Oh gods Elsa, I’m falling apart.
My husband is involved with another woman. This relationship started 5 years ago when I wanted to open our marriage up because I had a crush on her husband. My part with her husband didn’t last long, but my husband formed a very strong bond with his wife. They’ve been on again off again for a number of years, and have ignored the initial rule that if anything ever made anyone uncomfortable, that party could call the whole thing off. They say now that the fact that I *started* it, and tacitly, that I have been unfaithful, means they can do whatever they want.
I have tried and found a place of compassion regarding the love, but recently found out that she has no respect for me or my feelings and doesn’t care what I have to say on the matter. My husband and I are going to start counseling in January, but there is a part of me that believes that she’s his one true love, and that ultimately I am nothing but someone he’s used to having been around for going on 12 years.
My intelligent, supportive friends have told me over and over again that I should leave – but it hurts so much to even contemplate. I love him more than anything, and I have changed since my past mistakes. He is still angry with things that happened 5 years ago. I feel like I’m living in a glass house and truly have no idea what to do. Can you help?
I feel very sorry for you and wish I had some magic remedy but I think you’ve got this situation figured correctly except for the idea this other woman is your husband’s true love. She may be, but it is more likely they are making you (and her husband) pay – and I mean pay in spades – for your affair.
In fact, the chances are if you were to pull out and walk away, their relationship would crumple as it would have outlived its usefulness, which is to punish you for as long as you allow.
Now this does not excuse you. You are absolutely culpable for the state of your marriage however I see no reason to berate you because you have already been and continue to be punished by the universe, the powers that be or whatever you want to call it, by this little thing called, “reality”.
Reality is a Saturn concept and with Saturn in Virgo set to transit your Venus in Gemini and Moon Jupiter in Pisces you can expect to become more and more aware of reality over the next year which will be a curse… and a gift.
A gift because you state you are falling apart. Well, you will not be allowed to fall apart during a Saturn transit. You will be pressured to act as an adult and take responsibility for your emotions, your beliefs and your actions in relationships which is exactly what you are doing. And that’s it. From here you just keep doing what you are doing – doing the right thing while letting your faith support you.
You have an innate knowing that things turn out for the best, so keep that in mind. Hold that perspective as you go through this process, which does look to be grueling and protracted – but hey. Is there any other way? There is not, and one more thing:
On your friends telling you to leave, never mind them. You will leave when and if you leave on your own terms, under your own conditions and on your own timetable. This is another Saturn lesson, see? Boundaries. I get so sick of people telling other people what to do. They don’t have to live with the result, you do. So make your own decision and take your time to do this because when Saturn is around, slow and careful beats impulsive action every time.