Venus In Capricorn Feels Unlovable

Venus squareI wrote this for a client:

“…You have a deep fear that you suck. If you invest in that, you will wind up rejecting someone, as a preemptive strike. You feel you will be rejected so you beat them to it.

If you don’t control this tendency, you’re going to reject everyone in an attempt to not be vulnerable. This will lead you to be alone…which is exacerbate your feelings of being unlovable. It’s a vicious cycle and one of the things you will really have to work on, in order to be happy in a relationship.

Note this takes place entirely inside you, meaning whoever you partner with, this knee-jerk thing will surface…”

Who can relate? Where is your Venus?

I made a workshop on this topic.  It’s hardcore and it will help you: How To Find Your True Love & Soulmate

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Venus In Capricorn Feels Unlovable — 76 Comments

  1. i have venus trine saturn but i have never rejected. I’m rather open. Maybe too open (Sag ruled DSC) I have been in a relationship with a venus square saturn person and this did play out in that i was rejected because they said that they “sucked”.Rejecting me was said to be an “act of love” towards me on their part. I guess I had to be saved from their suckiness. I’m thinking “No, you don’t suck, but your ability to waste my time sucks. Also your self sabotage sucks most of all.” I figure if that’s what life would be like dealing with this person then they probably did do me a favor. I am so happy that I have Jupiter up the wazoo to offset this mechanism in me. I’m going to start using the Venus trine Saturn to be more discerning though. I could use more of that.

  2. Venus In Capricorn in the second house. My Saturn is in the first. I can relate. I was in love with someone who had a Saturn ruled DC and it was in their 5th conj. my Neptune. I foolishly thought they rejected me because they felt they had nothing to offer, but are no in a happy relationship with someone whose Saturn is in their 7th. See how this works? When younger I rejected people ALL the time. I was terrified of not being enough. Unfortunately, with Moon/Pluto conj. in Virgo I was equally as picky. So it was a lose/lose situation. I regected my marriage when Saturn conj. my MC.

    • Venus in Capricorn semi-square Saturn. The unloveable feeling stems from childhood. Neither of my parents really wanted me, but I was fortunate to have loving grandparents. I often rejected people when I was young before they could reject me. I am happily married to a man with Moon in Capricorn conjunct my Venus. I still feel unloveable at times, but I know where it stems from after going through therapy, so I can fight the sad feelings. I’m a Sagittarian Sun, so I am generally optimistic. Thank goodness for that!

  3. Venus and the Moon conjunct in Sag trine Saturn. I feel that there’s a tug of war going on between open and closed, self esteem and lack. Open seems to be finally winning.

  4. “You have this deep fear that you suck. If you invest in that, you will wind up rejecting someone, as a preemptive strike. You feel you will be rejected so you beat them to it. Obviously, if you don’t control this tendency, you’re going to reject everyone in an attempt to not be vulnerable.”

    Venus square Saturn. It took me FOREVER to figure out this is what I was doing.

  5. Venus Saturn here! What what! Kidding,

    yeah, I work on it. On seeing my value rather than feeling unlovable.

    The tricky part comes when I reject partners for not valuing me enough…

    Tricky because I often pick partners who do NOT value me enough… first I try to accept it, then ultimately I reject them… – Hey they never even cared about me!!

    Tricky to know, did I give them a chance?

    Should I have just skipped over them to begin with?

    I meet so few people that interest me… tricky tricky.

  6. You know I think that since it’s venus we also attract partners and experiences that reflect Saturn when it comes to love. So it’s not just a deep fear that you suck — it’s that you are drawn to partners who are rigid, controlling, limiting, judgmental, distant, unavailable, etc. So that sets up a pattern of making it very hard to get satisfaction anyway.

    I am not sure you can teach Venus Saturn not to do this because we attract what we attract. You can do a lot of deep work to retrain yourself to believe you deserve love, but I don’t know if you can then decide to choose to love a Jupiterian instead of a Saturnian. Maybe you could but it seems it would go against the grain.

    • That’s interesting, eva. We have a difference in our philosophies. Mine is Jupitarian – about possibilities and yours is Saturnian – you see limits.

    • Eva, you make a great point here. I have Venus in Cap opposing Saturn, both my husbands have been older and displayed rigid, unavailable aquarian natures, the sign on my descendant. Thank you for your wisdom.

  7. :). yeah I guess. I mean my venus saturn would say — you can’t change who you love. Jupiter would say what???Sure you can!

    But also that complex you’re discussing has to come from somewhere. At some point venus saturn learned that love experiences were difficult, hard, painful, rejecting, yeah? They had to learn it from someone — a father figure is awfully likely. So at least the initial experience is fated. If later venus saturn chooses someone outside of her habitual pattern — something goes unexpressed, or unfed.

  8. Venus in Libra square Saturn In Capricorn here. Takes time to work through why does this keep happening to me, common denominator is me….can I change, yes, but I need to learn MORE self acceptance….and yes, someone somewhere taught us when we were young that we were ‘unlovable’. Its hard work to come through this to something better, but worth it.

  9. ” If later venus saturn chooses someone outside of her habitual pattern — something goes unexpressed, or unfed”

    I don’t agree. Perspective alone can change everything and it is possible to graduate, grow beyond something, gain wisdom etc.

    To me this is no different than saying a person cannot quit smoking. If they believe that, they may be toast, but if they believe differently, a door opens.

  10. Venus sq. Saturn. I worked hard to overcome this in my 20’s, but it is still a general pattern, that is,I never completely nipped it in the bud. Demands constant vigilance.

  11. Maybe. You have to go pretty deep though. Although I agree that the point of having a chart is to grow beyond it and get off the wheel.

    This is almost like the discussion on the boards about creativity. At a certain point you have x number of experiences and they make you, finally, into this person with this perspective. Perspectives are not static but to change your outlook arbitrarily after millions of hours of reinforcement, lessons, insights, etcetera is sometimes not really worth it, or maybe even the point of the whole incarnation.

    My vedic teacher calls every relationship a mirror; and she says that people who’ve come back and done this millions of times stop bothering with a human mirror entirely and focus on the divine one.

    So you don’t know. People with difficult experiences surrounding love and attraction in the mundane world might be being led to a higher relationship or actual *partnership* with the divine.

    That’s how eastern philosophy would parse this kind of difficulty, anyway. 🙂

    • Are you saying that if try to change your perspective, it will not work, that if you only see and feel negatively about love, the only way to love is by a divine entity? And also are you saying that by loving a divine entity you will love who?

  12. In my progressed chart, Venus opposes Saturn and Pluto. I gotta say this is what I tend to believe. I try to change that by being more positive about myself. I changed my overall image with weight loss and by looking for other possibilities around me. I work at being more attractive. However I haven’t attract anybody that I actually like so far. All in its own time I guess.
    In my natal chart, Saturn is on my 5th house cusp and it conjuncts Pluto. Saturn is also my 7th house ruler. I can see where I developped that frame of mind. I have a strong Jupiter influence in my chart and I can see where I see opportunities. My mind is split in this area of my life.

  13. Eva…I’m living proof it can be done. I am very willing to go as deep as I need to go. I feel I am more willing, to go deeper than most. Maybe this is my Chiron/IC square 8th House Saturn. I never look away.

  14. Having 7h Sun-Jup I envision all the possibilities. Now with 5h Aquarius Venus conj Saturn — AND, I make rejection a reality if I am spurned with rejection. Essentially threatening to end the relationship because I’m expressing myself (read: feelings) I *must* have an equal give ‘n take relationship.

    I attracted a doozy Saturn conj Sun Cap. — oozed with rejecting energy; myself and others behind their backs – if they only knew. I couldn’t field this energy; completely draining. You need therapy!

    eva said: My vedic teacher calls every relationship a mirror; and she says that people who’ve come back and done this millions of times stop bothering with a human mirror entirely and focus on the divine one.

    That’s called disassociating to the nth-degree. If someone is single that works as I see it however communicating IN a relationship is the foundation of accepting/agree to disagree.

    I just say, be yourself. Live without fear as much as possible however have discernment from abuses.

  15. I definately relate. My poor, unwitting Leo Venus has taken quite a few hard knocks by Saturn, at Home in his Natal 10th House no less:( She’s had just about every damn hair on her mane split; it IS viscious. I’ve been trying to remedy the feeling but it’s going to take a couple more years of healing to fix just yet.

  16. I think Elsa said something similar to me in a consult a few years back – haha. I can definitely relate

    I have the double whammy – Venus sq Saturn and Saturn in the 7th.

  17. I have a friend who is a “man magnet.” And these are wonderful men – I’d love to have such a man! But she broke up with one because she didn’t like his decorating; another because he smelled bad though no one elsed smelled it, another had too many pictures of his grown kids, etc. Yep, she has venus square saturn.

    But I’m equally interested in what makes these men so attracted to a woman such as this. I wonder what the astrology is.

    • Not about astrology, about a lack of Love. When you don’t fully love and accept yourself, you tend to become attracted to people not so good for you.

      As to astrology, Venus Saturn can go both ways, it can be the cruel, overly critical, rejecting one, but it also can be the one who gets rejected.

  18. Yep, I can relate. Venus and Saturn both in Aries and conjunct. Tied to this, I’m recently working on emotional availability in myself, which seems to be the crux of it (for me). Not just romantic partners either, it’s with some friends too. Work in progress… 🙂

  19. sunnyP:

    I have a friend who doesn’t have any eyes. One could say his disinterest in having eyes is disassociation or compensation or any other term, but the fact is the man has no eyes.

    Some people do not partner successfully. When you get to fifty, sixty years on there has to be a reason beyond just a bad attitude or a failure to communicate.

    Sometimes in an incarnation you just don’t get a thing. You can’t fix it or get it later or learn to get it — you just do not get the thing.

    It’s just a fact. I’ve given you my understanding of this.

  20. Yep Venus in Taurus is Squared by my Saturn in Aquarius, even though I want a relationship I am scared of relationships (as in anything more than friendship). So I purposely make myself appear disinterested, or I just don’t put myself out there. With a boat load of excuse: “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not pretty enough”, “Why would anyone like me”, “I’d make a horrible partner”, and the list goes on and on.

    I will admit that the behavior is really self-sabotaging because I refuse to take chances, so while I have friends who are in relationships I have yet to take that plunge.

    Hope that all who have these issues, regardless of placement can begin to break down those self damaging barriers and can really open themselves up and become whole. Even if you do not find a partner, at least we can make sure that we feel whole within ourselves.

  21. I, the Queen of Self Sabotage, attracted a conman with 10th house Saturn opposing his Moon/Venus in Capricorn in the 4th. He set about sabotaging us after a few months and I didn’t find out for two years that he had regular liaisons with a bi-sexual neighbor, a lady of 70 who liked to be tied up (etc.) I think he left me lots of clues, but my dear old Venus in Taurus in the 4th widely conjunct Saturn in 5th hung in there puzzling about intuitive hits. (Thought I was being given Mills & Boon plots.) Duh!

  22. Venus sq Sat or conj is sensitive to others not playing well with others.

    Some people partner quite well…however long is debatable. I liken my Venus conj Saturn to fine wine — if the flavor will be enhanced as time goes on, I will continue otherwise I break the bottle. Moving on…

  23. I understand what Eva is saying here and that’s where I’m at. My venus is in Libra but opposite my moon. My purpose this time around does not really allow for the mundane or the upset which comes with a love relationship.

    I’ve said before here that I’m done with love for various reasons. But the bottom line is my work serves a greater purpose and feeds me more and wholly than a love relationship would. A love relationship would detract from what i’m supposed to do and what feeds me. So, that’s why I’m single. Once i figured this all out (fairly recently), it feels loads better. Many people judge those who prefer to remain single. It’s not always because we have or are a problem or unworthy or couldn’t find someone. It’s because we do not want it because it does not fit this lifetime.

    And this is my last incarnation so there’s that. I want to get this right, this life. I am not coming back to do any of this crap again. lol

  24. I was like this. I have Venus in Scorpio conjunct Pluto and mercury. Trine moon and Jupiter. Section Neptune. No Saturn/Venus in Capricorn/ or 10 th house involved. I was like this with friends too.

  25. I can definitely relate… Venus in Libra square Saturn in Cap. It’s been an ongoing struggle to fight against my tendency to isolate, and I’ve felt a lot of emotional pain around this issue. The Uranus/Pluto transiting square is aspecting my Venus rather closely right now, bringing it into sharp focus.

  26. Venus cj Saturn 2nd Scorpio opp Moon 8th Taurus. You may recall quite a few agreed in a question put by one of P’s colleagues that VcjS signified childhood sexual abuse. My sometime (33 years) SO’s Saturn is cj my 12th Sun Virgo. It seems it is very hard to change what you’ve been taught to see in the ‘mirror’. I look to my progressed chart but Mr Saturn hasn’t strayed very far, even there ;p

  27. Venus conjunct Saturn (wide, but still there) in Gemini———–> Mercury in Cancer———> Moon in Cappy—–back to—–>Saturn in Gemini.
    It can be a vicious cycle,
    Angie

  28. I certainly can and do relate: Venus in Cap (exact with Vesta) and opposing Saturn Rx in Cancer.

    It’s not that I rejected love, far form it – my Jupiter/Juno almost exact in Libra H2 and my BML in Scorp with it;s huge need for sex saw to that.

    But the intensity of Cap Venus’s love and the way that leaves me open to pain has certainly played out in many ways. It’s one reason I usually had more than one serious affair going on when I was younger: ‘safety in numbers’ so to speak. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – don’t let any one man have that stranglehold over you.

    It’s possibly why, having be hurt to the point of suicide by love, I married a man who adored me but whom I knew I’d never ‘fall in love with’. Well I got hoist on that petard in the end, since he clocked it and did go looking elsewhere – something I thought he’s never ever do.

    I’m still working thought this stuff right now – with the Man trying to draw me back, I’m repulsing him and stone-walling not because I no longer love him, but because I can’t bear any more of the pain he causes me: it’s fear, yes, but fear based on experience. I’ve been very open to him in the past.

    Having this Venus and this aspect, I also relate to what eva wrote: “You know I think that since it’s venus we also attract partners and experiences that reflect Saturn when it comes to love. So it’s not just a deep fear that you suck — it’s that you are drawn to partners who are rigid, controlling, limiting, judgmental, distant, unavailable, etc. So that sets up a pattern of making it very hard to get satisfaction anyway”

    But I’d parse that a little differently. I do attract men with heavy Saturn, because if a love affair isn’t about learning and transformation, and also about self-sacrifice, it’s pointless in the long run.

    My Saturn – very strong as it’s all over my chart – also attracts men who need that in their lives and Ive seen this play out over and over: typically, Leos who are given to fun and airy Aquas who need tethering somehow. They sense what they lac in me, and crave it – then rebel when I provide it.

    Fortunately my Sun/Venus is in H5 otherwise I fear I’d be too heavy for everyday use! And it has enabled me to enjoy sex and love as pure ‘pleasure’ and romance, to mitigate the Saturn which manifests in my deeper relationships

  29. Eva said “You know I think that since it’s venus we also attract partners and experiences that reflect Saturn when it comes to love”. this has been true in my case. Having Saturn in the 7th translated into – I need someone with heavy Saturn.

    Having Saturn though, doesn’t only bring negative qualities – controlling, limiting, distant, etc. Saturn people are also faithful, stable, diplomatic, deliberate, and enduring.

  30. That’s true, Mahchi. And actually a Saturn figure can be positive or negative depending on your own reaction. Faithful and conservative can turn to dull and constricting pretty fast given one’s innate orientation to the energy.

  31. it is a contradiction though – saturn venus can stick it out forever, but always have to have the “authority” that comes with being the one to reject.

    can totally relate – venus in cap square pluto in libra – rejection w added drama

    when two of you are doing it it gets pretty crazy. i’ve been with someone 6 years – and lost count of the number of break-ups.

  32. I have saturn conj venus in my 11th house. i’ve been through the:i’m unlovable… yadda yadda. which leads to less love and less trust. lesson learned: growth, acceptance, and love growing.
    thanks saturn conj. venus. 🙂
    i’m wondering about a different take on this aspect: i’ve made my living by making beautiful things my whole life (or attempting to). I’m know learning to facilitate collaboration between different people to design new kinds of solutions. i can’t help but turn to my saturn conj. venus (esp bc its in the 11th) as a way to understand and further my abilities in this area.

  33. Now I see it! I have cancer venus in the 10th natally so it’s always been there but today venus was opposing my saturn and I saw it clearly. I saw my insecurities reflected back at me, I saw myself rejecting everyone for the slightest reasons, and I felt very alone.

    I also saw how cold I can be particularly in my rejection which comes out when I’m hurt. People hit nerves and I wanted badly to punch them. I’m not usually a hitter and I have a pretty high threshold for people saying ill-thought but generally well-meaning or harmless things. Over the past few days NOOOPE! I don’t want anyone around me cuz they will hurt me and when I try to explain why I’m hurt no one gets it so I feel more alone.

    I tried hard to appreciate what I had but all I felt was the lack.

  34. I’m a man. But I don’t think I will ever love any woman, ever.
    I have Venus square Saturn, plus Neptune in Sagittarius in 7th house.
    Which means, I rightfully reject love all of the time.
    The only time I opened myself up to love, I got deceived in love by a woman who freeloaded of my money and cheated on me, left me when I was in dumps. And I always get deceived by women. Sorry to put that across, but this is the story of my life. Neptune in 7th house is the worst placement, I have always attracted deceptive partners. I don’t believe in women or love anymore.
    So even if you have to ‘open-up’ as you say to love, because of Venus square Saturn, what you get is deception in love(Neptune in 7th house), so I figured out no love is the best thing. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t believe in women, and I don’t feel I will ever love a woman again.
    More aspects:
    Moon square Mars
    Venus conjunct Moon
    Moon conjunct Jupiter
    Saturn square Neptune
    Pluto trine ascendant
    Mars trine ascendant
    Pluto sextile Sun
    Mars trine ascendant
    Mars sextile Sun
    Pluto square Moon

  35. A lot of models have Venus/Saturn.
    And a lot of women with this aspect try to find love through Plastic surgery. If Venus/Saturn is extreme and has some hard Jupiter aspects as well, these women can get quite addicted to self mutilation.

    • Yes, Saturn with Venus can, particularly when young, become fixated on achieving a high standard of beauty. I think Saturn may demand perfection and one tends to feel less than until they think they have achieved this, and of course that’s unattainable. Also Capricorn/Saturn with Venus is very aware of status/ power and society’s superficial obsession with beauty. Scientific research confirms beauty’s positive influence through the “what is beautiful is good “ stereotype and the “halo effect”. Saturn/Venus may recognise that this is stupid but their practicality conforms as they know they can’t change the world :). Humans are innately drawn to beauty from birth. Research confirms that babies will gravitate to the more symmetrical beautiful faces over less desirable ones.

      I have venus in Capricorn inconjunct a 4th house Saturn. It was challenging when younger as in emotional defence I would hide my vulnerability with the opposite sex. Of course this was counter productive as one just thinks your cold and it blocks them from truly knowing you. Fortunately I learnt to reveal and got better with age ?.

      • I have Venus Saturn in Leo and my husband Venus Saturn in Gemini. It is rather odd but he describes me as a “cold fish.” He has been described by his most serious of colleagues as “uptight.” But with a retrograde Merc in the 12th for a chart ruler he is an introvert, whereas I am not.

        We have never had an issue with rejecting or rejection…well we have been married for 18 years, except that he has complained that I constantly reject his advances. We also have Venus Saturn in our Davison which explains why we have gone the distance despite Pluto on Libra AC.

        I know two Venus in Capricorns who married each other and divorced. They also had Aqua Suns, nodal connections…the short of it is that Venus in Capricorn May like inking paper but like everyone else, finds day-to-day commitment tedious. Or it isn’t until it is. He had two Saturn connections to her, but they were such that they were the same he had with his own planets (meaning it was a marital commitment framed around his personal commitments) while she only had her Saturn conjunct his Mars. Hot, not. Unless your idea is being permanently frustrated.

  36. I don’t have Venus and Saturn in any aspect, but Venus is in Virgo and Saturn in Libra – my Sun ruler – and also Chiron is in my otherwise empty 5th house of Capricorn and makes only a square to my natal Libra Sun.
    I can completely relate to this problem and this feeling of unworthiness manifests in all aspects of my life.

  37. This is the wife. My secret weapon is I know how she ticks so I just don’t let her fears stop me from being affectionate. A person has to do what they know is right and not immediately expect some desired response. In time, maybe she’ll let her guard slip a little. Committed and patient.

    • How adorable is this? 🙂
      Venus in Cap (actually a massive Cap stellium here). This should be mandatory life skills for partners of all Cappys. 🙂

  38. I possess Capricorn Venus in 7th house. Sextile Saturn and Mars.

    I’m conventional, old-fashioned, forthright about love. It better be worth my time before I give ANY sign of interest. Me no likes being hurt or vulnerable. As I have aged, I’ve become more vulnerable.

    I have sabotaged relations when younger due to not wanting to be the person let go, but no more. It’s why I don’t get involved unless I’m certain there’s long-term potential.

  39. I can relate. I have Venus conjunct Saturn – in Capricorn – in the 7th house! Fortunately, I’ve grown beyond the unlovable limitation. I also have Jupiterian aspects with knobs which have helped to forge a more positive, self-helpful outlook.

  40. My progressed Venus will move to Capricorn in a few years. Will I feel more this way? Anyone have experience with their Venus moving into Capricorn?

    Natally, I have Venus conjunct Pluto is Scorpio, with Saturn in Scorpio but not exactly conjunct the other two being 8-9 degrees away. I have some Saturn qualities in love I suppose with my Saturn being in the same sign.

  41. Venus in Capricorn here. I can relate. The thing is, I don’t always know that it’s not good to think this way. It’s just normal. And since I can unconsciously expect to be rejected, I just push it out of the way that I don’t care. Get in my head….it’s a weird, gray, barren planet sometimes.

  42. I have a 10H Saturn in Cap opposing a 4H Gemini Sun (inconjunct 6H Venus)but identify with that unloved feeling and accepting bad behavior from others to keep the relationship going. In the outer world I’m super confident, less in home situations, but at 60 I am much better at handling things in a pro-active, positive manner. You heal and grow when you identify your patterns.

  43. My Venus has progressed into Capricorn. Natally, I have Venus Scorpio. Also, Venus progressed from fourth house of roots to fifth house of giving love, with an opposition to progressed north node. I’m in the spin cycle and repeat for a while yet. What I do like is Mars has also progressed into Cap and is exalted so I’m banking on that to override this gruesome influence.

    Actually, I’m painting it worse than it is. Learning to really love myself has been arduous and I am making headway. This lesson is going to stick.

    • With Progressed planets your chart can take on the tone and colour of the signs it moves into, however this should be juxtaposed against Natal predispositions.

      Both my children have Venus in Capricorn as chart rulers – well both parents have Venus Saturn in Natal as well as Davison – But even then there’s much variance between the two in terms of temperament, attitudes and the General way they carry themselves. They are two versions of somber if that makes sense.

  44. I was with my ex 20 years, a Cap Sun, Mercury and Venus. Venus at 16° opposite Saturn Rx 16°. I loved him so much. I knew he had some issues with his mom who abandoned him but I didn’t know astrology until it was over. Pluto transiting through Capricorn was brutal and coincided with the birth of our kids. All those early wounds became projected onto me.

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