Bad Synastry, Bad Composite, Good Relationship?

husband-wife-fightingA reader wrote:

“There are some synastry aspects that make people want to run the other way, a Saturn square or a Neptune one say, but that kind of reaction doesn’t take in to account the natal relationship each person has with the square planets in their own charts. Does that modify the synastry? Does the natal chart trump synastry and composite charts?”

I think you’re asking if it’s possible to have a great relationship even when there are harsh aspects between the charts. The answer is yes!

I think you’re asking if a person has good command of their Saturn energy, would it follow that a harsh aspect between their Saturn and their partner’s Sun might be less oppressive. The answer to that is maybe.

I say “maybe” because I think you’re trying to rely too much on astrology to think about this. In reality there are too many variables. There are the things you mention but there are also an individual’s wants and needs to consider.

For example, my husband’s Saturn hits my chart hard (synastry). We also have a composite grand cross involving Saturn. Textbook astrology would tell you to run for the hills. Who wants all this hardship?

Well it turns out I do. It turns out I like firm surfaces rather than fluffy pillows. It turns out I could use some guidance in a number of areas and we all know that diamonds are created under pressure, right?

I might be in a more cushy position with a different man, but it turns out I would rather become a diamond. This is my decision and I don’t want astrology (or an astrologer) making this decision for me.

I’d say if you see these aspects between the chart, they will play. How a person feels about that play is an individual matter.

Anyone else out there in a good relationship with bad synastry?


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Bad Synastry, Bad Composite, Good Relationship? — 27 Comments

  1. ROFL. His saturn sits on my sun, my saturn sits on his moon. It is a wide orb but it plays. We also both have saturn/venus in our natal charts. I could pick a few other aspects.

    There are rough spots but easy is boring to me and I’ve a lot of Pluto in my chart that makes me want the difficult transformation, which he offers.

    I do wonder if you marry later in life with those Saturn/Venus aspects in your natal chart if you’re more likely to choose a relationship with “traditionally” harsh aspects because you want that deeper connection or work on yourself?

  2. I think that is also variable, mud.

    I did not marry my husband when I was young, to avoid hardship. That;s just what people think…is primary, anyway. In reality the situation / energies played in a different way. When I was older, I did have more of a say in the thing.

    I just think not everyone is looking for or expecting some kind of ride through life.

  3. My partner and I both have Fixed Mercuries–they square one another. You’d think we would fight a lot but we don’t. We talk things out. Our Jupiters square in synastry as well, but we manage to lift each other up.


  4. the Aussie and I both have Venus sq Saturn in our natal charts…so this also shows up in your synastry. My Venus squares his Saturn and vice versa…but see the thing is we are both older and “get” the energy that the aspects create. Astrology would tell you to run from venus sq Saturn – that may be the case if you don’t have anything in your own chart that can help you understand that interaction. In our case, it is not true. Instead of running away, we are running towards.

    As kashmiri said above, love 🙂

    • I know this is an old post, but I found it because I’m in a relationship where my Saturn squares his venus. We have some obstacles to get through to be together but we are intensely in love … can’t stay away from each other in fact … Try as we do for a peaceful life! It looked as if this year we would triumph and then I saw the aspect. I was heartbroken. I haven’t told him 🙁
      I went searching for help and stumbled across your post. Gave me hope

  5. Nice post–it really is about how *you* feel. Others can point out possibilities, but it is up to you because different people need different things. Question is: do you feel good with this person? How do you actually look like: energized, vibrant? If you do, it’s good for you. If you don’t–move on. Fast. Because life time is too precious to waste.

  6. My husband’s sun is opposing my venus, i am a cap. with sadge stelium, he is a gemini. Complete opposites, but if you love challenges and seek wisdom, its more fun and benefits your growth.

    In terms of synastry, i noticed it is a good sign if your ascendant falls in your partners’s 7th house and visa versa. Also, its good if moon, jupiter, venus fall into your 4th or 7th house- because then your partner will feel like ‘at home’ with you.

  7. our suns square, our ascendants square, even our moons are in signs square to each other. and we have a jupiter/jupiter opposition with saturn thrown in, and a saturn t square sitting on the other’s mercury.
    (there’s also some lovely trines and conjunctions)

    but we do great. partially because we’re weird enough to respect each other’s weirdness/autonomy (one of those conjunctions is aquarius) and partly because we’re deeply committed…

    it’s work. but we really push each other to grow, and i think that’s something we both want.

  8. Saturn doesn’t bother me much, I’m pretty used to it, but Neptune does worry me mainly because anyone born a couple of years after me has it square my moon! I do have a Saturn/Neptune square but I deal with that by liking to know where I am.

    Family synastry is interesting in regards to the question because whatever is going on in it doesn’t matter because they’re still your family, even if you don’t speak for 20 years.

  9. This post made me feel a lot better. I finally looked at the synastry between my man and I, who I love so much and makes me so happy every time I see him…terrible synastry. I almost threw up. but i think the reason its going well is like you said…we’re not expecting an easy ride, we both want growth. and saturn is very well integrated in both our charts. still again, we’ll see. but this made me feel better. i can stop being nauseous now!

    • “terrible synastry. I almost threw up.”

      LOL. I had the same reaction to the synastry chart w/ my partner. But you’re right, desire for growth is key.

  10. My husband and I have squares….:
    – our suns are in square (me Leo, him Scorpio)
    – our mercury are in square (mine Virgo, his Sagittarius)
    – our Ascendents are in opposite signs (mine Gemini, his Sagittarius)
    – his Lilith conjunct my Moon
    – his Pluto opposite my Mercury

    – our Moons are both in air signs and trined
    – his Mars trine my Venus
    – my North Node conjunct his Sun
    – his North Node conjunct mu Asc
    – his Vertex conjunct my Saturn

    We have been married for over a decade and had to go thru hell of learning how to deal with our egos, miscommunication (big one) in order to come out victorious as we improved our skills. What binds us together is common goals, same life style and life direction Because of that we were able to work it thru it all and we now enjoy a pretty good solid relationship full of love and even passion (after all these years – it has to be mars-venus thing).

  11. Me and my boyfriend have awful synastry and awful/good composites, worst we don’t have Chiron. Our sun-Venus is conducted which says it means the relationship is not because of true love but because of a wise desicion only…,

  12. I have a lot of Saturn stuff with my family. I have grown into it. My sun is five degrees away from my sister’s Saturn. I worry about her all the time, and sometimes this can make me bossy. Sigh. Thanks for the great post Elsa.

  13. Ok , I am very curious of people , I go and look at his chart . If it is a developing friendship , I go and see our synastry . Anyways , Saturn in transitting my 7th . I have people coming and going in my life . I let them go . I don’t let astrology take over my life .

  14. Diamond in the rough. Hardship, a type of suffering so misunderstood. I’ve heard the terrible two’s is really about growth. Children can grow one inch over night, scientifically confirmed. All that cranky, crabby, hard stuff is getting a big job done. The creative is in there.

  15. Yeah my partner and I have some aspects in our chart that would make some people uncomfortable, I think. My Neptune (conj his north node) opposes his Saturn (conj my MC) exact. And my Saturn is conjunct his Neptune. One of us usually serves as the ‘wet blanket’ for the other. It keeps us honest, even if it can be a total buzzkill. But sometimes the Neptune person will prevail and help to get the Saturn person to be a little more spontaneous, which is good. We also have Mars opp Pluto. I think Mars opp Pluto gets way overblown by some astrologers, many of whom say it leads to violent relationships. We did have a lot of power struggles early in the relationship but they are becoming fewer and fewer as we try harder each day to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.

  16. Oh my. I had a steady stream of “lovely” conjunctions with my ex. His Jupiter to my Mars. His Sun to my Moon/Venus. His Juno to my Ascendant. My Jupiter to his Moon.

    Should’ve been classic chemistry and happily ever after according to cookbook astrology? Right?? Nope.

    Most. Dysfunctional. Relationship. Ever.

    Fast forward to my current love:

    Our synastry is full of red lines and hard conjunctions. My Saturn sits on his Sun. His Saturn squares my Moon. His Sun squares my Venus. Lots of “hard” house placements too, like 4th, 8th and 12th. Should be a difficult relationship then?

    Nope. It’s been the best relationship I’ve ever had. I feel very secure and very loved. Admittedly, it took time for my airy Moon to understand his overwhelming need to protect me which sometimes felt like smothering and critical but we’ve grown up so much together. We have a mature diamond mine now from all the challenges and pressures we’ve endured over the years and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Every diamond has been worth it!! ?

  17. I love this post. I really like oppositions and my favorite people always hit me where it hurts. If I trust them, I might grow. I think hard aspects scream for attention, it’s not that they’re bad.

  18. Im still waiting for someone to love me with my tight venus sq saturn. I was born july 12 1986 bronx ny at 8:40 pm. If anyone can give me some advice on how to manage my relationships and how to be more confident instead of scaring them away that will help. I continue to get heartbroken by women who just up and leave me because i am to overbearing.and i

    On the flip side. I have friends who dont have venus sq. But still act controlling and over bearing to their spouses. I am not saying its right. But these women still stay in these relationships. Am i missing someting

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