Giving, Then Expecting Something In Return

I wrote this for a client today. This is a common situation:

“… Basically you serve and sacrifice for someone and they don’t return the favor. Balance is lacking. You do for them… they do for you. You do for them… they do for you.

You will have to enforce this yourself. Because if you give, give, give, people will take, take, take and you really can’t blame them. It’s like saying, want some free money? Well, yeah!”

It’s common, when people do give a lot, they tend to think the other person should reciprocate but this is erroneous. You can’t obligate another person by your giving.

This is a  Saturn in Libra lesson. If you stop and think about it, you see the sense in it.  You can’t enter me into a contract with you without my agreement. It has to be this way, otherwise someone could give me one hundred dollars and expect they own me for a day, or a week, or for the rest of my life. It just doesn’t work like that.

Do you have expectations of others they are utterly unaware of?

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Giving, Then Expecting Something In Return — 24 Comments

  1. No. And I am always surprise when others do something for me. I have no planets in my twelth house. OTOH, my daughter has a lot of planets in both her 6th and 12th house. She is very giving and kind, but she is not a martyr. She has strong self preservation instincts.

  2. Wondering is it the 12th enphasis that makes the one who is done for and its not reciprocated?

    With a loaded 12th and only 1 planet..uranus in the 6th I think I get this BUT I am in the process of learning not only to say no when I need to but to say thank you graciously when someone WANTS to or does help me.

    • I just edited to remove the astrology and reference to the 12th house. The interpretation was specific to this gal and her chart rather than general to the 12th house. The behavior pattern was what I was intending to highlight.:) Sorry!

  3. Lol Elsa no harm no faul.. think it applies for me anyway as its Aries/Libra and my uranus has Saturn sitting on it at 16 libra right now 🙂

  4. I actually do! I do have expectations that others are as generous or kind or good, but inevitably, they’ll ‘fail’ to reciprocate because they are unaware of this expectation, or of my serving, sacrificing, or they aren’t reciprocal generally.
    I have 3 planets in the 6th house. I am not sure if the descriptions you provided are more indicative of 12th house matters – if they are, then I commented prematurely hehehe.

  5. I’ve only has this with one person, and with them, it was a situation of just expecting them to take the next logical step and they didn’t. I looked at their choices, compared to what they said, and they knew what they were doing – I should have been smarter and would have been if my brain had really been engaged enough (had I not been so scattered emotionally and mentally), and more focused on my own life in a good way, rather than feeling stuck.

  6. Mercury/Chiron/Sun in the 6th (Jupiter is there as well, with Equal, although I think it fits better in the 5th in Placidus). Uranus in the 12th, with Pluto there with Equal.

    I’ve been feeling like crap for months, and did finally have a “what about me???” fit with that person. You can imagine how that went. 😉 Although, I told them where to go when I found out about something… I told them not to contact me within weeks or months, expecting everything to be okay between us, but they tried just three weeks later, wanting to talk about a new problem they were having.

  7. Oh, and then they tried it on again in a different way (love-wise), just six weeks later. (Sorry, I’m used to writing on the boards now… no edit button.) In relation to the previous comment, I ended up giving them information in relation to their problem (one I’ve dealt with), because I was giving the same info to someone else, and that was when I was beyond expectations.

  8. balance : give and take give and take give and take OR give give give take take take OR take and give take and give take and give OR take take take give give give

    imbalance : give take take OR take give take OR give take give

    You see how the balance is so rythmic and the imbalance is jarred

    its about establishing ones own song

  9. I have ambitions, cares and fears but am not impressed when others think this means they can exploit it. I’m in yet another position where I fall short of the mark.. this time by not being bilingual.

  10. Oh, I didn’t mention the fact that I wasn’t giving to receive in the first place – I just fell in at at a specific point: the imbalance, the fact that he was draining me, and other things I won’t get into.

  11. Yes, in fact I have that exact expectation of all my friends. I would never presume to own someone after loaning them money or doing them a favor (which I will happily do any day of the week) but if they ever refuse to do the same for me when I need it and they don’t have a damn good reason for not helping, it’s over.

    It’s certainly true that you can’t obligate a person by giving to them, but you can sure tell a lot about their character if they don’t at least try to reciprocate.

  12. This is control by manipulation and has nothing to do with giving.
    If i give something of service to someone they owe me NOTHING and i would hope they never feel obligated.
    I know people like this…..they keep “score”…..
    sorry, i don’ t want your shit, and i’m not taking your shit.

  13. I’m always on guard with people like this… this is EXACTLY why i don’t like receiving help from people. I always feel obligated and that punishes me emotionally and makes me feel manipulated. Much healthier for me to be independant.

  14. Chelsea made my own point, much better than I could… I don’t presume to own anyone either. (Funnily enough, they were demanding to know where I was when they needed me, in early February – they’re very lucky I didn’t throw a few things back at them – instances when they were too busy having fun to be there for me, for example – and they’re the very same ones who take exception to anyone expecting anything from them.)

  15. @ Liz Maudit anglais?

    @ Chelsea Nice to see another wonderful woman’s face!

    I’ve read Virgo keeps score – sometimes I do, though it’s usually when it’s been lopsided givegivegive on my end. I just resent it and try to back off. I don’t include marriage because it is a contract and I thought it would be taken seriously. I was wrong.

  16. My experience is more subtle. There are a lot of circumstances right now where I simply must step up and be of service. Expecting something tangible in return just makes the whole thing seem like drudgery. But you know, when I relax into it, I get joy out of it. Not pollyanna stuff, just simple pleasure knowing I’m doing the right thing.

    But these days I also know that giving for the sake of measuring up, making happy, and keeping peace SO does not work anymore. I DO end up asking, where’s mine? I DO end up diminishing other people’s effort. I DO become resentful and exhausted and pissed. And I DO end up blowing up at the very people I intended to “please.” It feels icky, manipulative, tiring. I have to be pretty discerning these days about my intentions, because my energy reserves are limited.

    My libra rising is tired and tender, lol

  17. no l don’t not in a material way, not in any way for that matter. If l serve and support someone it’s because l want or have to and l don’t feel they are obliged to do the same. l know they would if they could.
    The thing is if l do it l do it for myself in a way. There must be something in it for me, the thing is how far would you go?? l guess l can go far.
    l am in this situation at the moment and it all comes down on me…l think ok help me in other ways. If you can’t provide for yourself help me in making things that will help me/us in the future and at the same time you learn new skills.
    That lernign thing is most important to me anyhow. l feel l am running a bussiness and well l am. It just got a little bit bigger now.
    People helped me a lot in the past and l will not forget that, and there was something in it for them.
    Poeple say to me: think of yourself more but l do think of myself..by helping them l think of myself. NN Libra 2nd l am happy when helping others, sharing etc…

  18. It’s not so much that you’ve actually entered into any sort of perceived emotional contract with anyone. But, with these aspects, when you start sending up flares to see if there’s intention of being on the same page and there is no reciprocation…panic. Devastation. It’s also not the foot-stamping expectation of reciprocation. It’s turning around to see you’ve wandered onto this path all by yourself. And you don’t know how to find your way back.

  19. Scorpion, you nailed how I’ve been feeling – although the person was on the same path at times, and they did care to a point – they cared more than I did, at first. We would be on the same page for a little while, and then someone would flip the page… anyway, I’ve written too much here (I don’t know why I’ve been such a blabbermouth lately), but that was beautifully written. 🙂

  20. I have Virgo and Libra, and it’s very natural for me to help and to serve. It’s also natural esp as I have so much Cap that I feel hurt and confused when the same is not offered in reciprocation. Cap likes a ‘balanced account’!

    For those people who do help me, I try very hard to give back in some sense, in whatever sense I can. and I find compulsive ‘takers’ hard to admire or to love, although a few of the men I’ve loved have been like that. I don;t much mind being the eternal giver when I’m in love.

    But yes: I’m aware I’ve sometimes put people in a position where the help I’ve *instinctively* given makes the relationship unbalanced and they’ve not been aware I might need some balance and comeback – and I do. I’ve tried to stop myself doing it in recent years, after unfortunate experiences, since I can never quite wipe out the need for some balance in such situations.

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