Deal Breakers In Relationship

little rabbit foo fooVenus will oppose Pluto in two weeks. This will end some relationships.

I wonder if people might describe circumstances where they know they’d leave a relationship.  Could be that you are cheated on or the like, but in reality there are other lines or jump-off places people have.

I was once with a man who would break up with me a lot. His sun was in Scorpio, along with three other planets. Scorpio will test a partner.

I got sick of it after awhile. I told him , as I brought my toothbrush back to his house for the umpteenth time, that if he sent me away with it one more time, he’d never see me again.

He sent me away with some weeks later and to his great shock, he never saw me again.

It’s an old song. It’s called, Little Rabbit Foo Foo.

What constitutes a deal-breaker in relationship for you?

Related


Comments

Deal Breakers In Relationship — 52 Comments

  1. Betrayal = Deal Breaker! Cheating would fall under this as well, especially if I found out from someone else- It hasn’t happened to me, so I can’t say for sure, but I think if my husband cheated, and came to me himself and was honest (and done), I think I could maybe survive that.

  2. Abuse= Been there done that! My Cancer ex of last year abused me… mostly mentally and emotionally and then he actually hit me. I was so ready to leave if it hadn’t been for the fact that he completely isolated me from all my loved ones. 2 weeks later I had to go back to school (thankfully) at which point he began to terrorize me: making death threats and the like while the entire time blaming me for this “person” he was becoming.

    I walked my little butt over the the police department and have not seen him since. He’s now doing the First Offender’s program in his state.

    At least now I have the vision and knowledge to see this ahead of time in the future. (Johanna, stop conforming to make your partner happy!)

    • You were very brave Johanna. That sort of (narcissistic) abuse can be terrifying and immobilising. Stay strong, and true to yourself. And have a wonderful day.

  3. Apathy and/or addiction. Of course, they often go hand in hand; regardless of what the addiction is. The entire focus of the life becomes the *insert escape of choice here*.

    I lived with it for 18 years, but when the addiction changed from computer games to alcohol, I was out the freakin’ door.

  4. Nagging and criticizing control freaks. I can’t get away fast enough when they start showing that side. I read somewhere that the Mars placement in a woman’s chart can often indicate the type of men they attract. I’ve got Mars in Virgo and I definitely have drawn my share of critical, nagging men. They all judged me as “a woman with problems” and claimed that they’re trying to help me. Who the hell asked them to?

    • Me too! Men like that are also usually a little too attached to mama which is pretty much the ha, mother of dealbreakers.

  5. Just a little flexibility
    Can be
    Marriage for money
    Love match
    Child marriage
    Marriage to escape parents.
    Many men can not leave their (mother) nest, that’s the truth.
    Money and fear destroys all.

    The chines say : it is the metal tiger year.
    ———–
    Mariana, sun taurus, moon aquarius
    (Mex)

  6. “…describe circumstances where they know they’d leave a relationship…”

    Objectification=Deal breaker.
    It’s creepy to realize that the person you’re with isn’t seeing *you* they’re overlaying the dream barbie (or whatever) version they expect you to be and they’re working overtime to ‘correct or ignore’ any annoying variances you may possess.

    Examples (delivered in a tone of horrified dismay and firm reprimand): “You NEVER go out without makeup. What’s wrong?”, “Oh, Honey. You don’t like xyz”, “Stop being [silly, stupid, contrary, mean, ridiculous]. Why are you trying to [pick a fight, upset me, make me look xyz]?”

    It’s a bit of a dichotomy since I’m pretty pragmatic about objectification at the meta-level. I expect (sometimes I count on) casual interactions being more superficial…

    Not in a partner though–the very few times I looked into the eyes of my lover and saw a Stepford stranger reflecting back= ***Poof***
    (given how ultimately crappy I am at leaving people, the *poof* is in the pudding)

  7. I am being tested by one Rabbit Foo Foo and I am done with the other! So many issues and just feeling the whole pluto invasion in the relationship area with them…
    @Amy: You speak to me! I have Mars in Scorpio and seem to always attract men on power trips, or are cruel to me in some way, withhold emotions etc. or only want to use me. : P

  8. All the above are good points. However, one must ask, is the relationship (and individuals involved) able to be fixed? If a person involved was wrong, are they trully repentant and deserving of forgiveness. Aqua Sun, Sag Moon, Grand Trine Earth. Late Cancer rising

  9. Abuse is a dealbreaker and thank God I have not experienced it. A serious betrayal would also upset me however I might try to save the relationship. The key is whether I can regain trust if not moving on.

  10. Contempt. No way in hell will I stay.

    There are other things, but they’ve already been mentioned in previous comments.

  11. Lying.

    I can accept a lot of things, but not this.

    I find that lying goes hand in hand with other things I don’t want, so I consider it a red flag for the eventual possibility of abuse, betrayal, and other dealbreakers named above.

    Obviously, small social lies I can accept (does it really hurt anyone to tell their grandmother her hair looks smashing, when it actually looks like helmet head?). I’m talking about other types of lies, even small ones such as lying to the counterperson at Starbuck’s so you can get your coffee at refill price. If you’re willing to do an elaborate song and dance to save approximately one dollar, you will certainly be willing to lie to me about more important things.

  12. Hi Elsa,

    For me, it’s when I have opened up a man about my weaknesses and fears when all of a sudden, you can almost see a light bulb going off in their head and it begins the cycle of them pushing buttons just to knock me down and keep me there – almost like an I gotcha moment. This has been a recurring pattern for me, and it’s always caused me so much pain to go but I have learned the hard way to go now before the fear of losing my spirit is greater than the fear of being alone and feeling I have failed (Venus in Cancer in my 11th house square to Saturn in my 8th house).

    The best to you,

    Dee

    • Hi Dee. I, too, feel your Cancerian pain. My Venus in Cancer 10H squares Saturn in Aries in my 7H. Never married. Still single and alone. Mostly celibate most of my adult life by a series of only three very brief and unrequited loves. Sigh. ??

  13. Abuse – I’ve been there. I won’t go through it again!

    At the time, though, I wasn’t strong enough to leave for myself. I sneaked off within 48 hours of my (now ex) husband threatening to kill our baby son with a butcher knife when I threatened to leave.

    He’s never seen me or his son since.

  14. Funny, I just asked a co-worker the same thing because my mind is completely boggled when she talks about her daughter. In the last year: her 3 y/o granddaughter revealed to her Nana (my coworker) that her daddy has been sexually abusing her (there is no way a 3 y/o should know the things she said); both parents were arrested in a drug sting and they took the baby TO MAKE THE BUY; the state is pushing for termination of his rights because of the abuse allegations and his failure to comply w/drug testing, counseling, etc.; she completely denies there was abuse and temporarily lost custody for failure to protect; in fact, when he loses parental rights she basically must choose between BF or daughter and so far has sided with him; he came home (to her apt) with a woman and proceeded to have sex in their bed WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING IN IT) and when she got mad he said, “I love you but I’m not in love with you;” she is now 4 months pregnant with his child and homeless, and if she doesn’t straighten up she will lose her rights to both children.

    But she does have one standard: when her mother pressed her about the relationship, she said she can’t leave him, he’s the father of her children, and hey, at least she didn’t have kids with two different fathers!

    I know this is probably extreme, but what I couldn’t help reflecting on the question you pose, Elsa, what’s it gonna take?

  15. I don’t think I would ever stand for abuse! Although emotional abuse seems like a tricky grey area so I can’t say!
    Betrayal is not ok, but I’d see if I could rebuild trust again.

    I think I’m too young for this thread, but I think my jump point is usually when I see the guy not coming through when I need him the most. And all I ever ask for is some emotional support.

    It just shows a lack of concern and very poor manners.

    That’s when its over!

    My mars is in taurus. Does that mean I would attract lazy, stubborn, slow men?

    Oh hey wait that’s very true

  16. I would leave any kind of abuse at the moment of signs. Love does not equal abuse of any kind. Its not something to be tolerated. I’d rather be single than be degraded. It should not be thought of at all.

  17. The problem is (and I am NOT disagreeing), that abuse usually comes on gradually.

    I know this from experience, hopefully it hasn’t been in vain if I can help one person see it. Crazies who write love letters to serial killers aside, I think the majority of people who get involved in an abusive relationship don’t see immediate signs that they’re dealing with such a person. I don’t think too many people who smack someone on a first date would get a second. The reason I emphasized casual lying is that this is a sign I should have paid attention to at the time. It is a red flag for a kind of deep disregard for others that will eventually develop into -something- worse, whether it is emotional abuse, physical abuse, stealing from you, or whatever.

    Often by the time it has become a pattern there are other things at stake (such as financial enmeshment, children, and so on) that make leaving complicated, and the person is so beaten down they’re afraid to leave. I was fortunate that I was very young and did not have those concerns, but I still feared for my life. If I had known what to look for early, it might not have gotten to that point.

    As for Teri’s question…I don’t know what to say. I think people who are enmeshed in that type of dynamic generally have to “hit bottom” before they decide to make a break, and that point will be different for everyone.

  18. Plutonian Gem

    you hit the nail right on the head. It took one extremely abusive relationship…one in which my Cancer ex actually threatened to dismember me….for me to realize how easy it is to find yourself in that situation. But now I’m much more on the look-out for the warning signs: quick involvement, controlling behavior (even if it seems it’s meant to help me), etc.

  19. This may be drifting off-topic, but I have to congratulate you on turning the guy in. I KNOW the amount of guts that takes.

    You are also right that quick involvement is another HUGE thing to watch out for. But being a child of people who married after only knowing each other four months, and being married to someone (a sweetheart of a man) who proposed after a couple months, I can’t say that that in and of itself is dealbreaking. If it’s part of a pattern of pressure, or control, then it’s worth being alarmed about.

    Trust your gut on the person. If it seems too fast and fairytale, it is. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way. My husband (a Capricorn with Saturn in 1st) is a very slow and steady person and this was immediately obvious to me. He basically said, well, I know what I want and I’m asking for it, and you let me know whenever you’ve decided. I knew he wasn’t being manipulative or controlling so much as he was just letting me know he was serious and putting the ball in my court.

  20. A dealbreaker for me is when the person I’m with keeps talking about an ex, being compared to an ex, etc. I hate that. When something is over, move on. Everybody benefits.

  21. dealbreaker: anyone who tries to inhibit my freedom. i have venus conj uranus in sag…in the first house! i have a built in aversion to abusive people, i’ve never been abused by anyone. i have been controlled. i have mars in cap and taurus on dc. i like earthy guys and a lot of them tend to tell you everything impractical that you are doing, and they are often emotionally unexpressive. blah.

    in my current situation i was dealing with a long drawn out “he loves me he love me not” till finally mr. vague FINALLY said “I just don’t feel it”. should have said that 6 months ago, a-hole! but seriously: doesn’t love me =dealbreaker. i cut it off with him even though it killed me to do it.

  22. I am hovering in an almost done relationship. We have separated but there is still a pull backward. I am hoping this will help me cut the tie completely. Saturn is opposite my own Venus right now which is helping.

    Re previous comments: Interesting how the pattern (re men) fits the astrology (in those who posted their Mars)

    So we attract something because we have that’s an energy we carry. It our lesson. Doesn’t mean putting up with it, but if we don’t ‘get ‘ it, we will attract the same thing over and over.

    Me: Mars in Pisces/Venus in Gemini. I tend to attract sweet boyish Peter Pan types who don’t want to commit, grow up, or take responsibility!!!

    SO in Jungian terms…. I need to own those aspects of myself. Am working on it!!!

  23. I’m cancer Venus, deal-breaker is if you don’t like children and also if you believe in abortion. BYE!!!!!!

    Other deal-breakers include a third party being involved (I.e video games or another person). Dishonesty, Disrespect, Materialism, Spoiled/Entitled and bad sex lol

  24. Interesting question! And I think very much dictated by astrology!

    For me the deal breakers are:

    (1) ANY lack of acceptance of who I am. That includes: attempts to limit my freedom, disrespecting or patronising me or mistrusting me. I bring everything I have to the table, take it or leave it. But don’t try to change me or question my motives or mock anything that I take seriously.

    (2) ANY unwillingness to seek help. You get into trouble, you seek help. You say you don’t need counselling, you’re not part of the problem, we can handle things on our own? It takes two to tango. Bye-bye, if you are unwilling to look for support. Life’s hard. If you don’t think you need help, you aren’t very humble.

    (3) People who are not intelligent and hardworking. Virgo doesn’t tolerate idiocy, or laziness.

  25. Its already been mentioned before, but I’d again say this- abuse and control. Which is practiced by people who’ve poor communication skills, I think. And lack of boundaries.

  26. If my guy gets a golden retriever that would probably end it for me. I’ve put up with his giant, hairy collie for years now and have developed breathing problems, chapped and fissuring nostrils, fissuring of the outer corners of my eyes, red swollen welts on my upper and lower eyelids and scabs in the inside corners from allergies. If he wants another dog (this from the guy who bitches about the cost of groceries almost daily) he can at least get something that isn’t going to kill me.

  27. Unenlightened, low-vibrating, unevolved, egocentric moves of all ilks are swift deal breakers for me.

    Even a half-mast red flag of parasitic, fake, manipulative, undermining, frenemy bullshit & I’m off like a honeymoon nightie.

    • Me too, at heart. Unfortunately, a lot of these types are very sexy and great in bed and one night with them beats twenty happy years with someone else.

    • Me too, at heart. Unfortunately, a lot of these types are very seductive and great in bed and one night with them when their mask is on still feels like it would beat twenty happy years with someone else.

  28. Depends on the person and how deep the emotions run. There are people you know so well you know all their games and can work around them 🙂 That’s why I say it depends on the person.

  29. Its incredible how many of the above posts content references to narcissistic abuse which to me confirms a growing perception that such behaviors and/or people with full on NPD is becoming a ‘norm’ in our culture. People have become obsessed with striving for status and/or control to an insanity driving degree, even kids aren’t immune for all the hyper media saturation and having parents who are that way themselves and everything is based off of a consumerism model – as if that as vital to life as is breathing! Its so scary IMO having to deal with all the ‘bodysnatched’ beings. Its an uneasy thing to come to the awareness that such undermining personality constructs are appear to be on the rise and far too prevalent as if people are becoming less and less self-reliant for emotional regulation and so need, 24/7, to seek validation from outside themselves via whatever means they deem necessary. Objectification of all things, including people, sans remorse is out of control from on high and all levels down from there. Where’s the fine line of working to blend in a healthy way of addressing one’s social needs with personal well-being sans always obsessively using the former for applause, approval and status to obtain ego strokes for the latter as if thats the only way to ‘know’ that one exists? I have a twin sister thats on the NPD spectrum and its been a hellish thing to have had to deal with acknowledging and losing her over the years to the disorder (making a pass at my fiancé was the beginning of the end of our relationship). I have Mars in Pisces opposition Jupiter retrograde in Virgo. Its as if so many are morphing into some kind of ‘stepford wives’ clone-like way of engaging with the world. WTH is going on? Too many walking wounded out there that will rationalize all sorts of illicit, machevaillian actions – this political year is portraying this unsettling meme, writ large.

  30. I hate to be a snot. And then of course, there’s one of my many buts . . . Self destruction that threatens to drag me down with it. I know there are many tough-love-ists out there. But yikes life has enough challenges without me having to babysit another’s addictions.

  31. I’m still laughing at “Little Bunny Foo Foo” !
    Maybe I’m a bit late to this discussion – but here goes….cheating/lying/abuse are my deal breakers.
    After I got divorced (my husband cheated)I got into astrology and found that his chart had Venus square Saturn and Mercury conj Neptune.
    So I decided to keep away from these aspects.
    It didn’t work.
    I had several relationships with guys who had variations of these planetary combinations.
    Now I’m remarried and my guy has Venus opp Saturn and Mercury in Pisces !
    It seems the universe is telling me that I need to learn to evaluate the people concerned – not the aspects.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *