Different Perspectives And Depths Of Meaning: Love and Pain and Poorness

trump-cards.pngA conversation emerged on the Dora pain blog. After reading some of the comments I stated that what the soldier said that day had been interpreted differently by the reader than I had understood it in the moment. This happens sometimes, HQ told me long ago I often talked in code, mistakenly believing people understood things the way I do.

May, who provoked my comment came back this morning with this:

“Oh, I see. Sorry for the misinterpretation. I agree it might’ve been misinterpreted. I see it is admitting vulnerabilities for everyone.”

May, yes it is that but it is also very personal to both of us. Like for example, I was a homeless teenager for awhile there. Is this something a person is going to advertise? In my case it is but most people are not going to broadcast something like this.

I have a lot in common with Dora, I have just not advanced this story yet.

As for the soldier, he has confided in me his deep… everything. What he was doing there was telling me he loved me. That there was no boundaries between us. This was a study in the differences of relationships people have. Who they let in and most particularly why they let them in.

His comment was essentially this: There is everything in the world… and then their is love which trumps it. Not that anyone should have pulled that out of what was written, but still that is what was available there to be pulled.

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Different Perspectives And Depths Of Meaning: Love and Pain and Poorness — 11 Comments

  1. Hmm. It is more like our hearts are connected I think. It is eye to eye but no one is winking.

    There is another level here too. People (on my blog) don’t want to see my personal “poorness”. I believe they deny reality around me which is painful.

    Painful, but pain is ingrained into people like Dora, and Elsa, the Little Match Girl and the girl who sold plantains.

    All four of us will just stare at you, see whatever you wish, we are powerless.

  2. A dear friend of mine, about ten years ago, became very close with me and another girl. She came from somewhere far away and had a very dark past, of which the other girl and I were completely unaware. Gradually, she ‘tested’ both of us to see if she could tell us about it. She loved us but was deathly afraid to make herself vulnerable. She never had before. She told us a bit of it, but I always got the impression she only scraped the surface.

    This girl was amazing, had the gift of writing – she wrote about it in poems, describing the pain as bones she was dragging around, etc. She was one of those people who you wouldn’t necessarily notice, but once you did…wow.

    A year went by and she dropped us completely. Out of nowhere, 3 years later, she reappeared. I confronted her about the leaving in the gentlest way I knew how. She disappeared again. She had once explained we could never understand what she’d been through, that we had more capacity than most that she’d met. I always wondered if, on some level, it takes more empathy than either the other girl and I could muster to ever be the kind of friend this person needed. I still have no idea.

    The thing is, I respect that she needed to get away. I don’t understand it, but she didn’t want us to see her pain for whatever reason. I wish I fully knew, because she was one of the closest friends I ever, ever, ever had. I still miss her. But the pain trumped everything, and maybe we weren’t seeing her.

  3. Well, you may be right Elsa, about not wanting to see your poorness. I started reading because your vulnerability made you real. I need to know it can be this way. That poorness and pain aren’t signs of weakness, etc, not in me and not in others who are important to me. But it’s not easy to let go of the illusion that pain can be totally eliminated from my life, and from others close to me.

  4. dolce – that was very moving to read, thank you.

    For the record, I don’t feel the way your friend does / did though. To me, pain (and poorness) is completely irrelevant. I’ve been flying under the wire since the day I was born – it means nothing. It’s like having black hair is what I’m saying. What difference does it make what color my hair is?

    I lost my daughter this year and people envy me. Is that not insane?

  5. I’ve known people who are attached to their pain as their image in order to use it against others. And there are people who have been through things that just define who they are, and they are painful. Without that pain/experience, they might not know who they are anymore. Pain is a way to empathize, also a way to get energy to accomplish things. I think pain is mutable and has many uses. It think that’s only the beginning of it, of course. I can’t say I’ve ever seen it eliminated, but perhaps transcended.

  6. Elsa- my pleasure, it was therapeutic to write it. It’s amazing how long things can stay with you, even if they aren’t on your mind everyday.

  7. Well I know that people like my pain because by God when it doesn’t show up on my blog for awhile, they actually write me, “Hey! How come you aren’t writing about Pluto Moon lately?” ::smiles::

    That’s when I know they’re hungry… want to feed.

    But what kills me is they think it’s okay to make these kinds of demands and give nothing in return. I can’t tell you how common this is… basically it is not just common, it’s the rule. When something happens otherwise, it is an event.

    And this is not a complaint, that would be ridiculous. It is a marvel is all. I marvel at it like I marvel at all kinds of things. Really, what is there about life that is not worthy of marvel anyway? Nothing I can think of.

  8. that reminds me of a meditation i heard. think it was the dali lama…”Every moment is a choice between a greivance and a miracle. I choose miracle.” It was repeated over and over and had a very calming effect on me…marvel at it all. 🙂

  9. Hey Elsa,

    just dropped by for a couple of minutes to see what’s happening, found a postcard from the edge and came snooping.

    I’ve spent way to much time with folks on the edge. I appreciate your ability to communicate it so clearly.

    I marvel at the self-involved. (I’m being way to facetious here, but the image brings the irony to the fore, and that’s my only intention)
    “Could we have your next installment of pain and woe please?, Our travail and despair quotient is failing and we can’t have that now, can we?”

    I guess its part of the entertainer thing, and the ownership felt by those thus entertained.

    Better to be the “coin in the slot astrologer” to those folks who expect us to pull it out of our arse on cue, then when we sweat blood getting answers to their 15 rapid-fire questions turn around and say “well, I’m not sure I believe in this stuff anyway” ….. then don’t f***ing ask!!… its frustrating, but nothing like where I think you are.

    Anyway, glad to see that you’re still doin’, some days that’s the best we can manage.

    oh, and the “poorness” thing?, ask me sometime about the note I sent to my wife the day she started flirting with me online!! (I’ve got to see if there’s a copy of it kicking around)

    Take Care

    Rod

  10. i’ve seen that feeding off the pluto thing before. it can get really darn ugly.
    people want a fix of someone else’s pain. i’m not sure why except maybe it helps them feel more real if they’re skimming over their own pain.

    on the flip side, it’s a big kick in the pants to not take the things i’m dealing with so seriously. as in, it could be much much worse.

    … i like to not forget how brutal life can be. helps me not take things for granted. like you were saying, about acting as reality check. a lot of people won’t talk about these experiences.

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