Deep Feelings Of Shame & Humiliation

I have felt intensely deep feelings of shame and humiliation over these last couple of days. The fury of it all has taken me aback. I can’t even recall the last time I felt shame(d) to this degree. I would have been decades ago.  I may even have been a teenager!

I feel this peaked, yesterday. I finally decided to look at the sky. Well, first I looked for info.  The only astrological reference to “humiliation” is right here on this blog! See the discussion here.

Saturn is implicated, according to that thread. I checked the current sky. Saturn in Capricorn is opposing the Sun in Cancer. The Moon in Libra fills in the t-square.

These bodies all aspect my natal Mars. That’s explains the ferocity of my feelings.  This has been nothing short of horrific.  And here’s what kills me…

I am living in circumstances (unbeknownst to almost everyone) that are totally and utterly humiliating.   The situation is out of this world. I know humiliation inside and out at this point. I have worked hard to become equipped to deal with it but this???

These feelings are go beyond my capacity to cope. It’s a clear sign to me, I’m in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing.

So I am going to stop now and that’s going to be the end of it. I don’t think you should ever get complacent or comfortable with the idea you’ve seen it all or felt it all, or whatever.  It seems there is always a further “down” or a further “out”.  And there is an upside here…

When something gets to hurting you this bad, you will snap.  And once you do, you’re free.

I want to note, I know that I am responsible for my feelings!  I think what happened here is I repressed my feelings and… um… then they got loose.  There is another lesson in that.

What can you tell us about feeling shamed and/or humiliated?

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Comments

Deep Feelings Of Shame & Humiliation — 59 Comments

  1. All I can say is your shame and humiliation is not YOU.

    It’s something that you thought you were or think you are that can be shamed and humiliated.

    What you are, what you really are, is not that. I think you have to let go of it all, just breathe. Know that you are alive and have no thoughts beyond that about what it means.

    You can’t shame and humiliate life. Life is life.

    There are two types of shame, I have felt: shame when I realized how false I had been to myself, and the shame that comes for being false to other people. it’s very easy to be false to other people when you are false to yourself.

    Any other type, (public shunning, etc) well I got over it real fast. It was meaningless.

  2. Sounds just awful, Elsa; I am sorry you’re going through this. Wishing you a safe journey and landing whatever that may mean for your situation.

    I pretty much feel shame and humiliation every single day – 24/7. It’s like the air I breathe, the water I drink. I have the natal t-square of Saturn, Moon, Sun and Asc (conjunct).

  3. Ive felt it a lot. Its like the core of all the suffering in the world right?

    I realized recently that its just pride inverted. Same coin. Ego. It been trying to fuck with me too a bit recently, but Im not falling for it. I know, in my soul, that I am loved immensely by God and life, and that Im immediately forgiven for my “sins”. And anything that contradicts that, and makes me feel like shit, is a lie that my mind (Satan) tries to get me to buy. I am one with God, period, but there are forces that will try to convince me that Im not a pure expression of God energy. (And that everyone is!)

    So I personally dont feel like shame is a message from God, to do something differently but an illusion to be seen through. Adam and Eve chose to cover themselves, not God. Shame was brought in, unnatural and unoriginal.

    Thats my musings:) Thanks for inspiring them. I love tapping into stuff like this, because its archetypal really and that level is really grounding and gratifying to me.

  4. Wow. This is to the bone. I love your shrewd, candid nature Elsa.

    I can relate. I too am in what most consider an embarrassing situation and have been for over 2+ years now. Leaving the PNW with firm roots has left me starting afresh in AZ.

    It fucking sucks starting over.

    Saturn put his foot on me almost a year ago to where I felt DISGUSTED with myself and the world. Hedonism is now my enemy for it hasn’t helped at all.

    Being responsible and honest has put long-term solutions in place. I just have to remain persistent and resilient.

  5. I think we’re all riding these waves lately. Had been feeling more optimistic lately and then, bam! Past issues returned with a bang.

  6. I smoke and have been humiliated and shamed for being stinky. People have no courtesy and apparently it triggers some people into a red zone type rage where they blame you for ruining their life. I have a natalMars opposition Pluto and am in the middle of my second ( boomeranging)Saturn return. Shame shame shame on me . Will try to quit and in the meantime I’ll dig out that old bottle of Halston and they’ll be bumming a smoke off me( that was Neptune conjunct Mercury in the 10 th talking) . Please advise!

  7. Wise words above. I empathise, Elsa 💐

    Shame is one of the most painful states as it involves our entire being. The root of the problem is comparing our present self to an “ideal self”. No wonder we get disappointed : ) . We are human and we are flawed, and that is ok 👌.

  8. I would like to tell you that throughout the past few difficult years you have been the best kind of friend anyone could hope for. Curious bold and truly helpful information whenever I need it most. Thank you Elsa!

  9. I can say that since 2004 I try so very hard to not give anyone the impression that I’m interested in them as a partner. Extra space and time between me and them, don’t hug anyone first. All because of being humiliated in 2004 and feeling shame about it. I don’t know what else to say, it’s hard, a permanent over adjustment.

  10. I go through cycles where I feel shame for a short amount of time. One way I get past it is by thinking about the people I have found truly beautiful. I have never loved or admired a perfect person, they have all had flaws and I loved them more for their flaws. I find a lot of beauty in people who are genuine, who aren’t afraid to be different or weird and that is the most beautiful quality in a person I can think of. It helps me to extend that same acceptance to myself.

  11. I truly appreciate every response to the OP. I’m very sorry Elsa. This is something I have dealt with for the majority of my life. Saturn is inconjunct my Scorpio rising within 1 degree. Enlarged photos of my nude body were shared with a jury and a courtroom full of strangers and those on the opposing team who vilified,slandered, and belittled me, all while I was present. So that’s just one small example. I know shame and the feeling of self repulsion all to well.

  12. Elsa, this totally knocks me out. It is profound. When I feel shamed, (which is often enough with Saturn opp Sun) the *last* thing I can even think about doing is communicating about it! I’m catatonic, under the bed.

    But somehow you are able to make a post about it, laying the whole thing bare and providing us all with an example of how not to get stuck in your crap:: keep moving, keep telling it how it is, this too shall pass.

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but so appreciate your sharing and showing how being honest and straight is the way through. Still serving and teaching while suffering.

    • Re-reading it a few more times, this part leaped out:

      “When something gets to hurting you this bad, you will snap. And once you do, you’re free.”

      The whole point! And probably worth the pain of humiliation.

  13. My heart goes out to you. You are an amazing person. Much appreciated.
    Hit on Monday and I was in pain and ready to make a break from somewhere. I did, unseen or so I thought. But within hours realised it was my own doubts about myself again, my neg value, my shadow – projected onto others. My realisation I had to back myself, be strong and not break, and not breakaway. On return, some friends appeared out the blue, one by one and showed how much they love me.
    Sat and Pl opp Sun transit. Again…

  14. I have been shamed… felt ashamed … and these days I feel ashamed of my family situation. The fucked-up-ness of it all feels like it’s reflecting on me and my life, even though I know it’s not my fault my parents basically didn’t know how to handle children’s emotions and needs.

    Saturn through the 12th house with Pluto, in Capricorn, is the dark side of this transit. A lot of shame, and I keep mostly to myself. I feel like others would judge me, if I were to tell it like it is, because… that’s what people do with things and feelings they don’t understand.

    Sigh. This day is the definition of HARD. My Mars is hit the exact same way, with Libra Moon and Cap Mars in the mix with the two big brothers. This is shit hitting the fan-aspect…

  15. “It’s a clear sign to me, I’m in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing.”

    Been feeling the same. The acronym F.E.A.R. (fuck everything and run) keeps running thru my head…

    Hang in there Elsa – I am hanging with you.

  16. It must be terrible stuff, that could hurt you this much.
    I appreciate the idea of realizing that one can be “in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing”. To me this means that you are not to blame, as everyone can make mistakes (being in the wrong place), but a mistake shouldn’t bring on shame.
    Also appreciate that you can see up-sides and something positive to learn in this. It helps everyone to be able to see good in the bad!
    So, I hope you are freed, or soon will be.

  17. Shame is so painful because it does not just make you feel bad about something you may (or may not) have done, but because it makes you feel bad about who you are. It’s the feeling that something may be essentially wrong with you, not just with your actions in the moment, which after all, can usually be corrected or atoned for. But there’s no escaping shame, because it’s about the core self. It’s a mental prison that people get stuck in, often beginning in childhood, that can get triggered externally later as an adult. It’s not easy to free oneself, because the triggering touches such a deep emotional wound, but becoming conscious of the earlier wound can sometimes help to overcome the false belief that one “deserves” the feelings of shame somehow. Try to remember, it’s not true! We are flawed human beings, yes, but nonetheless (actually, because of it!) we are worthy of compassion, forgiveness and love.

  18. I was very recently shamed for what I said. I calmed down and took it down 14 minutes later but someone screenshot it 1 minute into it. It was very surprising because as far as Facebook pages go, my page is not hopping. (226 friends and very few local). I’m shy and don’t have friends around. I was always the kid who had one best friend but death and relocation always take them. Whoever reposted my words of anger is popular and got the town sharpening their verbal pitchforks. It reminds me of when I first moved here in 7th grade. I had one friend and she ended up moving middle of the year. That’s when I started getting bullied. The mean words, stares, trips, pulling out your seat when you are about to sit just was too much for me I guess. I had no one to talk to. I had a particularly bad Friday and the Sunday before school I tried to commit suicide by ingesting a bottle of pills. After an Er trip and 4 days off school I returned. Anyway, what this person said around my child reminded me of what was said to me. It really bothered me, I snapped and bullied in return. It was gross, becoming a bully myself! I didn’t articulate myself very well and even misquoted so I took down my words. I’ve had nothing but anxiety since this. A lot of crying…and the migraines. Shame. Humiliation. Yes. I understand. I’m sorry any of us feel this at times.

  19. Very sorry you are dealing with this Elsa. And sorry for the others who are dealing with similar issues too.

    Recently a friend broke my trust and told people some very private things about me. I’m feeling humiliated and betrayed. It’s not nice knowing your deepest secrets are out in the open. Maybe this has something to do with Pluto and Saturn currently transiting my 12th.

  20. Oh my gosh, me too! Signed up for Match.com for the first time and it has been just depressing! Last night I just started journaling and went into it. It was amazing how much that helped. I went into the shame, embarrassment, yada, yada, yada and found this place of compassion and (dare I say it) loving acceptance. Not just for me but for the people associated. It really lead me to a place of understanding. Now, to hold that place or at least get my footing back when I start to slip back into that painful, isolated place.

  21. I have a mentor that thinks something is happening in the collective. I think so too, although it feels very personal to me. Like the fear and shame are specially packaged just for me. Maybe nn opposite Saturn?

    I guess theres some stuff we have to look and evaluate. I think collectively people are saying that we dont prefer shame, guilt and fear anymore, but I guess it really has to be brought into the light of consciousness for us to make a true choice. I know that Im ready to move on from those energies. Not denying them, but just choosing something better.

    • Chiron in aries and wounding of the self maybe. I guess it would feel very personal for the collective. I feel like it’s coming up for healing for me. Transit chiron conjunct venus mars and opposite my moon. Also, my progressed moon is at 29 degrees Capricorn and I’m looking forward to possibly not giving a damn about the shame when I get my progressed moon in Aquarius.

      • Darn you mean I could have just waited it out? I’m kidding! I’m a bit of a newly to understanding the nuance of astrology but so much of the energy of these transits really helps me understand it better. Wish I understood how the progression energy works that is something I don’t get. 🙂

  22. I’d say congratulations.
    From what you’ve written, seems like you’ve decided to identify, understand and take control of the cause of your shame and humiliation. Instead of letting it defeat you, you got mad and are using that anger to fuel the transformation of your position to a better one. So many people could benefit from this blog post.
    I wish you all the resources and strength to do it 🙂

  23. Hey Elsa, just wanted to let you know how much I have always appreciated your writing over the past many years. Thank you! xx

  24. I have been more than a decent and warm hearted,generous human being All my Life. And yet… The only answer that I found is that have you heard The VERY old story of The history of kind and decent people? Story of Jesus. He was kind, he did good deeds. And yet, he was Made to suffer, he was crucified. And what happened to people who did wrong deeds? Eg Pontius Pilates? He partied, he had fun, he got wealth. Is it not The way The World Works?

    • Yes, Jane, but only temporarily. There is a much longer existence after this short, little material sojourn, and then individuals have to live not only with themselves, but with others quite a bit like them.

      And this world is in the process of changing, of transforming, for the Creative Forces desire this for this sad world.

      My Spirit, and my Soul, have had many experiences and contacts with many other worlds and systems, and this Earth, this system has long been a stubborn, hard case in the grand scheme.

      Much focus is on it from many other more mature systems. Many helpers are coming in, both indirectly and directly, to help shift the tide back to the Light.

      The probably future, even just 50 years from now, would be unrecognizable to most. In about a thousand years, the probable future is that this will be a world, a humanity of pure, Source like Love.

      Be of good cheer, the one you call Jesus and I call Yeshua is very, very busy on a plan of changing this world for the better. His short, public human life, was only part of the longer drama. There is much, much more to come.

  25. I have been feeling the same thing. In my thoughts I feel like I’m going over every bad thing I feel about myself. I chalked it up to the mars/merc conjunction. Im rethinking the way I think and act on those negative thoughts. Thanks for the post I can relate.

  26. One of the following may resonate with a few people here; as it did with me, sort of like an earth tremor passing through…
    It’s from a Joseph Campbell YouTube video, “The Mythic Symbology of Release,” a rare symbol in mythologies. Campbell equates the symbol of a flying fish with the feathered serpent. ” “That is to say, something that represents the abyssal or the earth-bound or the water-bound – that takes off and is in flight. So combines the two principles of bondage to the earth and release. That is the thing to realize in your life – you don’t have to be quit of your bondage to experience release. The two go together”. See the short video for what he describes as a mystical experience.

    Another variation of this comes from Sam Keen’s book, “Hymns to an Unknown God” p282. He quotes the Christian mystic, François Fénelon, (1651-1715), about the process of re-owning the shadow and radiance. “As light increases, we see ourselves to be worse than we thought. We are amazed at our former blindness as we see issuing forth from the depths of our heart a whole swarm of shameful feelings, like filthy reptiles crawling from a hidden cave. We never could have believed that we had harboured such things, and we stand aghast as we watch them gradually appear. But we must neither be amazed nor disheartened. We are not worse than we were; on the contrary, we are better. But while our faults diminish, the light by which we see them waxes brighter and we are filled with horror. Bear in mind, for your comfort that we can only perceive our malady when the cure begins.” HTH

  27. Shame, aw come on ,chin up
    Put this date somewhere
    You’ll get a big smile down the road
    I let myself feel very humiliated
    5,6 years ago but it is nearly invisible
    Now. I think my dad said one time
    Well if it’s so hard to be you?
    Who do you want to be?
    These words saved me
    There’s no one I want to be, trust me
    Things fade away
    You are gonna smile some day

  28. Elsa, even the way you write this is a bit different from your usual – BAM, no paragraphs, take it in! – vibe.
    Hang on in there. There is no more shame or humiliation when you embrace it as only yet one more bump throughout your journey. Could that be Neptune dissolving old pains/wounds? Be Job. Call in on Source and trust He will come to rescue you. Cause He will. Much love and thank you for keeping this blog and community. This is a work of Light 🙂

  29. Actually I felt okay when I wrote this and I still do.

    I really snapped. Like, SNAPPED. And when this happened I was no longer connected.

    These feelings really knocked me for a loop. But it can be compared to a baseball, hit clean out of the stadium. It doesn’t feel so good to be the ball. Blunt force; then you’re just *taken.

    But once that ball is on the other side of the wall, that’s it.

    This has been my experience. And I am very glad, because in hindsight, it’s been no fun at all to be batted around in the stadium for all these months.

  30. @Elsa, I feel for you and though don’t know the exact situation, I can feel your depth of humiliation and shame by what you wrote. I first agree with the very first reply hear, and know also it’s hard to get one’s head around.

    I have felt regret, sadness and shame too and I could have avoided all of it had I understood and listened to you years ago. But my heart wanted what it wanted and I ruined my future with my husband. I can’t undo it nor make excuses for it. The Ball has left the park indeed.

    {{{Elsa}}}

  31. Elsa so sorry for the humiliation you have been suffering, and thank you so very much for writing about your sudden release from it. I like so many others can totally totally relate to what you wrote about shame and humiliation and I have felt this way so many many times in my own life. So glad you have ‘snapped’ and feel able to write this very helpful piece – helpful for me for sure. Your writings always touch a core with me – thank you very much and wishing you much peace. Mary xx

  32. I am very sorry for the pain you have been feeling Elsa. I can totally relate to you. I feel very humiliated at work the past few weeks. It has felt tremendously stressful. I feel very unliked and ignored by some of the other ladies and it’s making me very uncomfortable. I dread going to work everyday and it’s been keeping me up all night long worrying about what the next day will hold. I am not sleeping well and I’m always tired during the day. Yesterday I made a mistake. I dozed off at my desk and my coworker told me she told my supervisor about it. Of course 30 minutes later I was called into the office managers office and was told they can’t have me falling asleep at work and telling me I need to drink coffee or caffeine to make sure I stay awake. A few weeks ago I tried asking to be moved to another department but I was told no. It’s like I’m trapped working with people that I don’t get along with. After my coworker told the supervisor that I fell asleep everyone else in the office kept walking by my office glaring at me. It hurt that she told everyone what happened. I feel so humiliated and ashamed. I have felt uncomfortable at work for a while now but lately it’s been really bad. I want to be free of the constant feeling of humiliation. It’s like I am a fish out of water there.

  33. Sounds like a tough and painful situation Elsa. I hope it has improved or will improve.

    Speaking generally and to no one in particular:
    Though life would be easier for sure, I don’t think I would want to be free of the capacity for things like shame, remorse, or guilt.

    Having grown up with a psychopathic step father, I’ve read a lot about psychopathy. From what I’ve read, these do not really experience things like shame, remorse, or guilt, and this seems to argue that these are somehow related to our ability to connect and have empathy with others.

    Psychopaths on the other hand, truly think/feel/perceive that they are entirely separate and cut off from all others. In spiritual terms, they have completely cut themselves off from the Love and Light of our Source.

    Give me the potential pain of empathy and connectedness over the numbness of pure selfishness, ego, and separatism any day.

    • Btw, would echo similar as to what others have been saying. You seem like an unusually wise person, and I also appreciate a lot of your writings. You’re definitely an older, helper Soul.

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