Clinging To Your Own Corpse

A new comment brought this post to my attention. I think it’s newly relevant with Saturn and Uranus impacting the Fixed signs.

In 2009, I’d advised people to Step Away From The Corpse. I was talking about relationships, but now I see people stubbornly hanging onto their own persona when it’s clearly outworn. I’m talking about trying to think like a 25 year old when you’re 32 or even 42 years old.


Is there part of you (a habit, or a belief, a grudge, or a whatever), that you sense you should probably let go of, but you just can’t do it?

“This is my position and I am sticking to it…even though…um…deep down, I know it’s crazy and totally unworkable for my life…”

Are you stuck like this? Do you know someone who is? What’s the astrology?

Related


Comments

Clinging To Your Own Corpse — 60 Comments

  1. “This is my position and I am sticking to it…even though…um…deep down, I know it’s crazy and totally unworkable for my life…”

    Yup. This applies to probably all or most of them.

    I just…don’t know how to be different, when I am stuck in the same body and mind and history. I took acting classes and I sucked at them, I’ve tried to write fiction to go be someone else and all the characters were just me. I literally don’t know how to not be stuck as myself. I can’t exactly walk around at work acting like I’m the greatest star and super fabulous in boring old real life–that wouldn’t go well and would be hard to pull off under the circumstances.

  2. I am in a very intense transitional time right now. It is not easy. I am running with it because I want to, and I know I will benefit from it. But it’s hard. It really doesn’t matter what anyone says to me about it (this is great! you should be happy!)

    I already know it’s great, and actually, I AM happy. I am also smart enough to mind the gap, so to speak. My life is changing, and I’m paying attention. That means a lot of grieving.

    I don’t know if this even makes sense but I have natal Saturn in 8th/Leo square Chiron/IC in Taurus. I am a very emotional person.

  3. I am “unstucking” myself. It is painful- it would be soooo much easier remain delusional but Saturn is here. So I’m on the clock.
    No time to waste playing with the corpse. Wheel is turning- time to go go go…..even when it feels like the chains never gonna let go. I need to break free….
    T.Saturn in 1, Jupiter in 8, Uranus in 6.

  4. I see people on this blog with their skin trying to shed so baaaad. But they keeping picking up the dead skin and pinning it back onto their bodies. 🙂

    I think it is an aversion to dealing with loss.

  5. Some habits and beliefs are really stuck – my Taurus bits get soooo stubborn and refuse to budge. Also, I am not sure if some of the deeper beliefs are just temporarily out of vogue or if they are truly no longer tenable and ought to be released due to age/circumstances.

    How does one tell the difference? Some of it is hard to fathom, others inherited. At times I wonder if I’m clinging to corpses and dreams of people past that I still try to revive and carry on.

  6. Nope. After going to an industry event which felt very much like a Frat Party last Saturday, I’ve almost decided to skip the Company Xmas Party on Friday. I may not look or even act like people expect a woman in her mid-30’s to look and act like, but I certainly feel like one. I don’t want to spend another evening talking Soviet Union with the only co-worker old enough to remember those times. 😉

  7. My dad’s best friend (Aqua Sun) is getting a divorce after at least 20 years of marriage… It’s very sad because he keeps saying that he doesn’t know what he did wrong when it’s plain obvious… Sad.
    I’m also going through some transformation (it’s my Saturn Return and I’m an Aqua Sun). My pathology is getting in the way and I don’t want it anymore. I promised myself that I’d work hard at having a good life and enjoy it 😉 so this is what I’ll do!

  8. I liked that song. Sort of sad that GAP co-opted for their ad.

    I dunno about clinging to old versions of myself, I think I’m just trying to recreate a “new me” all the time instead of just letting the new skin grow.

  9. More like going back and forth. I figure things die in their own time, and some times you just have to honor and bury the dead properly. Although the other way to do it is to leave a trail of dead bodies and cut loose every chance you get. But I’ve only got Taurus and Scorp, no Leo and Aqua, so I am just going to keep shoveling the dirt over here while signing a song. 😀

  10. With a moon in Leo, nnode in Aquarius and Mars in Taurus, I see much ‘fixed/stubborn’ in me. Particularly in holding onto my freedom and solitude. No man is an island, and I absolutely know/believe this, yet when relationships begin to turn into proposals and then all this mixing of ‘our’ stuff, I freak the heck out, not exaggerating. Scorp’s in my 1st and THANK GOD nothing is in that house but I swear something’s up with the Scorp 1st house playing ring-leader to my other fixed houses/planets – and the one theme I keep holding onto is ‘relationships take my individuality/freedom away’. And a gorgeous diamond ring won’t be enough to suppress this freedom-fighting because that scenario happened last week and I chose freedom again!

    This topic right here is actually more critical/applicable than we think as I am really worried that this topic is ‘showing itself’ currently, on a massive scale, in the inability of governments/nations to evolve or hold ‘old’ positions, hence the warring right now. Really concerned.

  11. “I see people on this blog with their skin trying to shed so baaaad. But they keeping picking up the dead skin and pinning it back onto their bodies.I think it is an aversion to dealing with loss.”

    I think you’d write these exact words to me in a consult. Yes, I am stuck, and have been stuck for an absurdly long period of time.
    I’m refusing to accept the total loss and devastation of my former life. So, like a child, I’m taking my toys and going home. It’s like I’m conducting an experiment in how long you can stay in denial.
    I want my old life back. There is 0% chance of any of it coming back. So I just want to bury my head in the sand and quit playing.

  12. Well… Just when I think I’ve got a handle on what I’m changin in my life, my birthday came ’round (dia de los muertos, y’all) and I checked out a solar return chart. Pluto in 1st house natally and in the SR. Dang. It would seem that if I haven’t already got started moving away from some corpses of whatever kind, this year will be the year that I’ll be removed from them in some other way!

  13. The Sept 19th square took place right on top of my natal sun Pluto square. At that time I had a sense of liberation and optimism for the future as my current circumstances were stagnant. However, the ingress of Saturn into Scorpio (third house) seems to have squelched all of that and now i am standing by the corpse of my life. This post really describes me. Guess its time to get over that.

  14. I think my Saturn return and this merc rx are really helping me getting rid of the old. I’m finding myself more certain in my decisions and seeing the delusions I was holding on to. I’m also aware that the “me” of the past can be the “me” of the present if I can let go of it somewhat. Let it die and come back in another form. Specifically, I can still be kind but hold my boundaries. Something I was not able to do very well previously

  15. Funny how I’ve changed my behavioral patterns regarding work, financial issues and more recently relationship issues, but now that I’ve gone back to school, I find myself coming up with excuses why I can’t go there today or why I return assignments late or never. Pfft, it’s like I’m 14 again. Same goes for taking care of my health.

    I’m acutely aware of this but still finding it hard to change my behavior. I also believe I have to overcome every problem on my own, and that it would be shameful to ask for help. Why does this need to be the case for me when I don’t think less of other people asking for help?

  16. “I also believe I have to overcome every problem on my own, and that it would be shameful to ask for help. Why does this need to be the case for me when I don’t think less of other people asking for help?”

    I don’t know but I do that. When I was extremely ill, I was crawling around my house with no food, while my best friends who lived ON MY SAME STREET had no idea because I wouldn’t tell them. They would have helped me without a doubt, but for some sick reason I was invested in pretending to be OK.

  17. “Well that is honest, Josephine. Much appreciated.”

    I am still grieving, for sure, but I’m starting to realize I’ve been throwing a temper tantrum for two years.

    “No, I don’t like this, I won’t accept it, and I don’t wany to play anymore!”

  18. I used to be afraid of changing aspects of my personality out of fear of losing my basic essence. Fortunately, I’m not afraid anymore. I realize that if I get rid of the less pleasant parts of your personality, the better parts of my personality will shine through.

    Yes, Saturn in Scorpio transiting through the 8th house is stronger than Sun square Uranus.

  19. I am a Scorpio (with a six planet stellium in Scorpio). I have been trying to change, I want to change, but I keep going backwards grabbing onto different things from the past to take with me for the future. I think my biggest challenge this year is trying to mentally change.

    For example, I have been ruthlessly decluttering my house (NOT an easy project) – which some of these objects I have had all my life. It has been mentally exhausting, finding boxes of letter that make me cry, objects that were not honored and now are destroyed, or even just seeing things for exactly what they are (vs. what I made them in my head). Somehow getting these objects (aka roadblocks) out of my life has made me change. Suddenly I can burn those letters, or throw away broken items, and donate what is left to a better cause.

    Even if I can’t see the change, when people come into my life (who have been away for a while, mainly due to me being M.I.A. while trying to heal) – they see the change. I know I can be fixed, but I think that if I make up my mind to quit being scared and do the hard work – things can and will be different for the better. Even though I still have pain and hurt inside, I can move forward now a lot more confident without all the prior baggage I used to have.

  20. “..ruthlessly decluttering my house (NOT an easy project) – which some of these objects I have had all my life. It has been mentally exhausting, finding boxes of letter that make me cry, objects that were not honored and now are destroyed, or even just seeing things for exactly what they are”

    @Michaela, omg, this year I did the same. You aren’t alone in that. Difficult, is an understatement. Began at the end of Jan (after a near fatal accident) and here we are in November 2012. Feel this is really is an exercise/action worth undertaking. The “next step to higher consciousness” the Mayans were speaking of possibly. Just, something feels “right” about this cleansing.

  21. Ugh, I’m looking at my message, and I see how I need to reread what I write before posting with Mercury Rx…if I change the less pleasant parts of MY personality, then better parts of my personality will show themselves a bit more.

    An episode of my favorite show Daria comes to mind, where Daria was suggested to try out contact lenses (a driving lesson indicated that her glasses blocked her peripheral vision), but then the contact lenses caused considerable discomfort, she perceived her glasses as a part of her identity, people at her school perceived her contact lenses as an opportunity to reveal more of who she is personality-wise, and she realized she cared about her looks at least a little bit.

    It’s interesting to note how some of the most individualistic people can be incredibly afraid of changing themselves even a little bit.

  22. @resurrection6, that is so funny you say January. That is when this whole project of mine went into overdrive (it just felt right), and I really started to peel back the layers. Its taken most of the year, sometimes I have to step back and take in what I have done before I can get to the “next” step. For me, its a big change. I used to hold onto everything (which is probably how I ended up with all this crap), and now I’m like “get rid of it! I don’t want it!” I’m also finding that what I really need and want along the way – isn’t what I used to think it was.

    I think my worst fear is staying perpetually stuck, and unhappy. Shedding the layers of skin is the only way to become something different.

  23. Mr. Leo is having this exact thing going on with his saturn transit, it’s excruciating to watch :(. But then again, I guess I have more jupiter and uranus than I thought, and plenty of pluto that just loves trasforming,
    Angie

  24. I’m becoming painfully aware that I have this problem. I have lots of fixed in my chart. Just working on trying to be more open to change, and have faith in Saturn slowly and steadily whittling away all that gunk I’m stuck upon.

  25. forced to. trying to stay ahead of the wave. story of my life. fighting to keep from drowning. but i’m a lot better swimmer these days.

    persona’s in shift, yeah. but i’m wearing the new mom vie and everything’s come shaken loose around me. the elders of my family are dying, my father and both had good friends give up on living, my parents are moving after 25 years (and becoming empty nesters) my spouse is molting into the father of our baby…

    i old on to things i should let go. i usually need some sort of kick in the pants to realize it. i just try to pay more attention, these days. trying to cling to the past just hurts. trying to breathe life into something that is dead.
    like my best friendship from high school. she may die any moment and i have to wrap my head around what unfinished business i have and there’s so much ugly under that bridge and i’ve washed so much clean i don’t even know how to say goodbye anymore. to lend some grace in what looks to be a long staccato passing. because i want to give her that much. for what i felt for her once.

    ……it’s been an insane year. dunno’ if it’s pluto/uranus or my pluto square but i’m feeling the generations shift on their gears in a very heavy way and the detritus of years pulling loose and falling behind. ripping up scars as it gets torn away.

  26. When Saturn moved into Scorpio I made a 3-year self-therapy plan.Had to because my corpse started to stink.

    Moon in Scorpio in exact square to ASC/DESC -axis in Leo/Aquarius with Venus in Taurus (luckily 11 degrees off the potential grand cross so thank God for small mercies).

    A lot of work ahead and I need to watch every step to avoid falling into my old traps.

    Once Saturn steps into Sagittarius it will conjoin my natal Saturn. First Saturn return was very rewarding and I’m hoping that the second one will be too, after all the hard work I will put myself through during his stay in Scorpio.

    At the moment I think the mutual reception between Saturn and Pluto supports my efforts in major way.

    Luckily I like those two and their ways of doing things:).

  27. @MtnGoatManitou … Molt, molt, molt …there it is! Thanks. My hens are doing it; they aren’t pretty right now; gave up laying of eggs while they’re at it; keep their heads dry and when it’s warm again … fluffy beauties and awesome eggs.

  28. I’ve sloughed off some old skins the past year and a half… Am only recently becoming aware of which specific ones… because the process isn’t conducted in broad daylight, you know… No the process happens in the dark… under some damp, rough rocks… And then one day you find yourself sunbathing on top of a hot, smooth rock… and you realize… hey, look at that shiny new skin of mine!

    But like a snake… I know there are more skin sheddings ahead… AND more bright, shiny new skins!

  29. Nope. Moon/Venus in Gemini and Pluto in the 3rd means I’m continuously evolving and transforming.

    It’s not unusual to look at pictures or read stuff I’ve written even a year ago and not recognize myself at all. It’s funny what I’ll become obsessed with and then suddenly leave at the shore and then take up with things I swore I never would. I can make and walk away from friendships quickly. (Except for people I truly love–that takes a little longer)

    Now that I’m more “adult”, I try to take up a more middle of the road approach when confronted with divisive and controversial issues demanding I take a sides. It’s kind of annoying to be so fluid but at least I know I’m growing all the time and adapting. *shrugs*

    I admire people who are consistently passionate about what they do, even if they’ve done it for 50 years. Or having a solid and uncompromising moral compass But –I’ve known people who are still clinging to toxic high school friendships and outlived childhood dogmas and dramas. That drives me crazy. If Pluto in the 3rd denotes constant changes in mindset, then maybe Saturn (especially in a fixed sign!) in the 3rd denotes an unchanging perspective, and a reluctance to embrace new ideas? Look at the Mercury too. Virgo, despite being a mutable sign, is very static. I seldom know a Virgo who will readily take on a daring life transformation without it being thrust upon them somehow. They like the predictability of routine and to know exactly what is expected of them. Cancer hates change and will cling to a loved one’s corpse till their claws give out.

    Anyways, it’s all a mental thing. After all, changes begin and end in the mind. ?

  30. I evolve and change and am often surprised by the parts of myself that stay the same just because that is who I am. I have a lot of Saturn energy in my chart and learned well in my first half of my life that if you hold onto something that is past it’s expiration it will be ripped from your grasp and may just take a finger or two with it to remind me not to hold on too tightly. Though I will also say the only fixed planted I have in my natal chart is, you got it Saturn in Taurus.

  31. Found this old post to rattle my old bones and like Santana sings, “You’ve got to change your evil ways, baby!” Geez Scorpio-Taurus and plenty of Leo. Fixed to fight for old times. But my old corpse as someone in this thread described, she’s stinking. Sing to me Carlos!!!

  32. I am on 9th house Leo lunar phase. Natal Uranus is there. Mulling this past week leads me to think my whole life experience has been about freeing my mind. Mercury sextiles Uranus. I would have to say my moon widely squaring Mercury has held me up at times. Emotional responses. Also I realize that a person’s identity can be linked to beliefs or loyalty to a group or another individual. That could be a clingy needy lunar thing?

  33. Wow ! You got me thinking Elsa,it started with
    “step Away from the Corpse’s” !!
    It got me to drop the corpse immediately.
    That sentence was like a slap in the face.
    It got my attention and something clicked.
    I also laughed hysterically ( at myself?)
    Then having sun in Taurus and Moon in Gemini,all the eclipses,Uranus Saturn ,Pluto Mars activity in these houses.
    Mostly Uranus, changed my perspective.
    Uranus is conjuct my leo ascendant.
    As Taurus sun ,made me stick to my guns ,like a western cowboy.
    Uranus the rude awakener , brought much needed change.
    I have been in the process of transforming.
    I thought it would be hard.
    But I just shed my dead corpse and stepped casually into my new skin.
    Open to change,new opinions, different perspective s.
    I prefer the new me.
    To the old stick in the mud.
    Thanks for the reminder.
    May I say you are always so on point.

  34. every time i lose a grandparent there’s an exact uranus aspect to _something_ in my chart.
    this time is less clear. pallas, rather than my sun, or neptune. (there was venus, too, but i was a baby then)
    it’s definitely time to start a new life.

  35. An incredibly important event in my life occurred when my progressed ascendant was exactly conjunct natal Pluto…So Pluto isn’t necessarily at all malignant…

  36. Oh wow. Yes. I did this back in 2000. I made a big mistake that was time sensitive and missed out on something I knew was the right choice, but it was too late and I had to make do with something that felt all wrong. I was all out of sorts for years afterwards. Years! I clung to it, thinking I could will it back somehow, maybe in a different form. It was pure torture what I was doing to myself. I even said that I was living in “fake time” and that it didn’t count, because I thought I could wait out the year and make up for it later. It was such a waste. I don’t recommend it.

  37. Hi Everyone! I completely understand. I’m all for change and reinventing yourself (when necessary, especially)! I have Uranus and Leo stuff natal in the first here…

    However, I feel more free and alive than in a long time. I’m old now but I actually feel a re-awakening, a return to my old TRUE self (what I really wanted to be but let others dictate me). Yeah, I do stupid things sometimes, but hey, it’s ok as long as I’m not an idiot, in my opinion.

    But yes, I AM stepping away from a corpse, a corpse of a younger, unsure, insecure version…who had goals and dreams and wishes…that I am now allowing to happen, not letting others disparage me…

    Thanks!
    Lin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *