If You Think People Change, Do You Think Relationships Change As Well?

The other thing that doesn’t change in my experience, is the way people relate. They synastry is the synastry and although you can grow the synastry is still the synastry.

The soldier and I are one example. We conjure the same feelings in each other as we did when we were kids but he is hardly the only example. My old friend, Kathleen? Same feelings I always had about and around her. Leon?

Well I left Leon’s house in tears more than once. He’s a little older than me and he’s keen and very cutting. He is not malicious but he can really slice you and at 19, I was impossibly sensitive and it would come very suddenly and unexpected. See, we would spar all the time. We would play cards, Leon and I sitting across from each other, our insults flying back and forth the evening’s entertainment. We’d have our respective partners on the floor laughing their heads off and then all the sudden, he’s go too far and I’d be hurt.

Once hurt, I would bolt from the table and this happened a few times. I was always going to swear him off forever but I never did. His wife would call me and mediate and we’d be back up and running – give it another go. Eventually we learned how important we were to each other and we (or he) learned where the lines were. Elsa’s got a limit, basically and he has not hurt me like that for a very long time but the fact is he still could. He knows it and I know it. We play but we know there is something precarious and dangerous there and this has never gone away. And what about Scott?

I met Scott when I was 15 and then spent almost 3 decades knowing him / enjoying him in between swearing him off (something Italians do, apparently… you get on their list) or being sworn off by him for whatever amount of time. Could be a week, could be year could be 10 years. For example I am currently pissed at him and we have not talked to him for more than a year, now is anyone surprised?

And what about Ben? I have known him for 25 years too and in that time we have managed to have exactly one fight. We had known each other 12 years when it erupted… entirely my fault. He didn’t like it, asked me not to fight with him again and I said “fine”. No fight since so is it fair to say we get along? What would it take for us to not get along? In contrast, Ben had another friend he’d known for as long as he’d known me. He doesn’t know that guy anymore and it’s no surprise because they never did exactly get along. And I have noticed this:

If people don’t get along the relationship inevitably breaks. If people do get along, it may still break but often the contact is reestablished (like with Scott over the years or Kathleen, more recently). But satori said something to me recently; it startled me because I know she is right. “Just because people hang around you does not mean they like you.” ::smiles::

I laughed because just look at this blog. All kind of people who don’t like me read here on a daily basis.

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Comments

If You Think People Change, Do You Think Relationships Change As Well? — 10 Comments

  1. Grace,

    Some people have their own version of Elsa that has nothing at all to do with Elsa. They just borrow her name for their projection.

  2. Alma – Oh. Well, anyway when you’re too popular you have to worry about whether or not your the anti-christ. It’s good to know some people who don’t like you.

  3. well, maybe everyone starts out as something, say maybe a plow. you start out all clean, shiny and simple. as time goes on you either work on yourself, clean off the dirt occasionally and stay functional, or you go to pot and accumulate a lot of rust.

    if the rust’s not too bad it can be cleaned off and you can still plow someone’s field. maybe it’s too bad so they go off and find another plow. but it’s still a plow– it’s never going to be a wheat-thresher.

    I like to think the plow that I am has gotten a little shinier, cos I worked so hard on it, with tassles on the handlebars and a bike bell. *brrringbrrrrring*

  4. People do change if they want to change. Interactions can change if the people become aware of what they are doing…

    Or maybe it’s simply behavior modification. How I’m feeling inside might be the same, but I can modulate… I can, with time and training, behave differently to achieve a better result. This may sound like manipulation, but I find it to be necessary… when dealing with people.

    It’s also possible that we don’t see people clearly until years later. Recently had a house guest and found myself uncomfortable a number of times. We clearly didn’t get along all that well although we’ve been friends for years (it’s better in person). And I kept thinking: she hasn’t changed!!

    But was it me? Or was it her?
    Or was it…. Neptune……

  5. people change, their natures don’t. same with interactions. the energy’s there. it is what it is. but how people use it can shift.

    so, is that “libra,” or what? gemini?

  6. Systems and patterns are very similar things. 🙂

    They tend to stay one way by their nature. They can be broken, by effort or catastrophe, but it has to be something with a little oomph.

    Almost everybody has to endure the transition of dealing with their parents one way as children, and another way as adults. It’s hard as hell for most of us, but those who don’t start from the usual ground relationship, and those who don’t end up somewhere different after some kind of transition, suffer much more for it.

    Changes hurt, and they are difficult, and that discourages them, but they still happen. They happen all the time.

    There are some people in my life I maintain the same patterns with no matter what. And there are some who change with every fluttering little thing that happens…

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