Woman Is Straitlaced By Day, Porn and S&M By Night

Leo SymbolDear Elsa,

I always have felt a dual nature within myself. For instance, I’m a very genuine, honest, good-hearted, moral person. Yet I have a fascination with the darker side of things (the occult, etc.). I’m going to school to become a teacher, but torn between being a “role-model” and being someone who loves tattoos, piercing, drinking, etc.

Well, the same goes for my sex life. I am a married mother of two children with a wonderful husband… but I secretly like porn and S&M type things. I feel constrained by the image I try to uphold (moral, good-hearted, motherly).

Is there something in my chart that explains this? And is there anything I can do to feel more balanced?

Sexually Charged Mom
United States



Dear Mom,

Yes there is something in your chart that explains this. You have Uranus (experiment) in Scorpio (sex) square a 10th house (conservative) Sun in Leo (who me, the Queen?), and that’s just for starters. Your chart is full of this contradiction, so what to do?

Well first, a new frame will help. Quit calling yourself “dual-natured”. You’re no Gemini. What you are is an upstanding citizen with a wild streak. See? All one person. But one person who judges themselves rather than accepting themselves and here’s how to fix that:

You know how when you go to the eye doctor, they show you two images and you are supposed to merge them together? Overlay them? This is your task. Because there is such a thing as a mother who loves sex. There better be because if not, then what am I?

As to your husband, if he is completely unaware of your proclivities, I would slowly introduce yourself to him. I am sure the thought is terrifying but much less frightening then living a dual life when you’re one person. And here’s some reassurance:

People don’t meet by mistake. I doubt your husband freaks out especially if you are sensitive about how you go about this. Matter of fact, the way you are living now: part of being ‘wonderful” means he has to hold up your facade and while this may seem okay on the surface, on a deeper level it is oppressive to him, I am sure.

So bottom line, I think relief lies in merging the two personas rather than trying to balance, which is what you’ve been attempting.

Good luck.

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Comments

Woman Is Straitlaced By Day, Porn and S&M By Night — 8 Comments

  1. I’m a leo with the same proclivities….and I just learned to compartmentalize. It works for me. One mode, next mode, sometimes a few modes at once (only to those in the know), etc. I come across as shy and introverted (even with an aries rising) but when friends find out what I ‘like’ they are surprised…but it’s all fun. I’m very very closed about talking about ‘private’ subjects with others…I hold love close to my heart as it is my treasure so to speak. But when I open up, it’s nice when they do too.

    Have fun and enjoy.

    leo stellium

  2. My SO and I are in our mid-late 50’s and grandparents. We both have Venus conjunct Uranus in our charts and we have a sex life that rocks. Sometimes we joke about being an embarrassment to our children – not to mention the grandchildren – by not acting like parents/grandparents “should”- if they only knew. We are out of the box and we love it. We were both married previously and were totally unaware of this proclivity until we met and the sparks just flew. I have never had so much fun in my life. I say go with your urges (maybe go slowly as Elsa suggested so you don’t give your husband a heart attack), but most men secretly desire a little spice in their bed and I doubt he’ll refuse you. Try a little black leather – get some wrist cuffs – tell him you want to be teased then ravaged. Discuss his fantasies as well as yours – then act them out!! If you like porn, play some movies and do what they are doing onscreen right along with them. Stay in your comfort zone, but remember the old saying a man wants a lady in the parlor, a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. Nobody outside the two of you need know – and keeping your “little secret” can be a big turn-on. We can be out to dinner, looking very grandparently, and I’ll flash my corset lace “accidentally”, run my foot up his leg under the table and generally by the end of dinner we are so turned on we can’t wait to get home. I’m a conservative banker by day and a sex kitten by night – it can be done if you’re discreet.

  3. I need to add that if you’re going to be a teacher you might want to skip (or keep in easily hidden places) the tattoos and piercings as that will limit your career choices. There are nice temporary tattoos and non-pierced body decorations available to let you create the appearance without committing to anything permanent. Drinking may be a way to relax a little at first, but nobody needs alcohol. You can get crazy without drinking – trust me -and you’ll wake up the next morning feeling rosy from your encounters without the hangover.

    OK, I think I’m having my second “teen” hood here. I’m almost 60 and those kids have nothing on me except youth and immaturity. I wouldn’t go back for the world. Who says you have to be normal anyhow?

  4. Kathy, that’s some good advice.
    S.C.M, I’m glad mercury is giving your Scorpio Uranus a little boost to talk about your self. I can relate to feeling a desire to be as bad as you want to be (to paraphrase a really bad song).

    Also there’s no saying what your husband’s secret desires are, either. He may just be very, very grateful you open the door to another way of being intimate.

  5. Thank you Elsa, and everyone else for the good advice.
    See, my hubby and I, we do have a good sex life. We have LOTS of it (especially for being married w/ children). Sometimes though, I have a little trouble letting go. I don’t know what it is.
    I do drink ocassionally (okay, maybe a little more than that), and I am lots of fun. I have had peircings in the past and I have three tattoos. (Unseen ones, thankfully, for my teaching career).
    I guess I have a hard time explaining this. But I’ll try: I have fun when I’m having fun, but afterwards I have this unexplainable feeling of guilt. I’ve read something about this is a book a loooong time ago, something with one of my planets in a certain sign but I can’t remember. It said something about feeling like I don’t deserve to have a good time. It’s crazy, I know!! Nobody would EVER know that I suffer from this. Thankfully Elsa clarifies that my chart has many condradictions, which could explain this.
    As far as the porn goes. I like it and have been watching it since I was a youngster, but I’m afraid to introduce this into our sex life because (it takes a lot for me to say this..)it caused many problems with my parents. I have a fear that my husband or I may become addicted.

  6. Haha. I’m a Leo too and am very similar to you (like the Porn, like the S&M, even like women). Everyone thinks I’m the good girl, the nice girl. If only they knew. I’ve never really had the guilt feelings like you. Instead I feel guilt that by hiding the more outrageous side of me that I’m not being true to myself. I am completely “out” with my husband though and I’m not sure I could live not being. Maybe your guilt is about hiding things rather than what you are actually thinking/feeling/wanting/watching? Maybe if you shared with your hubby and maybe some trusted friends, the guilt would dissipate?

    You sound like just the kind of friend I need ;).

  7. I think your guilt modifys your pleasure here. Sometimes having a dirty little secret is better than the secret itself. You’re obviously in a pattern here, pleasure…guilt…pleasure…guilt, after a while its hard to see which one predicates which one. If people knew…would you really feel embarrassment, guilt, shame, etc? Maybe a little, but underneath that feeling I think you fear loosing your secret pleasure, you might find it would become acceptable and thats so not a turn on.

  8. Oh yeah
    Virgo with Uranus and pluto in 12th.
    I have a dark side.
    Lately I met someone who has an inner dark kink too.
    And we both are testing each others waters… only scratched the surface so far

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