I feel it’s important to write this if for no other reason than no one else will. I tried to offload the job myself, on to satori but the fact is her perspective is not my perspective.
I did the strangest thing about 10 days ago. I bought my son an entire new wardrobe. This may or may not seem strange to you but it was strange to me and strange to him and I want to tell you how this came about.
My son had a bad day in school. How is irrelevant as is why. The fact is he had a bad day and he is surely not the only kid out there this happens to.
I told satori about it and while I don’t know if it was conscious or not, I think it impacted her because her son was picked on when he my son’s age. In whatever case she sent me a strange mail that said, “Sometimes the right shoes can make all the difference.”
I read her mail and my instinct went off. I knew immediately I was going to get, Vid, “the right shoes” and it sent me thinking down these various trails.
First I thought of how I grew up. I definitely didn’t have the “right shoes” but I can’t say I cared, then or now. My sister cared deeply, I think my older sister cared as well but I don’t know that I gave one whit, or more likely it just seems stupid to me which explains to some extent how Vid could have the “wrong shoes”. But this is not really about pathology. I tossed that idea around but it would not take hold. I think the situation is this:
Vid has never cared about his clothes, I have never cared about his clothes, his father had never cared about his clothes, so he just has clothes. On top of that, there was my daughter.
My daughter was very ill for a number of years and all the family resources flowed to her. Yes, we gave her everything we had on every level so where did that leave, Vid? It left him without. Not that he cared.
Vid didn’t care because he never knew any different. So it hit me, see? Not only was I going to get, Vid the right shoes, I was going to get Vid, the right *everything* and guess who showed up to help?
It was satori’s 12 year old daughter, Nem, That’s her in the picture. satori told me she was very good at this fashion stuff, akin to my sister, Annalisa. She said she would get a list of stuff from her daughter and then she (they) followed through in spades.
Nem delivered a list that was stunningly detailed and well put together. You only have to read the least little bit of it to know that she knows what she is talking about. I decided to follow her advice to the letter which is exactly what I did.
It took me 2 days to buy pretty much everything on the list. It was a lot of clothes, an entire wardrobe but I’ll tell you, it didn’t cost that much. Shockingly little and easy to justify considering I have never invested in my son like this.
I am sorry if that sounds bad but you just can’t make something a priority that is not a priority but I can tell you that the impact of this has been extreme.
For one thing, Vid loves himself. He already loves himself, he’s a Taurus but now he LOVES himself. He is totally taking care of his clothes and his look. He read satori’s daughter’s instructions, see? He knows to put the dark t-shirt beneath the lighter shirt and he’s caught on like a house on fire.
The first time he wore his new look, it looked good and good on him but a week has passed now and it’s changed him. He’s grown into the clothes and if you want to know the extent of this, even my husband noticed. My husband, who proudly announces he has been wearing the same outfit since he was in 4th grade acknowledges he looks damned good and supports the idea completely.
I realize some may think this is shallow but I don’t think it is. It’s support (Saturn) by sharing taste (Libra) that resulted in a real (Capricorn) transformation (Pluto).
I realize not everyone is in a position to do this but for the kid like, Vid and for the mother like me who may be out there, I feel a real obligation to tell this story and now I have.
A million billion thanks to, Nem. Her list follows…
okay! good stuff… I picked Nem’s brain and she is DETAILED.
Jeans: dark wash, slim fit but not tight (err on the bigger side and
wear a belt, black or brown, studded or plain), slight boot cut,
straight leg, or skinny leg opening. brands of jeans: the brand does
not matter, oddly enough. old navy or gap will work fine.
tee shirts: any color, but nothing too “out there.” it should have
something on it like a brand name or graphic (nothing too girly) and
if it’s plain you should wear a sweatjacket or jacket, preferably zip
collared shirt over tee… button (or newer: snap up) woven shirt with
stripes, check, or plaid (subtle) over a tee, open or partly buttoned,
or all buttoned. can be short sleeve under long or long sleeve under
short. (this is the NEW thing, the woven shirt over, even in seattle)
sweatshirts: hooded (always, not crew neck) pull over or zip up, hip
brands or sport teams. or just team colors. fit: a little baggy, not
sport jackets: like track suit jacket, solid colors or color block
with contrasting trim (like stripes down the side). brand is not
shoes: converse chuck taylors, low or high top, neutral color or
color that matches something else you’re wearing. Vans, the slip ons,
same color thing, but can have patterns in this one. skater shoes,
not too bulky, brands like Etnes, Volcom… NIke and Adidas are okay.
Any sports shoes with a regular brand are okay, bright white is good.
the tee shirts: the brand matters. Volcom, Zoo York, Lost, Hollister
(no name on this one, just the graphic- too much to have the brand),
American Eagle (the brand) is especially good. avoid the brand name
in BIG letters, subtle is better. Old Navy is good too.
layered tee shirts: short sleeve over long sleeve. the one on top
should be brighter than the one under, and should have pattern or
a cool watch would be very good. not too big, no bright colors, brown
or black or dark neutrals like forest green. no all metal (too
flashy). nothing too quirky. Fossil is a good brand. here’s one
Emma thinks is cool: (the black one)
stores to buy at The Buckle (BIG time), Pac-Sun, Old Navy, The Gap,
Zumiez, American Eagle, Macy’s
Nem says send pics after you buy and she will help coordinate. 🙂