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How To Attract Love (And The Beauty Ideal) — 55 Comments

  1. Venus in Libra here. Supposedly a good placement but it’s kind of a one-off in my chart, not really connected to anything but Uranus. So I guess I want an unusual love with an equal. So true. I also know that I have a hard time integrating the charm of a Libran Venus with the rest of my intense Scorpionity. But there is a soft, sweet, sort of girlish side to me that men appreciate if I feel safe enough to let it show. I look forward to more on this subject!

  2. It took me a loooooooooong time to learn this. Having an earth sign Venus (Virgo), you would think this would be easy, but it aspects all three of the outer planets. πŸ˜‰ I’ve had a lot of lessons to learn in the love arena.

  3. well, as far as the aries venus goes….
    the kind of men i tend to like are attracted to me but don’t tend to actually do much about it until i run after them.
    shy, or something. i have no problem with shy as long as i’m appreciated. what i don’t get is that i’m so darn shy myself but i can still chase someone down if i think they’re actually worth chasing.

  4. Yeah, Wyrdling, that’s how it is for me too. Love shy boys. I’ve always attributed it to my Taurus Mars conjunct Descendant. But I also attract some very aggressive fire sign types who want to chase me around. Yucky.

  5. My Venus is pretty much exactly conjunct my South Node, in Gemini. I can kind of get how the Gemini thing affects my Venus, but I don’t know what to do with the South Node thing.

    I looked up my synastry chart with my husband, and my Venus is trine his Mars. I guess that’s a good sign, maybe he loves something about me that I take for granted (South Node), who knows…

  6. Venus in Taurus opposite Saturn retro in Scorpio (3rd/9th) and square Chiron in Aquarius / 12th. Fully being my Taurus Venus isn’t that easy! πŸ™‚

  7. Venus in Aries, with a troublesome aspect to Saturn. I tend to attract men who are interested in me for only a quick bang. Of the some that actually want a relationship with me, they tend to be Scorpios and Leos. They tend to be at least a little older, a bit authoritative and at least closet pessimists. There are often power struggles. I suspect my Aries Venus just likes to jump around and have so much fun, and enjoys someone trying to control it (sick, but true…I like the challenge), and the men like finding someone who’s a bit of a challenge to pin down, even if I’m already their girlfriend. I still don’t like chasing the boys though.

  8. This is sort of my prime directive, finding a satisfying love relationship……..

    I don’t do a lot of attracting…. I think I sort of have a leave me alone vibe even when I want to be attractive. It’s like the composure get’s stuck in the on position…. Venus in Scorpio, sun, moon conjunct Venus, Venus square ascendant, Venus Trin Saturn…. It’s complicated…. Mostly I do the looking, probing, feeling, searching, testing…… I am very shy, and intense, and selective when it comes to opening myself up romantically. I look to mate for life….(Saturn in cancer in the 5th house) When I find love, I can be a bit manic expressing my volcanic fervor…… My partners have been few and far between, but they were all(most) quality and we learned stuff from each other…..

    I might have finally found what I am looking for….. but I will have to travel 1734 miles and work out some details to find out…… πŸ™‚

  9. Thank you Elsa for this concept, and from my experience I confirm it. My Sun is Leo but my Venus is Cancer, and I never attracted people as a Leo but at home, caring and cooking for them. I’ve always worked mainly at home and even in my language school (where I used to live in the back) there was always hot tea or coffee with cookies for my students. Venus is the ruler of my 10th House, so people feel well at my home πŸ™‚

  10. Despite having a Venus-ruled Ascendant and Venus in Pisces in the 5th house battered by outer planet aspects, I still feel most comfortable and authentic with my boyfriend when ‘being’ my Gemini moon (also battered by aspects), which closely squares my Venus. I do miss some of the dreamy Pisces Venus stuff, (it doesn’t do much for his Venus in Aries, alas) but I think I get that back by losing myself in Neputunian pursuits like film and music.

  11. I have Venus in Aquarius, 1st house, sextile Uranus, conjunct my Moon and semi sex my Asc. and Semi Squ my Neptune.

    With my Moon and Mars in Aquarius as well it seals it…I am myself and if you can’t love the strange little girl that I am and my mind then I can’t be with you. I love all of my friends they are all my soul mates so I always feel surrounded by love.

    Unfortunately in romance I am attracted to the “I love you…now change!” dudes. Like all the sudden I can’t shave half of my head or touch food with my fingers in public.

    πŸ™

  12. (raises hand) Another Venus in Aries here! Every man that I have been attracted to has been attracted to me too, so…. I don’t think I have a problem getting the guy I want. As they say – be careful what you wish for/want. Are they “right” for me? I have no idea. Maybe not, most of the time.

  13. This video reminds me of the one where Elsa tells the story of the guy she’s dating and her super-Aquarian friend. To paraphrase, “Hell, I’m not an Aquarius and he wants someone who’s all googly-eyed and out there. No matter how long we would be together, I couldn’t grab his attention like she could so I said, ‘Maybe you should ask her out.'”

    Yeah, no homogenization, pls k thnx. I got tired of that game in elementary school and I really, truly prefer actual human beings, with warts and all. And if you don’t feel the same and only want a shell, or a hologram, or a statue? Pfffft… who needs that? Not me! Off to see the wizard, be back never. πŸ˜‰
    Venus in Libra conjunct Mars-Pluto, and also incidentally hits everything else in my chart.

  14. Homogeneity is so mallish.
    I was drawing yesterday – an allegory of a meditation I had about a journey I went on. I just could not capture myself. I had always drawn myself with long dark hair and roundish – which is what I used to be. I recently cut my hair and found that I kept drawing myself as a man, but I am feeling very feminine at the moment. Eventually I got it and it was when I turned the head around to look backwards at where she had come from. I liked how I came out – still roundish.
    It is a fascinating journey how age changes us and brings different aspects into focus – how laugh lines cusion our eyes, how our breasts get motherly, but always there is beauty. How could we mess with this. How could it all be about attracting a man?
    Venus in Pisces, loving getting to know herself alone after many years of BIZZARRE relationships!!

    • Natasha I like this, what you said… I have Venus in the 12th so I kinda understand your words and meaning. There is always beauty🌞

  15. First, let me say I’ve been reading for about a month and just adore your writing, Elsa. Thank you for being such an honest voice in this quagmire of too much doo-doo we sometimes find ourselves wading through (that was a metaphor for the soldier).
    Anyway, re: this video. Great point, and one I’ve been thinking about as I re-assess my life and how to create what I want. As a Venus in Pisces in the late 2nd, trine Moon in Scorpio conjunct Neptune (that’s a big challenge!) in the 10th, I find myself struggling with illusion and disillusion (and delusion, how could I forget that?). These guys I meet see me as a fantasy, and at one level my Venus loves that, but on the other it’s a fine line between fantasy girl and doormat. And I’ve allowed my libido (Scorpio Moon/Mars in Leo) to lead me into places that my Venus does not really want to be, long-term. Fantasy is great, but I am learning that I need to nurture that with a partner AFTER I feel solid with him, AFTER he’s proved himself to be a good guy, and not before, while I’m still seeing him with those Venus in Pisces rose-colored glasses. So your posting is very timely for me. I would like to know how to maximize all my good Venus in Pisces qualities to attract that good, solid, yet sensitive and cool guy that I so would like to enjoy life with. Echoing the other commentators, more, more! on this topic. Thanks!

  16. Venus in Scorpio in the 5th, conjunct uranus/mercury, sqare mars, sextile jupiter. What can I say? I spent years trying to hide for some unknown reason and have only recently been getting back in touch with Miss Venus, attempting to give her what we both need. I like men who are very different from me, but who also enjoy life ( I’ve got 4 planets in my 5th so enjoying life is very important to me), but and this is the odd thing, I never get when a man is attracted to me until it is thrown in my face. I can walk in to a room full of people and tell you who is attracted to who ect but when it comes to myself I’m just blind to it.

  17. Elsa, I %100 agree!

    Both Venus and Mars in 9th house Leo. My Venus is conjunct my midheaven and trine Neptune.

    I was a hopeless romantic as a kid, and always felt rejected by boys. But in my teen years I felt my luck change. For one thing, I can’t be attracted to someone who isn’t into me, so that makes things easier. Also I’m really into people who are creative but also vulnerable, kind of like the tortured artist type. All my past loves have been involved in music, the arts, entertainment, etc.

    Funny thing is, when I started playing music myself, I stopped wanting to date musicians!

  18. I’ve always told my girlfriends that, when they try to change themselves. If you drastically change yourself now, not for yourself, but out of fear, then what happens when the right man comes along and you’ve changed one of the most attractive (to him) things about yourself. I think the basic rule is to not change yourself out of fear. Its still hard to trust sometimes though, that we are good enough as we are. Its a constant battle. I have Venus in Taurus square Saturn. I do notice that my self esteem has risen quite dramatically as I’ve gotten older though. That’s one gift of Saturn at least.

  19. Another Venus in Virgo here. Venus is squaring Neptune and Neptune is conjunct my ascendant in Sagittarius. People do project onto me, but all in all I’ve been very happy with my personal life since I was a teenager — now I’m in my mid thirties.) I meet people very easily and have to put out more effort to avoid relationships then to find them.

    Must be the Venus in Virgo, people often refer to me as delicate and/or refined. Which is funny because the Sag rising makes me a clumsy goofball once anyone actually knows me! Anyway, what I learned quickly is no guy that likes a cheerleader, Maxim Magazine, or bombshell type will ever be truly turned on by me.

    Which is fine because there are plenty of guys who like who I am and they are the guys I like too.

    Well, I’m off. Got to run to the Department of Motor Vehicles to take care of some paperwork for my boyfriend. A romantic gesture from me to him. πŸ˜‰ (Venus love, Virgo service.) hahaha What a funny placement for Venus!

  20. Venus in Scorpio here, Sun and MC in Scorpio too, Venus conjunct Uranus, Mars, Mercury and Sun, all in the 9th house, all trine by JUpiter in the 1st house.

    Dorchid, I never experienced the lucky change, but certainly I’m considering starting to learn to play some instrument as I seem to attrack (or being attracted) only by musicians!

  21. This advice never gets old. I mean, it might have been originally from 2007, but it NEVER gets old! Words of wisdom, and something to think about. Thanks Elsa!

  22. I have Venus in Cancer, but I’m just not the cooking type. I am the lavish presents and restaurants type (Sun square Jupiter). Venus in the 6th means service, not gonna go any further into explaining that. I think I have the chart of a giver (probably Moon/Venus in the 6th, Libra or Virgo 7th or 8th house, Jupiter in Pisces). I do like to take care and be taken care of, sometimes I do the mothering thing, but I don’t think it’s sexy (Venus opposition Mars?)

  23. I get this and I agree. I agree that we should all “be ourselves” so as to attract something that is genuine and compatible. As a woman, it is a relief to think in these terms… that we all have a unique appeal that will appeal to someone(s) uniquely, as opposed to constantly striving for the beauty ideal. But why is it that so many men are attracted to the carbon copy; the prototype that lacks individual distinction? Would Venus-Neptune/Pisces be more susceptible to collective beauty ideals than other signs? I am curious. Anyone have a thought on this?

  24. Perfect mate – he’d have scorpio venus, fire moon and be an Earth sign, earth or fire mars. mars/moon conjunct or trine, sun conjunct jupiter to start with. and some nice saturn aspect too for long term. do you think a man’s venus have more weight than the moon in a lover anyone?

  25. Venus in Cancer, so, yes, my Venus is different from yours.

    Nevertheless, the aspects that you have to your Venus (and whatever communication-connected aspects/placements you have) make that bridge so that any Venus can relate – I suspect.

    Thank you. If I could, I’d have carved that particular message into stone – or saved it digitally, lacking the other. Thanks, hey. Please know that you’re at your most-or-at-least-very expressive in doing these videos. (I think so… but, there’s no way this could compare to connecting with you in person, because, although others have, I haven’t.)

  26. What I have found out is that when we behave like we were already in love (showing the world what OUR OWN PERSONAL Venus is like), then we attract more love into our sphere.

    So, when we just ACT like we are already in love, the universe will acknowledge our feelings and reflect it back to us.

  27. I think you are absolutely right when a person changes them self to be more attractive to all persons it is wrong.

    If a person has what is called cosmetic surgery but it is done to improve a persons health then it is completely different story,

    My Venus is in Scorpio conjunct Saturn in the 9th and my husbands is in Pisces conjunct his Sun and Mercury in Aries all in the 8th

  28. mmm regarding beauty , I now am much fuller in figure than I used to be & people(men) here PREPARE & dig it, I truly dislike it, so I agree with everything you have said , but have to disagree with the fact that if I enhance my looks(by losing weight in my case) that am doing it to please (men) , the whole venus thing is interesting really but libra venus be nice & ….

  29. :). Hey. This is just absolutely one of my most favorite things you’ve ever said on this blog and it was when you first posted it as well.

    There are other facets to this. If someone is *unsatisfied* with the way you are, that’s not going to change either. They’re going to keep at you to change into someone else. If you would just only be this way or that way, change your hair, lose some weight, get taller, become a businesswoman or chef or learn to knit…it’s all futile. You just don’t have what they want, so why go through it?

    It’s so detrimental to a person’s self-esteem to be in a relationship with someone who just isn’t attracted at a basic level. You spend so much time being made aware of what you’re not there’s no time left to concentrate and build on what you are.

    But you and I believe in something I realized later other people don’t believe. They don’t believe that human beings have innate traits and qualities that are unique and unchangeable. THere’s another idea that undesirable traits have to be weeded out or trained out. For example the *best thing* to be is blond and willowy and interested in cooking and sewing, and uh…you know…there’s an IDEAL that people should reach, be attempting to reach in all things.

    So I think in a way this comes down to a person’s basic life philosophy. Like you can spend your whole life attempting to grow and develop desirable traits or you can believe that you’re just fine the way you are, and that’s how nature made you; capitalize on your innate strengths instead of considering them weaknesses. THis is a huge philosophical divide and I never realized it til I met someone who could not see that there was some logic in humanity’s differences.

  30. I love this too…but what to do with a Venus in Capricorn? I already am shy. I am great one on one but fail at parties. So I don’t meet many men. I am not outgoing. But if you like me, I will go and do fun things with you, try anything and hopefully be entertaining. I never got dates in High School and only a couple in college so really don’t know what I attract. When I am attracted to someone I have done the chasing mostly but not always. I have in my later years attracted every sign in the book but found what I really wanted to attract, wasn’t attracted to me. Oh well!

  31. Venus in Gemini conjunct ascendant and Mercury, a lot of thinky men attracted! Three long relationships in adult life, always hated dating, too much like a job interview. A lot of male (platonic) pals though.

  32. Hi, Elsa.

    I totally agree with what you say. I’ve always hated dating. I usually attract men when I’m not looking. However, I spent the bulk of my 20’s in two long term relationships, one 2 years and the other 5 years. Since the second relationship ended I crave the companionship,but find it difficult to put myself out there and play up my attributes.

    But I’ve been a fan of astrology since I was a little girl. I know that having a Capricorn sun, Virgo rising, Sagittarius moon and my Venus in Aquarius helps me to be a bit reserved, but eccentric and fun when it comes to attracting men. Yet, while I get told I am a pretty woman, holding that confidence has always been tough, especially after such a painful break up.

    However, I have been focusing on getting myself together (back in school for a Social Work degree) and hopefully as my personal life balances out, my love life will too. I’m excited to say good-bye to my 20’s in December. I believe my 30’s will be much more enjoyable.

    Thanks for a the great posts. I look forward to them. :o)

  33. Love this video. I’m gonna bookmark it somewhere.

    I’ve got Libra Venus in the 6th house, with only harsh aspects. The most exact ones are the squares to Neptune and Uranus. But Venus is also my chart ruler.

    When you mentioned “changing one’s face”, I immediately thought of Kylie Jenner. I checked and she has Venus in Virgo. My sister has this Venus too, and they both seem to never be happy with their appearance. To the point of altering it.

  34. Elsa I think you are absolutely correct. In my humble opinion unless a person was born with a cleft pallet or some other disfiguring birth defect that is not only disfiguring but debilitating and potentially a health risk then these types of surgeries are a good thing. However those who are having unnecessary augmentations and reconstructions is a waste of time and money. They wonder why they are not happy. I have always felt if the surgery is to improve your health and it also enhances your natural beauty then okay but other wise why are you trying to improve what God gave you.

  35. Not only surgery, but makeup trends are also getting out of hand lately, with all that contouring. Everyone now looks the same.

  36. Great video Elsa and definitely presenting authentic self is the way to find love.

    However while most people think they want to attract love, I’m seeing that most actually want security. That security can come in many forms – financially, marriage, having children before the biological clock expires, even just having someone to project their shadow into.

    And ultimately if you’re after security then it’s better to be homogeneous and appeal to as many people as possible.

  37. Awesome video!!! Everybody needs to watch this Elsa!!! ??

    I have Venus in Gemini conjunct Moon highly elevated in the 10th and it contacts every single outer planet including Uranus and my Jupiter conjunct Ascendant. Throw in the need for an offbeat partner with Aquarius on the descendant and Sun in the 11th. There’s absolutely no hiding my true love nature with that one.

    Never understood the whole fakery of plastic surgery, the overly contrived “rules” of dating, magazines with 5124 ways to please your mate, superficiality of Tinder dating, nor the makeup fads that make you look like somebody else entirely.

    Because once real intimacy is had and your guard is let down, the makeup runs off in the shower or tears, the scars of surgery will be seen, the facade of dating “rules” will be broken or may that magazine tip doesn’t work to please the individual you’re with, and that Tinder mate will know the flaws of your character and body, not just your carefully curated selfies and profile. What then?

    If eventually all will be seen, then what’s the daggone point?

    Keeping up a facade and fitting into trends and seeking to fulfill a superimposed status quo is exhausting. I’ve never had patience for that. As a result, have always marched to the beat of my own drum, broken all the rules and my partner loves me for it all. And has for a very long time. Warts and scars and everything in between. Following and expressing my true love nature gave me the love I needed, not the love society said I “should” have. ?

  38. It was hard and scary to be fully myself when dating again in 2012/2013 because I am quite introverted and private (dating -and especially online dating which I was doing – and initial small talk/socialising is hard) plus I also had to stop pursuing men and just be receptive (I can be quite martian/aggressive with sun square mars and jupiter in aries co-ruling my sun.)

    One thing I did do on my first dates was to ask people’s sun signs which I’d never used to do before (have sun trine saturn so I was scared of ridicule before) yet this way I weeded out those men who would find my studies and interest in astrology intolerable.

    With the astrology thing plus daring to be proud of my unusual appearance/look I was following some guidelines shared by Elsa in one of the seminar/workshop products on love (the one that studied many charts, one of them Kate Hudson’s one.)

    It was liberating and effective. My Venus is in Aquarius. Weird and unusual attracts love in my life.

    Once my husband and I got serious I started showing more and more of my real self and all my martian energy was out. He has Venus in Aries so I knew a strong somewhat aggressive woman was okay for him.

    We’re both quite real with each other. Not always smooth-sailing yet it keeps things alive.

    • By the way I really don’t understand plastic surgery to look like the desired canon of beauty in a culture. To look like everybody else – why? (the Venus in Aquarius talking.)

      It happens a lot in many cultures all over the world. I find it disturbing and sad that difference is seen as bad or unattractive.

      I get plastic surgery more if someone wants to feel a little better about certain parts of their looks and yet they have sufficient ego identity (like a strong inner psychological and identity core sense of self) beforehand.

      Anyway it’s a free world.

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