The Limits Of Compassion – Self-Centeredness, Greed And Comeuppance

greedMy sister and I have a lot of similarities in spite of our differences. She’s seen as the more compassionate between us, after all she’s a Pisces. I’m not sure this is accurate and she agrees.

There are a lot of people in a terrible bind of one kind or another.  I asked her if there was a limit to her compassion. She said in many cases she felt people had made their problem. “They dug their own grave”, she said.

She felt some had made greedy decisions which were not in their best interest or bad decisions due some kind of trauma for which they need treatment. She offered some pretty solid advice around the upcoming stellium in Aries which I want to pass along.

Aries is known to be self-centered. When that stellium hits, people are going to be driven, each man for himself. Thing is, the stellium is opposed by Saturn, exalted in Libra and anyone who neglects their social responsibility or fails to consider others is going to wind up punished.

Aries gets in trouble for their focus on the self . Libra says the trick is to balance of course. It is possible to act in your own best interest  while also being socially responsibility be it to your partner(s) or to society at large.  We both feel neglecting the Saturn end of this will bring consequences and here is more reading on that – tag – comeuppance

I tend to feel compassion for people even when they have created their own problems but I also have limits. The line for me is crossed when people who have created a bad circumstance for themselves attack others.

Do you often consider others or do you typically put yourself first?  Is there a point where you no longer feel sorry for someone?

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The Limits Of Compassion – Self-Centeredness, Greed And Comeuppance — 21 Comments

  1. With my rising in Aries, I am feeling that self-centered now and after thinking of others more than myself for the last few decades, I am feeling okay with it. Putting others first was great for them, yet the equal energies/balance didn’t quite happen and I was on the losing part of the deal. I know I have learned my lessons and as said that you can have a win/win situation. I am adjusting that balance thing.
    As for supporting others on the journey, I support them as long as they are taking the responsibilities through actions, not just words and intentions. Follow through is big with me this days… for myself and others. That balancing deal.

  2. Elsa, thanks for this post.

    I’m going to prepare myself with moon in Aries – 7 house and saturn in Aries – 7 house. I will be aware of my best interest but also consider others.
    I will no longer put others first. I will respect my boundaries. I will not give advice unless I ask others if they are interest in what I have to say.

    Definitely, I will no longer feel sorry for someone. I have to do my inner work so they must do theirs.

    I will remember to be compassionate but I will not be someones fool.

  3. “It is possible to act in your own best interest while also being socially responsibility be it to your partner(s) or to society at large.”
    PING! This is the exact conclusion I made for myself over the past week. Spot on. And it made my decision so much easier.

    “Do you often consider others or do you typically put yourself first? Is there a point where you no longer feel sorry for someone?”

    I try very very hard to weigh my decisions against how it will affect everyone else. I do things “just for me” sometimes, but still those consequences have been weighed against how the other will feel too. I do not see myself ever completely putting myself first without this consideration to the others that may be affected.

    As for, “is there a point where you no longer feel sorry for someone.” Yes, there is. I value initiative, drive, the desire to change for the better and some level of independence. I will help anyone..ANYONE..once and weigh whether it is worth my energy to go at it again after the fact. I don’t value poachers and leaches and people who blame the world for their ongoing problems and refuse to look at themselves and their own actions as part of the solution. If I see this lack in a person, over and over again, then my empathy wanes. I can assist but the biggest step has to come from you.

  4. My husband has virtually no compassion for people who bring things on themselves. Annalisa leans this way too. I truly do have compassion… some people are just not that clear-headed however once they discover their back is against the wall and they fucked their life up, if they try to ruin other people’s lives, this is when my compassion dries up completely.

    Basically, as long as someone is willing to take responsibility and make an effort, I’m with ’em. I just get no satisfaction from someone “getting theirs” for some reason. I derive no pleasure from it.

    For me, it is HELP and SUPPORT or withdraw / detach. I don’t want to see anyone go down, ever. It’s just too painful.

  5. Aries is hitting my 7th house and this definitely resonates considering how much from the past until recently I put others ahead of myself, regardless of the equality behind it. I just haven’t been able to do that lately.
    It came from being raised a twin to a brother with autism, most of the attention went elsewhere, and I grew up to accept it as the norm for the rest of the world. But I am almost 24, I can certainly create my own boundaries where I see fit.

  6. I often think of others first, before I think of myself. I’m literally thinking how they must be thinking, imagining how they must be feeling. I have done this my whole life and it’s got me into a huge amount of trouble.

    There is definitely a point where I no longer feel sorry for someone. It floats.

    Aries Stellium in my 4th. I’m learning about what makes me feel secure (personally secure and otherwise). Going after it. I’m removing myself from groups in which I don’t feel valued and supported. I’m removing myself from competition that devalues my sense of self, and exploring ways to tap the place of my heart where sense of play in the most genuine sense of the word, resides.

  7. I certainly feel compassion for people who have made bad choices and found themselves in a hole – Lord knows I’ve made enough myself, to have sympathy.

    But I don’t have much compassion any more with people who continuously indulge in self-destructive behaviour: drink, drugs, abusive relationships with violent men, men whose inveterate selfishness brings their own loneliness upon them etc – I’ve seen all to often over the years that such compassion is wasted.

    I think most of us suffer from compassion fatigue as we get older

  8. I’m with Wowza.

    Until recently, I’ve always put others first- blame in on a Libra moon in the 7th.

    Regardless, it feels good to now consider how to best “get mine” without, of course, harming another. That’s where I’m with Elsa.

    Really, what is the point in desiring or watching someone hurt? I just, it’s truly- I don’t have the letters for the words to make that a working thought. It’s beyond me.

    My patience is up with an Aries friend who I’ve just descovered has her Sun in the 12th, which may explain over ten years of brain pills.
    Endless doctor visits and Rx’s later, it has been confirmed that not a single organ or her blood is in trouble.

    And now she’s telling me at under thirty that to take a shower means moving the world? She can’t concentrate, eat, or work because she just “feels” badly? I told her, “If it’s not your body what else could it be?…Isn’t it time to choose another path?” Harsh? Maybe.

    I just don’t care anymore and that bothers me more than focusing on me. It’s selfish of her, annoying and moreover, clearly self-destructive. Her response, “I just want to be diagnosed with something so we can start treatment.” After my wonders all she said was, “Huh?” Seriously chick. Grow a pair. You don’t have it that bad. And you’re starting to sound like an addict.

    I believe the time has come that she ‘quit belly-achin’ as my father would say and deal with reality. Yeah. It can be rough. So what? You’ve got an endless support system, loving partner, and crazy drive to succeed. Ugh.

    I just don’t get it.

  9. BP I feel similarly, about addiction stuff. I used to work with this person, every time I went off somewhere she’d say wistfully “You’re so lucky. I wish I could do that–”
    I’d think, I wish I could smoke a pack of smokes, drink 6 beer, smoke an eighth of weed a day and not deal with reality. You’re so *lucky*

    Ha ha , not really that I thought she was lucky, but you know what I mean. I make my choices, you make yours. People who think they don’t make their own choices baffle me. I did not put the crack pipe in your mouth, people!!

  10. Annalisa mentioned her son who just got a scholarship from Columbia so he can get his PhD. They are also putting him up and funding him and this is a reward, for what? It’s a reward for years of effort and for the good choices he’s made along the way. The kid had no advantage, I’ll tell you that, other than his innate intelligence but we all know that means very little over time.

    Never mind what you could do or what you might have done with you big, giant brain. What DID you actually do?

    I heard another story or a woman who positively annihilated her husband in their divorce. She got the house… which she could not afford to keep and now she’s got what? Nothing. Greed, see?

    Yes it is your business if you want to do nothing with your life but to expect me to fund you in your pursuit to be a loser is not reasonable and I am pretty confident, I am in the overwhelming majority here.

    That said, I still feel compassion. It reminds me of Scott, a pampered Cancer who really suffered at the time of his Saturn return and I will never forget what he said at that time: “Never postpone growing up”. When it does hit someone like this, I will most definitely support them in their effort to pull up and I always have.

    It kills me that people who have brought themselves down or done nothing to bring themselves up now want me and people like me to pay their bills. How anyone can think this is good and right is beyond me.

    I am not talking about true disability here. You know what I’m talking about. I am talking about reaping what you sow. You simply can’t plant a pumpkin seed (or nothing at all) and expect a partridge in a pear tree to grow. I am really sorry if no one told you this in your life but you’re hearing it now and better late than never.

  11. I’ve spent most of my life putting others first – part Virgo, part upbringing – and I think Saturn in Libra in my 1st holds the key, which is balance. So in my case it’s got to be more about me but it’s like teaching an old dog a new trick, thus far.
    The Saturn in Virgo – Uranus Pisces opposition made that clear but I haven’t been smart enough to get it til now.
    I don’t want revenge but I would like some justice; on the other hand, it’s not up to me, necessarily, to mete that out. I’m going to have another go at it but after that I have to be prepared to get on with things however the cards may fall.
    Compassion to me is remembering that no matter how sensitive we are to other people’s vibes – and with my chart, it’s to a fault – we can never know what someone else’s life has been, is, or could become.
    At work years ago I was introduced by a colleague to a friend of hers, a most kind and gentle soul. It transpired that this woman’s daughter had been lured by a teen youth to his family’s basement, tied to the bed, raped, tortured and murdered.
    This may be an extreme example but when I walk in the street or sit on the bus I never forget that I know nothing about the lives of others except what they willingly share with me.
    I also know that unless you’ve ‘been there’, it’s too easy to judge others. I read opinions on this site about people in certain circumstances and cringe because what may seem obvious to oneself is most certainly not always obvious to someone in the throes of suffering. I have no problem with one drawing the line after trying to help others, but to judge them for ‘failing’, no.
    And we do not walk alone on our paths. I have a big gigantic brain and I did that work, along with much else besides as a youth, but sometimes we are thwarted from achieving our goals and I can only believe there must be some greater sense to things than our small imaginings of our own lives. Like we look at our charts and say, yeah, that’s me, and that’s me, but we don’t always see the bigger picture; the old threads make the tapestry image.
    You can plant a seed, and you can tend it, but you can’t make it rain, or stop it from raining. So with all the changes upon us, and more to come, yes, self-honesty, self-responsibility and flexibility are what’s required.

  12. I have always put the needs of others first, ahead of my own. (My Leo sun is @29 Leo, Aquarius rising). I have tried to make things win/win when I was working, have been willing to take the hard path, because it was the “right” one based on my integrity. Now I am having to put myself first, and watching how others, people whose needs I found compassion and caring for, have not returned the caring and help that I gave them. Their loss.

    I have these crazy neighbors. Russians. They have lived the high life for years–daughters get $70,000 cars, multiple houses, etc. I had some legal problems with them a year or so ago–they tried to blame me for the fact that their fence, which was built by the person who used to own their property, was somehow my responsibility to pay to move, since the previous owner had built it a few feet within his property line (due to topography). I managed to set their lawyer straight. They also tried to steal the land behind their house, by fencing it in. Now, they have been foreclosed on, and are about to get locked out of their home, and they still haven’t bothered to move out of that home, into one of the others they own. They are literally going to come home one day and find themselves locked out– they have been served notice upon notice, but they still haven’t bothered to pack up. In spite of my past problems with them, I still feel a little compassion, not so much for the husband, but for the wife. She has spent a lifetime with this man, whom she is still “in love” with, being uprooted and pulled from one reality to another. No sooner does she get settled, and start feeling a little secure, then she is pulled out of that reality. As for him–no compassion. He came to this country, and yes, pulled himself up by the bootstraps, but thinks he can just do what he wants, and doesn’t care about legalities.

  13. I’ve read all the comments about Aries’ being self-centered, but let’s not forget that Aries are also great leaders that inspire others, willing to take risks, initiate change. There also is that warrior energy that is armed and ready to defend and protect.

    With my Sun and Venus in Aries, my compassion (fueled by my stellium in Pisces) for others (especially those I love) is deep and is strong and will last as long as I’m actually able to ‘do something’ for them.

  14. Aries are brave. To call them simply self-absorbed is as short-sighted as….well, you know. LOL

    Aries have passion and fight. They break trail when others are hesitating. They take the first punch when others are hemming and hawing about getting into the ring.

    I grew up with copious amounts of Aries energy in my household, and I have Aries myself. I would be lost without this energy.

    You need kindling for the fire!

  15. My ex-husband is Aries. A long-time friend, now disconnected from me is Aries. These two people have been the ignition for me in the young woman years. I saw the spark of difference in my first husband, and we did create quite a life for our son. My friend is powerful with money, and particularly good with making lots of money for lots of people.

    The experiences I have had with Aries is like has been said: they are powerful leaders. In both cases, these two very powerful people overstepped their lead and stepped into areas they weren’t good at: “grace”. Greed and not accepting values other than power and money split us apart.

    I learn from this because I see stepping FROM grace (compassion) to greed is a slip on banana peels. I could do that; I love bananas:( If there wasn’t so much Capricorn and Saturn all over my chart I would say Aries were my people.

  16. I tried to withdraw/detach, and found myself being amputated until I had improved my own attitude – according to them. They attacked me when saying this – after I’d already told them I needed a break, because of the way I was feeling. I
    d lost my temper twice during the week, and didn’t want to make things worse again. (Friendship-wise – nothing more was going to happen.)

    I posted something about getting the last word in, but it wasn’t really that – he had said things that left me wanting to say more (when I had been going to avoid him), and I said what I wanted to say, feeling calm, and without attacking. I turned one of his phrases around on him when doing so, so if he felt attacked, and expected me not to do so, then he was wrong in that way. I then accidentally embarrassed him, and he decided that I’d done it on purpose – I was mortified all day and night, my mother was telling me to stop it (she doesn’t like him). Today, he attacked. I’d tried to set things right, and take responsibility – I tried to make him look better than I’ve actually felt he is, for some months now – so that he wouldn’t come off as looking bad, and that is what he does. I take responsibility, he doesn’t.

    I’m an Aries, with Moon conjunct Venus, and Pluto in Libra (co-ruler of my ascendant), and I think too damned much of others. I’ve found myself consoling people, not long after they’ve hurt me, and my mother was surprised last week, when I was speaking to her so soon, after we’d argued. He attacked me, because I was standing up for myself, and not being submissive. This is a guy who can be good when he wants to be, and I’ve told him before that we’re like mirrors in ways – he isn’t seeing his own negativity. In other regards, I also see how I landed where I am (if I’m unhappy), and even if I whine a lot, it’s because I’m taking responsibility. I can laugh about some things, but it kills me when I’ve messed up, and this Aries wants to go back and put things right.

  17. more than taking the first punch, Aries throws the first punch! And this is where it gets interesting. Warriors of the world may you be protected and enlightened.

  18. My mentor is an Aries, Scorpio, Cancer, and I simply adore her! She has helped me through a wave of challenges with guidance, and information that I can’t put a price on.

    Aries are the warriors, and superheroes — leaders, charging into battle! They never give up, and are the risk takers, and way-showers.

    Ares, played by Kevin Smith, was one of my favorite characters in the TV series, Hercules, the Legendary Journeys, and Xena. He was the perfect archetype for the Greek god, Ares, and exactly how I would imagine, Ares to look, and act.

    I always enjoy my solar return when the planets change signs, and my ASC or Moon is in Aries. Plus, I have Mars, natally in the first house.

    BATTLE ON, ARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ASHE’

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