why do women tend to be so 'catty'
I live away from 'home'. In the last several years my life has changed incredibly. I wanted to get divorced, because that was the only way I'd have a hope at finding joy in my life again. And, as it goes, I truly did lost not just a husband, but most of my friends. I also gained some kind of social stigma. Middle aged single women are, apparently, one of THE biggest social threats known to humankind!
I've been trying to work through my loneliness by building relationships with fellow women. Seeking 'sisterly' solidarity, so to speak.
But, holy hell! Do I ever have to walk through fire and more. Everyone's so skeptical. Of my motives? I'm not sure. What I am sure of, is that there is a definitive 'cattiness' that comes out of women towards other women.
Why is this? Have any of you experienced this from either point of view? How can I simply make friends, and try to build relationships when I feel I have to try so hard to find a way through that barrier?
What a great post. I see it with maybe half of women. The other half really want to connect. You may be fishing the wrong pond. I definitely wouldn't give up. Try not to get to jaded either. So often, people meet our expectations.
Dear Lily ... I feel for ya. I walked that path several years back when I was living in a small town and also got divorced. The women in that town, and I mean every single one, turned on me. And the men could not even look me in the eyes. My divorce was not one of those public sagas, and it was all tidied up and over with very quickly. But the way people treated me, you would have thought I was the embodiment of every wretched evil on the earth. It was horrible.
It was a rough path to travel, but I moved away from that town and slowly, ever so slowly, made new friends. I got involved with activities in different places and that's how I developed a new social circle. My life is much better now, but getting from there to here was difficult, to say the least.
I can't give you an answer as to why this happens, only that it does. I have talked to a few divorced women since that time and their experiences with others were similar. At a time when they also thought their female friends would be a source of friendship, they instead found women turning their backs on them. The only theory I have about it all is that maybe those women are scared, or maybe their husbands/partners are scared that this "newly single" woman will put ideas in their partner's heads, or something. I find it hard to accept that women would be so deliberately cruel to one another. I can't believe that they truly intend to cause the hurt that they do by treating us in this way, but yeah, it feels just awful.
But all is not lost. Be glad you have this place to come to. Astrology can really help you through this because you come to understand yourself better and that is very strengthening as you build your new life. People up here are amazingly supportive and if you get any consultations with Elsa, you'll be doing yourself a big favor because she is just THAT good.
I wish you all good things for your new and shiny future. Hang in there. It may take a while to re-build, but know that you can do it. There are good people waiting for you on your new path so keep steppin'.
Thanks, Elsa. I'm mostly fishing the workmate pond. I'm not sure I have the skills or the bravery to fish any other pond right now. But, that's probably another post.
Thank you @Fritzy Ritz. I hope to get Elsa's help sometime ... my difficulty is that, at this point, things seem to muddled to me, I don't know WHAT to ask. I need help with it all! Yet, I have some degree of faith that I hold more answers than I realize. Maybe as my thoughts and feelings become clearer, my questions will, too. Your reply was truly comforting. I know there are so many others who have experienced similar situations, but I rarely hear those stories.
I live in a city. It seems to me that there should be room for divorced me, my engaged ex-husband, my estranged 'friends', as well as all the people I haven't met yet. The only place I can move to is 'home', at this point, and that place is still a little toxic for me. It may always be. I'm not sure; time will tell. Plus, I just landed a full time-with-all-sorts-of-benefits job that I've been working towards for the better part of the last ten years. Whether this is the place I stay or not remains to be seen, but for now I have as much stability in my professional and economic lives as is possible on this earth, and I feel this is the best place for me. At least for now.
I will not give up!
Just make a point to deal just with the women. Sorry, but I learned this when I was a teenage bartender. My mentor told me if I wanted to make tips, always make eye contact with the woman, address her and such, and ignore the man.
I have done this for decades and it's very good advice (non-pc or otherwise).