kim. If it was easy we’d have done it sooner. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t important. Doesn’t mean it dooesn’t hurt.
I am doing much better, thank you. There’s only so much any person can take and I’ve decided to take better care of myself by removing myself. It’s really the best solution.
I, unfortunetely, need to leave a familial relationship.
I can’t literally divorce my own blood relative, but the relationship has definitely changed into an ugly thing at the moment.
Several odd occurrences have happened in my life the past month or so.
She has been somewhat supportive of me while I try to sort out and rebalance from multiple symbolic GUT PUNCHES.]
I am sad to see just how passive-aggressive she actually is.
I was afraid of this all my life.
I wanted to believe she was the Venus in the 1st house little aweetheart I ” thought ” she was….or hoped she was.
Boy, did I get a Cosmic Wake Up Call !
She is very petty, cold and bitter, just scratch the surface.
She smiles…but then says how much she HATES what she is doing, what she is saying.
I literally feel like I have just been introduced to a complete stranger that I have known for over 50 years.
She had me completely fooled.
I have to re-think everything about our relationship, as I NO LONGER TRUST HER.
That bridge has burned.
But she is still my only significant living relative.
I find myself feeling nauseous when I even think about her.
It’s a mess.
Does having your Natal Sun (mine is Aquarius) in the Eighth house make me Plutonian? It seems like a pretty harsh combination. I don’t know that I am harsh. I guess I have my moments though.
i’ve read on elsa’s blog here, that 8th house stellium, scorpio stellium, scorpio sun or scorpio moon, usually is plutonic. I’m not sure if it’s just one planet in 8th house. usually facing cruelty at a young age too. Or scorpio rising as well:
this is a good one, as bieber has aquarius mars & merc, trine libra moon, he’s airy also try to make a search here on this blog for plutonic themes. ^^
I would say it’s hard to know when to leave, because hey! there’s no counterfactual to your life, & even those of us who end up leaving, sometime tend to question ourselves over time if we made the right call. One thing that helps (me at least), is time. Time gives me perspective & a chance to reflect, & there are instances when over time, I realized I made the right call (& a few cases where I was in the wrong).
Get out of it… and stay out of any. When you are good with being alone… you don’t need or want anyone. We do have a choice in sovereignty by not being lead by the 4th dimension. It’s a choice. The self repeating itself over and over and over… quite redundant and ridiculous.
Nobody cries when they have finished a delicious meal and there is no more food on the plate.
Same with relationship – Karmic nutition stage is complete at some point.
Beyond that it’s mostly programming in charge of creating empty karmic calories.
I have not left a lot of persons in the past. I have felt obligated to stay and fix things, but it was to my emotional and physical detriment.
I left a long distance relationship because I didn’t want to move in with him and move to the other part of the country. We were both set in our lives so there was no point and no future for us. He wasn’t a bad guy, he just had some hard stuff to deal with.
In my current relationship I have not been met in my core need (Moon in Libra in the 8th house).
It just occurred to me this morning actually, what this whole thing is about… I need to be needed. I need the other person to need to be physically intimate with me. The Libra Moon is also square my natal Cap Mars in the 11th (on the cusp of the 12th house). I need intensity, but my anger can often become the very thing that keeps me from getting WHAT I NEED from a partner, in the most annoying textbook-12th-house-undoing-astrology way throughout my life!
In my current relationship I have a cancer/Virgo/Libra person, and he need most of all to feel SAFE before he is able to physically need me on an intimate level. And with his Mars and Saturn smashed together in Virgo, 8th house, this only complicate things, because he has not worked on his relationship to father figures (and his father’s letdown in childhood) either, so he is way too often up in his head, and have difficulty needing anything physical at the moment.
Unfortunately my angry outbursts and threats about dissolving the relationship during our years together, have taken its toll on our trust, intimate life and fighting.
So now, we are working on the trust. *I* am working on understanding, compassion and stick-to-it-ness and to not let myself be too overwhelmed by my unmet needs, so that he can feel safe and trusting me. I need to find another way to express these hurts I feel.
He has been a very strong support during the first years we have been together, and I have learned in the past year, that my threats about leaving comes out due to these factors:
1: Feeling that he doesn’t need me physically or otherwise (my perception)
2: Feeling my need to be needed have gone unmet during our relationship.
3: I threatened to leave, not because I wanted to, but I wanted to LEAVE THE PAINFUL FEELINGS inside me. I wanted to NOT feel the pain, and so I made threats about leaving, to get away from feeling them.
I have stopped my threats the past 6 months, and things are starting to improve, as we are also seeing a therapist to help us now.
It has been a very deep experience to learn how I have continued to put my foot in my mouth for so many years, and how I have been clueless of what my deepest needs really are in a relationship. I am a quadruple Scorpio, with Venus here as well with Jupiter, so a bit of physical gluttony might be my schtick too – but boy, am I grateful for a chance to work this relationship to a better place than we have been since the beginning.
I think I was close to force myself not to need HIM, because needing him, when he didn’t need the physical intimacy with me, was becoming too painful to stomach anymore.
Today I realized how the Moon in the horoscope tells a really important story for one’s relationships. Especially if it’s in 8th/7th house, in Libra/Scorpio or has other “other people” traits.