I once heard of a woman who was disliked because when she attended a large family gathering with her boyfriend, she went outside to be with the men rather than staying in the kitchen with the women. This ran counter to the culture of the family. The men resented her presence and the women hated her and I thought it was an interesting puzzle.
Innately polite due the Libra in my chart and also having a strong Jupitarian nature (I go native fast), I tended to think the gal should have bucked it up and blended with the family for the day. But then I heard the women were catty gossipy types. Uh oh.
At that point, I sided with the woman, explaining I’d rather shoot myself in the head then sit in a kitchen and listen to women talk about other women who they would pretend to be friends with the next day. I mean, I don’t care who likes me or what the fallout, I just would not be able to stomach this. I have a Jupiter flavored Moon.and like women who are at least somewhat righteous. What about you?
How would you have felt in that kitchen and where is your Moon?
Sag moon here. I loathe being stuck in the kitchen with the women and I don’t wanna. I don’t like cooking, I don’t like being stuck in the gender ghetto. (I don’t hang out with the guys either, I am generally all alone in the corner at family gatherings because I’m the weirdo and I fit in with no one.)
But in this situation, if everyone (even the guys) are going to hate you if you don’t do your gender duty…AND it’s someone else’s family where you need to suck up and they won’t understand you…yeah, I think she’d have to do her time in the kitchen. Even I would “have to” or else both me and boyfriend would be hearing about it forever/until we broke up.
Must be hugely fortunate in my female relatives and friends. I have a cancer moon. I love to eat. The Kitchen is a favorite area. But I have never been comfortable with meanspirtedness or bitchiness. Personally, I have never cared for the automatic male/female split.
As for sucking up to someone’s family, hell no!!! Courtesy and politeness is required. Pretending to be someone that I am not is crazy making.
flip I think the idea was “sucking it up” as in “getting on with it” and not “sucking up” as in being a big ole fake to make nice. 🙂
Scorp moon in first house, double Libra. When I was married, I was that woman in the living room with the guys talking politics. When the female relatives made it clear they expected me to be in the kitchen with them doing cleanup duty, I suggested we get everyone involved with the chores – including the men. They were aghast. I said it wasn’t fair for the men to be exempt from cleaning up and I was going to stay in the living room.
🙂 That is exactly what I meant Kashmiri.
Many of the women in my family have sag moons.
Its not just my sisters its also older Aunts.
Most of the charts I have seen
Taurus Sun’s with Aquarius moons
The rest of the women have sag moons.
It has always been a maternal patriarch of conspiracy. In the old days we would sit in the kitchen and they would whisper about the terrible things they had to put up with from there husbands, while they served them food.
My aunts and would talk about new books we should read, what politicians who were pro women
Here this is a good money investment, you should do this. All of them had money on the side just waiting for there day of freedom. Thats what I experienced with my kitchen gossip.
Women were empowered in my family and they always viewed the men as illogical cry babies who threw temper tantrums over buying the wrong type of potato..
And I am sorry to say, This attitude is still in me. We always felt sorry for the gossippy types because as My 101 Nanna used to say, You don’t know the trouble they have at home, the worse the trouble the bigger the smile, just pay them no mind..
When my ex left me on the shore I was mad at him not the women I felt sorry for them..
right on susie, I think it is dreadful to have females gangs doing the cleaning, it is amazing to me how strong these old hard core sexist patterns get ingrained. I remeber whenever a man came around when I was living with my grandmother she’s be like “wait on this man, get him this, get him that” I was like “he knows where the kitchen is.” good old South Carolina “men are gods .. women are their servants” social upbringing. . . the conditioning actually took, at first. Not any more!
Susie thats a good idea..It starts with your own man. if your man makes something really good encourage him to make that dish and bring it to the gathering then compliment him in front of the men and let the women know he cooked this special so they wouldn’t have to do so much work.
It starts planting the seeds and the men will turn it into a competition thing and then the next thing you know they will start barbecuing and you ladies will get out of doing half of the work.
I feel so devious telling you ladies this stuff..
I learned a lot from the old women in my family kithcen..Change happens a step at a time..
But why should we have to work outside the home and spend our holidays also working inside the home ? It works with the younger men..
What man can refuse this comment, “You know your mother really likes this dish it would make her feel so good if you made this your self and brought it to her what a great Christmas helper you would be ?
if you corner me into that option of being in the ghetto or break into a congregation of testosterone
I have two options: a chat with the scorpionic member of the family wanting to air the dirty laundry of the family (I am all ears – geminni moon and scorp merc here) or encouraging the leo-sadge clown to
annoy the segregationist (sadge: of course). If not chances… the cancer granma usually fascinates me enough to forget the segregation. (Their stories and life’s experience)
Funny story about cleaning up after dinner: It’s not that I was expected to do this…I couldn’t even if I tried. I was pushed out of the way by one of those awful SILs and her husband, both Cancer Moons, incidentally…
I leaned a long time ago not to even bother messing with this particular one. We don’t have a thing in common. She’s VERY territorial, and competes for my MIL’s attention, relentlessly. It’s either SHE gets all the attention or her kids do. It’s not pleasant stuff…in fact, it’s Cancer run amok.
She’s a Cancer rising, Cancer Moon/Venus in the first. In fact, her ASC is 0 Cancer. Wonder what’s going to happen with Pluto now in her 7th and directly opposite her ASC…doesn’t sound very pleasant at all…
Anyway, my Moon in Libra crashes right into her Moon/Venus, and I guess the Aries ASC, Leo Sun/Mars is too much yang for her. Even before I knew the astrology, I stayed away from her turf. I don’t know why she’s so insecure. I’m not competitive at all–I have no desire to take away her “kitchen duties” or replace her as the “favorite kid” or whatever the freak. She’s a strange bird. Well, her husband doesn’t think she is. Maybe I’m the one who’s nuts. 😉
I hate to say this about one of my Aunts she is the only Cancer in the family. Her kids do everything for her my aunt the Taurus always pokes fun at her..
EX: Your aunt can not back her car out of the driveway, its a ford escourt and she has lived in that house for 50 years. I don’t know why she is such a pain in the ass…
This is when they were in there late 80’s…
LOL..They are now older and don’t say too much.
But they were funny. The only two left out of 12 deppression era siblings..
On the other hand you should shoot me with a heavy gun if you want me to clean the dishes after dinner, it is not suposed guests should do that annoying task I don’t do it, with a simply and plain ‘NO’ (mars thenth house baybee) in a polite fashion (libra to the end) I can hear the gossip anyway…(ha ha ha)
I have Cappy moon and I don’t mind hanging with the ladies in the kitchen, because luckily….the extended family lives faaar away :).
Our kitchen usually consisits of me, my mom, her best friend, and my daughters (running around, they’re only 4 and 6). We chat about all kinds of things, but gossiping is not one of them.
Yeah, so I don’t know what it’s like to be in a kitchen full of judgemental gossipers, but I’m preeetty sure I’d make it a point to nicely tell them how lame they are.
And the Cancer Aunts opinion on the Taurus sun/ Aquarius moon aunt I refer to as nanna she is 101.
After our father died Your Aunt was 18 she cut her hair off into a bob and started wearing lipstick, then she went out all night to a dance and my brother would not let her back in the house so your aunt went off the next day and and got married by a justice of the peace not even a church wedding” Then her sitter-in-law and her were arrested for wearing pants in public they were a disgrace..
Mind you the Cancer Aunt is currently wearing pants while she tells me this…
LOL These ladies are a riot…
It’s ridiculous to expect someone to be in a kitchen just because they have a vagina. You have got to be kidding me.
I’d be in the garden, not with the men, but on my own, smelling the roses. Or, I’d be in another room in the house, with my nose in a book. Or, if I had any inkling of the ‘culture’ I was about to enter, I will have turned down the invitation to be there.
I don’t do cultures that segregate men and women in a social context.
Moon-Uranus conjunct in Leo, opposite sun Aquarius, sextile Jupiter. It rooooaaarrrrs!
it depends. A shy woman would be hanging closeknit with her boyfriend/husband, instead of chatting it up with strange different men at the party. If she’s with her man listening in to the chat and clinging on to her man then thats fine with me because that’s what i’d do. I dont bother with those men and i wouldnt find them interesting to talk to. what for? i’m taken/married so why would i bother? Even when i was single i still avoided it to be honest. instead, prefer to talk to the women too; And just observe but i’d probably chime in and say whats wrong with that woman? did she do something bad?
anyway, all in all, i would prefer to sit with the women because i’m more inclined towards female companionship friendship thing; maybe because i have a flavoured 12th house. and i dont like to be around strange men, only my husband. plus you never know what kind of thoughts they be thinking and i dont want to give off any thoughts on their part even if it’s friendly or just being polite. i’ve noticed in the past if you give just a tiny inkling of attention even just polite convo, many men take that as interest. i’m highly sensitive to it; so in the truth of the matter, i’d rather be with the women, even if they are chatty and mean because i can try to interject and ask why and be more understanding. They most likely just want to vent their frustrations. Maybe there is a deeper meaning.
and i have capricorn and virgo so i like to help clean up. makes me feel useful and i like to be friendly and helpful. ^^