Does Like Attracts Like Or Is There Another Explanation?

horseshoe magnet and pinsCK writes, regarding women hunting women: “I’d say…if you notice it or it happens significantly to you, it’s because it’s a part of you!”

And turns out, this exact thing came up during a conversation with a friend a few days ago…

“I don’t know about that,” I said. “For example, I attract people with problems. Maybe that’s because I know how to fix them. Maybe it’s not any different than a heart surgeon who attracts people with bad hearts. Who else is going to showing up at his office?” I asked. “And what about you? You cut hair. So you’re going to attract people with bad haircuts all the time. But does this mean your hair is bad? Maybe your hair is fine. Your hair actually is fine. I know that for a fact but you still attract a stream of people who need their hair fixed so I’m just not sure this whole thing holds water.”

Who do you attract?

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Does Like Attracts Like Or Is There Another Explanation? — 50 Comments

  1. I attract men who have lost a parent or sibling at an early age.

    People with crazy hairdos (though mine is run of the mill).

    People who have or have had drug or alcohol addictions.

    I work with mostly men in my office, and ALL of them (there are 10) were beaten as children! And all of them are adamently non-violence.

    I attract people who haven’t had a hug in years.

    On the public level, I regularily attract people who the “excuse me” dance, you know, when you almost bump into someone and are trying not too?

  2. I attract strangers in stores who absolutely want to interact with me one way or another — but usually they want my advice or help. I have tons of stories that make me smile when I think back on them.

    I attract warm and loving neighbors who adopt me instantly when I move into a new neighborhood, yet have healthy, respectful boundaries.

    I attract problem-free cars that serve me well.

    I attract lovers who… hmm… haven’t done so well in this department!!

    I attract one problematic job after the other…

    (I’ve got the lover issue figured out — know what to do and not do from now on. Still working on the job issue.)

    I don’t know if it’s ‘like attracts like’ (the mirror effect) or ‘opposites attract’ (the shadow/projection effect). I think it’s sometimes one, sometimes the other, and frequently a combination of both simultaneously — depending on whether we have a lesson to learn, a gift to give (or receive), or simply an inner ‘something or other’ to passively share (what we ‘exude’ when we are simply ‘being’, with no expectation, need or purpose — just enjoy, together).

  3. Sigh. Boy has this topic been on my mind lately. You see I have Pisces 7th (with Chiron right on my descendant and a Venus Pisces 6th) so guess what? I have always attracted broken, lost and/or damaged people. The underdogs. It also relates to my profession – healing others. In spite of my last post on “hunting” which reflects the paradox that I am, at my core I am a healer. Sometimes my Aries rebels against that core, which I feel is good for balance otherwise I might have just been a doormat in this life.

    It’s the most amazing thing really. I can be anywhere…on line at Office Depot one time and the cashier, not knowing me from Adam, begins to tell me how she’s in the initial stages of a divorce. How the split precipitated, her fears for her future and the uncertainty of being alone with two small children. Now mind you, there are people behind me in this line and the cashier seemed oblivious to that fact. It felt like time was suspended. No one was complaining or huffing & puffing as she told her story and I did my very best to offer support and encouragement in light of the situation. This kind of thing happens to me on a regular basis. I can meet someone and before either one of us realizes it, I am ferreting out their deepest secrets! Someone once said that was my Pluto conjunct ascendant or something else doing with my Pluto, I dunno.

    Another thing I just became aware of, last week actually, is the fact that all my significant romances have something in common – the guys all have a hard Neptune/Sun aspect. Perfect. NOT!! Even my own son has one, but thankfully he has some sweet Moon/Neptune energy too.

    Since a very early age I have been some sort of magnet for such types. Though I have moments when I long for people who can be MY advisor, they’re only moments. I know that my rewards in this life come from offering my spirit to those in need. I wouldn’t have it any other way. πŸ™‚

    For this gift, I am truly thankful…Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

  4. I attract people with strong opinions. Maybe because mine tend to be so strong that those with weak, or no opinions are overwhelmed.

    My soon-to-be sister-in-law attracts crazy street people. They -always- talk to her, maybe because she’s so incredibly empathetic, and unfailingly polite. (she’s a libra)

    Where would you look for this in somebody’s chart?

  5. I attract crazy people and creeps. Particularly any 40+-year-old balding guy in a baseball cap with glasses and lots of facial hair- those guys adore me. Especially if they are homeless. ARGH.

  6. “I attract men who have lost a parent or sibling at an early age.”

    OMG, Christine, me too! But not just men, women too. I attract people who have lost at least one parent at before the age of 30. Even my therapist!

    I agree with you, Elsa, btw. I don’t think that just bc you attract something or notice it, that it means that it’s one of your own traits. ALTHOUGH, my own real father abandoned me at an early age, he’s not dead.

  7. This is a hard question. I don’t think I really attract any people in the ways described above.

    It’s more like once you get past my defenses, over time the only people left are really nice, sympathetic, communicative people, with a tendency to study law, language, and travel or teach..

    But I have always attracted eccentric professors, who always want me to take up their field and become a teacher too someday, which I have no plans to do.

  8. I dunno whom I attract. . . I’ll think about it and comment later. If I ever figure it out. πŸ˜‰

    Man, I’m oblivious to ~a lot~ of my interpersonal interactions! It’s something that I’ve noticed before when answering these types of questions here, but this one brought it home. I wonder if this is somewhere in my chart or just part of my general people-fog? Hm.

  9. For a different spin on this—now that I am officially ‘over forty’ I attract a lot of 30 year old women. And this is very very nice–I really love talking to them, haning out a bit. BUT there are all those moments when I want to be my older jaded self and I can’t do that with these sweet things (all in Italy, not email) because they wouldn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

    But Maire, same experiences in line with total strangers! And I have Pluto Sextile my Scorpio Ascendant. I love this—it’s the only time I feel I am really connected with the rest of the world. A gift indeed.

    But I also attract lot of seriously insane control freaks who want to manipulate me–control freaks who’ve been abused/raped/abandoned/beaten– very difficult to deal with because compassion versus self-preservation becomes an issuse.
    I’ve learned to drop those, NEVER try to manipulate a control freak Capricorn—I’ll butt ya to Pluto if you try it……And yes, they are DEFINITELY showing me a side of my personality I would like to reject.

  10. Hmm…nice.

    Belated Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. I’m grateful to have this entertaining blog with its community to distract me from my own craziness.

    Well let’s see. I think I know who I attract–but maybe I don’t and I just THINK I do?

    I did have this conversation once with a close friend–as to who gravitates to me and vice versa. I believe the conclusion I came to is that I attracted people who were either emotionally suppressed or less emotive than I am. It’s like I’m an emotional enema or something. I seem to attract people who are less communicative/emotional, but have major strengths in many other ways that help me out. So it’s definately a synergy. I help them bring up suppressed emotions, or validate their emotions, or they experience something through my oftimes overboard emotional/communicative nature, and they help me to become more patient, objective, less paranoid–etc. It’s definitely a “practical vs. idealistic”.

    I’m a big-time right-brained emotional, spiritual, kooky idealist, and I try to admit it whenever possible. I tend to attract atheists, skeptics, Aquarians, or other people who are very strong in a technical way. The technical/mathametical/political/practical side of things is where I’ve always felt weakest–due to lack of earth in my chart, mostly lack of air, and lack of fixed signs. So meeting and convening with these people is a way for me not to escape my North Node in Virgo–and learning to be more practical and into the details of life.

    Hugs and Such,

    Uncle Hannah

    p.s. sorry for the long post

  11. I attract three-legged puppy types, as well as very critical types. With the broken burd thing, I think its because I like to fix things, not that I’m great at it, and also probably I’m a bit broken myself.

    Er, what RKggg said.

    Also teh critical types, though I don’t think I’m an expecially critical person, execpt to myself.

    And for the record, I’m a pisces moon and virgo rising. With a sadge sun.

  12. You guys are so amazing about this, all these different people you attract, Christine, “people who do the excuse me dance,” :-). As I’ve said before, on some nights I attract serious weirdos who talk to me as if I am a listening, sensitive person who understands them. I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption that you guys seem like such good listeners/attract such broken people and I don’t partly because you might be more mature and experienced in life than I am, as I’ve seen through your past stories. These wierdos that are attracted to me during the night, or even people I have long conversations with (I believe that my Cancer side comes out with the moooon ;-)) think that I am smart or even partly psychic, like a knock off of one woman I am attracted to who is psychic. I am sure that all manner of weirdos/people with all manner of problems are attracted to her. She is a Pisces. She lets you call her when you need and I used to call her at night because I needed her then. You feel bad about calling her and using her like this, or not thanking her properly, and with these certain things, I am extremely shy. I also can’t deal with when I call her when she’s busy with a meal or when the reception is bad and feel bad calling only when I need help. You can bet I’ll feel bad after writing this. You imagine what it must be like for her family with the phone ringing off the hook with people, like me, who are too embarrassed to leave a message or talk to a family member. I once talked to her niece when she was gone and the eleven year old girl said to me, tell me your problems, maybe I can help, and I was so embarrassed for various reasons. Imagine being in the healing profession, opening yourself with all these crackpots literally leeching you of your energy! I think, Elsa, that you too open yourself to help people on this blog and maybe in a way they are leeching off of you too?

  13. Haha, Ruth! I hope to say that I live in a fishbowl of eccentric professors. An eccentric professor told me a few days ago that I can give up following his profession, that there is no market anymore for eccentrics like me to be hired simply based on their eccentricity!

  14. like SaDiablo #12, i had to take time out and ponder this question of attraction. i must say i really enjoyed the exercise, although i am not fully convinced it is necessarily me that is “pulling” a particular response from someone. i wonder if it is something much bigger at work…and Ruth you are not alone. i only notice these things once my defenses are down too and my nervousness is eased somewhat.

    some items from the list:

    *angels*… for as far back as i can remember there have always been those who have jumped to my defence without any prompting from me. most times i consider myself fairly independent. a sort of can readily stick up for myself type of person. the fact that many of these people have been complete strangers leaves me astounded. eventually realising it isn’t a weakness to receive unsolicited help, i am learning to put my pride aside, and feel & express sincerely my gratefulness…

    young people, especially those in the 5mos to toddler range. i don’t know what it is, but i can be in a grocery aisle feeling pissed about something or worried about something else and i look away from the shelves for a moment only to see this young face staring at me. internally i’m thinking “what are you looking at?” then suddenly this most amazing smile is the response. honestly i’ve been given sunshines, moombeams, and smirks that have been out of this world.

    i also notice that people i know feel safe and free to argue, fight, and let off steam with me. where they would be most concerned doing this with someone they consider “sensitive”, when it comes to me it is no holding back and swoosh! the funny thing is i am fairly touchy too, but i can take it most times. must be my mars in 12th house.

    thanks, i really enjoyed reading everyone’s posts.

  15. Hey Marly, I laughed when I read there’s another person who attracts this! Do your ‘contacts’ say things like: “Sorry to be so morbid, but…”

    As for the energy question, Dani, I never feel like I am drained, but I do feel like I am experiencing unnecessary energy dispersal. Like, where the hell is it going? Is it being utilized? If not, check it. I have Scorpio/Uranus on my MC, so I have shocked a person or 2 by checking out of a relationship. They “didn’t see it coming,” and I knew that it was coming, but tried to ignore it.
    But I do not feel that I have a limited supply of it. I feel the need to cultivate how I use it so it is directed in the most efficient way possible, and prevent that “dispersed” feeling.

    Lately I have been meeting a lot of people who are embarking on energy/healing work, who are concerned about being drained. And it is a legitimate concern, absaloutely. But I don’t think it is inevitable. Anyone in the healing profession is also a teacher, in my eyes. I have enormous respect for my own teachers in this life, and feel endless grateful, too. I think part of my gratitude is finding a way to manifest my energy and share it.

  16. I think it can happen, but in my life its opposites attract. We all have something the others dont. Some of us have qualities the others aspire to be.
    but I do know I was looking at my friends charts and most of them do have something in common, a packed 12th house. I have no idea what that means, but it was a major commonality. I have nothing in my 12th.

  17. I attract bullies and gossipers. Sometimes I just laugh at the absolute ridiculous things that are told on me, other times it really hurts my feelings.

  18. I attract so many different kinds of people,but there are a few ‘groups’ I guess you can call them that are more popular. Creeps and crazies on the street, not all bad, just all weird. There has been a series of women in my life, not a lot, but enough and for long periods of time, that have nothing but malice and anger and dislike towards me but mask it for a very long time with friendship and when I find out I am always shocked and stunned and still do not know why this happens. They are always a co-worker and are so vicious it astounds me.

    Right now I’m specifically attracting Plutonian people (Pluto Moon transit) and it’s fascinating. I think I always have attracted them but never realized it (not knowing much about astrology until the last year or two).

    Also, another major group is domineering male bosses who are always quite rich and try to rule my life, personal as well as professional! Try to tell me who to date, how to dress, etc. A lot of Sagittarians as well (I’m sag sun and moon) and Pisces all over the place. I think they see me as the poor kid/pet project or ugly duckling who can be a swan? I dunno.

    I also attract people who are not so much into self defense, and don’t seem to be able to or are too timid to protect themselves. I don’t mind this because I think people (women especially) should know that they don’t have to walk around taking other people’s shit that they don’t deserve! On the negative side to that, I am maybe too defensive myself, ah I know I am actually and maybe they balance me out?

    On the plus side, children love me and I them, I’m a magnet for ’em.

  19. I attract people (mainly young women) who have low self-esteem. It’s funny, I never really thought about it before, but I do. And they like me, even though I may not necessarily like them, and they really appreciate my advice, even though I don’t necessarily intend to give it out (what do *I* know?!).

    There are a number of Aquarians and Geminis in my life and I went through a phase earlier this year where I met a group of Leos (I have a Leo sun). I have no idea what that might mean, but I don’t talk regularly to the Leos anymore.

  20. I attract broken survivors, those people who know their record doesn’t exactly play without some needle-skipping over gouges but have made the best of their situation with adamant proclamations to not repeat what happened to them as kids on anyone else. You know, like me. πŸ˜‰

    I also attract people who need to talk but trust no one, yet somehow feel comfortable enough to tell me everything. Friends, strangers, doesn’t matter. I’ve had more interesting (and some heartbreaking) conversations because of this.

    I do not interact well with ‘normal’ people who grew up with both parents with solid support and background. I just can’t relate, and they can’t find common ground with me.

  21. I attract men who think they want to date me, but instead they really want to BE me! I am very independent and tend to know what I want. It gets weird when they figure out that I don’t rub off and they still have to be them. What is this all about ? Anyone?

  22. omie – I recognize that. I don’t drink much but consistently get alcoholics who think if they are with me they will be sober tooooo. πŸ™‚

  23. Partners whose parents are educators/work with children. Boyfriend #1: Mother was a middle school science teacher, Father was a director at an organization that provided services to preschool aged children. Boyfriend #2: Mother was a professor at the University that we attended. Boyfriend #3: Mother was a retired teacher who taught English to children out of her home (in Austria), Father taught phys. ed., Stepfather was a college professor. Boyfriend #4: Mother was a teacher many years ago.
    I have Neptune in Sagittarius in house 6.
    Coincidentally, with the exception of my current boyfriend, all of my former boyfriends were born outside the U.S.

    Bad luck with Apple Computers getting completely destroyed either intentionally or by accident.
    Great, unexpected luck with cameras/photography in general.
    Uranus in Scorpio in house 6.

    Weirdoes
    Mercury in Pisces

    Doppelgangers (my b-day is: 2/22
    Gemini Moon in house 12, Gemini asc. trine Sun in Pisces

    Saturn, Mars and Jupiter in Virgo in house 4.
    One of my earliest memories is of being with my mother and holding a steno pad and a fountain pad that belonged to her that she used to take notes, …for what I don’t know – maybe it was her journal.
    My childhood, was, um, idyllic and, in some ways, persists today although I am, um, 28 years old.
    But it was also, um, different. My dad had an affair with my mom and she got pregnant.
    I never met him.
    PIsces in Mercury on the midheaven aspects to Moon, Mars, Jupiter and Sun
    I tend to favor spiritual relationships to physical ones.

  24. 1.I attract children a lot.
    2.And people that want to just talk and trust someone about everything.

    I am usually the person that they come after a difficult day just to relax,laugh,forget . Its like they want to bring out and show their innocent side

  25. ooopss i forgott!!
    I also attract people with lots and lots of earth characteristics! Its been like this since i remember. (Usually Capricorns)

  26. zany & creative types….i consider myself really blessed to attract unique & one of a kind type friends. this may be in part due to uranus in leo in the 11th trining my venus in aries in the 7th…

    i attract left handed men (i’m left handed)…
    typically men who have suffered immense losses early in life (loss of mother often)…or who had problematic difficult and often distant relationships with their fathers….

    not all but many of the women friends i know have had very positive relationships with their father…or were daddy’s girl…or somebody’s girl…i never was …so this is different…

  27. I attract most every man — not in a sexual way for most (I hope) — because they perceive me as having the mind of a dude. I have infinite tolerance for male behavior and enjoy shooting the shit in a way that makes men feel comfortable. Only the hardcore sexist ones are repulsed by me for same reasons. I also attract super-competent women with a mind of their own. I assume this is my Aries stellium at work.

  28. Elsa, could there be some elements at one’s chart that actually prevent one from seeing the people are attracted to them ? I’m asking you this because it actually took me well into my 20’s to learn how to read SOME of those messages, and I still might miss most. When I was in my late teens, my friends constantly told me how this or that person was so into me, when I had only thought they had been friendly. On the other hand, I seldom get any unwelcomed attention either, it’s kind of like I had this aura of respectivity. I do have a Ascendant square Neptune (otherwise good Neptune aspects, including Neptune sextile Sun), and a 12th house Saturn. Maybe they have something to do with it ?

    However, I’ve noticed the people with strong fire elements on their charts have a way to get across to me. It’s with the Aries women (along the Capricorns, but then I’m a Capricorn Moon, so that’s almost given) I’ve built the most immediate friendships with, and most men who approach me at bars ecc. seem to have a very strong Sagittarius. For a lasting relationship, it seems Leo and Aries influences are better.

  29. “Elsa, could there be some elements at one’s chart that actually prevent one from seeing the people are attracted to them ?”

    ABSOLUTELY.

  30. Libras
    if you think i’m kidding,i can think of a halfdozen off the top of my head
    and they all have inner pissed off aries in them
    like elsa ‘i’ll blow the head off of anyone who comes in my house’ p
    i actually have no idea why people don’t bring up ‘shadowside’ of chart positions
    like the inner slow but steady capricornian drives in cancers,pissed off aries libras,’i am so fucking awesome’ aquarius,etc

  31. “the … ‘i am so fucking awesome’ aquarius…”

    *snert* I AM FUCKING AWESOME, YO! πŸ˜€ Leo sun, Aquarius moon, maan. Now if I could just convince everyone else on the planet… πŸ˜‰

    It’s been two years and I still don’t know whom I attract! *laughs* Eh, Sun-Neptooooon. (Venus- and Mars-Neptune, too. I’m screwed. πŸ˜› )
    Wait, wait! I attract people who are allured by my happy (Jupiter rising), seemingly-caring face (in Cancer), who are subsequently appalled by nearly every single thing that comes out of my mouth (almost every planet below the horizon, Pluto hitting everything). *snicker* I can’t help it, I’m a misty, chameleon-like weirdo / projection magnet.

  32. I attract really loving people who like to help others but who are FREE SPIRITS! Cannot be contained but are open to new experiences and living life to its fullest.

  33. i’m undecided whether the law of attraction draws people who are like each other or opposites of each other. It’s probably the whole projection aspect – they are so different from me…says the hidden side of self.

    Used to be a pedophile/stalker magnet until I figured out how to own my energy better. Now I’m a control-freak/cappy/businessmen magnet. Not sure if that means I’m doing all right or if they are the same guys, but in suits. Bother.

    wish i attracted the sag types more though. they are fun, but I’m not attracting them anymore. Odd.

  34. I have attracted needy, wishy-washy, undependable, mostly Pisces, women who want to be my best friend, then screw me over. Jupiter in Pisces conj Mercury.

    I have attracted lying, creepy, psycho, mostly Scorpio, men who lie about who they are to get me, then try to bully me into submission. They mistake my Aquarius ASC and Pisces planets as being a kindly pushover, but my Aries Sun always wins out in the end.

    Like energy is supposed to attract more of the same. I’m trying to put out what I want to get back. I want my energy to be as positive as possible so these negative types are repelled by me.

  35. Woah did this comment list really start in 2006?!

    I also attract men with mother issues, the reasoning is baffling as I’m close to both my parents who are mostly very welcoming and open to all.

    I attract what I think about, but sometimes I think the law of reflection is at play.

  36. I attract people who want to be understood and listened to. Those who feel like misfits or freaks.
    I used to attract those going through difficult phases in life (loss of a sibling or parent, etc.)I attract people who want to control me.
    I attract older men.
    In terms of astrology and men, my father, my husband, and my best guy friend all have Venus in Virgo so I guess I attract that too.

  37. I attract guys who are imaginative, science-fiction geeks. They talk Klingon to me and I don’t even watch Star Trek. They’re also the ones who would be into graphic fictions and comics, and have a world of their own. I have Pisces on the 7th. Fortunately I don’t attract the negative side of Pisces. I have never been involved with addicts or alcoholics, gamblers, or victims of abuse type of people.

    I have a coworker who attracts the controlling types who go crazy when she breaks up with them to the point of storming her apartment with a bat, either that or they would stalk her and even find out her phone number through whatever means. I’m really wondering why she attracts those losers.

  38. I have bad hair and so do my friends. My closest friend cuts her own and I really don’t know what it is supposed to be.

    It’s always interesting who comes into my life. Like what’s the common denominator here? The keepers are solid, but with an artsy side. Not die hard artists, just artful in their living and what they create. Nice balance for me. It’s probably my 11th house libra thing.

  39. Every body is going to have their own opinion on the ‘laws of attraction’ but as a professional chemist I must say humans often attract their opposites.

    for example if your a doctor you may attract people who need surgery. or a better example, those who don’t cheat might attract cheaters in relationships. I see this all the time.
    in chemistry, two positive charged batteries cant coexist, they naturally repel each other but 1 negative & 1 positive battery can coexist and become one. these are the same principles in life. insecure people are usually drawn to confident people.

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