I came out as a lesbian at age 49 and left my husband and son. I have had two unfulfilling lesbian relationships and currently live far from my son. I’m depressed and thinking I’ve made a mistake in living so far from my son.
Do you think I need to get out of the relationship I’m in and move closer to him and try to find someone there?
Moving closer to your son and getting out of a relationship you are unhappy in are two different issues, so I’ll take them one at a time.
First, I have very strong feelings about how people with adult children should conduct themselves so I just want to say upfront that I have a tremendous bias on this. Are you familiar with Capricorn, Kahlil Gibran?
In his poem, “On Children” he writes:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you…”
I agree with him. I don’t think parents should make their children beholden to them in any way. And men and women in their twenties and early thirties, which is the age your son must be, rarely want much to do with their parents. They want to know you’re there, sure. But they’re very busy trying to establish themselves as adults in their own right and I think it’s very unfair when parents burden them with their needs at this juncture.
So based on this, I would not recommend you move closer to your son unless you can have some boundaries about you and understand he is probably not going to want to spend very much time with you. And this is not personal, it just is. It’s life and it works out. Because leaving him to live free allows you the same right. And it seems to me that to PROGRESS, you have to continue on your own path independently.
So this brings the focus to your personal life. And you did not elaborate as to why these first relationships have not been fulfilling, but you did say you were depressed… so I would recommend you address this first.
What do you mean, “depressed”? Are you clinically depressed as in you need medication? Or do you think your depression related to your situation… being in a relationship that does not satisfy? Either way, you are going to have to address it and this is what I think you should do. How?
Well, like me you’re a Capricorn rising, so it’s slowly, methodically and one step at a time. Solve the depression question and then take the next step as it presents itself, and it will. Beyond that, just know you can do it. It’s never too late to have a happy life and as a Capricorn, if you set this (a happy life) as your goal you are very likely to attain it.