Jessica asked regarding Children With Difficult Aspects In Their Chart…
“So what do you tell Vidroid about Sun-Saturn? How do you phrase it to him?”
Rather than act like what has happened has not happened, I’ve told him that he has had to grow up very fast and that I am very sorry. I told him that I thought it was very unfortunate that he has had to take care of himself and has had to live without as much support as he deserves but that he has done an extraordinarily good job of taking care of not only himself but of his sister and for that matter, he has taken care of me. He has helped me tremendously and I told him I was incredibly proud of him for this.
I’ve also told him that I don’t know why some people have lives that are harder than others or how he got stuck with one of this type but that he had done a terrific job of coping and that I was sure that his life would get easier when he grew up. I came right out and told him, I did not really see how it could be worse so it would have to get better if he could just hang in.
I’ve also told him that I realized he liked to run his own life and that was fine but he should know if he ever needed back up, I would be there and fight for him in any way, shape or form.
“If you are ever overwhelmed… you just know you’ve got a big gun for a Mom and she will be there at a moments notice. You know how big a problem I can be for someone so if you ever want me to do this on your behalf, I will.”
He has understood this all very readily, probably because it’s so real and acted accordingly. When he gets in too deep at school or in other circumstances he does call on me and I immediately come in with support of whatever kind he dictates. I show him a great deal of respect for his ability to run his life and this has worked out simply because it’s a shoe that naturally fits his foot.
For example, I mentioned he is going back to the school where they know and love his sister and I had plans to go there in advance to explain the situation to the teachers so he would not have to be answering questions and satisfying curiosities and sending messages back and forth all year. We will do this next week and last week I said…
“These are your choices: You and I can go in there together and and talk to everyone, let them know what is going on and ask them not to bother you about it. I can go by myself if you’d rather not be there. Tell them what the situation is and how you want it to be handled. I can also just call them but I think one or both of us should go in person just because it makes a stronger impression and this way we’ll know who we’re talking to. If I just call, I’ll get an office lady on the phone… she may be new, she may not know your sister and she may not remember or know how important this is so if you ask me, it should not be a phone call. So what do you think?”
“I want us to go together.”
“Okay then that’s what’s we’ll do. And good pick by the way. You always do the strongest thing, I am amazed at what a good person you are. I don’t know how you got this smart, I guess it just must be inside you.”
Bottom line, I believe in acknowledging the individual and this to me is akin to telling my daughter that she has pretty dark hair that suits her, plus, “That’s a great cut for you.”