Divorcing When You Have Teenagers

My husband is acquainted with a man; his wife wants to leave him.  He’s against the divorce. They have a teenage son at home.

The wife left with the son and the dog. The dog was hit by a car and killed about a week later; I’m not sure how it happened.

The boy wants to see his father. I am not sure what the wife’s deal is. My husband thinks she is cheating with someone who may not know she is married. This is because a gift arrived at the home. addressed to her, using her maiden name. The gift was personal. Soap and oil and bath stuff.

The husband can’t bear the thought of this, I guess. So he has suspended judgement. He’s also seriously ill.  He’s lost forty pounds quickly. He’s diagnosed with some serious (but curable) things. He’s still dropping weight.  I guess it can be assumed, he’s depressed.

I don’t think any of this is particularly unusual but here is my point.  This kid… he has started cutting himself.  And that right there is where I draw the line.

I really don’t think parents who put their desires ahead of their children’s needs fare well over time. It may not be what a person wants to do but I am asking you this:

If you a leaving your perfectly viable relationship (the husband has offered her the sun, moon and stars), ignoring the impact it is having on your son, do you really think this is going to work out for you?

Is there anyone out there who trashed their kid in the process of divorcing who will speak to this?

What do you think the Moon looks like in the chart of a mother who denies her son’s obvious cry for help… he is fourteen, by the way.  What do you think her Sun looks like

And if it’s the man acting out, same thing?  How do put your old self in front of a child’s needs when you know you’re responsible for them?

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Divorcing When You Have Teenagers — 34 Comments

  1. Been single all my life, so cannot speak to the married or commitment part..
    However I am responsible and took care of my mother for over a decade. My guess is this woman has some life altering transits to her ascendant or her sun. Could be Uranus that is affecting her values/choices. I pray that she realizes that you do not sacrifice the well-being of a child or a partner for more fun/exciting relationship…

  2. Just a guess here but I’d say the mom could have Aries, since she’s acting selfish and rash. Also Uranus has been churning up Aries so maybe she had a Uranus transit and flipped?

    Her son is undergoing a Saturn in cap transit opp his Saturn in cancer so there you can see the denial of home or a parent, and also parental tension/division. Basically his home is being broken. Really feel for him, 14 is a tough age without all this crap. Maybe she should have waited it out a bit, older teens handle these things better usually.

  3. I feel really sorry for this boy – how awful for him. Unfortunately I have seen many couples (married or in long term relationships) with kids and they divorce/separate because they can’t stand each other anymore. I’m not sure whether offering the sun and stars to a person makes them want to stay, if they are so bored/repulsed/etc by their partner. So they split up. Of course the kids suffer and may even be in therapy or fucked up forever. The trouble is, it’s incredibly hard to stay with someone you hate, even if you want to protect your kids. I think that it’s better to split up than be a disfunctional role model for your kids. It’s how you handle it that counts. Unfortunately people are often not experienced/mature enough to handle it (because their emotions are in overdrive). Not sure about the astrology but sounds like something to do with progressions or Pluto transits…?

  4. Yeah but we only have one side of the story. The husband could be unbearable, we don’t really know. It seems to me that if the kid is cutting himself, there were likely some issues way before she left. Possibly issues stemming from the parents toxic relationship.

    If the woman is partying and neglectong her son thats defintely wrong…but just to leave? Not necessarily.

    I do know someone who is screwing up her two adolescent boys because she decided at the age of 40 it was time to hang out with 20 somethings and party. She took them away from a stable life, where she had a good husband who gave her anything she wanted. I personally think he spoiled her too much and that contributed. She is going to have to learn the hard way. But lucky her, her husband is leaving the door open.

    As far as the boy cutting himself, he needs counseling asap.

    • @Tam,

      Trust me, depression can make you gain like 70 pounds in a year. It’s so discouraging to go through it. Gain or lose, it’s a horrible thing to watch your body change so fast, so drastically. 🙁

      I’m sure you know about depression and weight gain, though. But yeah, drugs and addiction, darn.

  5. Aries! My mother is an Aries sun. She had he second childhood at 45. Everything was about her no matter what it did to me and my sister.

    I’ve also seen similar things with a close friend of mine who is an Aries. They can be very selfish.

  6. Is she not letting her son see his father? I think I would need to hear what she had to say before coming to some judgement.

    • I think she is letting him see him, somewhat. But the kid wants to be with the dad? I’m not sure.

      I also don’t know what their home life if but he does seem to be a family man… meaning he works hard, six days a week and up until she left, his wife came in and got his entire paycheck each week.

  7. Breaks my heart to hear this, for the son, for everyone involved…. though I know it can happen often…. it’s a huge lesson for myself. Sometimes ignoring the impulse to “follow your heart” immediately might be better for everyone, in the end. I suspect it’s the feeling of being trapped or denied that sent her into a panic to leave, or to run to someone else in a blind hurry, but….. it doesn’t mean she gets to be the only one hurting here…. TReminds me of this one song by John Legend:“We’re just ordinary people. We don’t know which way to go… Take it slow…..”

  8. I wow, you all are so judgmental. I am an Aquarius with Aries rising and Ariesin my moon. I was a single mother raising 2 daughters and they came first in my life. I made sure they had college , a decent car and I helped them both with their furnishings for a first apartment. I took off work to care for their babies because I felt day care 5 days a week wasn’t a good thing. Maybe that’s selfish? I am now 71 and my triple Aquarius daughter has pushed her daughter out of the house and she landed on my door step. I am still caring for people and still working , still helping as I much as I can with my younger daughter too. My oldest daughter since she was 12 has told me it’s her turn to live her life. She is 50 and has shirked her responsibility towards her daughter for 20 years. She angry she got pregnant at 30 unmarried, but she’s angry with me!.My point is despite astrology, which I believe God gave us to help guide us, does not have the definitive answers. There is something called free will and choices. Anger, alcoholism, and drugs, and who knows what else can taint a beautiful chart ,

  9. The current situation may be the best path for all three, whether it appears that way or not. The son may have been a cutter, but only surfaced recently. I doubt he became a cutter solely due to his mother’s abandonment. My parents did stay together for the sake of the family and it was a mistake; the emotional undertow permeated our family atmosphere.

  10. I’ve wanted to leave my husband for 10 years. He’s a good man, I’m a good woman but I want to be a good woman on my own. When I realized I wanted a life different from the one he wanted our three children were 12, 14 and 15; so I stayed. It was the right thing to do because I was the one whose heart and mind had changed and my first commitment was not to my husband but the family we created. My kids are now 22, 24 and 25 and yes, there has been some “emotional undertow” (love that phrase btw) that came from living with parents who lacked all of the components of a happy marriage, but I’ve come to see that few marriages have all the components, all the time anyway. This could have been a very lonely 10 years, except I put my energy into strengthening my bond with my kids, finding creative outlets for myself and developing a friendship with my husband that I hope will endure when our marriage is finished.
    Afterall, he is going to be at my children’s weddings, at the hospital when they give birth and at my future grandchildren birthday parties – we better be able to kiss cheeks and get along.
    I don’t know this woman’s astrology but I bet there is a great deal of pain associated with it now.

  11. So theoretically he will stop being a cutter if his parents get back together. That is quite a lot of power for the kid to have, with this one thing he can make them do what he wants, and if it works out horribly it’s on him- and boy will he know it. You think cutting is bad, wait for the guilt-ridden suicide from that fallout! That is not the adults being in charge. I’m not sure that cutting is the average response to parental divorce, so there is something else going on here. Not knowing the people- but understanding most people aren’t truly crazy- I’d think the divorce and the cutting are prompted by whatever family dynamic has been going on for a while.
    Both parties contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. Even if it’s mostly one person, there’s some part the other one plays. And it’s impossible to know the truth- you think someone is an ok person, no red flags, doing their duty. Maybe, maybe not. You find your husband did something morally corrupt, is a secret porn addict- are you going to tell people that? Is he? So it’s hard to judge.

      • Cutting is a cry for help, not to get his parents back together. The physical pain releases endorphins that stems the emotional pain temporarily, just like drugs or alcohol numb. The boy just wants the pain to stop and turns that anger back on himself rather than someone else. And maybe he doesn’t want his parents to get back together but a relationship with his dad. My son just wants his dad to give a damn, and his anger and sense of worthlessness is what led him to cut.

  12. I waited until my kids were out of state and in college before I filed for divorce. I waited until after they both turned 18 because I desperately did not want any court involvement regarding child custodial issues. Reviewing my composite chart’s transits on that decision day, Tr Uranus in our 10H was squaring our 7H Sagittarius Saturn (and my natal Sag Saturn/Virgo Venus square) – yes, our partnership appeared to abruptly changed in the public’s eye. This square also squared, forming a mutable T-square, with our 4H natal Virgo Sun and Tr Saturn Rx. The vitality of our marriage (Sun) and our supposed home sanctuary (4H) was choked (Tr Saturn). In addition, Tr Chiron was conjunct our composite and both of our natal Chirons in the 11H – higher truth and legal issues. Tr Mercury in Aquarius was exactly conjunct my ASC on that day – clear, unemotional thinking; I felt relieved. We both agreed it was time to divorce. Lessons were learned/felt, the game has concluded, clearing the pathway for a new chapter.

  13. So 10 years ago, I really wanted to leave my husband. He had trouble holding a job, drank to excess, but spent time with his kids, went to church with us most of the time and to my knowledge, neither one of us had been unfaithful. I consulted Elsa, she said staying and trying to repair the relationship was the best choice, it was better for my kids and the responsible thing to do. So I stayed. We went to therapy, I went back to school so I could get a job that I enjoyed more than the one I had before, and I thought we were on the right track.
    5 years ago, he had taken another new job out of town and when the kids are I were planning our move to join him, he called me to tell me he did not want the kids and I to come. First he said he needed space but after I confronted him with the evidence admitted he had met someone new. We moved to his town anyway so he could have access to his kids. He chose to not to see his kids but 2 or 3 times a year and not take them in the summer when he had the opportunity.
    My youngest, his 15 year old son, spent all of last year cutting himself, depressed and angry that his dad did not want to see him. He was in therapy, but insurance ran out and because his dad doesn’t pay support, I can’t afford it on my own. My other two older children are fairing better, but their lives were forever altered by their dad’s decision. Before the divorce was final he had moved in with a woman who left her boys, and my ex tells me he is blissfully happy with his new life and blames me for my son’s pain. Bu I believe that one of the reasons he has so little contact with children that live a mere 20 minutes away is the guilt that assures him it is no longer his responsibility or fault.
    I know I wasn’t a perfect wife, and I am not a perfect mom, but I was a wife who stayed, I am a mom who will stay, and it breaks my heart that I cannot take away my kids’ pain and loss. It’s a grief that is nearly impossible to heal.
    His Sun is in Cancer 8th house and Moon in Libra, Scorpio rising 11th house with a stellium in the 8th and 11th houses. Not sure what that says about him, and honestly not sure that I care, other than he has the power to hurt or help my kids as long as he is alive and I care about them more than life itself.

  14. I got a restraining order against my husband after 17 years of hell of a marriage. Wasnt aware that he was addicted to gambling as it was an arranged marriage. 11 years of gambling of our resources and finally i moved interstate, hoping for a change. Change came in the form of uranus in Aries. I am Libra Sun 4 degree. Uranus in libra 17.

    He quit gambling but started drinking followed by death threats. Caused a miscarriage by kicking me in my hips.

    My family interfered and warned him. He started to show me knives, hammer etc. I started to get stress attacks, diagnosed with anxiety. I asked for amicable separation. He said he would poison everyone’s food and kill everyone. I consulted with a police officer, lawyer & multi cultural wmens advocate, cousellor & couple theapist who refused to take us due to mature of the threats and a priest.

    I moved into a refuge while he was evicted by police. 3 kids and 7 yrs old twins and 15 yrs old teenager. He wasn’t allowed to see until he goes through family court. Now children see the father for 3 days.

    He is renting close by and living with his mother. He was traumatised because of the unexpected event.

    11 years of Sagitarius gambling was very tough to deal with. . Loud arguments (sun conjuct mercury) never accepted the wrong doings and it was all caused by me. Jaw dropping. Never had friends or night outs, no drinking, no smoking, work home and chidren but I sold my sole in that marriage.

    His side of the story? I wonder what it is.
    Thank you

    • I am 27/9/1972. Massive stellium in Libra. Ceres, Mercury & psyche conjuct at 10 DEGREE. Pluto 2, uranus 7 & sun 4.

      Him 6/12/1968
      Jupiter conjuncts uranus in libra 3
      Mars , south node in libra

      Saturn, N nOde aries

      Thanks

      • Im going to send you a prayer.

        I went through something similar. Let him deal with his own karma and you just be free.

  15. It’s all very sad all the way around for all of them. I cannot however make a judgement unless I heard the wife’s side, regardless of what he promises her. Having grown up in a battlefield myself, I absolutely know that parents who do not get along have a major affect on the kids. As in being 16 and praying the stepfather would get run over by a train so we could get some peace, as they weren’t going to divorce and I couldn’t stand another day. (when I was of age they did divorce but I no longer lived there) The cutting is indicative of something very disturbing, and I seriously doubt if the Mother returned it would magically all end. He , above all, needs serious help. Best wishes to all.

  16. Divorce and separation is very Painful specially when you have kids. But dragging a relationship is even more painful. But Astrology and astrologer can help in this. The birth chart can tell a lot whether some one can cheat or not. It can help to understand whether a relationship is worth trying or not.

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